Patty (my wife aka Mrs Erocse ) has always had a strong opinion and was never afraid to voice it (in a nice way). At gatherings it was not uncommon to find her leading a political discussion . I never had a problem with this, as she usually spoke for the both of us. Even though our views sometimes differed. Her opinions were not always political she will defend anything or anyone that she feels is not getting a fair shake. God forbid someone should criticize one of her children or her spouse. For this I have always been grateful. I don't mean to give the wrong impression here. Patty is a soft spoken , kind and loving person. It's just that when she believes in something or someone, well she truly believes and therefore will come to their defense if need be. Especially for those that can't or have trouble defending themselves.
In just a few short months she has learned what a transsexual , ->-bleeped-<-, cross-dresserr androgynous, mtf and ftm person is. It didn't take long for her to recognize that these people needed her help. It was not just me she was concerned with anymore. She saw the traumatic struggle that these people have to deal with on a day to day basis. She was able to experience it with me first hand in our life together. There was so much sadness for the many people here on Susan's and all over the world . Just trying to survive in a world they have been born to. She has become "the protector of everything transgender". I am quite impressed. Often times when a situation arises and we need to explain my ->-bleeped-<- to someone . I think she does a better job at explaining the situation then I do. When I see her explain the difficulties that we, as transgendered people have. I sometimes think she is more emotionally effected by the injustices then I am. I sometimes wonder where she is going to take this. She is not one to jump into things , only to give them up after the novelty wears off.
Allot of people here at Susan's have experienced firsthand Patty's compassionate demeanor, as I have. I also have seen so many very nice people here at Susan's show, in return so much love and appreciation. It is because of this "love and appreciation" that Patty has established a bond here. So to those "very nice people here at Susan's", I want to say, thank you. After all, it is not just the transgender community the has benefited from her support but I have benefited immensely as well. She is my / our "defender of everything transgender".
Hugs, Roxy
You and Patty are both much loved here, Roxy. If only more people could come to her level of understanding. She is much appreciated and loved here.
Patty is very appreciated Roxy. She is special and I wish all wives could be as supportive and understanding. Treat her well! :laugh:
I've come to like both of you very much and am always taken by how understanding and sincere and sympathetic both of you always are =] I look forward to your posts/responses because they are always warm heartfelt and supportive. <3 to both of you!
Roxy,
A lot of us here feel you and Patty are rare gems - but then you already knew that about her.
Sometimes fate and luck draws one towards a life partner who (probably because of their own independence, compassion and self confidence) shares everything with us, supports us with all their strengths and gives us courage and hope. True Best Friends Forever. Patty is surely one of our bffs - as is her partner.
Quote from: Erocse on January 09, 2011, 03:50:16 PM
In just a few short months she has learned what a transsexual , ->-bleeped-<-, cross-dresserr androgynous, mtf and ftm person is. It didn't take long for her to recognize that these people needed her help. It was not just me she was concerned with anymore. She saw the traumatic struggle that these people have to deal with on a day to day basis.
My heart aches for those who have had to close the ties with some they knew and loved (including you, sweet Roxy) because they have chosen to let their true selves emerge.
Susan
Sorry, I'm not actually a fan of 'transgender crusaders' who are themselves cisgender.
I can't say I remember this 'Patty' so I can't comment on her personally.
However, in my experience, these 'crusaders' tend to become a PITA and shout over actual trans people in discussion of transgender issues. The degree of...ownership that they exercise over their transgender hobby-horse can become very disturbing.
I've yet to see a good example of this type of person.
You're very lucky Roxy, Patty has shown rare insight and understanding in all her posts. She is wise, compassionate and caring and she seems to instinctively understand how important this is to both of your journeys. She also has a big heart and her words have buoyed up more than one member of this forum.
Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 05:23:52 PM
Sorry, I'm not actually a fan of 'transgender crusaders' who are themselves cisgender.
