Okay so I'm pretty much full time. Like I wear makeup everyday, I'm seen as female by people I don't know. When I meet someone it's Hi I'm Britney. But no one I know calls me Britney or she. I usually don't mind unless they say something to a stranger that will give me away which always happens but I just feel so stupid trying to present as female, how I have always felt, and nobody even sees me. I just feel like no one takes into consideration how I feel. I understand my sisters because my parents don't support me, it's a sticky situation at home, but my bestie doesn't/can't do it. I've talked to her a few times about it and she said she tries but she doesn't realize it and she doesn't feel like she's talking about me when she say's she/Britney. Even though she knows I'm a girl. :( I don't know how much longer I can do this, it makes me feel so stupid. :(
This is just the beginning, you need to give them time to sort out the confusion. It will take at least a year before they'll actually let it sink in that you are a girl. Don't force it too much, just let them get used to the new you and everything else will follow.
Are you on HRT yet?
Quote from: KillBelle on December 31, 2010, 07:42:26 PM
This is just the beginning, you need to give them time to sort out the confusion. It will take at least a year before they'll actually let it sink in that you are a girl. Don't force it too much, just let them get used to the new you and everything else will follow.
Are you on HRT yet?
I've been on hormones for 3 months today. But looking at you I don't see the point lol. :(
Dear Britney
You present female well, in fact I would like to submit that you are female already. One of the constant and saddest issues I seem to be learning is that people in general judge your gender by the genitals.
Now parents and close friends, lovers etc from your life before beginning Transition may find it hard or even impossible to get over the hurdle of pronouns for quite sometime when we start. But we can hope that eventually they do find it in themselves to re evaluate the difficulty of simply saying her, Miss, or your female name.
The way I would judge your passing is how strangers perceive you how you are taken and excepted as female outside of your home.
Also a quote for you to remember is. "To thine own self be true" William Shakespeare. Inside yourself you know you are a woman. So be a woman shine bright and don't let a pronoun get you down. Either your friends and loved ones will get past it or they won't.
But you know who you are what you are.
Hugs
Simone
Quote from: Simone V on December 31, 2010, 07:48:34 PM
Dear Britney
You present female well, in fact I would like to submit that you are female already. One of the constant and saddest issues I seem to be learning is that people in general judge your gender by the genitals.
Now parents and close friends, lovers etc from your life before beginning Transition may find it hard or even impossible to get over the hurdle of pronouns for quite sometime when we start. But we can hope that eventually they do find it in themselves to re evaluate the difficulty of simply saying her, Miss, or your female name.
The way I would judge your passing is how strangers perceive you how you are taken and excepted as female outside of your home.
Also a quote for you to remember is. "To thine own self be true" William Shakespeare. Inside yourself you know you are a woman. So be a woman shine bright and don't let a pronoun get you down. Either your friends and loved ones will get past it or they won't.
But you know who you are what you are.
Hugs
Simone
omg thank you. I'm gonna cry haha. I still just feel kinda stupid being around people and I'm trying and trying and it's like no one sees me. :(
Girl i've been on hormones for over 5 years, and i will honestly tell you that it will be hard- but it will be SO much fun as well. But you have the canvas, you are young, you are pretty, you have your whole life (and your 20s) ahead of you so dont let some misconceptions get you down. Live life as a girl now, go do girly things, dance around your bedroom in your panties, dress like a victoria's secret model, sing in the shower at the top of your lungs, wear the sexiest skankiest cocktail dress, do it and do it proud.
If you sit around brooding and worry about the small stuff you will forget your reasons for transitioning in the first place, which is...to have fun and be YOURSELF. once you are comfortable in your own skin, everyone else will follow. Trust me you will do well...dont underestimate the hormones + age girl. Youve got it made!!!
Hey you, the thing is, for a long time the people who were close to you pre transition will struggle to come to terms with how you're changing in front of them. Even the most supportive people will find things hard and slip up. Don't let things like this get you down...it does get better. It'll take a bit of time but eventually people will find it hard to not call you Britney.
Hell, I went back to my parents for less that 3 days over christmas and by the end of it they were finding it hard to use my old name and male pronouns...they even said this.
You're blinking gorgeous hun, and practically full time already, just take the plunge and go for it. :)
my last hair cut I shaved it all off.
So I will have to wait for a longtime before I get the chance to look as natural as you do Britney.
I was the self punishing sort not in a cutting way or drastic like that. But I typically didn't care much for myself or my looks as a man. Each time I looked in the mirror I saw a man and it was simply bleh. I had one mirror in the house that was in my washroom. Only because I needed it.
Since coming out to myself and others I have 2 mirrors in my bedroom 1 on the bathroom one on the back of my front door.
When I dress I love to check myself. I am not on HRT yet but I can see that inside is a woman is dieing to get out. So knowing that and knowing that inside I am a woman. Makes things better.
I hope you find it better as well. After all 3 months ago, 6 months ago. a year ago Etc. Were you happier then you are now? I doubt it somehow, I know I wasn't.
Hugs Simone
I've noticed it is the friends and family who see us more often that have the most trouble seeing the changes. New people take us at face value. I get mam'ed in boy mode sometimes, but not one of the people I have known the longest have made even the smallest mention about any changes in my appearance. They have trouble seeing it. Looking at the pictures you have posted, I would never call you anything but she or Britney.
Quote from: KillBelle on December 31, 2010, 07:59:44 PM
Girl i've been on hormones for over 5 years, and i will honestly tell you that it will be hard- but it will be SO much fun as well. But you have the canvas, you are young, you are pretty, you have your whole life (and your 20s) ahead of you so dont let some misconceptions get you down. Live life as a girl now, go do girly things, dance around your bedroom in your panties, dress like a victoria's secret model, sing in the shower at the top of your lungs, wear the sexiest skankiest cocktail dress, do it and do it proud.
If you sit around brooding and worry about the small stuff you will forget your reasons for transitioning in the first place, which is...to have fun and be YOURSELF. once you are comfortable in your own skin, everyone else will follow. Trust me you will do well...dont underestimate the hormones + age girl. Youve got it made!!!
Thanks a bunch. :) I know I'm doing this for all the right reasons. I just need to get my head around things sometimes.
Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:04:35 PM
Hey you, the thing is, for a long time the people who were close to you pre transition will struggle to come to terms with how you're changing in front of them. Even the most supportive people will find things hard and slip up. Don't let things like this get you down...it does get better. It'll take a bit of time but eventually people will find it hard to not call you Britney.
Hell, I went back to my parents for less that 3 days over christmas and by the end of it they were finding it hard to use my old name and male pronouns...they even said this.
You're blinking gorgeous hun, and practically full time already, just take the plunge and go for it. :)
Wanna trade parents? :( I know it takes time, but I just feel stupid wearing makeup and trying to get the world to see the girl that's been hidden my whole life, but then people that I know and love act like nothings happening. I just feel kinda weird.
Quote from: Simone V on December 31, 2010, 08:04:45 PM
my last hair cut I shaved it all off.
So I will have to wait for a longtime before I get the chance to look as natural as you do Britney.
I was the self punishing sort not in a cutting way or drastic like that. But I typically didn't care much for myself or my looks as a man. Each time I looked in the mirror I saw a man and it was simply bleh. I had one mirror in the house that was in my washroom. Only because I needed it.
Since coming out to myself and others I have 2 mirrors in my bedroom 1 on the bathroom one on the back of my front door.
When I dress I love to check myself. I am not on HRT yet but I can see that inside is a woman is dieing to get out. So knowing that and knowing that inside I am a woman. Makes things better.
I hope you find it better as well. After all 3 months ago, 6 months ago. a year ago Etc. Were you happier then you are now? I doubt it somehow, I know I wasn't.
Hugs Simone
I'm happier than I have ever been, even my best friend will tell you that. This is all worth it.
Maybe I should explain, I'm kinda in a rough patch with my best friend right now, and I'm supposed to be going to her house for new years eve. I went over earlier and got my script (her dad buys it for me cheap) and came home so she could get ready or something. I just realized how many people are going to see me and call me michael and I couldn't bare the thought of walking into her house with a full face of makeup, these stupid earrings and my little boobs and wanting, dying for them not to call me Michael. I came home and washed my face off and it took all I had to not take my earrings out cuz they aren't healed yet. I don't know why I'm in such a down mood, maybe because of the stuff with my friend. It'll all work out I guess.
What should I do if say I'm out with her, dressed female etc and she suddenly calls me Michael or he? Happens about everytime we go out. She just outed me to whoever heard us. It's scary and makes me feel crappy. :(
Quote from: Melody on December 31, 2010, 08:06:54 PM
I've noticed it is the friends and family who see us more often that have the most trouble seeing the changes. New people take us at face value. I get mam'ed in boy mode sometimes, but not one of the people I have known the longest have made even the smallest mention about any changes in my appearance. They have trouble seeing it. Looking at the pictures you have posted, I would never call you anything but she or Britney.
Thanks Melody. Sounds like we're in the same boat together. <3
So far out of the amazing amount of IRL friends I have(thats 4), only one has accepted me and correctly used pronouns and name. The others looked at me weird or just kind of ignored what I said and pretty much gave me the most awkward feeling I've felt in the longest time. So you're not alone Britney, I offer you my support and *hugs.* Look forward to this new year as being a GREAT YEAR!!!
Quote from: Rini on December 31, 2010, 08:14:19 PM
So far out of the amazing amount of IRL friends I have(thats 4), only one has accepted me and correctly used pronouns and name. The others looked at me weird or just kind of ignored what I said and pretty much gave me the most awkward feeling I've felt in the longest time. So you're not alone Britney, I offer you my support and *hugs.* Look forward to this new year as being a GREAT YEAR!!!
I have been trying to see it that way all day but I just feel like this year is going to SUCK. But I know it won't. By the end of it I'll have been on hormones for 15 months.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 08:12:56 PM
Wanna trade parents? :( I know it takes time, but I just feel stupid wearing makeup and trying to get the world to see the girl that's been hidden my whole life, but then people that I know and love act like nothings happening. I just feel kinda weird.
Maybe I should explain, I'm kinda in a rough patch with my best friend right now, and I'm supposed to be going to her house for new years eve. I went over earlier and got my script (her dad buys it for me cheap) and came home so she could get ready or something. I just realized how many people are going to see me and call me michael and I couldn't bare the thought of walking into her house with a full face of makeup, these stupid earrings and my little boobs and wanting, dying for them not to call me Michael. I came home and washed my face off and it took all I had to not take my earrings out cuz they aren't healed yet. I don't know why I'm in such a down mood, maybe because of the stuff with my friend. It'll all work out I guess.
Hey hun...hugs. What you should do is take a leaf from punk and not give a flying f*** what other people think. it's not easy, you will get teary more than once (trust me, i know), but just stick two lovingly manicured and nail varnished fingers up at the bits of the world that don't get it and say "This is who I am, and I will
not apologise for being me!" cos dammit I can't see anything male in you.
now give me a high five and i'll save some of this bottle of wine i'm drinking for you.
Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:23:28 PM
Hey hun...hugs. What you should do is take a leaf from punk and not give a flying f*** what other people think. it's not easy, you will get teary more than once (trust me, i know), but just stick two lovingly manicured and nail varnished fingers up at the bits of the world that don't get it and say "This is who I am, and I will not apologise for being me!" cos dammit I can't see anything male in you.
now give me a high five and i'll save some of this bottle of wine i'm drinking for you.
Now I'm crying. :') I don't know what I'd do without everyone at susans. And some wine sounds amazing right now.
i'm in the same predicament. for the most part, i present myself the way i want to (female.) even though i may look feminine in appearance, personality, mannerisms, etc etc, people who already know me still think of me as a male. there's a certain bias people have with gender, and that's why i think the two gender system just needs to be erased, and judge people each individually. that's why this is such an obstacle, and the reason why we have to give a five paragraph essay to every single person who knew us before. they measure us against the male gender pyramid, but why do we need to live up to this gender system. can't we just be individuals? unfortunately, explaining it to people is quite necessary if we can hope for them to treat us as the way we want to be treated in this world.
