My family thinks I'm sinning...yeah.. :-\
They are embracing my transition and accepting.
(although they still foul up on pronouns and names on occasion)
my mom and dad are for the most part accepting, my brother on the other hand refuses to call me by preferred name "until (I) get (my) penis removed".
>.< (I'm countering by ignoring him when he uses male name)
My family are pestering me, to make sure I come home for the Christmas holidays. This has been the case for the last 18 odd years, So basically they have accepted me for who I am right from the outset and I have had no trouble with them in how they address me.
So, acceptance runs the gauntlet of total out right rejection to total acceptance. But then again I would be surprised if that was not the case.
Kind regards
Sarah B
Not brilliant.
My dad is more accepting as of late when I see him next I'm gonna see if I can get him to name me by my preferred name and pronouns when he comes back he's had 3 months to mull it over. If he's still interested in getting to know me I can open up and drop the issue in then.
Mother... Still not good. I only just got back for the holidays and things are already tense.
I pointed out to her if she was planning on giving me money she ought to use my new name on checks simply because it makes my life tricky if you use the wrong account name, I thought she was gonna hit me -.- she did this *zoned* out sort of rage thing that pepole do before they go bezerk at you like I'd insulted and shoved her before coming back and with an angry dismissive tone responded with "Well I suppose I could do that. Why would I be giving you money?" And I responded with "well I don't know if you've gotten me any gifts this year but encase you decided to go down that route."
"Is there any particular gift you want?" she asked.
Part of me inside me screamed "I don't want anything else but for you to just acknowledge me!" but all I could answer was "nothing." as I saw how she reacted even to common sense proposals asking that would be a one step to an explosive row on the first day I've gotten back I asked her (Even though I've already brought her gift) and got back "Even if there was something I wouldn't tell you." v.v *sigh* I envy those with accepting mothers.
With my sister... Its okay I suppose she's irked me recently because I got in went to my old room and most of my makeup was used. where I'd used like 1/5 of my foundation now 3/4 was gone. Gragh! and I know she uses my old name and pronouns in private Although she is actually trying to use my new name in-front of me.
Most of my family have been informed but ignore the whole issue and just carry on using my old name I think they are operating on an assumption that I'm just confused and will snap out of it.
My kids have nominally accepted me, i.e. I came out to each of them individually, and each one said words like "No matter what, you're still our dad", and "We'll always love you, no matter what..." but with the exception of the middle one (24), they seem to want to completely ignore it. The 24-year-old has been acting as go-between or ambassador between me and the others (and their mom). My wife is not doing well with it. She seems increasingly to accept the inevitability, but she definitely isn't supportive.
My parents and siblings...? Oh, gawd, not even remotely ready to go THERE yet...
I'm lucky mom and dad excepted it fairly well. Dad is still a little odd about it but he's doing well over all. Mind you today was the first time he saw me fully made up with cosmetics on. He's seen me dressed but not all made up before. He staggered.
Mom is way nice and excepting. My oldest sister has fully excepted things. The younger sister is not as excepting. For some reason I guess this somehow makes her feel insecure.
I don't really care what friends think. If they like me truly they will except if not. Fluff them, because they couldn't have been real friends if they can't except me as I wish to be.
Hugs Simone
My mom's in total denial. Total. Complete. Denial.
I'm only out to my mom so far. She said she was cool with it, but I'm fairly sure she doesn't know there's anything else to it, except that I "feel like a boy." :-\ My fault mostly for not explaining it better...
I honestly don't know how my brother has taken it. I contacted him after cutting him off for twenty years. He lives in another state now, so we haven't seen each other. We are Facebook friends. I comment on his page sometimes, but he never comments on mine (except once or twice in the very beginning, quite some time ago).
When I told him, he said he was okay with it, but he completely ignores me. I guess he is busy with work.
My parents and other relatives are out of the picture.
I think my parents are still in denial about it to some extent (despite the fact that I told them years ago, and I've just started T). They refuse to talk about it; I haven't really tried forcing it or demanding that they use the correct name/pronouns because it's so difficult to have a conversation at all. My two younger sisters are both supportive, and I have several other supportive relatives. Beyond that, I'm not sure what other relatives even know I'm trans...it gets mentioned now and then but I don't see them more than once a year, if that. After Christmas I'm probably going to email a lot of them about it, since by next Christmas I'll be significantly different.
One of my sister and a few of my cousins know that I am trans, nobody else in my family does. One of my cousins is an absolute sweetheart, and doesn't seem to see anything unusual or awkward about it. Just once politely asked if I wanted to be called "he" or "she" and apologizes when she messes up the pronouns. My sister and other cousin avoid pronouns to keep from offending anyone and to keep from outing me.
Quote from: jmaxley on December 18, 2010, 09:27:19 PM
My mom's in total denial. Total. Complete. Denial.
I feel you on this...my parents are in denial also. My mom insists it's just a phase and my dad refuses to even talk about it.
I've been transitioning for 3 years. I started hormones one month ago. My family has had a really rough fall/winter so I'm hoping to tell them after the holidays. I want to give 'em a good Christmas. My brothers and sisters act as if they know, and I have been REALLY obvious about it. I've had mail sent to the house with my male name. My facebook has my male name. All of my e-mail addresses have my male name. When I leave the house everybody (minus the family) calls me by my male name. My brothers and sisters were joking around about how my oldest brother "finally has a brother he likes" and when I said something about bad spirits coming in and killing off the first born son I named my younger brother and they all said "nope, you'd be the one that's gone."
