My mom has done this to me so many times! >:( I pass to everyone, but when someone says "he" or referring to me as a male my mom will immediatly correct them. A few months ago I was outside of a grocery store and I was putting the groceries in our taxi, my mom was ready to take the cart back when the driver (she was a woman) said "its ok, he can take it back". Immediatly my mom says "She's a girl" and then the driver appoligized. Today i was on the bus with my mom, this lady sat in front of us and began to talk to my mom and me. She asked my mom "is this your boy?" and my mom said again "shes a girl" and the lady said "oh i'm sorry, alot of girls have long hair today haha" then she topped it off with "shes very pretty" >:( my god i felt like punching her and my mom. I told my mom when we got off the bus that she shouldve went along with what the lady said. and my mom told me "well, you are a girl. i'm not going to lie the that woman." I swear this is the last time i am going anywhere with my mom. not until she can understand that i'm her son and i'm a *he*. whenever she talks to someone around me she has to emphasize *she* every chance she gets. It drives me insane. Does any of your mothers do this?? its so frusterating.....
You know what I have found on my parents list of ftm kids is getting them a reason in public tends to help parents make the adjustment in public.
I know several of the parents on the list changed when their sons said "You know when you correct folks and call me a she you put me in danger." Explaining that you are living your life as a male and using male restrooms and such and if she insists on addressing you as a female it could case you to get beat up. That she puts you in danger not necessarily from that person but from anyone else who can hear. My son said that to his grandmother whom he was caring for and having to take to the hospital multiple times in a week and she got it. She never addressed him by his male name or called him by male pronouns at home -- she was totally opposed to it all -- however, she could understand that it could put him in danger in public.
That is just my suggestion. You could show her the movie "Boys don't Cry" to really strike home the point.
Although myself I am transgender it's still hard to see your kid go through it. You want them to have the easy road to be safe. But the reality is if you are seen as a male you are less likely to be sexually assualted or attacked.
Robs right that is what worked to explain it to my grandparents. When I told me mom that though she used it as another bad point to me being trans but she used correct pronouns anyways. Explain that it really upsets you. Explain it's how you feel it's what you are so you aren't lying. I'm sorry man, I hope she changes her ways.
While my mother works hard to correct herself when she slips, my fiancee's mother makes a point to loudly declare that I'm female wherever we go in public. Reasoning has failed so yes, I can relate to the feelings of frustrations.
My father do this all the time. When someone says 'his, is this your son?' he always answer with a big and loud 'my daughter'. It freaks me out. One more reason for me not going to live back with him again.
My aunt, sometimes also corrects people, but only if she knows the person. If is someone random, she just gets mad at me and start complain to me about that!
You could show her the movie "Boys don't Cry" to really strike home the point.
Not to draw too fine a point to it but BDC was really more about two-strike felons being accused of their third strike felony, and meth. Lot's of meth.
When you use a shotgun on a baby, it's about a lot more then gender.
Same here, man. I never know what to do about it, but Rob brings up a great point, so I will try telling that to my mom.
By the way, it wasn't the old lady's fault for calling you pretty, she was probably just trying to overcompensate. Cis people generally don't appreciate being mistaken for the opposite sex, so when they misgender others, they want to apologize and therefore go way overboard in doing so. I mean, it sucks to hear that sort of thing anyway (one of my friends told me, "You still look kind of feminine even with short hair..." and, come on, that's totally not what I want to hear, and besides, give me a break, I'm pre-T)...but yeah, just some food for thought.
My mom did this. It was awful. I felt so embarrassed/upset after I just wanted to scream.
I didn't pass very much and the one time I did, she ruined it. Or that's how I felt about it at least.
Thanks guys :) I know its not just my mom XD She just has a hard time letting go of her "daughter" its super frusterating but, i guess i can understand haha @Rob thanks for that advice! i shall definitly tell my mom that :) I hope it works haha
If your mom is speaking for you, it doesn't sound like she respects you as an adult. Tell her to say nothing and that you will use your own voice. If she fails to do this, don't go out with her anymore.
I don't see my mom much, but it happened once. She waited until we were out of ear shot to say anything.
Mom: That girl thought you were a guy....
Me: And?
Mom: Aren't you embarrassed by that?
Me: No.
Mom: How aren't you?
Me: You know why I'm not. Do we really need to have this conversation again?
Mom: I'm embarrassed for you.
Me: That's your problem isn't it?
Mom: You don't think you're being selfish?
Me: You wanting me to live a miserable existence because you're embarrassed isn't selfish?
Then she went on a long rant about her irrational fear of losing custody of my little sister, because I'm trans.
Quotemy mom told me "well, you are a girl. i'm not going to lie the that woman."
That excuse works in both directions. You may also find that you can't lie to people either about your mother's private business.
She'll soon get the idea about personal business.
I often wish there was a "like" button you could click on, like on FB...because I would click "LIKE" for John's answer!!
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, the thumb's up icon?
Hehehee sounds like the story of my life. Mom's stopped correcting people finally, though uses she and blah blah blah herself. And I haven't been out with dad recently so I have no idea.
It's annoying, but.. I'll live with it - for now. I know mom doesn't do it out of spite or aggression. Once I start growing a beard and such.. they're just going to look stupid when they do it.
Quote from: Tad on January 06, 2011, 01:29:36 AM
Once I start growing a beard and such.. they're just going to look stupid when they do it.
this is what ive told at least three relatives who say they can't possibly call me by my male name
My moms the same way. And she makes sure to put an emphasis on her, keisha, she...drives me insane...as if we have never had any discussion at all about all of this....hang in bud!!!
Its the same for me :embarrassed: The other day I had to drop something of to my mom at her work, and of course she has to yell to everyone, "This is my daughter Sophia." Like seriously, I was passing before that and people did the same thing, "oh, shes beautiful" to make up for the fact that they thought I was a boy. So annoying.
It is funny when Roxy and I go out and someone says, "Hi ladies." I still have the corrective rise inside; that I have to tell to relax and settle down it's o.k. now. Roxy is a lady. I don't know why it persists. Just a funny reflex I guess. Ha ha.
Sorry that is happening to you. >:(
Hugs.
Patty