i went to wallgreens, mumbled "hey" to the cashier, he said to his co worker"want to take HER, over there?"
being 3 months on T, I have been feeling really confident, my voice is dropping, face more masculine, but not passing pisses me off even more now, makes me think that the cashier is a ->-bleeped-<-ing dumb->-bleeped-<-. I mean seriously, sure maybe am still andro, but look at me, im andro, BUT i have on all male clothes, short hair, no boobs... what makes them pick 'her' in reference to me?
I think i have anger problems, but this kind of think just makes me so pissed.
Looking at that video you posted recently it's hard to believe you wouldn't pass...
Sucks, but T will fix it in time.
Can't see anything about you that says girl! Just stick at it and well done on the no smoking :) I'm at 4 months now and it DOES get better! 8)
I remember the feeling. It made me upset because I was giving so much up for this chance and it was like people didn't even care. lol, which was irrational because more than likely they were not trying to be impolite. That's just how they see you based on their own experiences.
The good news is now that I am 8 months on T I pass nearly constantly. I think I heard a cashier say 'she' the other day but I'm not sure if it was in reference to me or not. These days it's almost always 'sir' everywhere I go. You've just got to hang in there for a little while longer. It will happen for you in the end.
>:C That's when I say hey numb nuts watch who you're calling her.
Or more politely, excuse me, I'm a guy.
Honestly she must have been an idiot because you are in no way not passing anymore. I would never mistake you for not being a bio guy, especially with your voice at it's level now. In my experience, cashiers pay as little attention to the customer as they can possibly muster without being fired, so don't take it personally.
From what I can see, I would totally see you as a male. I personally think you pass.
You know what dude, I would have totally knocked their lights out. Or, at least wanted to. Really, really, really badly, lmfao. And you know what, who are they to think that anyway? I know a small handful of biological male friends that sound like they're 13, so that cashier should bite his tongue next time. :P
That really sounds like a punch in the gut. I don't see how you could possibly not pass, but I suppose even bio guys get that sometimes. Keep correcting people and eventually those experiences will fade away.
I came to this thread ready to commiserate, but then I saw who posted this and thought, "Wait, this happened to Elijah? How?!"
Like everyone else has been saying, you totally pass. The cashier just wasn't paying attention--don't feel too bad about it.
thanks everyone.. maybe it was because I was wearn a big hoodie.. which can be gender neutral
You look more masculine than feminine if your avatar picture is anything to go by. Assuming you have the attitude to match your looks, I find it odd that you would have too much trouble passing.
Quote from: phoenixflorida on December 22, 2010, 10:42:48 PM
I came to this thread ready to commiserate, but then I saw who posted this and thought, "Wait, this happened to Elijah? How?!"
This. I'm sorry to hear that you still have to deal with this, but I can't think that you'll get it at all after a bit longer on T. From what I've seen, you look and sound great. Sometimes people just screw up.
Is it possible the casher recognized you from pre-transition?
Quote from: Elijah on December 22, 2010, 10:44:24 PM
thanks everyone.. maybe it was because I was wearn a big hoodie.. which can be gender neutral
This could be the case. I'm pre-T and don't think I pass half as well as you, but I've passed 100% of the time since I got my hair cut except for when I was wearing a hoodie during a trip to CVS. The cashier called me "ma'am" and I couldn't figure it out. (Well, it was either that or "man," because he was mumbling...I'm pretty sure it was ma'am, though) Now that you say you were ma'amed while wearing a hoodie I think this theory makes sense
Hi Elijah,
When I was about your age (and wish I was again) as a bio male I would regularly picked as female, again I wish I was now :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:. Lots of stories of guys with long hair being called Miss. Particularly when they could not be seen face on. I had hair down to my waist and wearing jeans and a T waiting at a bus stop I'd be asked 'Excuse me miss what time is the next bus?' Totally innocently.
Wearing a hoody so no one can see your features, people are totally working sub-consciously on body shape and body language. Young guys have a very obvious body language, it is very open, dominant, rude, don't give a s**t and I am immortal.