My youngest brother is taking it fine. He jokes "if you could physically get anything attached to your body, what would you get? Besides a penis." My close friend who is a lot like a sister has been doing great. She has two kids, one that knew me for a few years before I came out. She's maybe 7 years old. Trying to figure out when to tell her. The youngest is almost 2 years and the last time I called them the baby said "hi (insert male name here)" but she stumbled trying to say my name. It made my day.
Awful. My mother would put me in a mental institution if she could and my father has threatened to do me grevious bodily harm.
Quote from: CaitJ on December 19, 2010, 12:04:09 AM
Awful. My mother would put me in a mental institution if she could and my father has threatened to do me grevious bodily harm.
That's horrible! I'm sorry to hear about that.
*hugs*
It's kind of a crazy point in life around my family right now because my two older brothers are now married and doing the kids thing, they are both quite narrow minded and not that bright so they struggle with it. One has disowned me and the other just avoids. I assume they could view it as protecting their kids but they have always been fine with me and them speaking for their children seems off.. but that's their call not mine. The wife of the one that avoids is actually quite cool and open minded so she is ok with me but I rarely see her now. Six grandchildren all up!
My parents accept me but are not exactly proud of it, they're dealing with it though and I think getting better (not sure right now). They appear to do it out of love more than understanding which is still great but I still deal with weirdness at times. My dad knows someone transitioning at his workplace and said she doesn't pass well and that he thinks I'm pretty, this along with a few other comments makes me wonder if they'd be so cool if I didn't pass as well? My mum seemingly expects me to be the daughter she never had and thinks she can influence the person I can come too much.. I think she'll get over that as soon as I can afford to be more independent and prove I am my own person and that money is the only thing stopping me expressing that (clothes, hair, presentation beyond androgyny etc). The lack of understanding also creates issues with emotional support.. she doesn't know what to say or do when I have issues and problems. It sounds like an excuse but I can't be sure. I've since stopped talking with her about my issues.
Over all things are pretty good (other than being broke, eating ->-bleeped-<-ty food and not going out) I feel positive about most things right now and where they're headed. I can't wait to start working again, I just hope that comes easy :/
Quote from: Alex201 on December 19, 2010, 12:10:20 AM
That's horrible! I'm sorry to hear about that.
*hugs*
It's just sad - that the words "I'm changing gender" can instantly turn proud, loving parents into monsters.
Dad - Denial, thinks I'm a bit nutty and making a huge mistake.
Mom - just shrugged and took a "whatever you think best" attitude
Brother - Haven't spoken to him or had any other contact since months before i came out (13 months ago) publicly, and neither of his kids will give me his phone number or address (he mover in the months before I came out). His kids will speak to me if they must but there's no illusion they agree or accept.
Cousins - most of those I've directly spoken to have been quite supportive
kids - accepting, though unhappy abut the conflict with my wife - possibly the younger is professing more acceptance than he feels but he SAYS he's ok with it, i know the older one is.
Wife - fervently despises my transition. Her intolerance, combined with her natural mourning for the man she lost, combined with her pre-existing mental issues creates a situation which is on occasion (not all the time, though it's always below the surface if the wrong trigger sets it off) very very hostile. there's a fairly strong possibility we'll separate before spring.
It's hard to say, I haven't had any real contact with my parents for the last 6 months and my siblings for nearly a year. They probably think i've lost it slightly but are too polite to say anything. Christmas this year will either be great or a living hell.
When I posted earlier I was accepted well by my family I neglected to mention that all my life I have been very volatile and insane.
This is the first time in my life where my family have seen me mentaly stable, not volitile and pleasent to be around longer than an hour. (Kinda hard for me to be a nice person as a male, I hate being a guy so bad it makes me crazy.)
I think that this has alot to do with my families acceptance.
If it had been anyone else in my family I am not so sure they would get the decent treatment I get.
Quote from: Helena on December 19, 2010, 04:44:52 AM
It's hard to say, I haven't had any real contact with my parents for the last 6 months and my siblings for nearly a year. They probably think i've lost it slightly but are too polite to say anything. Christmas this year will either be great or a living hell.
I suppose that's one cultural advantage. Living in the south (US), there is quite the similar attitude here as well. People might very strongly disagree with you, but southern culture prohibits them from saying anything. I got a lot of appliances during gift giving occasions the year or so I was on HRT. I guess that's about as gender neutral as you can get. Expect a lot of polite conversation and it will likely be "the elephant in the room" if your expereince is anything like mine was.
My parents were rather dead set against it. Oddly enough, they loved my boyfriend (at the time) and enlisted him to help them save me I think. Pretty much they fought everything I tried to do and totally withdrew any support. I think they had the sense that if they shut me out I would come to my senses and stop this foolishness.
Though maybe it had as much to do with me being rather tempertantric (is that a word?) about the whole thing.
@Tammy: Hey, girl! Haven't seen you in a while. How've you been keeping? Are things going any better for you? I hope so. Please update us on your situation. I've been wondering about you...
Quote from: regan on December 19, 2010, 08:12:30 AM
...Though maybe it had as much to do with me being rather tempertantric (is that a word?) about the whole thing.
I often wonder how one's methods can effect the outcome. If people's opinions are the same no matter how you tell them or maybe not initially but with time as they slowly forget the feelings they had at the time of being told and having a more clear mind they can come to "deal" with it more rationally. Some can just take for ever though. :S
When I told my mum I was on the floor in front of her in tears.. I feel it may of sparked her motherly instincts to accept me and make me feel better.. I don't know maybe that could have the opposite effect for some, unfortunately :/
It reminds me of confrontation and how you go about with your delivery, if you "tell" someone to accept something then they can feel a stronger sense of pulling away or questioning.. where if you lead them into it genitally then they don't feel pressure and that they're the ones making the choice for themselves.