If the only advocates of trans were trans, we wouldn't be getting very far in society, now would we? I would hate to think of what would have happened in the history of slavery if nobody called for equality except for slaves...
QuoteI can't say I remember this 'Patty' so I can't comment on her personally.
Mrs Erocse. She is a member here at Susan's.
Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 05:23:52 PMHowever, in my experience, these 'crusaders' tend to become a PITA and shout over actual trans people in discussion of transgender issues. The degree of...ownership that they exercise over their transgender hobby-horse can become very disturbing.
I'm sure there are people like that, Vexing, but Mrs. Erocse (Patty) is not one of them. I nearly cried when I read Roxy's post above. We are truly blessed to have someone like Patty here, and Roxy is truly blessed to be married to her. And I think, from what Roxy has posted, that we will ALL ultimately be blessed by the fact that Patty married Roxy.
QuoteShe has become "the protector of everything transgender". I am quite impressed. Often times when a situation arises and we need to explain my ->-bleeped-<- to someone . I think she does a better job at explaining the situation then I do. When I see her explain the difficulties that we, as transgendered people have. I sometimes think she is more emotionally effected by the injustices then I am. I sometimes wonder where she is going to take this. She is not one to jump into things , only to give them up after the novelty wears off.
Well, Roxy, I hope you're ready to be in the limelight. I could be wrong, and I'm only basing this on what you've posted here, but from what I've read of her posts, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she ended up speaking out in a big way. I actually hope I'm wrong, just because of the disruption such a thing could cause you two, but I think she'd be a really excellent advocate. It's not something anyone could ask of someone, and only someone who is ready for it will find themselves drawn to it. Even if she just concentrates on being an advocate for YOU, she is an angel. I am truly blessed to even know her obliquely as I do.
Quote from: Colleen Ireland on January 09, 2011, 07:11:45 PM
I'm sure there are people like that, Vexing, but Mrs. Erocse (Patty) is not one of them.
I certainly hope so. I've had enough of cis people doing the White Knight routine at our expense.
I have met both Roxy and Patty. They are a really cool couple. And Patty will be in our corner long after the rest of us have went stealth. She is not fly by might.
Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 05:23:52 PM
Sorry, I'm not actually a fan of 'transgender crusaders' who are themselves cisgender.
I can't say I remember this 'Patty' so I can't comment on her personally.
However, in my experience, these 'crusaders' tend to become a PITA and shout over actual trans people in discussion of transgender issues. The degree of...ownership that they exercise over their transgender hobby-horse can become very disturbing.
I've yet to see a good example of this type of person.
I am a big fan of ANY 'transgender crusader'. We need all the help we can get. In our community a lot of people go through transition and vanish from the community. That makes the number of transgender flavored advocates a lot less. Some are in the closet and can't help. The LGB community helps but really not enough. We can't do this by ourselves. We just don't have enough people. I don't even see a lot of activism here in this site. Most of the post here deal with the logistics of transitioning or just want to know if red lipstick looks better than the peach lipstick.
Quote from: Dana Lane on January 09, 2011, 07:32:17 PM
I am a big fan of ANY 'transgender crusader'.
Good for you :)
I hope you never meet the likes of Kay Jones.
Patty has lifted my spirits on more than one occasion and so has Erocse. I'm grateful to have met both of you. :)
Jennifer
Quote from: Dana Lane on January 09, 2011, 07:32:17 PMI don't even see a lot of activism here in this site. Most of the post here deal with the logistics of transitioning or just want to know if red lipstick looks better than the peach lipstick.
Actually, I think the problem many of US have, is we're not fully out. I know a lot of us are, but for myself, until I'm living full-time, and everyone who knows me, KNOWS me, I won't have the ability to be any kind of activist. Once I am out completely, I do feel I will probably do something. I can't stand by and not. What will I be ABLE to do? I don't know. That remains to be seen. But since I will be transitioning "in place", there will be little point for me in attempting stealth. So I will be a voice of some sort, eventually. I know, that doesn't help much in the near term... ::)
I remember when you and Patty first joined the site and after her first few posts I thought "Yup, she's awesome. One of those people who can be compassionate and caring, even understanding when they aren't experiencing it themselves." She is awesome and I'm so glad both of you joined the site because like many others on this site you gals are supportive and always posting stuff putting smiles on everyone's faces :)
Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 05:23:52 PM
Sorry, I'm not actually a fan of 'transgender crusaders' who are themselves cisgender.