Quote from: xxUltraModLadyxx on December 31, 2010, 08:30:32 PM
i'm in the same predicament. for the most part, i present myself the way i want to (female.) even though i may look feminine in appearance, personality, mannerisms, etc etc, people who already know me still think of me as a male. there's a certain bias people have with gender, and that's why i think the two gender system just needs to be erased, and judge people each individually. that's why this is such an obstacle, and the reason why we have to give a five paragraph essay to every single person who knew us before. they measure us against the male gender pyramid, but why do we need to live up to this gender system. can't we just be individuals? unfortunately, explaining it to people is quite necessary if we can hope for them to treat us as the way we want to be treated in this world.
:( I agree <3
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 08:27:12 PM
Now I'm crying. :') I don't know what I'd do without everyone at susans. And some wine sounds amazing right now.
hope red's ok...i've got some cider in the fridge as well and some mean home made cherry vodka in the cupboard :)
Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:23:28 PM
Hey hun...hugs. What you should do is take a leaf from punk and not give a flying f*** what other people think. it's not easy, you will get teary more than once (trust me, i know), but just stick two lovingly manicured and nail varnished fingers up at the bits of the world that don't get it and say "This is who I am, and I will not apologise for being me!" cos dammit I can't see anything male in you.
now give me a high five and i'll save some of this bottle of wine i'm drinking for you.
What a brilliant IDEA! A bottle of wine long stem glasses a good movie and the company of people that are in the same shoes.
Where when?
by the way Hellena even your depressed pictures are cute. I object! from now on you must stay below 9.5 on the cutness scale of 1-10!
Britney Seems like you have all the support you need right here, plus you are going to a group meeting Monday?
With a start like that you can't have a bad year. :)
Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:37:26 PM
hope red's ok...i've got some cider in the fridge as well and some mean home made cherry vodka in the cupboard :)
I'll take whatever can get me drunk. Preferably a cosmo but I'm not picky. :)
Quote from: Simone V on December 31, 2010, 08:39:26 PM
What a brilliant IDEA! A bottle of wine long stem glasses a good movie and the company of people that are in the same shoes.
Where when?
by the way Hellena even your depressed pictures are cute. I object! from now on you must stay below 9.5 on the cutness scale of 1-10!
Britney Seems like you have all the support you need right here, plus you are going to a group meeting Monday?
With a start like that you can't have a bad year. :)
Well it's an intake session or whatever. Not really sure but after that I'll be able to go to the monthly meetings. I'm scared as hell but I know it'll be amazing in the long run. :)
Quote from: Simone V on December 31, 2010, 08:39:26 PM
by the way Hellena even your depressed pictures are cute. I object! from now on you must stay below 9.5 on the cutness scale of 1-10!
Janet actually thinks I'm far too cute to be human...little does she know she's right, I'm actually from the Planet Kawaii in the outer spiral of the galaxy...we're actually fourth rock out from our binary sun system. we invented japan and hello kitty to soften up the planet for imminent cutification. Actually, by the standards back on Kawaii I am actual consider hideously plain and normal...i went through a rigorous de-cutefying program so that i could blend in and complete my scouting mission. the problem is i have become some what partial to the truth serum you call red wine. In order for me not to be punished in the most terrible ways you must forget you've ever read this.
but yeah, Britney, in the end we transition for ourselves, not for other people...don't let other peoples definitions of you cage your happiness. Just remember who i more fake.
Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:50:48 PM
Janet actually thinks I'm far too cute to be human...little does she know she's right, I'm actually from the Planet Kawaii in the outer spiral of the galaxy...we're actually fourth rock out from our binary sun system. we invented japan and hello kitty to soften up the planet for imminent cutification. Actually, by the standards back on Kawaii I am actual consider hideously plain and normal...i went through a rigorous de-cutefying program so that i could blend in and complete my scouting mission. the problem is i have become some what partial to the truth serum you call red wine. In order for me not to be punished in the most terrible ways you must forget you've ever read this.
Forgotten but you have to share the wine!
Quote from: Simone V on December 31, 2010, 08:53:35 PM
Forgotten but you have to share the wine!
:icon_drunk:
Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:50:48 PM
but yeah, Britney, in the end we transition for ourselves, not for other people...don't let other peoples definitions of you cage your happiness. Just remember who i more fake.
I know. :)
Now that we're run the full Gambit.
Are you going to the party Britney? Or is it to late already?
Also have you ever noticed just how strongly the sisterly feelings grow among us? We come from all over the world, Every walk of life, every race and social class. But our situation draws us together in a form of unity that we can't find else where.
It's a beautiful thing, a gift from like minded people who are all reaching out to each other for support and friendship.
Love you all
Simone.
I connect better with the FTM''s to be honest. lmao
Simone I don't think I am. I'm in a really ->-bleeped-<-ty mood anyways and she hasn't texted me or anything. I'm tired of this. So I don't know what I'll do. I want to be with her but I don't want to be around a bunch of people, especially if they are all going to call me you know what.
And KillBelle...is Belle your name? I don't know your name so I'll use your username. I kinda feel like i do too. like I have a few friends that I text a lot that I've met online, here and other places, but like I don't have really any close mtf friends lol. I have a few close ftm friends though. But hey can you blame me? I just really like boys lol.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 09:22:52 PM
Simone I don't think I am. I'm in a really ->-bleeped-<-ty mood anyways and she hasn't texted me or anything. I'm tired of this. So I don't know what I'll do. I want to be with her but I don't want to be around a bunch of people, especially if they are all going to call me you know what.
And KillBelle...is Belle your name? I don't know your name so I'll use your username. I kinda feel like i do too. like I have a few friends that I text a lot that I've met online, here and other places, but like I don't have really any close mtf friends lol. I have a few close ftm friends though. But hey can you blame me? I just really like boys lol.
Girl, i am the exact same way haha. I dont have any trans friends period (which is why i am on here), most of my friends are guys because i am into "guy" activities most of the time anyway. And boys tell you how it is, they don't hold back and give you the roundabout, which is nice =]
Yea i know how you feel. my family still calls me he and it catches my eye EVERY TIME lol! But i try to look at it this way.....im going to use this to make me stonger. Because when they say he and call me by my birth name its like an insult...but i use it to make me stronger and to help me block out it or anything thats an insult it life. lol
Quote from: KillBelle on December 31, 2010, 09:08:25 PM
I connect better with the FTM''s to be honest. lmao
Likewise; my ratio of trans guy friends to trans women friends is about 8:1.