Quote from: Muffin on December 19, 2010, 09:39:59 AMIt reminds me of confrontation and how you go about with your delivery, if you "tell" someone to accept something then they can feel a stronger sense of pulling away or questioning.. where if you lead them into it genitally then they don't feel pressure and that they're the ones making the choice for themselves.
Oohh.. Freudian, or what? That could be a rather interesting way to break the news, lol! I know what you meant, though... :laugh:
I do think presentation and timing are critical, but sometimes no matter what you do or how you do it, their reaction will be the same, as with my wife for instance. She is facing the loss of her husband, after 31 years of marriage. She had grown used to the life she had, and suddenly that life is about to be gone forever, and nothing she can do will change that. That WILL be scary, and she has to go through a grieving process, and no telling what her eventual disposition will be. But all along I've been considerate of her feelings, and not forcing things on her, and going slow, and being respectful, and helping with what I can. In particular, there have been a number of conversations where I've ended up in tears - heartfelt sobs, and she KNOWS they're genuine. And I think that helps her feel empathy for me. Certainly she has comforted me sometimes, but I'm careful not to put her in that position often, lest she come to feel manipulated.
Also, I told each of my kids individually, in a private setting, with no time pressures and no chance of being interrupted, and gave them each lots of time to react, and to ask questions, and I cried in front of each of them, also. Not saying the tears were part of a show, they just happened, but they may have helped in terms of empathy.
So bottom line, I do think timing and presentation are key to acceptance, but not the whole ball of wax. It's a very complex and complicated thing.
Quote from: Colleen Ireland on December 19, 2010, 10:43:35 AM
Oohh.. Freudian, or what? ...
hahahahahahaha >____<
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FxLrEm.gif&hash=659861eff2a5a7fbd2ced346cee8abde05ae8a9c)
heheheheheheheheheheheee :laugh:
Quote from: Muffin on December 19, 2010, 09:39:59 AM
It reminds me of confrontation and how you go about with your delivery, if you "tell" someone to accept something then they can feel a stronger sense of pulling away or questioning.. where if you lead them into it genitally then they don't feel pressure and that they're the ones making the choice for themselves.
Looking back on it, that was likely a huge source of conflict between me and just about everyone around me. I was running around demanding that they accept "the new me". My current therapist said that, this time around, when I am ready to start telling people a much better approach is "This is what I'm doing and I want you along for the journey".
My family knew that they should accept it but were confused at first. My brother thought I was rushing into it too fast. My 74 year-old sister mourned the loss of her little brother. But they accept it now even though they still mess up the pronouns sometimes. Their kids are fine with it; I'm now Aunt Kate.
Although my daughter was surprised, she is thrilled that I can finally be me. Her fiance has only known me as a woman and doesn't expect me to be anything else. My daughter's other mom (we're divorced) is completely accepting.
I'm luckier than most.
- Kate
I'm only in diagnose but I hope to start with the female hormone blockers soon, say in about 2 months.
mom; had always known something was off, I never enjoyed life in general, I just live because I have to. So she's really supportive and even looking into what transition means. She gives me little pokes like 'you'll sound awesome when your voice drops ;D '
At first she was like 'please wait till your 30 !' until I broke down on a massive trigger. Ever since then she saw that its already on a late spur, and I am going gaga once in a while.
Dad; hes alright with me wearing and being who I am but I doubt he realizes that in a significant time he's going to have to introduce me as his son, and I will not look like 'a pretty gurl' anymore but a man.
I don't think he gets it. He annoys me greatly because hes the only person who keeps repeating that blasted birthname over and over.
However there is noting he can do, my mother holds the ropes in this household and shes very aware of what I'm not, and why I must (and want to) do this. And frankly between this and 2 years I plan to have moved out anyway.
how the rest of my family feels, they seem 'okay' with it. Not that I care, it is my life, not theirs.
It's hard. I also have bipolar disorder wich makes my dad think that every thing that I do comes from my disease. So he thinks it's some kinda of delirious or something like that. He says he's ok with that but don't realize that I've changed.
My male name? Never said it. "Not untill you have changed it".
I used to live alone (much more easier) but I've been in a mental hospital and since then I went back home (with plans about staying, at least my dad expects that).
The rest of the family, the closers one, just ignore. Total denial!
I really don't know what I'm gonna do when the changes start, like growing hair, deeper voice and stuff like that.
I see my future with no family, at least not this one that I have now. It sounds much less complicated.
My mum has been really supportive, she uses male pronouns and Nathan 99% percent of the time, she lent me the money to go the the GIC the other day and came with me for the first two appointments.
I'm not really sure what my dad thinks these days at first he was very against it and cut me out of his life but a couple of months ago or something he wrote a letter to my mum about the money she owes him and at the end he said he would like to see first name/Nathan so it's progress. I've not been able to get in contact with him since so I don't really know where he stands.
Wife - Sort of accepts now that we are apart.
Ex wives - had nothing to do with me then and don't now.
parents - Both Gone, but Dad would not be accepting.
Oldest Son - Has noting to do with me. He has been informed by his sister.
Daughter - She is very accepting
Middle Son - Semi-accepting. He is Mormon, so I don't know how far it goes.
Youngest Son - Has noting to do with me. He has been informed by his step-sister.
Grandchildren - I have to think that my Daughter and Middle Son have told their children about me. Daughter's kids are the oldest and understand better than the Middle Son. His kids are less then 4 years old.
aww Grandma Janet how adorable. :angel:
You know I've really had a way of isolating myself all my life. Close family were the exception and a few very close friends. My family over all has excepted me, with the exception of one sister. Sad because she and I were always close growing up.