I can't say I remember this 'Patty' so I can't comment on her personally.
However, in my experience, these 'crusaders' tend to become a PITA and shout over actual trans people in discussion of transgender issues. The degree of...ownership that they exercise over their transgender hobby-horse can become very disturbing.
I've yet to see a good example of this type of person.
I'm sure there are good examples of activists as you describe and I would imagine that most of those only do it because it "cause du jour", but that doesnt mean that every activist who is not a member of the cause is that way.
Personaly, I have more respect for the parent who gets involed in something like MADD, before tgeir loved one is hit by a drunk driver or the person who fights to stop HIV, eveb though they dont even know someone who is affected.
It's easy to fight for a cause when it's your personal struggle.
Thank you for the post Roxy and tell your wonderfull wife that she is loved very much by most of the people here!!!!
I have no issues with Patty, I often enjoy her posts... I do not see her as a crusader, I see her for who she is... Roxy's wonderfully supportive wife... I applaud her support of Roxy and the trans community
*HUGS*
- Virginia
Yes, Mrs. Erosce is awesome! :icon_yes:
Thank you Roxy and Everyone who has posted!!
This is an
overly nice post on Roxy's part. Roxy makes it easy to defend her because she has a big big heart. It is easy for me to come to her side. She is a great person. I love her and have always loved her. We have had ups and downs like everyone, but our love always manages to come out on top. She is the reason it is always on top.
All of you are truly great people with so many wise, intellegent, considerate posts to share with the world. I sincerely see everyone here come together and share your struggles and try your best to be of cheer to someone, even though it was yesterday you needed cheering. Why wouldn't anyone want to join in and be part of such a heartwarming and positive aspect in life. I found friends and acceptance here and why wouldn't I want to be part of that? Even very awesome not transgender people are here too.
Thank you for all the many many undeserved kind comments. All of you are more deserving than I. Thank you Roxy for all of your love and being so good to me.
Many Thanks ,Love, and hugs.
Patty
Quote from: Colleen Ireland on January 09, 2011, 07:58:09 PM
Actually, I think the problem many of US have, is we're not fully out. I know a lot of us are, but for myself, until I'm living full-time, and everyone who knows me, KNOWS me, I won't have the ability to be any kind of activist. Once I am out completely, I do feel I will probably do something. I can't stand by and not. What will I be ABLE to do? I don't know. That remains to be seen. But since I will be transitioning "in place", there will be little point for me in attempting stealth. So I will be a voice of some sort, eventually. I know, that doesn't help much in the near term... ::)
In a world with the Interwebz you can still be an activist without outing yourself.
Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 07:36:15 PM
Good for you :)
I hope you never meet the likes of Kay Jones.
Do you know where I can find information on her? I am genuinely interested. Thanks
Hi Roxy
I know Patty as a warm, supportive and understanding person, and i think you're both lucky to have eachother.
If Vexing sees it like a crusading than it's her perception of things.Wich I respect but certainly do not agree
I think there should be more people like Patty.
The world would be a better place to live in.
lots of love
annette
Quote from: Dana Lane on January 10, 2011, 04:24:25 AM
Do you know where I can find information on her? I am genuinely interested. Thanks
No. Just...no.
I feel the same way about my wife. She so supportive and not afraid to say what she feels about things. It doesn't bother me at all that she is CIS Gendered. I think it just depends on the person and how they approach the subject. She has come to my defense many times. She is also very pro LBGT and is very involved when she can. Having her on my side makes me feel much better about my choices regarding transitioning and such.
