I'm not sure where to start with my introduction – this isn't the first time I've joined an on-line TG support forum and began my posts with something along the lines of 'I've tried before but this time I really am going to be true to myself and go through with my transition'.
But I always get so scared and guilty about the upset and grief it would cause my loved ones, and somehow find myself right back where I started.
It's now about 15 years (I'm now 42) since I realised that 'just' dressing in woman's clothes wasn't enough, but that I need to live every waking and sleeping hour as a woman. I've had 3 serious attempts to transition, and also countless hours of therapy trying to convince myself that I can find peace without transitioning – of course I'm just wasting my time and money on that, as the feelings only get stronger and I find myself taking more and more risks hoping I'll be 'discovered' so it will force the issue out in the open.
So here I am again, sure in myself that I have to do this, but struggling to find the courage unleash the truth on my long suffering partner, and also, having just spent a lovely Christmas with my family the thought of having to tell them scares me to death...
Anyway, this time I'm sure I'm going to be strong enough...
Fiona
Welcome to Susan's Fiona.
I hope that you find the site to be what you are looking for. There are many aspects to the site that are worth exploring such as the links section, the Wiki, the chat area, and of course here in the forums. We have a wide variety of members with a wide variety of views and ideas, and yours will no doubt add to the colorful mix. I look forward to your participation.
Chat later.
Steph
Hi Fiona! Welcome!!!
Please feel free to browse around and become familiar with the Site Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html).
I feel for ya hon, I really do. I swear there's something evil about the age of 42. Even Jenny Boylan said something about 42 being the perfect age for a villain, lol. I'm your age as well... and tackled this head on this year... and found my answers at last. They were always there of course, just waiting for me to seize them. Or perhaps them me ;)
I too had two or three very close calls. I never actually *tried* to transition before this year, but I came very close to it.
I fought it, I tried every coping mechanism I could find, I joined various "No Transition" email lists and forums... I ranted and raved against the "transition or death!" crowd. And now...
Well, we all have to discover our own solution to this all, within the boundaries and considerations of our particular lives. I hope we can help you discover yours.
QuoteAnyway, this time I'm sure I'm going to be strong enough...
Ya know, the funny thing is, I don't think it quite waits for that.... it's more a matter of it happens when it does, once you ripen, and you basically just hold on for dear life, lol. I've gone 'round and 'round with my wife on this, how it's not exactly a "choice," it's just a process that unfolds and carries you with it. I sometimes think that if we just focus on being honest with ourselves, doing the incredibly difficult work of facing up to who we truly are and *accepting* it without qualification, our path is *revealed* to us rather than "chosen."
Kate
Quote from: Kate on December 26, 2006, 04:13:08 PM
I joined various "No Transition" email lists and forums...
Such places exist? Honestly, the things I learn here...
Anyway... Hi Fiona. :)
I haven't been here for very long, just long enough to make a nuisance of myself really, but this is easily the best T-related forum I've had the pleasure to join and participate with. There are some incredibly charming, witty and supportive people here with a diverse range of life experiences... I'm sure you'll feel right at home and yes, you
will be strong enough.
Hi Fiona and welcome to Susan's!
Thank you for your introduction. I'm sure you will feel at home here in no time. Please take a second to explore all the forums of the site, get familiar with the site rules/TOS and visit the wiki and reference library where there's plenty of valuable information for your reading pleasure. We will be looking forward to your future posts; enjoy your stay!
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Hi and welcome, Fiona!
I finally figured out that I was really a female inside in my early twenties. Before then I just knew I was different from everyone else and miserable. Then I fought against it for almost 30 years.
And then I woke up. I think we all have our reasons for waiting and fighting against it and some even fight against it for their entire lives. So, it doesn't matter what the past held for us. Now is the only time we can take care of things.
I hope I'll be reading more from you in the future, Fiona, and I'm again happy to say,
WELCOME ! ! :)
helen
Hi Fiona,
I hope you will find Susan's to be a great help to you. It has been for me. It has keep me sane and alive and I really do mean that. There are so many good and caring people here.
It sound to me like you know what you need to do. I can't give you the courage but I will say don't like that old enemy fear defeat you this time.
I know that you can do it. If you need support you have come to the right place.
:) :)
Jillieann and JR
Thank you all for your thoughts.
Susan's Place seems like a really good place to be right now.
Fiona
Yes, tis quite a nice place really.
Welcome to you Fiona.