As for friends, I came out to one a few days ago on the phone. He hung up, I kinda expected it since he is a Born again Christian. Just means he wasn't a true friend anyway and I'm not going to lose sleep over it.
I intend to make many new friends in my new life and to enjoy every moment of it.
Hugs all
Simone.
Quote from: Simone V on December 19, 2010, 05:31:56 PMYou know I've really had a way of isolating myself all my life.
That's because until we realize we have to face this, we tend to hide big portions of ourselves, even from ourselves. And when you set out to hide ONE thing, you have to hide all the other associated things, and before long, major portions of your self are not available. Kinda wreaks havoc on any hope of intimacy...
Quote from: Simone V on December 19, 2010, 05:31:56 PMI intend to make many new friends in my new life and to enjoy every moment of it.
That's been my experience on this journey so far...
Quote from: Colleen Ireland on December 19, 2010, 09:00:13 AM
@Tammy: Hey, girl! Haven't seen you in a while. How've you been keeping? Are things going any better for you? I hope so. Please update us on your situation. I've been wondering about you...
So late that i shouldn't start tonight. Hopefully I'll remember to get back to you tomorrow.
Quote from: Simone V on December 19, 2010, 05:31:56 PM
I intend to make many new friends in my new life and to enjoy every moment of it.
Hugs all
Simone.
And you have new ones all ready Simone. BTW the hearing aid looks new technology :laugh:
I've just had my Bro & Sis in law around to drop off presents. I was looking daggy, no makeup, skirt, jumper the usual knock around the house stuff. He was really surprised, I think he thought I looked like a sex goddess 24/7/365. No I'm just a normal woman.
Ha, I actually think it got through to him more than going out to dinner etc with Cindy all dolled up. Why would a CD sit round a house looking daggy in a skirt and jumper? No idea, but a woman does, his wife does, we all do (sorry no insult meant to CDs).
Little things that happen
Cindy
So far only my mother's side knows, my grandmother seemed slightly surprised at it but accepted it, she told me that as long as it makes me happy she'll be there to support me through it. My mother, well, her reaction surprised me, I expected her to be at least somewhat surprised, not the case, she started explaining to me how some people are born the wrong gender and asked me what took me so long, so she certainly expected it and even admired she had had thoughts in the past about if she was born the right way herself! Which I actually find slightly humorous because she's always said she's "80% woman, 20% man" and I can recall her saying this since I was a child, I mean, after all, this is the woman who taught me how to hunt and how to shoot so, I guess it kinda makes a lot of sense in hindsight.
My father's side doesn't really know, and I don't plan on telling them yet, I already know how they will react and the only one from that side of the family who would have accepted me is no longer with us, my father's side of the family isn't really that important to me, relations with them have been shaky at best and violent at worst in the past, more less I could care less if they accept me for this or not, they already don't accept me because of my religion, my views on life, my independence, my general personality, my likes and dislikes, the fact I don't let them dictate my life, so, what's one more thing about me that they don't accept? Something tells me they'll expect it but still be against it because "You will always be how you are born and raised." according to them, so eh, hell with them, can do this with or without that side of the family.
The few friends I have, who I'm including them cause to me, my friends are my chosen family, are very supportive, ok, they crack jokes bout it now and then, but that's just how we are, and it's not like I don't crack jokes right back at 'em, after all, if ya can't laugh at yaself, what can ya laugh at? In truth that acceptance and humor helps me through a lot, amazing how much a good laugh can help ya get through the day.
Thngs are pretty horrible for me right now when it comes to acceptance
My parents are in denial and aren't talking to me. I am 40 years old and live three states away so it's not too bad. However, my mother and I have always been close and to not hear from her in three months has been hard.
My wife who gave ever indication that she would be supportive and kept hinting at me to finally come out ... has put up a brick wall since I have come to accept it about me and told. She wants me to tell no one and to get into couples counseling. She refuses to use male pronouns and won't work with me to come up with a male name. Doesn't want me to go to individual counseling wants us to do it together. I had told folks and she was livid. She told me she doesn't want anyone addressing me as a male around her.
My kids could care less ... whatever. Esepcially since my son began his transition a year ago.
I am living in hell and miserable
My parents don't want me to do it. They told me I should wait a few years and if I still wanted to then I could. They also told me I'm not mature enough. I don't think they believe in GID or transgender or anything. They've both expressed sadness in "losing a son" and my dad said he doesn't want me "jumping off the roof" but to "take the stairs" In discussing my trans issues, we've never had a good talk that didn't end bad or sadly. And once my mom told me she wouldn't call me female because I'm not. And I told my dad I don't feel like a man and he said but you are. They are being so stupid about this. I can't believe it. :( How can they tell me that I don't listen to their side when they refuse to sympathize with me?! So in short, my parents love and support me in everything I do except transition.
My youngest sister loves and supports me no matter what! :D
My older and closest sister supported me at the start but now says I shouldn't do it while I live here and my dad pays for my car insurance and food etc. I'm only 19!!
My oldest sister TELLS me she supports me, but behind my back talked to my sister about how I'm too young :(
My aunt knows and accepts me and I feel she is my biggest support. She checks in on me from time to time which makes me feel like someone really cares. Her husband (my uncle) knows but doesn't understand it but still loves and supports me. And their daughter (My favorite cousin!) Is supportive and totally cool. :D
One cousin that my sister is bffs with knows and supports me 100%
I have two more uncles to tell and they're both divorced but they both have two kids to tell. And I also have to tell my dads parents. We don't talk to my moms side anymore but if we did it's just one cousin and her parents.
I have a feeling my uncles will be okay with it. I hardly ever talk to them so they will probably be like my other uncle. I'm hoping. And I don't care how my other cousins react. Two of them hardly ever come around and two of them are like....slow. Idk if they'd understand. lol.
