Just wondering....when do you have people start calling you by the male name you have chosen? I hate being called by my female name that's why I go by a nickname for now, but people always forget at work and call me by my female name and I hate it.
I think it's an individual choice thing. In my case:
I started out with being called Alex in school before I even came out as trans, told my teachers to call me that. When I got my job that was on my nametag. It was easier to use a gender neutral name first. Eventually I realized I hate it so now I just introduce myself to everyone as Michael and I haven't even started T yet.
yep, I agree with Michael. Start when you personally are ready. If your male name of choice is not gender neutral then you need to make sure that you are ready for the psychological difference of being confronted publicly as being a male, or if you dont pass all the time, of people knowing you are trans.
Quote from: JesseA on December 04, 2010, 06:59:06 PM
If your male name of choice is not gender neutral then you need to make sure that you are ready for the psychological difference of being confronted publicly as being a male, or if you dont pass all the time, of people knowing you are trans.
Not necessarily. I changed my name years before I transitioned. Right up until transition, people usually just thought I had a weird name--they would sometimes say, "That's an unusual name for a woman"--and some people thought my first name was my last name. Many women have traditionally male names, so even if you don't "pass," a lot of folks might think you are just a woman with an unusual name.
It's possible that we are just a lot more sensitive about the name thing than a lot of non-trans people are. But I suppose it depends on where you live and whom you meet.
P.S. That is, unless you insist on male pronouns. Now, THAT can freak people out.
If you like being called by your gender-neutral nickname and hate the female name, but don't want to be known as trans or switch to male name, just correct people and say, "I prefer to be called <nickname>."
I have a different issue - I have been using a gender-neutral nickname in some facets of my life for a while. When I came out to one of my friends who is used to that nickname, and I told him, "I will be asking people to call me <male name>." He said, "But why do we have to? You can still be nickname. It's not a girl's name."
The answer is: because it is not respectful to call people something different from what they have asked/would like to be called. It has nothing to do with whether it is technically a girls or a boys name.
i switched schools the fall after the summer i had come out, so the first day of school i asked all my teachers to call me riley. this year in college i send emails to all my teachers telling them i`m trans, and that i absolutely do not want to be referred to using my legal name. i introduce myself as riley and nobody questions it because i pass 95% of the time, even without T and being 5'3".
heck i even went to a job interview yesterday using my legal name and i was STILL passing!
I'd feel weird introducing myself by a male name if I can't pass and it's not my real name. To me, I feel like I'm lying, ya know what I mean? Even though it's my male name I've chosen, it's still not my real name. I mean, I hate my real name b/c it's a girls name and I hate introducing myself using my real name, but I feel like I'm lying if I don't use my real name.
The last time I introduced myself to someone I told him my real name, but also told him I like to go by Brody (my nickname) b/c I hate my real name and he calls me Brody at work. Even though it's not my chosen male name, I go by that for now b/c it's a unisex name. But I hate telling people my real name and then telling them to call me Brody. I feel weird introducing myself as Brody b/c it's just a nickname.
I really want to be called by Dominick, but I don't pass a lot of the times and my voice gives me away. Once I'm on T and I start passing as a boy and my voice changes I'm gunna have people start calling me Dominick. I just hope my mom and family will start calling me Dominick, but I just can't see my mom or family doing that after the changes come. I feel like their still gunna call me by my female name and that's not something I'm gunna like.
Quote from: Arch on December 04, 2010, 07:08:56 PM
Not necessarily. I changed my name years before I transitioned. Right up until transition, people usually just thought I had a weird name--they would sometimes say, "That's an unusual name for a woman"--and some people thought my first name was my last name. Many women have traditionally male names, so even if you don't "pass," a lot of folks might think you are just a woman with an unusual name.
It's possible that we are just a lot more sensitive about the name thing than a lot of non-trans people are. But I suppose it depends on where you live and whom you meet.
P.S. That is, unless you insist on male pronouns. Now, THAT can freak people out.
I could possible do that and have people start calling me Dominick. I'd feel more comfortable. The thing is... I'd feel weird at work asking them to call me Dominick. They don't remember to use my nickname at work so if I tell them to start calling me Dominick their gunna forget and call me by my female name. And the when I sign in at work my swipe card is to my real name and the sign in sheet I use my real name and I hate it. I'd feel weird asking them if I can sign in as Dominick... would that be too much to ask if I can sign in my name and time sheet as Dominick?
Quote from: Sean on December 04, 2010, 07:15:10 PM
If you like being called by your gender-neutral nickname and hate the female name, but don't want to be known as trans or switch to male name, just correct people and say, "I prefer to be called <nickname>."
I have a different issue - I have been using a gender-neutral nickname in some facets of my life for a while. When I came out to one of my friends who is used to that nickname, and I told him, "I will be asking people to call me <male name>." He said, "But why do we have to? You can still be nickname. It's not a girl's name."