Quote from: KillBelle on December 31, 2010, 09:26:59 PM
Girl, i am the exact same way haha. I dont have any trans friends period (which is why i am on here), most of my friends are guys because i am into "guy" activities most of the time anyway. And boys tell you how it is, they don't hold back and give you the roundabout, which is nice =]
Well I've only had like 2 male friends in real life, all the guy friends I have now are either gay trans or both lol. Which doesn't matter, still boys all the same I just don't get to hang out with them in rl. :( Boys just never liked me I guess.
But if boys really do tell you how it is, I need to get some boy friends. I'm so sick of asking if something's wrong and getting no no excuses excuses when I know it's bull.
Quote from: RoseBlossom on December 31, 2010, 09:30:35 PM
Yea i know how you feel. my family still calls me he and it catches my eye EVERY TIME lol! But i try to look at it this way.....im going to use this to make me stonger. Because when they say he and call me by my birth name its like an insult...but i use it to make me stronger and to help me block out it or anything thats an insult it life. lol
That's a great way to look at it. :)
Well, it sucks when your friends say they "know you're a girl" but have a hard time with using "she." A lot of times people may "know" something in their head, but they don't really know it, fully and totally. That takes a while. I knew I was trans for years, and told people I preferred to be called "he" for a long time until my roommate and best friend, who is the first person to really "get it" started to enforce for me that I should be called "he." He really helped me see I needed to drop some balls, ahem excuse the pun, and let people know that's the correct way for people to refer to me and reinforcement forces people more quickly to realize it fully. Honestly, I think he got tired of me looking away and down every time close friends, and even my boyfriend, would call me "she," I mean he is the one who has to live with it :p Some people still don't get it, but some others have been turning around, and I can tell you those who do make you feel pretty great.
Hang in there
Quote from: JosephKT on December 31, 2010, 11:11:02 PM
Well, it sucks when your friends say they "know you're a girl" but have a hard time with using "she." A lot of times people may "know" something in their head, but they don't really know it, fully and totally. That takes a while. I knew I was trans for years, and told people I preferred to be called "he" for a long time until my roommate and best friend, who is the first person to really "get it" started to enforce for me that I should be called "he." He really helped me see I needed to drop some balls, ahem excuse the pun, and let people know that's the correct way for people to refer to me and reinforcement forces people more quickly to realize it fully. Honestly, I think he got tired of me looking away and down every time close friends, and even my boyfriend, would call me "she," I mean he is the one who has to live with it :p Some people still don't get it, but some others have been turning around, and I can tell you those who do make you feel pretty great.
Hang in there
Will do sir. :) Sounds like it gets better? *shrugs* I'll live.
Happy new year Britney !! About the boy thing, remember before I "remet" Michael, I had many unsuccessful dates with guys that rejected me because they couldnt handle that I was born male. You have to give it time, youre not even 21. Believe me, your day will come , when it is, I dont know. But it will come. I already see you blossoming into a beautiful woman, already a huge diffrence, from your pics from when you were known as Andthenwekiss !! :)
QuoteWhat should I do if say I'm out with her, dressed female etc and she suddenly calls me Michael or he? Happens about everytime we go out. She just outed me to whoever heard us. It's scary and makes me feel crappy. :(
"Who you talking to?" would be a good reply.
The time will come,(and from your pics it will be soon) when they will get the strange looks because you obviously don't look like a guy.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 01, 2011, 01:06:31 AM
"Who you talking to?" would be a good reply.
The time will come,(and from your pics it will be soon) when they will get the strange looks because you obviously don't look like a guy.
Point especially about that one, you really need to let her know how big of a deal that one is. People who are now directly involved often forget how problematic it can be for does of us who do deal with this, the possible violence we may encounter. She really needs to know how serious this is to you.
Quote from: Angela Foureira Komninou on January 01, 2011, 12:42:15 AM
Happy new year Britney !! About the boy thing, remember before I "remet" Michael, I had many unsuccessful dates with guys that rejected me because they couldnt handle that I was born male. You have to give it time, youre not even 21. Believe me, your day will come , when it is, I dont know. But it will come. I already see you blossoming into a beautiful woman, already a huge diffrence, from your pics from when you were known as Andthenwekiss !! :)
Guys aren't even interested enough to reject me. :( I don't want to get my hopes up over boys again. I just try not to think about them. Happy new years sis and thanks! :D
Quote from: LordKAT on January 01, 2011, 01:06:31 AM
"Who you talking to?" would be a good reply.
The time will come,(and from your pics it will be soon) when they will get the strange looks because you obviously don't look like a guy.
That's a good one. I think I'm gonna stop going out as Britney for a while. Maybe I'm just moving to fast. Idk.
Quote from: JosephKT on January 01, 2011, 02:31:28 AM
Point especially about that one, you really need to let her know how big of a deal that one is. People who are now directly involved often forget how problematic it can be for does of us who do deal with this, the possible violence we may encounter. She really needs to know how serious this is to you.
I don't live in a very lgbt friendly area and while I'm not ashamed/hiding the fact that I'm trans, I don't want it blurted out to the whole restaurant or store. I could be put in a lot of danger. :(
I live is a fairly LGBTQ friendly neighborhood, but once my boyfriend and a couple of his friends from the suburbs decided to go hang out at a different area. We drove around a while, and then came across a sports bar. The kind with nothing but wrestling, boxing and football playing and guys with beers in their trucks hanging outside of the bar windows to watch the game. Even passing as a guy, I look pretty gay, if not super metro. In short this was not a place i should hang out if I valued my safety, and despite me saying I wasn't okay with going in my boyfriend and his friends insisted it was "fine." After some arguing we just went home early, and my boyfriend just couldn't understand why I was okay with using the men's bathroom in a city movie theater, and not be in a bar. I then told him pretty much "Do I need to be the next Brendon Teena before you realize how serious this is?" And it came out, he had never even heard of hate crimes against trans individuals before... he's really sheltered.
Point, even if your friends care, sometimes they seriously don't know. You need to educate does most important around you so that you can protect yourself.