BUT my biggest support ever is my best friend Sami. She's my world! She was the first person I told and she loves and supports me with anything.
Let's see...
Parents - Absolutely unsupportive. My dad practically threatened me and claimed he would have to quit his job from embarrassment (huh?) and tried to guilt trip me in about 15 different ways. Didn't work. Both him and my mother outright dismissed every piece of evidence and every argument I used to justify myself. I was called immature, impatient, selfish, and lots of other things... and apparently my mother was telling her friends later that I was going through a "teenage rebel phase"... at 27. I've pretty much written them off for now because I know I'm "going to be able to pass" because I already "pass." Hopefully they will improve with time once they see that I'm happier and doing well.
Grandmother - "Whatever you need to do will make me happy."
Brother and sister - Supportive, even if they're a bit uncomfortable about it.
Aunt - Completely supportive
Close friends - Completely supportive
All in all, I guess things are going pretty well so far.
Mom was good at first. Dad wasn't.
Both seem to be taking a passive aggresive apporach to it now. Not asying anything, but being forgetful and acting like I never came out to them, besides the fact that they have been looking at lots of ex-trans/ordered ex-trans propoganda. They hven't talked to me about it really in more then a month though.. and just keep same old same old.. sheing me.
My parents were supportive at the start when I told them I needed to transition, My mother accompanied me to appointments, shared jewelery, went shopping, and gave me makeup. My Father was supportive by being understanding and assuring.
Now it seems that we drifted...I am hoping one day we will be Friends again.
Tad;
I am so sorry you have to go through this crap with your family.
How they can look at you and fabricate a female persona is a crying shame.
Maybe they will come around.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 20, 2010, 10:40:04 AM
My parents don't want me to do it. They told me I should wait a few years and if I still wanted to then I could. They also told me I'm not mature enough. I don't think they believe in GID or transgender or anything. They've both expressed sadness in "losing a son" and my dad said he doesn't want me "jumping off the roof" but to "take the stairs" In discussing my trans issues, we've never had a good talk that didn't end bad or sadly. And once my mom told me she wouldn't call me female because I'm not. And I told my dad I don't feel like a man and he said but you are. They are being so stupid about this. I can't believe it. :( How can they tell me that I don't listen to their side when they refuse to sympathize with me?! So in short, my parents love and support me in everything I do except transition.
Your parents sound so much like my parents did when I first tried to transition. I realize now, my mistake was in making my gender issues a tempertantrum. Let them have their emotions, draw a line in the sand, but take the time to bit your tongue too. Let them know that this is what you're doing and you want them to support you, don't demand that they support you.
Quote from: Tad on December 20, 2010, 07:20:30 PM
Mom was good at first. Dad wasn't.
Both seem to be taking a passive aggresive apporach to it now. Not asying anything, but being forgetful and acting like I never came out to them, besides the fact that they have been looking at lots of ex-trans/ordered ex-trans propoganda. They hven't talked to me about it really in more then a month though.. and just keep same old same old.. sheing me.
From your avatar, they probably look ridiculous 'sheing' you. :laugh:
Quote from: cynthialee on December 21, 2010, 08:59:47 AM
Tad;
I am so sorry you have to go through this crap with your family.
How they can look at you and fabricate a female persona is a crying shame.
Maybe they will come around.
The fact that I have a vagina equates girl to them. Even if they both acknowledged that I have never been feminine and had a suspicion that I would turn out trans.
However, maleness should be denied, even if it is my core identity, because letting it be my life would be a sin. Most of this Ex-trans stuff they have (well dad has).. acknowledges that core identity can never be changed, but rather that it should be repressed, and that any situation that could bring up an issue should be avoided.. so apprently I am supposed to stay in a dark box with nothing to stimualte me XD.
They haven't said any of this to me, however the proganda that is laying around the house and that they've been looking at online summarizes this.
Dad first attempted to win me over, saying that I was a sexy female (shivers - so dirty), and that everyone goes through rough patches, and that I'm selling myself short by doing this, and that because I was forced to wear crappy makeup once when I was in Grade 9 - it turned me off of being female, and that my lack of relationships because boys weren't interested in me.. and relatives teasing me about that, and being bullied for years being called a he-she, and all that stuff is responsible for the way I am now.. lolz. oh dad, all that stuff is because I didn't fit in as a female and was not a female in the first place.
Quote from: Forum Admin on December 21, 2010, 01:36:18 PM
From your avatar, they probably look ridiculous 'sheing' you. :laugh:
yep they've gotten in arguemnts with hotel clerks before over my gender. bahahahaaha.
I wonder if my brother is not as okay with it as he pretended at first. He rarely contacts me, he rarely posts to my Facebook page, and he's always hostile on Facebook when he responds to me--over silly, trivial stuff. My first mental response to his last FB post a couple of days ago was "F*** you!" I almost unfriended him. I don't know what his problem is unless it's the trans thing...or the poor economy has made him hostile and it's transferring to me. Except I've seen some of his FB responses to other people, and he's not nasty to them.
That's right, now I'm your ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<- fudgepacking BROTHER. If it bothers you, think of how much it has bothered me all of these years. Jeez, grow the f*** up. I did just fine without you for twenty years, and I can do it for another twenty. ->-bleeped-<-.
Arch, as a Luddite who doesn't do Facebook, maybe I'm out of line here. But can't you 'unfriend' you brother and not let him bother you? Just because he's your biological brother doesn't mean that he has to be your friend (evidently).