In the girls area we often talk about attitude and presentation, not sure if it comes up with the guys. But it would be very worthwhile studying how guys your age act in public. A bio guy I would have pulled down the hood and said ' Who the F**k are you calling a girl, in an aggressive mode'. And made the guy back down, which he would, the consequences are a fight, and neither know what each are carrying, and seldom care.
Life is very complicated for both of our genders, a lot of our sex identity was brainwashed into us before we found our gender.
Sorry if that has been a ramble .
I think we all know that insult and it stings like hell.
Cindy
Im sorry dude! Today i was at starbucks with my friend and the girl who works there goes "what can i get for you sir?" i gave her my order and she asked for my name to write on the cup. i stupidly gave her my female name, i dont know why! and when we were leaving she made sure to say very loudly "have a nice day LADIES." i felt like everyone was looking at me and it was quite embarrassing. i agree with the others that i cant see you anything other than male, so dont let it get to you. youll be passing 100% of the time very soon.
Quote from: Nikolai_S on December 22, 2010, 09:58:38 PM
That really sounds like a punch in the gut. I don't see how you could possibly not pass, but I suppose even bio guys get that sometimes. Keep correcting people and eventually those experiences will fade away.
LOL...yeah. I remember when i was a boy..pre transition. I was 16 and for 3 weeks my substitute teacher thought i was a girl, i was trying so hard to be "tough" and be a "man". so my classmates wont tease me for being "gay". I remember he asked a question in class and when i volunteered the answer he would go: "and did everybody hear what
she said?"
OMG i wanted to shrink up in my seat and die. I got teased hardcore after that.
There were several more incidents of that happening in college, where i would try very hard to 'pass' as a guy just so i wont get teased by other guys. so yes it does happen even to bio males...it just..happens.
Just remember that it's only temporary. In a few months time it will be a total non issue, you won't even worry about passing.
A lot of it has to do with how you feel about yourself, too. I remember one time I was at a restaurant. I was wearing normal guy clothes. I hadn't even shaved my facial hair. But emotionally I was projecting as female, although nobody seemed to notice. When the waitress came to the table, she correctly addressed me as ma'am before she had taken a good look at me. However, it was only me and her who noticed. I think everyone else at the table thought she said "man"
It's not all about physical appearance. If you don't truly feel masculine, some people will pick up on that intuitively.
Man I'm sorry they are nuts to think you don't pass. I agree with someone else who said they probably just weren't paying attention. I've seen 6' muscle guys being called ma'am in the past due to the cashier just not really thinking. Sorry though :( I would imagine after everything you've gone through to get T it has to suck.
I remember one day when I was working on the register at my old job, and we weren't really that busy, but for some reason I can't remember I was a little flustered and hurried, and I wanted to finish puting a couple of customers through so I could get back to whatever business it was. Seeing them come up the entrance walkway at a glance, I went back to fumbling around and asked 'So that's one adult, and one child?' and a woman's voice said, 'I'm not a child!' and I looked up and to my horror it was just a normal couple!
I don't know how it happened, but I'd somehow in my haste mistaken that poor woman for a child! A little, tiny girl! It was ridiculous and I apologised profusely and everything was fine, but my point is, cashiers are hurried, and they see so many faces come through every day, that when taking a look at a person, they don't even really see them. I'm sure it was the same for you.
And hey, that's when you go 'I'm not a girl', and they'll apologise and learn from their mistake, goodness knows I did!
Just refer to them as their wrong gender when they gender you falsely. Should make the point.
Don't let it get to you, I work in a big place too, I see mistakes like this happen and I'm guilty of them too when I'm in a hurry.
Especially when my shift is ending, everyone starts to look the same rofl.
You look like a bioguy, so next time take a breath and correct them, the'll be all 'dude, I'm sorry' X]
Quote from: michaeljay on December 23, 2010, 01:50:58 AM
Im sorry dude! Today i was at starbucks with my friend and the girl who works there goes "what can i get for you sir?" i gave her my order and she asked for my name to write on the cup. i stupidly gave her my female name, i dont know why! and when we were leaving she made sure to say very loudly "have a nice day LADIES." i felt like everyone was looking at me and it was quite embarrassing. i agree with the others that i cant see you anything other than male, so dont let it get to you. youll be passing 100% of the time very soon.