Quote from: JosephKT on January 01, 2011, 04:22:45 AM
I live is a fairly LGBTQ friendly neighborhood, but once my boyfriend and a couple of his friends from the suburbs decided to go hang out at a different area. We drove around a while, and then came across a sports bar. The kind with nothing but wrestling, boxing and football playing and guys with beers in their trucks hanging outside of the bar windows to watch the game. Even passing as a guy, I look pretty gay, if not super metro. In short this was not a place i should hang out if I valued my safety, and despite me saying I wasn't okay with going in my boyfriend and his friends insisted it was "fine." After some arguing we just went home early, and my boyfriend just couldn't understand why I was okay with using the men's bathroom in a city movie theater, and not be in a bar. I then told him pretty much "Do I need to be the next Brendon Teena before you realize how serious this is?" And it came out, he had never even heard of hate crimes against trans individuals before... he's really sheltered.
Point, even if your friends care, sometimes they seriously don't know. You need to educate does most important around you so that you can protect yourself.
I've decided not to go out as Britney any more. I don't think it's time. I mean if I can't trust people to call me she, I shouldn't play with my safety and blame them when they mess up.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 01, 2011, 04:13:02 AM
That's a good one. I think I'm gonna stop going out as Britney for a while. Maybe I'm just moving to fast. Idk.
Taking stock of your situation is always a good thing...but...don't let other people dictate the pace to you, just move at a pace you're comfortable with. I've said it before but you definitely do not need to apologise to anyone for being you, besides, i think you'd have the same thing happen as I did during the run up to going full time...when i was pretending to be a guy I got more odd looks, comments and generally just felt 100 times more obvious and awkward than when i was being myself, because I wasn't fooling anyone.
As to your friend...she's your best friend for a reason, but she also needs to understand how you feel...go for a cup of coffee or something and talk to her. Because she's you're best friend she'll hopefully understand and she'll respect your wishes. obviously with pre-transition friends there is a period of adjustment where they have to come to terms with things, but all we really want is for people to make an effort. But yeah, talk to her, bawl your eyes out if you have to, but try and get her to open up to you and to understand.
Finally, though I believe that ditching pre-transition friends just because they knew you from before is a bit cold, if she won't be honest with you after you've been honest with her, maybe it's time to make some new friends.
Britney, don't capitulate or the rest of your life you will be told that you aren't really TS because you stopped and went back to being a boy.
Stick it out and as necessary modify your social circles. It isn't easy.
Quote from: lilacwoman on January 01, 2011, 05:13:03 AM
Britney, don't capitulate or the rest of your life you will be told that you aren't really TS because you stopped and went back to being a boy.
Stick it out and as necessary modify your social circles. It isn't easy.
I have to say I fully agree with Lilac.
You need to stick it out girl. People will get it wrong from time to time, but you mustn't let that put you off. Remember you are doing this for YOU and not for them. You are doing this because this is who you ARE not because you want their approval.
If they don't get it then walk away and find somewhere else to play but don't stop being YOU just because a few ignorant arses don't get it.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 07:50:14 PMI still just feel kinda stupid being around people and I'm trying and trying and it's like no one sees me. :(
It's not you dear, it's them.
I celebrated christmas with a close friend and with her sister whom I hadn't seen since 20 years. Although my friend never told me that she doesn't see me as female I can tell that she is struggling because she keeps saying 'he' and when she calls me by my female name it always feels as if she is acting it a bit. I can also always tell when someone speaks to me like I'm a male or female and she speaks to me like I'm a male, or like I'm a trans (without realising that the female is already in me).
Anyway, we had a nice christmas day with the three of us and after a while my friends' sister mentions that she can hardly see anything male about me and that she would feel akward to call me by my old name etc. (I already knew that that's how she felt because she spoke to me like I'm female). While she is saying that I look at my friends face and see that she is probable thinking that she cannot believe what her sister just told me. I don't think I ever saw her eyes bigger before.. But I could also see that she was happy for me. The rest of the day my friend kept saying 'he' and I could tell that her sister was uncomfortable with that. I wouldn't be surprised if she afterwards told my friend (her sister) that it's not okay to call me a he.
I think that pretty much says it all. It doesn't have anything to do with how you look/behave/speak etc. People you're close to just have a hard time making the switch in their minds. It took me a while to figure out that it's them and not me (or you). Now that I know that, their opion on my femininity has become much less important to me. What's funny but also almost a bit sad is that it seems to occur more and more that others (people I'm not close to, people I just meet, etc.) are now in fact correcting my friends. I can see how that makes them feel silly..
Anyway I feel the same as you do. I'm trying to swallow all the he's from friends and family and I wonder how much longer I can take this. It's getting weirder every day, up to the point where I feel that they're litterally not even talking to me anymore but to something they thought I was. It simply doesn't work. I will give them time as long as I can cope with being a 'he' to them, but I am already anticipating to take a distance for some period of time from whomever it is necessary. I don't think an actual distance will make me feel more lonely than this does..
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 08:12:56 PMI know it takes time, but I just feel stupid wearing makeup and trying to get the world to see the girl that's been hidden my whole life, but then people that I know and love act like nothings happening. I just feel kinda weird.
I feel exactly the same. It makes me feel stupid too. Sometimes it's almost like friends are waiting for something to happen, and when nothing happens (in their eyes) they're like 'Okay, then I can still treat HIM the way I always did.'
Last year I tried to share some feelings I had about transitioning with a friend and her response was 'WHAT is the problem? NOTHING has happened yet!'. She meant that I wasn't on hormones yet (I am now) and I didn't have surgery yet (still haven't) but she also meant (without saying it) that she did not view me as female at all and I am 100% sure that she didn't believe that anyone else viewed me as female too. If only she knew what had already happened at that time and if only she knew how others viewed me.. Every time I tried to share my feelings and experiences with her it made me feel like I was insane. Like I saw things that weren't there. I'm just so happy that others/strangers now seem to start correcting my friends. I wasn't so crazy after all, they were just blind.
I agree with a lot of what's been said, esp Joseph. So if you'll pardon me poking my FTM head in this thread...
...I had a similar situation with one of my best friends who has known me since I was 10 years old. She just kept butchering name and esp pronouns in public at first.