Be cool, Arch. :icon_flower:
- Kate
My Mother was totally supportive and actively encouraged my transition, my Father just excepted it because it made my Mother happy, out of my 3brothers, 2 supported my transition, my closest brother didn't support me, didn't except me becoming a woman, but finally had to except me when I had my srs surgery, he knew then that I was never going back, other relatives slowly excepted my changing situation, some never did, but as I always say ''those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind''
Pauline
let's see.
they say they are supportive, which in reality means my mom tells me that i should visit this doctor and that doctor and maybe look for some more (all of which i go to, it's not like they ever end up disagreeing that i'm transsexual, and most times they end up actually trying to explain to my mother that she's not helping) and my dad walks out of the room whenever we talk about this. Yep, i'm really feeling the love and support there!
well at least they aren't trying to stop me from transitioning.
My wife hates it.
My children think I'm crazy or worst.
My wife and children have tried to stop me and did for awhile.
My sisters are religious and I'm sure they would think I'm demon possessed.
That's about it.
So I hope you all have a Merry Christmas with your families.
Jilleann
Quote from: perlita85 on December 21, 2010, 07:02:51 PM
my 4 kids are very supportive and even joke, this is despite that they have been teased at school. My close frineds and the people I work for, are A OK. My problem is the mother of my kids how goes around town tellin people I am a fetichist pervet.
I would return the favor...
>:-)
I've been pretty lucky so far, in that most all of my immediate family, and most of my friends have voiced support. My ten year old daughter doesn't care in the least, she's fine with it.
My mother initially was having a bit difficulty understanding what was going on, but she did some research on her own and started really delving into the topic. After seeing that we're not all creepy weirdos but normal people, she's really coming around in a big way... I think she's turning out to be one of my biggest supporters. Lots of "Love you"s over the phone, sending me text messages, etc.
My father is up in the air, he doesn't know about me yet, but for the life of me I don't know how he hasn't figured it out. I even work with him on a daily basis, and neither him nor anyone else at my work has said a thing... and I haven't come out at work. 24 months on hormones, hair grown out, get ma'amed right and left (even in guy mode), and not one person at work has asked me what's going on, or even made a comment about me looking different. Honestly I could probably go get FFS and people might say "Hmm... did you cut your hair or something?"
Very odd... vendors and salespeople stop by and give me funny looks, but my co-workers, bosses, and my own father are oblivious.
Enough digression... Anyway, I have a feeling 'ol dad isn't going to take it too well, he's a bit of a racist and homophobe. I suppose I'd better do the coming out in a public place just for safety's sake.
Quote from: VeronikaFTH on December 21, 2010, 09:16:36 PM
I
My father is up in the air, he doesn't know about me yet, but for the life of me I don't know how he hasn't figured it out. I even work with him on a daily basis, and neither him nor anyone else at my work has said a thing... and I haven't come out at work. 24 months on hormones, hair grown out, get ma'amed right and left (even in guy mode), and not one person at work has asked me what's going on, or even made a comment about me looking different. Honestly I could probably go get FFS and people might say "Hmm... did you cut your hair or something?"
Very odd... vendors and salespeople stop by and give me funny looks, but my co-workers, bosses, and my own father are oblivious.
I'm not quite in the same position but I'm not out at work, but I have gone through lots of physical changes. Nobody has said diddly. A work colleague who is a friend and knows Cindy came in for a coffee last week. She is on maternity leave and we haven't seen each other for about 6 months, although we speak regularly. During a coffee she said, has anyone said anything? I said about what? About you presenting as female. She went on. Your face looks totally feminine, OK your hair is male but your eyebrows are shaped, you don't have any facial hair, your wearing hoops bigger than mine, your mannerisms are feminine, and your nipples are showing. By now I'm totally embarrassed; but no one has said anything too me, I say. I bet there is a heap of talk behind your back, she replied. BTW she wasn't being rude or negative, just being observant. I thought I had made small changes over time and people hadn't noticed. Oh Well ::)
Cindy
And when you do, Cindy, they will all say "Yeah OK everyone knows".
Hi Janet,
I was saying the other day I cannot believe where I have been and where I am going. I think I joined Susan's November? 2008; a frightened little boy with more problems than anyone should have. I'm now a confident woman who looks forward to the future but doesn't know how to proceed. Familiar story on this site really. :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Cindy
Quote from: K8 on December 21, 2010, 02:48:16 PM
Arch, as a Luddite who doesn't do Facebook, maybe I'm out of line here. But can't you 'unfriend' you brother and not let him bother you? Just because he's your biological brother doesn't mean that he has to be your friend (evidently).
I simmered for a couple of days and gave him a smart-alecky reply. Don't want him to think he got to me. I guess I'm not ready to unfriend him. But I wish he weren't so much like my mother. >:(
My family is in total denial. It's sad but funny how my sister reacted to me: "You can't be a girl because you don't wear girl clothes" / "You can't be a girl because every woman wants a man to be her protector". Do I laugh, cry, or just facepalm?
Quote from: niamh on December 22, 2010, 06:23:18 AM
My family is in total denial. It's sad but funny how my sister reacted to me: "You can't be a girl because you don't wear girl clothes" / "You can't be a girl because every woman wants a man to be her protector". Do I laugh, cry, or just facepalm?
Vote for facepalm over here! "You can't be a girl because every woman wants a man to be her protector" ummmm, yea, tell that to my grandmother who's said, and I quote "My shotgun's a better protector than my husband ever was." it seems some people forget that there's some pretty tough chicks out there, just as there are some pretty passive guys, but guess that's what happens when people are stuck in the traditional and don't look to the progress society has made.
Hi Cindy
I know you mentioned to me about the changes you were doing, however I did not have real sense of the changes that have occurred until your friend embarrassed you. Now that was funny.