The answer is: because it is not respectful to call people something different from what they have asked/would like to be called. It has nothing to do with whether it is technically a girls or a boys name.
Brody is okay for now, but I would prefer to be called Dominick. It'll make me feel male to be called by a male name. Even though I can't pass most of the time I still feel more comfortable with people calling me Dominick. I'm not comfortable with people knowing I'm trans, (especially girls b/c I like girls and I don't want them to know I was born female and have the same parts as them) b/c of the hate against trans people. If the wrong person knows I'm trans I could get my a** kicked or killed just b/c this particular person doesn't like trans people.
I agree. It's not respectful for someone to call you a name in which you don't want to be called.
Quote from: Rye on December 04, 2010, 07:32:03 PM
i switched schools the fall after the summer i had come out, so the first day of school i asked all my teachers to call me riley. this year in college i send emails to all my teachers telling them i`m trans, and that i absolutely do not want to be referred to using my legal name. i introduce myself as riley and nobody questions it because i pass 95% of the time, even without T and being 5'3".
heck i even went to a job interview yesterday using my legal name and i was STILL passing!
I wanna go back to school. But I'm waiting to get on T so I can go to school as a male. I do not want to go back to school as a female. I feel so uncomfortable. But that's a good idea emailing your teachers to tell them what name you want to be called. I'm gunna keep that in mind for when I go back to school. And hopefully I'll be on T before then and will pass as male.
But when they take attendance in school the first day they call out your female name.... did you tell your teachers to call you by another name when they did that?
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 04, 2010, 07:48:01 PM
But when they take attendance in school the first day they call out your female name.... did you tell your teachers to call you by another name when they did that?
at my high school i did, but my legal name and riley sound so similar that people didn't even notice. halfway through the year people were really confused when substitutes called me by the wrong name. honestly, people either forget or don't notice.
as for college, i specifically asked my teachers to make sure that my name was changed on their attendance sheets. i took the time to introduce myself to them at the start of my first classes with them, so that i could make sure they'd made the changes.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 04, 2010, 07:48:01 PM
And the when I sign in at work my swipe card is to my real name and the sign in sheet I use my real name and I hate it. I'd feel weird asking them if I can sign in as Dominick... would that be too much to ask if I can sign in my name and time sheet as Dominick?
But when they take attendance in school the first day they call out your female name.... did you tell your teachers to call you by another name when they did that?
I did and they didn't even blink an eye. I don't think it would be too much.
Try going to class 5 minutes early to talk to them about it on the first day. Also if you come out to the school officials they might be able to change your name in the system. I know one guy on the site did it that way.
Quote from: Rye on December 04, 2010, 07:52:44 PM
at my high school i did, but my legal name and riley sound so similar that people didn't even notice. halfway through the year people were really confused when substitutes called me by the wrong name. honestly, people either forget or don't notice.
as for college, i specifically asked my teachers to make sure that my name was changed on their attendance sheets. i took the time to introduce myself to them at the start of my first classes with them, so that i could make sure they'd made the changes.
I'm very shy so it's hard for me to do that, talk to my teachers and tell them I'm trans. I'm not comfortable even with teachers knowing I'm trans. But if it comes down to it, I'll try to make myself do it.
Instead of going back to college, I was thinking about a trade school, but still, it's gunna be hard.
Also, before T and being in college and going by a male name... what restroom did you use in college? If everyone is calling you by your male name but you don't pass, what restroom would you use?
Quote from: Michael Alexander on December 04, 2010, 08:00:24 PM
I did and they didn't even blink an eye. I don't think it would be too much.
Try going to class 5 minutes early to talk to them about it on the first day. Also if you come out to the school officials they might be able to change your name in the system. I know one guy on the site did it that way.
Cool. Maybe I'll try that Monday if I don't chicken out, lol.
I could try that. I'm just shy so it's hard for me to talk to my teachers about that. I just don't want people to know I'm trans. I just want to be a real guy. But since I'm not it's something I'm gunna have to deal with and get over people finding out I'm trans. Like I said before, if the wrong people know I'm trans, it won't be good.
Yeah that was me. I went and talked to the vice president of the Uni. After a quick session with one of the schools counselors to approve it they changed my name and gender on everything - including transcripts without having my legal name change yet. I still run across my old information in systems that are not linked up to the mainframe such as the library and health insurance through the school - however both of those circumstances they just asked me if I wanted to change my name there too and asked for no explnations.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 04, 2010, 06:42:11 PM
Just wondering....when do you have people start calling you by the male name you have chosen? I hate being called by my female name that's why I go by a nickname for now, but people always forget at work and call me by my female name and I hate it.