What I found helpful was having a serious conversation about how no one wakes up one day magically using the right pronouns (or name), just as no one wakes up one day fully transitioned with everything taken care of (clothing, voice, hair, let alone hormones or other medical stuff!). If she is waiting to just "get it right" at some point, that's not going to happen. There is no special pronoun/name fairy that will visit her, just like there is no MTF fairy that will visit you overnight, just like no one learns a new language by hoping they could speak it.
She has to TRY to use the right pronoun and name and she has to REMEMBER to keep TRYING at first. That's what you need to ask of her in a calm, but serious, manner. Recognize and tell her that it is hard for her, and you KNOW it is hard. But makes sure she understands that you have to "TRY" everyday is various ways to be seen as who you are, and it IS hard. It's hard for you, it's hard for her, it's hard for everyone. The way I phrased it in the early going is, "If I spend so much of my time and energy getting people to see who I really am on the inside, could you respect me enough to *try* to do these things that both respect who I am AND protect my safety? You can let her know that it is common to slip up and you are not asking for perfection. All you are asking for is an effort, and that your friendship - and safety - really depends on that effort.
The other part that I think is important to get to - after the trying - is the safety. I think we try to sugarcoat being trans for the people closest to us. We don't want them to worry and when we can be seen as we truly are, we ARE happier than ever. There is a disconnect with just how much discrimination and how dangerous it can be, and I think we all downplay that latter part to not worry our family and friends, wihch leads them to not take things about safety as seriously as they should. I think it's reasonable to point out that she is inadvertently jeopardizing your safety, and you would hate to have to choose not to spend time with her, because of your wholly rational fears about your health.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 09:22:52 PM
Simone I don't think I am. I'm in a really ->-bleeped-<-ty mood anyways and she hasn't texted me or anything. I'm tired of this. So I don't know what I'll do. I want to be with her but I don't want to be around a bunch of people, especially if they are all going to call me you know what.
Maybe it's time to find some new friends who accept you for who you are, instead of trying to make you into someone you are not comfortable being. After all, friends should never do that to each other. Your friends should respect your decisions and wishes, despite their own opinions and beliefs.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 01, 2011, 04:42:45 AM
I've decided not to go out as Britney any more. I don't think it's time. I mean if I can't trust people to call me she, I shouldn't play with my safety and blame them when they mess up.
Totally your own decision. However, personally I'm not the type of person to allow others to dictate how I live my life. If you feel that you're personally not ready for daily interactions with you presenting as a female on a 24/7 basis, that's one thing... but to allow the opinions, ideals, beliefs, and judgements of others (friends or not) to shape your life and how you live it? Please reconsider. Life is to short to be unhappy. Really it is.
Also someone once told me transitioning is one of the most selfish things you'll ever do in life. You need to do it for
YOU. Not for anyone else. Many times this will cause a lot of conflict, confusion, and indecision as people by nature like to please their family and friends. We are social creatures. And such acts of selfishness, somewhat go against this nature. However, you must do what you feel is right for you, and what makes you happy. Only you are living your life. Not anyone else.
First of all I don't know how I'm going to respond to all your replies, but I will. :) And Second of all this thread got way off topic, when really it just started out as me not knowing how to deal with being full time when no one calls you the correct things. I'm full time but it's scary awkward embarrassing etc when I go out with someone and they are referring to me as he/Michael.
Quote from: Helena on January 01, 2011, 04:49:04 AM
Taking stock of your situation is always a good thing...but...don't let other people dictate the pace to you, just move at a pace you're comfortable with. I've said it before but you definitely do not need to apologise to anyone for being you, besides, i think you'd have the same thing happen as I did during the run up to going full time...when i was pretending to be a guy I got more odd looks, comments and generally just felt 100 times more obvious and awkward than when i was being myself, because I wasn't fooling anyone.
As to your friend...she's your best friend for a reason, but she also needs to understand how you feel...go for a cup of coffee or something and talk to her. Because she's you're best friend she'll hopefully understand and she'll respect your wishes. obviously with pre-transition friends there is a period of adjustment where they have to come to terms with things, but all we really want is for people to make an effort. But yeah, talk to her, bawl your eyes out if you have to, but try and get her to open up to you and to understand.
Finally, though I believe that ditching pre-transition friends just because they knew you from before is a bit cold, if she won't be honest with you after you've been honest with her, maybe it's time to make some new friends.
I don't like that idea either. I honestly don't think I could just walk away from her, she's my best friend and I don't want to. However I'm going to try and meet more people and if they are more supportive, who I hang around will probably change. I have some thinking to do. On one hand I feel as though I'm going at a good pace, about two months in I'm full time and passing 98% of the time, but on the other hand I feel like it's clear I haven't given my loved ones enough time to catch up. I don't know though. Stopping full time is kinda like de transition of a sort isn't it? :( Maybe I will just say ->-bleeped-<- it. Like you said :)
Quote from: lilacwoman on January 01, 2011, 05:13:03 AM
Britney, don't capitulate or the rest of your life you will be told that you aren't really TS because you stopped and went back to being a boy.
Stick it out and as necessary modify your social circles. It isn't easy.
The friend I'm talking about is the only friend I hang out with on a regular basis and I'd even go as far as saying she's my only friend. The rest of my high school friends and college friends either ditched me or stabbed me in the back. I'm constantly trying to make new friends though so it's fine :D
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 01, 2011, 05:30:19 AM
I have to say I fully agree with Lilac.
You need to stick it out girl. People will get it wrong from time to time, but you mustn't let that put you off. Remember you are doing this for YOU and not for them. You are doing this because this is who you ARE not because you want their approval.
If they don't get it then walk away and find somewhere else to play but don't stop being YOU just because a few ignorant arses don't get it.
You're right Jenny. I used to despise my appearance but now I'm liking it more and more, so I'm not going to stop. I can't. For my mental health. I can't risk it.
Quote from: Riannah on January 01, 2011, 07:31:26 AM
It's not you dear, it's them.
I celebrated christmas with a close friend and with her sister whom I hadn't seen since 20 years. Although my friend never told me that she doesn't see me as female I can tell that she is struggling because she keeps saying 'he' and when she calls me by my female name it always feels as if she is acting it a bit. I can also always tell when someone speaks to me like I'm a male or female and she speaks to me like I'm a male, or like I'm a trans (without realising that the female is already in me).