Just like you and VeronikaFTH, it would seem that if you did very small changes over a period of time without ever saying anything, then your colleagues would be oblivious to what is going on. Some may put 2 and 2 together, but would think along the lines of it's "their life, I'm ok with that" and of course carry on working as if nothing was going on. We do live in enlighten times and it will of course get better and better.
However, if you went to work in a skirt or said this is now my new legal name and then continued to work I wonder what your colleagues would say and do? Maybe they would continue to be oblivious and go about their daily work. Now that would definitely be interesting.
Anyway have fun at work and as interesting as your situations are, don't worry about whether they know or don't know, just continue doing what you are doing and don't say anything, unless of course someone approaches you and starts asking questions and of course that's another kettle of fish.
Take care and all the best for the future
Kind regards
Sarah B
My parents have a hard time dealing with me being trans. They both only want the best for me, but they are not able to understand how i feel. Most of my teen years my mum would get verbally abusive when we argued and used to bring up my "perversion" to end end our fights. I think my dad did not know how to help me in those days. Those years nearly destroyed my relationship with my mom :(
I think they might be in denial right now. As I'm getting closer and closer to being full-time, i told myself 'screw that' an started wearing what i felt comfortable in around them a few days ago. There were only a few ratty comments from my mom (about my clothes an subtle make-up), but these last days were unexpectedly quiet. I never felt so comfortable around my parents and i even had fun with my mom when we tried a new recipe for pizza a failed utterly ;)
Still, i find it hard to believe that she might be accepting, i wonder if she just ignores what is apparent.
My dad is sick with the flu and he doesn't notice very much between bed, couch and toilet ;)
My sister, who is 3 years younger than me, is coming home for Christmas tonight and I really look forward talking to her. She knows I'm trans-something (she's a clever girl ;) ) but we never really talked, but after a really bad argument earlier this year she told me that she's on my side. I'm cautiously confident :)
Alexandra
Quote from: Colleen Ireland on December 19, 2010, 09:00:13 AM
@Tammy: Hey, girl! Haven't seen you in a while. How've you been keeping? Are things going any better for you? I hope so. Please update us on your situation. I've been wondering about you...
Better by a small margin but it's a temporary thing I fear.
Basically, it's like this. Besides her admitted intolerance, my wife has an issue she really has no control over. She's had clinical depression as long as I've known her (back into childhood before i met her as far as I can tell) which was compounded (aggravated? Triggered?) by some childhood sexual abuse.
During the early years of our marriage - say from year 3 or 4 through about year 12 she would have fits of illogical, unpredictable, irrational rage. They were usually brief, but while they were going on there was no reasoning. In between, she spent much of her time depressed, sometimes suicidally so. For many years she refused to seek treatment ("if I go to a nut doctor that means I'm a nut") but eventually she got on medication and at first we just got a "flat effect" (which was a great improvement but not what we hoped for) and eventually she got on Cymbalta and she was a new woman.
Why am i telling you all this?
Because I've come to realize that her reactions to me fit exactly the old pattern - a lot of sadness, which one would assume is to be expected, but largely we go day to day in a fairly "normal" humor (although you can see the occasional facial expression in reaction to something i say or do or wear that gives away that she's feeling the pain) and for the most part you wouldn't pick up too much evidence that she disapproved. Though there's also not overt signs of acceptance or even resignation - like female pronouns or a new name or whatever.
BUT
Every....couple of weeks? sometimes more often, occasionally less...she just "loses her sh**" and what ensues is a few hours of completely irrational attacks. Verbal abuse, even attempts at violence - no regard for what the kids hear or see, no regard for her own safety or anything else - just "berserker" mode. The only solution for it is time, and if possible, distance.
It's also possible that she "forgets" her meds on occasion because she tells herself that they are suppressing her true feelings (though with this sort of drug you have to miss a few days before it really allows the negative emotions to build up so).
SO
the upshot is that when she's rational, I feel encouraged that she might at length resign herself to the situation. I've spent the last couple of months reclaiming a lot of the ground i gave up in an attempt to compromise with her (things I agreed not to do when we were together) and will continue that process into the new year).
However, I can't escape the feeling that as long as she has the periods of rage, it's going to do so much damage to the relationship that we CAN'T stay together. i find even now that there are times, even when she's not angry, when I just don't feel as strongly for her as I once did
In the old days her rage wasn't about me, who i was or what i did, in a way that I felt I "owned" it - that is, she was mad "at" me but I could recognize that it was an irrational anger and i really hadn't done anything that wrong. Now, even though i recognize the same pattern of irrationality, the emotional impact is much greater because it FEELS as if she's attacking the very heart of my life. it's taking quite a toll on how i feel about her and how much i want to be with her.
The upshot of all this is i feel like we might have slipped past some tipping point in which separation (we've discussed March) might be unavoidable. There's a fairly high chance that when I do move out, she will miss me so much (she is EXTREMELY emotionally dependent on me - what some would call clingy) that she will beg me to come back. But if i do, it would only be with a blank check that she was inviting Tammy into her life, and not "him"
I don't know if she will ever admit to those terms, but I think my feelings have gone round to the point that if she won't, then I won't come back.
All that is a long winded way to say that i can go days, sometimes well over a week, with no drama - but when we have a bad day it's a really REALLY bad day.
Ugh, my fiance's brother is being a wankstain again; he claims he has a 'right to know' all the details of my SRS and how my neo vadge works and how his brother will be having sex with it.
my family totally encourages me since i had my comingout in 2007. at first my grandfather had some problems with it, but just only because my favorite name was Felix, which is his father's name.. but now he's taking it good.
i am just Felix and the past doesn't matter anyway :) .. there're just the scars at my chest and my bottom that doesn't fit the rest which remind me of that.
i can't understand why some parents are not going to encourage their children in that difficult step. it really is annoying...
