Is it weird for a boy to talk about his problems? I've been studying male behaviour and I notice a lot of guys that have problems just hold it all in, not wanting to show their emotions. I hope transition will happen sometime soon for me but I don't know what the plan is yet at this point. I like being able to tell my best friend about issues I have with family and stuff. I like having someone to talk to and who will listen and give advice/support. If I transition and become a boy, is it weird if I still do that and talk about my problems?
My boyfriend used that as an indication that I wasn't really a guy.
It's healthier to get that bad stuff out, to talk about it. I would be a lot less stressed and worried if I was better at not just holding it in and shutting up.
I dunno, maybe you're just seen as a feminine guy.
I talk about my problems a whole lot, it really helps getting things off my chest sometimes. But I do feel uncomfortable doing it. I think it's one of those stereotypes that a lot of guys feel pressured to live up to...you know, being the strong silent type.
Every guy I know has at least one person he can share that with. It tends to be done in private - or at least in a bar. It's not something that you do in public, at work (especially at work), or in a group.
I think it depends on the situation and how its gone about. I was talking to a co worker and he mentioned his knee was hurting and told me the problems he has with his knee. My friend was talking to me about missing his father the other day. My co workers often talk about problems we have had with customers. Everyone needs to vent.
What if it's just with your girlfriend you talk to her about problems with? Or is that even less masculine/she will see you as weak because you are going to her for help?
Stereotypes are silly. Seriously, everyone vents. If they don't, they just become a huge ball of anger. Nothing wrong with getting stuff off your chest.
Quote from: Samson on December 16, 2010, 01:29:19 AM
Stereotypes are silly. Seriously, everyone vents. If they don't, they just become a huge ball of anger. Nothing wrong with getting stuff off your chest.
I thought so too. They're all just stereotypes.
Yeah man, don't worry about that stuff. It may seem like a tired saying but "BE YOURSELF!"
Truth is that you're a boy and you don't like keep your emotions bottled up. That's just you, don't try to change it to fit into a box. You'd just end up uncomfortable and doubting yourself.
its more a stereotype then anything else, I'v had guys bitch about their problems in highschool and I myself bitch about my issues too once in a while but only with a few select people. We are human as well, just not as emotional as women, but we still have emotions like everyone else.
If you bottle it you will explode. I bottle it, I explode.
It's a stereotype even though some people are really like that, don't let it get to you. Deal with your problems in a healthy way.
No. Entering into the male world I was a bit surprised how much guys talk about their problems but believe me they really do. They do it a slightly different way but it happens a lot. Even with the supposedly super macho guys that I work out with at the gym who have muscles on their muscles. They stand around and talk all the time about what's going on in their world and the trials they experience.
The difference is guys talk like "look at all the ->-bleeped-<- I handled. Look at me going through all of this and coming out stronger because of it. Grrr. How can you not be impressed with me! I can handle anything because I'm a man but I still would appreciate your reassurance."
As opposed to the female venting of problems, "Oh no all this bad stuff happened. Please take care of me and make me feel better. I need a shoulder to cry on and someone to convince me that I'm still a good person."
Big time generalizations there but yes you get my point.
My take on it is that you get 1 person you can talk too.
Either your girlfriend, who must coax it out of you over a period of a couple fights,
or
1 really tight 'bro', who you can only open up to after the consumption of enough alcohol that one can blame the booze for any tears that may result.
/shudders
**male social rules and coping mechanisms.......**
<shakes it off>
In all honesty, the best way I can explain it is this Bill Engvall quote:
"I was at the gym the other day working out with my buddy. My buddy Joey. And he goes "hey, man, I'm getting a divorce." I said "Wow, that sucks. Can you spot me?" That was our whole conversation! So then I go home to my wife, and I say "Hey, Joey is getting a divorce." She goes "Oh, my God! What happened?" "I dunno." "What do you mean you don't know? Is she cheating on him, is he cheating on her?" "Again, I'm not holding anything back here, I don't know!" She goes "Bill, someone tells you they're getting a divorce and you don't ask any questions?" And I go "Well, that's because he didn't ask me a question! He didn't say 'hey Bill, what do you think about me getting a divorce?', he said, 'I'm getting a divorce', which said to me, 'I require no further input on your part.'" If he had said 'What do you think about me getting a divorce?', I'd have said, 'Well, you're gonna be dating again, so you should work on your pecs'."
Both me and my dad keep our problems to ourselves. The only person I talk to is my girlfriend, and that's only because she knows when there is something wrong and badgers me about it non-stop... It's kind of a hindrance to being trans though, because I never talk about it to anyone really. Including the people I really should talk about it to, my parents and family..
I think it's mostly the 'tough guy mentality' and the 'men are supposed to be stronger' hype. Or we're just dumb.
I am a rock.
I am an island.
and a rock feels no pain
and an island never cries.
8)
but really I barely talk about good/happy/exciting things in my life to others much less the dreary and depressing. One of my biggest things [since about middle school I think it started] is its best not to open your mouth unless you have real reason to. Words are mighty powerful things. I like my thoughts in my head where they belong. [Don't get me wrong... I do speak, and I'm not sheepish. If I have something I want to express I can certainly get my point across.]
As far as specifically talking things out... it typically only ends up making me feel dumb and wishing I hadn't opened my mouth. Now I rarely ever do, and I am most definitely happier for it.
My family in general, while loving and willing to help/listen to each others problems, rarely actually discusses them. I came out as trans in a this is business, here is a goal, and here is how I want/need to go about this type way, and that is essentially the only way it has been discussed ever since.
Its nothing to do with manliness, or femininity. One of the most feminine men I know [we refer to him as an old lady, and he refers to his future as "when I'm an old woman". (and honestly some day he may be one)] Does not talk about his problems at all [according to my best friend/his fiancee] Completely shuts off his emotions. Clearly this isn't out of some desire towards masculinity. Its just the way he is.
Then there is my "brother" [non-blood or legal relation] who comes to me talking about all sorts of problems. Often to the point where I just wonder what makes him think I have any opinion on his love life or other issues he may be having. Half the of times we chill I feel like he spends a good part of the time "confessing" [for lack of a better word] his issues to me. He is one of the "dude-liest" guys I know.
To each their own.
Quote from: tekla on December 16, 2010, 12:11:46 AM
Every guy I know has at least one person he can share that with. It tends to be done in private - or at least in a bar. It's not something that you do in public, at work (especially at work), or in a group.
i can completely agree with this.
whereas girls will typically gather a few friends to discuss a problem with, guys tend to only refer to one friend/relative/whatever. this doesn't mean to say that whenever you have a certain problem you always go to the same person, but whenever you do have a problem, ONE person is told. example: abc won't always tell xyz about his problems. abc might tell lmn about one thing, and qrs another thing. but he would most likely not tel lmn and qrs about the SAME problem, especially not together.
another thing i've noticed is that while guys will discuss their problems, men are prone to avoiding saying things like, "xyz is hurting me." it's more typically male to say, "xyz is
bothering me." problems are generally viewed as an annoyance, rather than something emotional. granted this
isn't always true but i've found that it is the most common thing to expect when dealing with everyday problems.