Anyway, we had a nice christmas day with the three of us and after a while my friends' sister mentions that she can hardly see anything male about me and that she would feel akward to call me by my old name etc. (I already knew that that's how she felt because she spoke to me like I'm female). While she is saying that I look at my friends face and see that she is probable thinking that she cannot believe what her sister just told me. I don't think I ever saw her eyes bigger before.. But I could also see that she was happy for me. The rest of the day my friend kept saying 'he' and I could tell that her sister was uncomfortable with that. I wouldn't be surprised if she afterwards told my friend (her sister) that it's not okay to call me a he.
I think that pretty much says it all. It doesn't have anything to do with how you look/behave/speak etc. People you're close to just have a hard time making the switch in their minds. It took me a while to figure out that it's them and not me (or you). Now that I know that, their opion on my femininity has become much less important to me. What's funny but also almost a bit sad is that it seems to occur more and more that others (people I'm not close to, people I just meet, etc.) are now in fact correcting my friends. I can see how that makes them feel silly..
Anyway I feel the same as you do. I'm trying to swallow all the he's from friends and family and I wonder how much longer I can take this. It's getting weirder every day, up to the point where I feel that they're litterally not even talking to me anymore but to something they thought I was. It simply doesn't work. I will give them time as long as I can cope with being a 'he' to them, but I am already anticipating to take a distance for some period of time from whomever it is necessary. I don't think an actual distance will make me feel more lonely than this does..
What sucks about my family is I don't think the he's will ever stop. My parents do not support me and I don't think they ever will. :( But I'm happy for you, maybe you should hang out with your friends sister haha.
Quote from: Riannah on January 01, 2011, 08:15:20 AM
I feel exactly the same. It makes me feel stupid too. Sometimes it's almost like friends are waiting for something to happen, and when nothing happens (in their eyes) they're like 'Okay, then I can still treat HIM the way I always did.'
Last year I tried to share some feelings I had about transitioning with a friend and her response was 'WHAT is the problem? NOTHING has happened yet!'. She meant that I wasn't on hormones yet (I am now) and I didn't have surgery yet (still haven't) but she also meant (without saying it) that she did not view me as female at all and I am 100% sure that she didn't believe that anyone else viewed me as female too. If only she knew what had already happened at that time and if only she knew how others viewed me.. Every time I tried to share my feelings and experiences with her it made me feel like I was insane. Like I saw things that weren't there. I'm just so happy that others/strangers now seem to start correcting my friends. I wasn't so crazy after all, they were just blind.
:(
Quote from: Sean on January 01, 2011, 08:18:23 AM
I agree with a lot of what's been said, esp Joseph. So if you'll pardon me poking my FTM head in this thread...
...I had a similar situation with one of my best friends who has known me since I was 10 years old. She just kept butchering name and esp pronouns in public at first.
What I found helpful was having a serious conversation about how no one wakes up one day magically using the right pronouns (or name), just as no one wakes up one day fully transitioned with everything taken care of (clothing, voice, hair, let alone hormones or other medical stuff!). If she is waiting to just "get it right" at some point, that's not going to happen. There is no special pronoun/name fairy that will visit her, just like there is no MTF fairy that will visit you overnight, just like no one learns a new language by hoping they could speak it.
She has to TRY to use the right pronoun and name and she has to REMEMBER to keep TRYING at first. That's what you need to ask of her in a calm, but serious, manner. Recognize and tell her that it is hard for her, and you KNOW it is hard. But makes sure she understands that you have to "TRY" everyday is various ways to be seen as who you are, and it IS hard. It's hard for you, it's hard for her, it's hard for everyone. The way I phrased it in the early going is, "If I spend so much of my time and energy getting people to see who I really am on the inside, could you respect me enough to *try* to do these things that both respect who I am AND protect my safety? You can let her know that it is common to slip up and you are not asking for perfection. All you are asking for is an effort, and that your friendship - and safety - really depends on that effort.
The other part that I think is important to get to - after the trying - is the safety. I think we try to sugarcoat being trans for the people closest to us. We don't want them to worry and when we can be seen as we truly are, we ARE happier than ever. There is a disconnect with just how much discrimination and how dangerous it can be, and I think we all downplay that latter part to not worry our family and friends, wihch leads them to not take things about safety as seriously as they should. I think it's reasonable to point out that she is inadvertently jeopardizing your safety, and you would hate to have to choose not to spend time with her, because of your wholly rational fears about your health.
You're right. We're going to dinner tonight (I HAVEN'T SEEN HER ALL YEAR...lol) And I think I will bring these things up. The last time she slipped up and said he, she said she didn't even notice. :( And what makes me think she'll never get it is, she doesn't feel like she's talking about me when she says Britney or she. :(
Quote from: JennX on January 01, 2011, 10:13:59 AM
Maybe it's time to find some new friends who accept you for who you are, instead of trying to make you into someone you are not comfortable being. After all, friends should never do that to each other. Your friends should respect your decisions and wishes, despite their own opinions and beliefs.
Well I believe she accepts me as Britney. I don't know what's going on though. :(
Quote from: JennX on January 01, 2011, 10:13:59 AM
Totally your own decision. However, personally I'm not the type of person to allow others to dictate how I live my life. If you feel that you're personally not ready for daily interactions with you presenting as a female on a 24/7 basis, that's one thing... but to allow the opinions, ideals, beliefs, and judgements of others (friends or not) to shape your life and how you live it? Please reconsider. Life is to short to be unhappy. Really it is.
Also someone once told me transitioning is one of the most selfish things you'll ever do in life. You need to do it for YOU. Not for anyone else. Many times this will cause a lot of conflict, confusion, and indecision as people by nature like to please their family and friends. We are social creatures. And such acts of selfishness, somewhat go against this nature. However, you must do what you feel is right for you, and what makes you happy. Only you are living your life. Not anyone else.
That makes a lot of sense, the last part. And the reason I'm considering stopping f/t right now is for my safety. If people can't call me she or Britney, I don't want to be in danger. But after all these posts I don't think I can let anything stop me. Danger or not. But I don't really care anymore. I want to be me.
As someone who started and stopped multiple times and had very nonsupporting parents in the meantime, just know it can get better. It took my parents nearly 4 years to really come around.
