Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Hannah on January 08, 2011, 01:33:36 PM

Title: Explaining Transexuality
Post by: Hannah on January 08, 2011, 01:33:36 PM
Just a couple of hours ago I came out to my dad and sister (my mom and brother were there and they already knew), and while they took it pretty well, they're supportive, I couldn't totally explain what it was like being a transexual. I explained the whole body/mind mismatch going way back to when I was a kid; but as far as they're concerned there is something wrong with my head, my therapist is also wrong and I need to see someone else for a second opinion.

I can still remember what it felt like to have my thoughts wander; to fantasize about getting married, having kids as a woman, watching them grow up. Basically living the life that I, and every other one of us, should of had. But I would always have to come back to the painful reality, the realization that that would never happen, and I would shake it off in denial like those thoughts were never there. It was looking back on all of this when I realized just how much I needed to transition, and I haven't really doubted it since.

After the weight of that denial had been lifted I was ready to deal with the dysphoria. At this point I had mentally dealt with who I was and everything that comes along with being trans. Since that point however I've had a hard time trying to explain this to others (including my therapist sometimes), and as I've said my family. I don't have any doubts as to whether I'm trans or not, but in trying to express this to others I just end up contradicting and confusing myself.

How do you gals deal with trying to explain transexuality to others? I just don't know sometimes whether it's me or them who's not getting it.
Title: Re: Explaining Transexuality
Post by: azSam on January 08, 2011, 01:52:09 PM
I'm a girl who was born with a penis. Simple. Some of my friends see it as a type of being intersexed. Because if you really think about it, it sort of makes sense. The body/mind mismatch is really not a whole lot different from any other type of intersexed condition.

But when people ask, and I don't really feel like answer. I just say it very straight forward, "It's like trying to force yourself to live as a boy, and to be a boy, when you're actually a girl."
Title: Re: Explaining Transexuality
Post by: Colleen Ireland on January 08, 2011, 02:00:37 PM
Hey, Hannah...

As you're discovering, this is one of the hardest things about being Trans.  It's really hard for others to get their mind around.  One advantage you have right now, you've been through Gender Journeys.  Fall back on what you learned there.  You know and I know that your therapist is not wrong, and you don't need a second opinion.  But you will have to stand up for yourself.  Especially with your dad.  That will be hard.  But the thing to do is, simply stand your ground.  Don't argue, and do your best to explain by giving examples, but just be immovable on the topic, and also point out that you aren't crazy, you are in fact very well-adjusted, it's just that you have this issue to deal with.  I wish you the best with this.  Just be patient, and realize this is going to take some time.
Title: Re: Explaining Transexuality
Post by: Rock_chick on January 08, 2011, 02:03:02 PM
It can be quite hard to get people to disconnect their innate sense of self from their physical sex...kind of like it is really hard for us to understand what it's like to live comfortably in the gender we were assigned at birth.

I've found using the analogy of being a brain floating in a jar but still alive and still you to be quite helpful, as it tries to get people to disconnect with their physical bodies...and once they've done that you just ask them if they'd know if they were a man or a woman (obviously depends on who their asking). Hopefully they'll give a very definite yes as an answer (i.e. that they would know without any physical tells that the were a man or a woman), then ask them how they'd know.

Hopefully it will be enough to get them thinking.
Title: Re: Explaining Transexuality
Post by: juliemac on January 09, 2011, 06:25:05 AM
There are no TWO things alone in this universe. Hot/cold, light/dark, there is a million degrees between the two, the same goes for gender. (Thats a pet peeve, the distinction between sex and gender in the media....)

What is it like?
In life there are 2 streams of people, male and female, both on a long (for some) walk on a fairly level path parrallel to each other. We on the other hand walk between them.
(MtF) The male on the left is higher than female and our path is broken and uneven, gravity draws us to the female. It can be a struggle to remain walking with the guys, but eventually we dip down to the female, then back up to the male.
Its exhausting and depressing not to fit in, a struggle daily. GID is our gravity in this scenario.
Some can continue on this path, others cannot. I found I could not.

As for myself, I am doing better now that I realised I am  different and seperate from the others on the same path. I no longer follow the rocky course with its ups and downs, but set my self on a cleaner, more even path. That path still has its ups and downs, but its my path.

This is how I explained it to my brothers. Close your eyes. See your self as you are, how you interact with the world. Now open your (menta)l eyes and look down at your body to see your spouses body. Change your perception as to how you would  interact  with the world. If you are a male, react as a female and visa versa. Do this every day, develop habits to overcome the "inappropriate" behaviours.

GID just generally sucks in our society.

Title: Re: Explaining Transexuality
Post by: justmeinoz on January 09, 2011, 06:32:30 AM
I haven't had to explain it to any male friends yet but for car enthusiasts  I like the analogy of a hotted up VL model Holden Commodore.

It was a Holden except for a Nissan engine, so you would expect trouble trying to fix the engine with the previous model's shop manual.  With the right Nissan bits though it went like a rocket .