If you think about it, it makes sense. I mean if you pass as male and then assert yourself as female (even by mistakenly giving a female name) whoever read you as male is going to feel bad about it. She thinks she needs to make you feel better about it and point it out to everyone else in case they were thinking the same thing. So, she says LADIES quite loudly. I know it doesn't feel any better but she thought she was doing you a favor.
Ya your right, it does make sense. I need to work on my confidence a little bit more. Some days i wake up with so much confidence, and those days i usually pass really well. The days that i feel less confident i guess i give myself away more :-\
Unfortunately we're our own worst enemy when it comes to passing. And it's when you try the most that it gets shoved in your face. Even if you had a week's worth of beard stubble it's possible to be mis-gendered. It has happened to me a few times when the cashier just wasn't paying attention.
I'm a cashier and I accidentally used male pronouns with a woman once. It was just a slip of the tongue. I was trying to get her attention, since she walked off before I could give her the receipt. She didn't respond to the hey sir, so I'm not sure they heard it, but I felt bad. It may have just been a mistake. I know at the store I work at, you have so much going on all the time, it can be hard to really think about what you are doing. Pretty much just on auto pilot trying to survive to your next 15 minute break.
Quote from: KillBelle on December 23, 2010, 01:55:39 AM
LOL...yeah. I remember when i was a boy..pre transition. I was 16 and for 3 weeks my substitute teacher thought i was a girl, i was trying so hard to be "tough" and be a "man". so my classmates wont tease me for being "gay". I remember he asked a question in class and when i volunteered the answer he would go: "and did everybody hear what she said?"
OMG i wanted to shrink up in my seat and die. I got teased hardcore after that.
There were several more incidents of that happening in college, where i would try very hard to 'pass' as a guy just so i wont get teased by other guys. so yes it does happen even to bio males...it just..happens.
I had something like that happen to me. Only one girl sitting across from me noticed that the teacher called me he though. She looked mortified for me. Just by looking at your avatar, I couldn't picture you as a guy KillBelle.
Totally feel ya bro. It's to be expected pre T but once you start T you actually begin to feel like a real man and having society not see you as that is frustrating. Everybody said I looked like a guy after being on T for awhile but yet I still didn't pass every once in awhile and I tell you what those one or two people who call you she totally cancel out all the ones that call you he. It took me up til the 5 month mark to completely pass and now 8 months on T I have no issue, so hang in there man you will get there.
Ok and has anyone experiencied this?
You're walking alone to one place, you pass to the 100% of the people. Then you come back with a female friend, and everyone call you "she". Going alone=man, going with other boys= man, going with a girl (who could be your gf)=woman? what kind of understanding has the people in general?
This has been happening to me and it's really annoying, you can feel like a king, then someone calls you a she, then your day turns into ->-bleeped-<-.
PS: Hey Austin I just love the way you look on your avatar! so cool!
Quote from: Elijah on December 22, 2010, 10:44:24 PM
thanks everyone.. maybe it was because I was wearn a big hoodie.. which can be gender neutral
I think the thing about hoodies is that yes, they are gender neutral. However, they can also make your neck look small which is a feminine trait. At least that's how it works for me. When I wear a hoodie, I have to wear a shirt under that has a tighter neck so that my neck doesn't look to feminine.
Does that make sense?
Quote from: Mr.Hyde on January 07, 2011, 04:36:28 AM
Ok and has anyone experiencied this?
You're walking alone to one place, you pass to the 100% of the people. Then you come back with a female friend, and everyone call you "she". Going alone=man, going with other boys= man, going with a girl (who could be your gf)=woman? what kind of understanding has the people in general?
This has been happening to me and it's really annoying, you can feel like a king, then someone calls you a she, then your day turns into ->-bleeped-<-.
The company you keep affects how people view you.
The way two girls walk and talk to each other, or even just walk, is different from how a boy and a girl walk with each other, whether or not they are girlfriend. Body language, distance, contact, etc. - it is ALL different. You may pass just fine alone, but the subtle implications of how you and your female friends present may make you seem more like a girl, even if you are not talking to or touching your friend.