When I transitioned people seemed more concerned about how she would take it. They were totally surprised by how supportive and loving she was-and still is!
I also think that it's a beautiful thing when someone who married a "man" stands by "him" and supports "him" on his way to being who she really is. So many have lost their loves during transition. I'm one of the fortunate ones that has been able to move forward without any issues.
You girls ROCK!
~Stephie
I think the key for those of us who have never been personally directly experienced transgender issues, but simply love someone who is/was transgender, and want to help, is:
- We have a position of privilege we didn't earn or necessarily deserve. Basically, society gives us rights automatically whereas someone who is transgender has to work for those same "automatic" rights. And, even worse, few in society recognize that this dynamic even exists. So we need to be careful when we are speaking/acting/etc, knowing that it would be easy to abuse the power that comes with the privilege.
- Because we aren't the people we're advocating for, we need to defer to them for direction, leadership, etc. We're able to help, but we should not direct, preach, dictate, devalue an experience lived by another (but only observed by us), etc.
An excellent site, talking about allies of people who suffered domestic violence (particularly talking about male allies): http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/public_awareness/bulletins/fall2002/maleally.html (http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/public_awareness/bulletins/fall2002/maleally.html)
The points at that site talking about what makes a man a good ally to a woman who faced domestic abuse:
- He is able to take the direction and leadership in domestic violence work from women.
- He understands that women's need to be empowered is not a threat to his strength as a man, but rather an additional strength
- He listens to women and has a willingness to "call out" other men on their issues.
- He does not try to confine the women he is supporting or define the problems that they share with him.
- He is willing to take a stand on the issue of domestic violence by being vocal about it.
- He changes his perception, so that he knows that women who remain in relationships with batterers are not stupid.
- He helps other men in positions of authority to realize that when children of single mothers have behavioral problems, it doesn't mean that they "need a man in the house." This type of thinking is often encountered in male school principals, and it pressures women and children to stay with an abuser.
- He models behavior for his friends and other men by letting others see his example.
- He works to help unburden other men of the misconception that women who speak honestly about male violence are "attacking men."
- He is willing to hear women's reality "full out," because he realizes that there are aspects of this reality that he will not know about.
- He is not struggling with his own manhood, and does not need to prove that he's a man.
- He is a nonjudgmental partner; which implies equality and respect.
- He understands that women know that all men are not batterers.
- He is developing groups where men can rally against domestic violence actively and publicly denounce it.
- He doesn't assume that another man can't be a batterer because of his high position in a church, government, organization, etc.
- He has done his personal work to become aware of his own issues relating to the issue of domestic violence.
- He listens, but doesn't try to "fix" the problem by himself.
Thank you Slanan, that's precisely what I was trying to (unsuccessfully) get across earlier.
There's a difference between a Cis Activist and a Cis Ally.
I love cis allies and I'm pretty sure we can never have enough of them.
However I find people who are cis and activists for the 'trans cause' to be very problematic.
Historically, our entire condition and the psychology behind it has been defined by cis people. That needs to stop. We need control of our activism, we need control of how our condition is expressed by the medical community.
Cis activists need to back the eff off and listen to US.
In fact, cis activists for the 'trans cause' need to stop being activists and become allies.
This is why the thread title "The Protector of Everything Transgender" is rank in my nostrils - not only does it reek of an activist bent, but it implies some kind of ownership over transgender people and also implies that we NEED cis knights in shining armour because we're too useless to protect ourselves.
Collectively, were not. I'm not.
I especially dislike cis people 'championing' my condition without giving a frack about whether I want them to or not. I'm damn sure I'd contact the local Iwi and okay everything with them before I tried championing the cause of Maori Sovereignty in New Zealand.
It's a shame that so many cis people don't give us that basic respect.
Quote from: Vexing on January 10, 2011, 03:43:05 PM
There's a difference between a Cis Activist and a Cis Ally.
Aha! So you do agree with the principles of the thread. Now we're just debating semantics.