Today, I realized transition is what I want. What I REALLY want. Something changed inside me. I'm not sure what. But I have to work on passing, making an appointment to go see my therapist, and start transitioning. However I am worried. I don't know what the future will bring. My family may stop talking to me. The person who I thought was my best friend may stop talking to me. I am almost sure my dad's girlfriend WILL support me. She seems like a very...I'm not sure what the word is..I'll just say accepting and supportive person. She's helped me and my dad out in so many other ways. I have hopes that she may support me through this and convince my dad somehow to support me as well. I am still worried. I don't have a job yet (one of my goals to get one by the end of summer 2011). But it's just so much to think about at one time. I am also upset about it, I feel like I am "killing" my female self. I wish it weren't like that. ANyone else have similar worries/feeling about their transition?
PS- I have not come out to anyone yet and have considered coming out to my transgendered cousin in the hopes that she may understand where I'm coming from.
I think you should definitely talk to your cousin. How has the family taken her being trans? She may be able to get people to back you up and help you come out to your parents.
Coming out is scary because you really don't know how people will react. But they may surprise you. You don't have to tell everyone at once, either. Start with someone you trust to keep it secret until you're ready to have everyone know.
I had these same concerns and fears- except killing the female part of me. We all get concerned about how people will react, what they think, if they're supportive or not. The future- what may or may not happen- is very scary because it's unknown. It can become very overwhelming. Heck, it sometimes is still overwhelming for me. There's alot to think about and plan.
What I did is take it one step at a time. I did prepare and think about farther steps but focused on what had to be done first. You sound like you're doing that by focusing on passing and making a therapist appointment. I worked with my psychologist alot on working and planning each step. Do your research and ask others what they did. That's what we're here for.
I was very fearful and overwhelmed too, but everything's worked out good for me so far. :) Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith.
I didn't worry that I was killing my female self--it wasn't who I was--but I did worry about how people would take it. Mainly my partner, since I was not in touch with my family. My colleagues were fine with it, and my few friends were, as well. But they already knew I was trans. They knew it when they met me. I really didn't have any friends from before...except one I never saw, and she must have known because I did have a male name and years earlier, before I took that name, I told her to tell her kids I was Uncle Girlname. Riiight.
The only one who mattered was my partner. I knew that if we broke up, everything would change, so I worried about him no end. I had no certainty about what the future would bring, but I was terrified of it. For a long time, I couldn't live one day at a time; one day was too much. So I lived by the hour or even the quarter hour. Heck, sometimes minute to minute.
I can say this: if you have just a couple of people who support you, that makes a huge difference.
It's nice that you have a trans cousin too. Hopefully your family is now more knowledgeable for it.
Quote from: Sylvester on December 30, 2010, 09:14:36 PM
I think you should definitely talk to your cousin. How has the family taken her being trans? She may be able to get people to back you up and help you come out to your parents.
Coming out is scary because you really don't know how people will react. But they may surprise you. You don't have to tell everyone at once, either. Start with someone you trust to keep it secret until you're ready to have everyone know.
It's sort of funny because her case is the opposite. She's MtF and it's like her male mind switched with mine or something and after a while I started to have desires to be male. My mom's side of the family. It's hard to say. Most of them are too shocked to have an opinion on it. Though I saw a couple of my cousins just a week ago, and we were talking about her, and they claim they still love her and support her. So I don't know. My dad's side. I have no idea. They are pretty strict so I'm assuming they would not take it well.