Tammy,
*hugs*
- Kate
My family hasn't disowned me so I think they are handling it well. Gotta take things one day at a time. My mom even let me sell her exercise machine to make the cash for my doctors visit when I didn't get my loans. Just have to take it one day at a time I guess.
CaitJ: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's none of his damn business! Seems like some guys will use any excuse to hear about or see a vagina ::) Sorry for my language
Tammy: :icon_hug: I hope things get better for you
Cait;
next time he says some thing stupid like that ask him if he is looking for a review for when he wants to get his tallywacker inverted....
:D
Quote from: jmaxley on December 18, 2010, 09:27:19 PM
My mom's in total denial. Total. Complete. Denial.
Mine too. And I told her she's in denial. She says I wanna be a boy b/c being a girl wasn't working out for me. She think what I'm doing is not right and I have absolutely no support from her and I told her that, and whenever we talk about it, it turns into a fight b/c she doesn't understand. I have to move out this house or I'm gunna end up going crazy or killing myself. On the other hand... my cousins that I've told are very supportive. But they forget to call me by the name I want and they keep using female pronouns. I hate it, but I know it's still hard for them to remember.
Time to vent!
It's Christmas eve and all through the house everyone is smiling even our hamsters. With exception to one lady, my poor sister dear. Who showed up as normal in work boots jeans and with a belt buckle the size of a tea saucer a denim shirt with cuffs buttoned down. She walked in said hello flopped on the couch refused a drink or food offerings. Then said. "So why are you dressed like that again?" Soon the smiling ended everyone's in a funk. When she started protesting my makeup and junk. So I finished serving the drinks I had to hand round. Cleaned up the table did the dishes and headed for my own apartment.
But in my mind thinking. "So why are you wearing jeans and a denim cowboy shirt why green patch work boots? sister of mine" You say I won't ever be your sister and will always be a boy. But as I recall it was you that always played with boys? Why did you play baseball and soccer in school and as I recall wasn't it you that was suspended for fighting and breaking the rules?"
You see my friends excepting others is not so easy when you see something they are doing that you probably secretly wish you could do too.
I am who I am. I'm a woman inside and I am doing what I am doing to make myself happy healthy and whole.
People who protest this are either sick them selves, or they fear what others will think. Some blame religion and some are just insane.
It's my body my choice and my life. So if someone anyone has a problem with it they can take Flows Texas Advice
"Kiss my Grits!"
Love and hugs for all of you
Simone
Quote from: Simone V on December 24, 2010, 09:04:31 PMBut in my mind thinking. "So why are you wearing jeans and a denim cowboy shirt why green patch work boots? sister of mine" You say I won't ever be your sister and will always be a boy. But as I recall it was you that always played with boys? Why did you play baseball and soccer in school and as I recall wasn't it you that was suspended for fighting and breaking the rules?"
You see my friends excepting others is not so easy when you see something they are doing that you probably secretly wish you could do too.
GOOD for you, girl! I was thinking the same thing - wouldn't it be a HOOT if your sis turned out to be FTM? How's THEM apples, eh? :laugh:
@Tammy: Hugs to you, girl. You have a lot on your plate. I will say a special prayer for you tonight.
Quote from: cynthialee on December 23, 2010, 08:37:26 AM
Cait;
next time he says some thing stupid like that ask him if he is looking for a review for when he wants to get his tallywacker inverted....
:D
Tallywacker OMG lol! Haven't heard that one for ages :D
Hi Simone,
Well done girl.
Some times people can such unfeeling dolts and reflect so stupidly. Yes your sis can act any gender she wishes and spurns you the gender you are.
Have a great day in spite of them.Hugs and Happy Christmas
Cindy
Another sad Christmas alone .. this time at least my parents aren't pretending to be family with me....
My parents have always been indifferent to me ... in their mind I was always the loser who cried too much in his room and was not as smart or worth the effort as my brother... it was only when my friends had outed me to them that they started paying extra close attention ... it was like where are you going? what are you doing? every 2 mins... and now I think they have just got bored/fed up....
My dad suspects ... I have not told him as he thinks homosexuality is a sick joke (he has not said this out loud but I know from his behavior) .. I wonder what he will think of me ... in any case he is too old and his health not strong enough for a news like this...
My mom... to whom I came out a few weeks ago ... cares and worries about me but also taunts and insults me and makes me feel like ->-bleeped-<- all the time... and has done so most of my life ...
edit: my mom has threatened to throw me out of the house on more than one occasion if I go beyond therapy... so have not told her of HRT... as I need to save money that would be used on rent on other things ...
My brother ... to whom I am not yet out also suspects has not brought it up has always been there for me when I needed them the most ... like my parents despite their flaws...
Closest Friends say they are ok but I suspect they have their concerns ...
Anywayz that life .... wishing never made things change..
Merry Christmas everyone ... cant wait to finish that bottle of wine!!!! :icon_drunk:
::hugs::
Hic,
I'm drinking Champers, kiss the glass, we are important, we are loved. Love you doll and Happy Christmas .
Cindy
I don't talk to them anymore. They were embarrassed about me and I would bet the extended family still doesn't know a thing about my transition, I'm just the ungrateful son who took off.
My mom spent some time with us a couple of days ago. Haven't seen or heard from any of the rest of my family.
I'm not really worried about it. The wife comments on my kids not getting a visit from their grandfather (or an invite) but they were never real close to him anyway. Frankly, he's a bit of an ass and was before i came out so no great loss.
As far as I'm concerned.