I'm already out to my grandma who took it reasonably well. I talk to them about once a week. I know she's probably already told him but any time I go to bring it up he says "I'll love you no matter what even if I don't agree with your choices (we've disagreed about things such as me being in my daughters life while my ex was still in the picture because he didn't want me to get hurt. So I don't know if he's talking about that maybe) but we'll talk about it in May when I see you".
Problem with that is I'm on T now. My voice is already starting to deepen. Not much but enough that it will clearly be obvious long before May. I just know I need to tell him soon to explain my voice changing but I keep getting sidetracked. I'm not afraid of telling him just afraid of finally getting him to listen and saying it wrong because of being so annoyed trying to get him to listen! I thought about talking to my grandma about it but I try to make a point of not talking about it every time we talk.
Suggestions?
Hi Andrew,
I think this may be an ideal time not to tell him at all. As your voice deepens ,( lucky for you guys, our voices don't change >:( on HRT,) then he will realise something is changeing, then he will bring it up, or he will ask your grandma. I know there will be different opinions, but I've come to not pushing my changes into everyones life. That sounds rude and I don't mean it that way ::), rather I'm getting on with my life and letting others accept me or not. I don't want to keep telling people 'Oh by the way I'm changing my sex' I'm coming around to the idea of people asking me; "Are you changing sex?" Not sure if I've made my point or just confused stuff (as usual).
BTW you are looking damn good
Cindy
Well thank ya Cindy ;D You are looking really beautiful yourself, I love the new pic :)
I think that is a good idea and I totally understand where you are coming from. It's one that I will consider and it's what I'm pretty much doing for everyone else I haven't told. Though part of me feels like "Okay everyone else in my family knows am I seriously going to let him side-step every serious conversation I have?!" I have to edit conversations, hear him asking me how his girl is doing, and hear my legal name brought up constantly. I would think it was a trans thing but he's always done it. The other thing is that it's getting uncomfortable to talk to him :-\ I love him but the constant she, female, granddaughter stuff makes me really dysphoric. Sorry, please don't think that I am not being rude asking for advice and not taking it. It's great advice just not such I'm sure is the way to go when it specifically comes to him.
Quote from: CindyJames on January 07, 2011, 01:35:58 AM
I think this may be an ideal time not to tell him at all.
I was thinking the exact same thing. Sometimes older people find it more comfortable to ignore things - and the less information the better. An MTF friend of mine is eight years post op and transitioned 15 years ago, but her parents still call her by her male name and refer to her as man - they totally ignore the fact that everyone calls her Penny* and 'she' - even when she's sitting right in front of them looking 110% female.
Some people have very small paradigms in which they operate and will simply never be able to expand their world view - especially when they are old. You need to judge whether or not it's worth bothering to try with your grandpa or just bite the bullet and deal with it until he shuffles off this mortal coil.
*Name changed to protect the innocent :)
My immediate family and some extended family know but not all of them. I rarely see most of my family and don't talk much with my extended family because we live far apart. So, telling some of my family has not been a big priority.
The tricky ones will be my grandparents. My parents and I aren't really sure how to handle this yet. My maternal grandfather is very ill, has gone blind and is mostly deaf. So, actually physically telling him anything is difficult. My maternal grandmother has Alzheimer's so we're not sure how much she would understand or comprehend. As you can see those grandparents are a tricky case.
However, my paternal grandmother is healthy and sharp. The problem is if anybody she would take it the worst and be most unaccepting. She was the family member most vehement about my "tomboyness" as a teenager. If anything she did everything possible to make me a "girl". So, there was much fighting, arguing and rebelling with her.
Maybe now that she's older (in her 80's) she's more mellowed out now? She told me over Christmas that she realizes she doesn't have many more years left so wants to fully enjoy what she's got. This new mentality might help because isn't that what we all really strive for? To enjoy life as our true genders- our true selves?
Anyway, my family's still not really sure on when we should tell her. She did tell my stepmom that when I talked to her over the phone on Christmas I sounded like I had a really, really bad cold. :D So yeah, I know what you mean about T making obvious voice changes.
Vexing- I'm sorry to hear about your friend having to go through that. If he still does that after I tell him I'll probably talk to him a little less but otherwise nothing will really change because I don't see him but maybe a few days once a year. I think I wanna give telling him a shot and then see whether he's still stuck on his morals vs. making me feel comfortable.
Radar- I'm sorry about your grandparents man :( My grandma acted similar to your paternal grandma. Always trying to get me to wear girls clothes and do girls activities. We used to argue constantly. Even after I came out to her and she came to my place on vacation she still corrected everyone. Now though she is working on it. She's 60 so I think she realizes she just wants to be able to spend time with me. I hope the same will be the case with your grandmother.