I'm called "Lukas" by everyone at the MS Rainbow Alliance, even when not presenting as male. They also use the proper pronouns without so much as a hesitation--they say it like it's entirely natural to use male pronouns for a female-bodied person. It's really awesome because I don't get that anywhere else.
Once I start to pass to other people, I'll introduce myself as "Lukas". Until then, I won't do it.
You can go by a somewhat androgynous derivative of your chosen name if it would make you uncomfortable to chance not passing while using a guy's name. Might take some brainstorming, but it could work. For example, I use Cole at college, since I'm just seen as female there. I walk up to the teachers first day and say "Hey, I'm _, but I prefer Cole." End of story. I don't usually get questions - only time someone said anything other than "sure" was when my psych teacher got curious about it, since it's so obviously unrelated to my birth name. And when I'm stealth, if anyone finds out about my female birth name I have an excuse planned. My mom's a huge feminist/hippie, and she didn't want me being raised with male privilege, so she gave me a girly name to try to squash it. With the addition of grimace, embarrassment, and poorly disguised resentment I hope it'll seem believable.
As for your first question, my name was the last thing I changed. I couldn't decide what I wanted it to be, so until then I just had people get used to male pronouns and I went by various nicknames. So it really just depends on what you want to have happen.
Reply in spanish. They don't ask your name, they ask what you are called.
Well, I'm under eighteen and with the help of my parents got my name changed around three months ago :) But before then I went by a gender neutral nickname for years, and hated my INCREDIBLY girly birth name so much that I was quick to correct any teachers and just ask them kindly to change my name to my nickname on the role. Most teachers shouldn't have a problem with it, and shouldn't really ask why either, at least in my experience. Being on the ball like that was amazingly affective! Even after having a teacher call out my birth name that first day, by jumping on it quickly, everyone pretty much forgot. To the extent that when a substitute teacher called out my birth name, everyone was like 'who????' :)
I have a completely male name now, but am pre-T with absolutely no chance at all of passing. I started a new job recently with my new name, and shrugged off questions about it. I get comments like 'your parents clearly wanted a boy!' and just laugh at it :D All in all it's worth it to have a few strange looks, to feel as happy in myself as I do :)
As for when I told everyone at my school that my name was legally changed, when asked why I usually just replied with a curt 'does it matter?' and a pointed look, or if I was trying to be polite to a teacher, just shrugging it off and saying 'because I can'. People can ask as many questions as they want, but if you shut them down cleanly and smoothley, they'll usually get the picture that it's none of their business, and leave you alone :)
I asked at work if I could use Dominick to sign in and sign my time sheet and they said I couldn't do it. I first have to get my name legally changed before I could do that. So that really sucks. I hate writing my female name down. I just want to sign in as Dominick. I'm telling a lot of people to start calling me by my nickname for now and not use my real name. I still can't get my one friend to call me Brody. Hopefully she will eventually do it. But by then, I hope to be on T.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 04, 2010, 07:48:01 PM
I'd feel weird introducing myself by a male name if I can't pass and it's not my real name. To me, I feel like I'm lying, ya know what I mean? Even though it's my male name I've chosen, it's still not my real name. I mean, I hate my real name b/c it's a girls name and I hate introducing myself using my real name, but I feel like I'm lying if I don't use my real name.
For me, it felt a bit weird at first. I kept using my (male) name, and friends would address me with that name. I think it's been about a month and a half since I started going by Liam, and now it feels like I've had that name for my whole life. :) Passing is only really an issue with my name when people ask me if my name is Lia after introducing myself. Though, if you have a name that doesn't sound anything like a female name, it should be fine.
I started when I went on T.
Pre-T i was just androgenous. If you assumed I was a guy or a girl then thats just what it was.
I went by my "female" nickname. I've told old friends and my family that they are 100% welcome and encouraged to use that name. I've never hated it, and I've gone by it since kindergarten. Its just me. Like other people I felt weird being ever seen as female and using my male name [despite its female/unisex roots its typically a male name nowadays "Rowan"] As soon as I started T I started telling people that I was changing my name. Thats how a lot of people found out I was trans actually. It clicked and life went on.
I still get called by my "female" nickname by my family and old friends, but I enjoy it and asked them to. Its a name I've always connected with and really wanted to stick with. I also find it amusing that others get confused about a boy named Rosey. =]
I've been out for 2 years now, started T a year ago, I am just getting my name changed next week. I have been going by Carson at my high school and then college from the second I came out. I told my immediate family my chosen name and requested they call me that as soon as they could. it slowly spread throughout my extended family.
I got people to use my name when I went to college, it was easy because none of them knew me, unfortunately most of them thought I was just a girl with a weird name, cause I lived in the girls dorms. I legally changed my name over the summer, after using it as a preferred name for about a year.
Thanks for all the responses. I think I'm gunna wait until I start T to be called by my male name and just go by my nickname for now.