Now I know this next bit of advice isn't going to be popular around here, but here it goes... Don't force it. If you've got other issues you need to take care of, take care of them! How are you set financially? How about school? How about socially? Transition isn't going to be a magic bullet that fixes everything. I was on hormones for about 5 months the first time and was stopped. It sucked, but in the long run I'm probably better off for it.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 01, 2011, 01:15:17 PM
Stopping full time is kinda like de transition of a sort isn't it? :( Maybe I will just say ->-bleeped-<- it. Like you said :)
That really depends on why you want to hold fire on going full time. if you think things through and feel that you want to take things a bit slower, then no it isn't. move at a pace you feel happy with...don't let anyone (and that includes us at susans) pressure you into transitioning either faster or slower than you feel comfortable with.
Quote from: Helena on January 01, 2011, 04:34:20 PM
That really depends on why you want to hold fire on going full time. if you think things through and feel that you want to take things a bit slower, then no it isn't. move at a pace you feel happy with...don't let anyone (and that includes us at susans) pressure you into transitioning either faster or slower than you feel comfortable with.
You're right. What I'm going to do is just forget about the term "full time" and just live my life. If wearing makeup and straightening my hair makes me happy, that is what I will do.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 01, 2011, 05:03:12 PM
You're right. What I'm going to do is just forget about the term "full time" and just live my life. If wearing makeup and straightening my hair makes me happy, that is what I will do.
Considering your overall situation this may be the best route for now, especially considering in a short while you may have the opportunity to get away from your certain community and somewhere better for you. But hey, after a little while you may change your mind again, and just remember that's totally fine.
Britney Darling I had an epiphany Concerning your friend unintentionally saying him or Michel in public and humiliating you. It's called the NERF Gun!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F416aXwa2grL._SL500_AA300_.jpg&hash=d99691d33e01f59829d2e70f0ee7ea9b340691e3)
Go with her, visit her and love the heck out of her, be friendly be yourself and every time she mucks up shoot her and laugh! If she has any humor at all she will laugh too and eventually she will get the point!
:icon_2gun:
Hugs Simone
Quote from: Simone V on January 01, 2011, 06:18:04 PM
Britney Darling I had an epiphany Concerning your friend unintentionally saying him or Michel in public and humiliating you. It's called the NERF Gun!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F416aXwa2grL._SL500_AA300_.jpg&hash=d99691d33e01f59829d2e70f0ee7ea9b340691e3)
Go with her, visit her and love the heck out of her, be friendly be yourself and every time she mucks up shoot her and laugh! If she has any humor at all she will laugh too and eventually she will get the point!
:icon_2gun:
Hugs Simone
haha man I can only imagine.
I had to get you laughing and smiling again Britney and I think that last post worked.
Laughter cures most ill's. Live - love - laugh. For those times when it's impossible and you need to cry. We have big shoulders here at Susan's, some of us have meaty shoulders as well :P
Quote from: Simone V on January 01, 2011, 06:29:48 PM
I had to get you laughing and smiling again Britney and I think that last post worked.
Laughter cures most ill's. Live - love - laugh. For those times when it's impossible and you need to cry. We have big shoulders here at Susan's, some of us have meaty shoulders as well :P
Thanks Simone! <3
IMO, if your friends cannot gender you correctly or use the correct name, find better friends. :)
Quote from: Vexing on January 01, 2011, 06:58:21 PM
IMO, if your friends cannot gender you correctly or use the correct name, find better friends. :)
That's what I'm afraid might end up happening. But it's only been 6 months since I came out and decided to transition and 3 months since I've been on hormones and like 1 month since I started slightly looking like a girl. *shrugs*
How to be full time when no one calls you the right thing? Simple, give it time.
I didn't go full time right away. I told my therapist I refused to go full time until hormones gave me a reasonable chance of passing. I didn't push the pronouns until a good six months after starting HRT but I had been out for two years before that. It's one thing for friends to see you and think "He want's to be a girl and I'm okay with that." It's quite another for them to think "How unfortunate it was that she had to live as a boy for so long. I'm glad we finally get to see who she really is." I think most people never get past the first line of thinking. They work on it and remember to use the right name and pronouns after a while but occasionally they'll still slip up.
I guess what I'm trying to say, which is pretty much what everyone else said, is you know who you are and at the end of the day you have to do what works for you.
Quote from: Maddie Secutura on January 01, 2011, 11:34:39 PM
How to be full time when no one calls you the right thing? Simple, give it time.
I didn't go full time right away. I told my therapist I refused to go full time until hormones gave me a reasonable chance of passing. I didn't push the pronouns until a good six months after starting HRT but I had been out for two years before that. It's one thing for friends to see you and think "He want's to be a girl and I'm okay with that." It's quite another for them to think "How unfortunate it was that she had to live as a boy for so long. I'm glad we finally get to see who she really is." I think most people never get past the first line of thinking. They work on it and remember to use the right name and pronouns after a while but occasionally they'll still slip up.
I guess what I'm trying to say, which is pretty much what everyone else said, is you know who you are and at the end of the day you have to do what works for you.
You're right. It's just tough sometimes, but I have to keep doing what makes me happy.
Thank you <3
quote: 'like 1 month since I started looking slightly like a girl' Hmmm! Lovely Britney needs a new mirror. LOL
Quote from: lilacwoman on January 02, 2011, 06:36:27 AM
quote: 'like 1 month since I started looking slightly like a girl' Hmmm! Lovely Britney needs a new mirror. LOL
Aww thank you <3
Quote from: Simone V on January 01, 2011, 06:18:04 PM
Britney Darling I had an epiphany Concerning your friend unintentionally saying him or Michel in public and humiliating you. It's called the NERF Gun!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F416aXwa2grL._SL500_AA300_.jpg&hash=d99691d33e01f59829d2e70f0ee7ea9b340691e3)
Go with her, visit her and love the heck out of her, be friendly be yourself and every time she mucks up shoot her and laugh! If she has any humor at all she will laugh too and eventually she will get the point!
:icon_2gun:
Hugs Simone
i don't think i can tell you how many of those i've gotten for christmas in my childhood. that and legos. funny enough as it is, my first cousin is a tomboy. she liked those kinds of toys over the girly things like barbie dolls and dollhouses. so, i traded with her alot.