I'm getting more use to it...but at first I felt as if everyone was looking at me lol.
I wasn't trying to pass when I went hunting for new clothes the other day. I felt really awkward, like everyone was listening and watching and judging, even though the staff was just perfectly pleasant and helpful. Loved everything I got though, so it was worth the freaking out.
Quote from: Kitian on January 09, 2011, 04:46:06 PM
I wasn't trying to pass when I went hunting for new clothes the other day. I felt really awkward, like everyone was listening and watching and judging, even though the staff was just perfectly pleasant and helpful. Loved everything I got though, so it was worth the freaking out.
People shop for their significant others all the time. Especially in this economy, the last thing they want to do is offend you and lose a sale. So what if it occurs to them that your "boyfriend" is the same size as you? Treat me like crap and I'll shop elsewhere...
I have social anxiety, so I'm nervous pretty much everywhere I go. I'm nervous in the women's section because I don't want people seeing me as a woman, and I'm nervous in the men's section because I don't pass and I feel like everyone is staring at me, whether they really are or not. It's not really any different now than it was the first time I went shopping in the men's section.
The first time I felt reallly awkward, definitely. Like I was being watched o_o;. I don't really worry about it any more though- there are so many people going in and out throughout the day I doubt the staff really remembers who's who unless they're trying to steal ->-bleeped-<- haha.
I have a question for you all though. I have some serious issues finding stuff in the mens section that fits me well and doesn't look like I'm... well, a female wearing mens clothing :X. On occasion I'll stumble across an XS that works well, but other than that I'm considering having my mom send me my sewing machine so I can just start tailoring my clothing like I did back in high school. I'm too small to wear mens jeans so I'm confined to the gals section for pants. I have relatively straight legs anyway so the hips are always baggy on me even when I'm wearing the right size... which would be to my benefit if the rest of me was large enough to fit mens sizes! Any advice for making it work? Stores? etc.? I'm a huge fan of the mens section at urban outfitters but I find that the majority of their sweet t-shirts are the trouble-makers when it comes to finding the right size.
Man. I'd put on weight in a second just to wear what I want, if I didn't already know that it would go straight to my bust and hips, thus defeating the purpose. BLAH. If I'm not watching my weight then I'm basically a curve-bucket.... it's lose/lose.
rantish, sorry haha.
I have no problems getting things in the right size (I'm short with wide hips so I've always worn men's jeans, and I'm pretty barrel-chested so I tend to be a men's medium). You'll probably want to continue to tailor your clothes. Even if you get something approximately the right size and fit, if it's baggy (or tight) somewhere it ought not to be it'll look weird. You also might want to try putting on muscle.
I can't remember the first time, but when I was little there was this one department store that had the latest video game consoles in the boys department. Whenever I was getting new clothes there I would use the video games as an excuse to be in the boys section. Shopping for clothes would make me really paranoid. I thought someone would be able to read my thoughts and figure out I was trans then I would end up getting shock treatment or something. I shop mostly online, but getting clothes that I like is affirming and comforting.
Ive been shopping in the boys/mens section since I was 5 and my mom let me pick out what clothes I liked, so it was never really akward and I never had to get used to it. And spacepilot, I dont know your style, but stores like hollister, american eagle, and abercrombie seem to have some pretty small sizes, if your into preppyish clothes?
I've got the same problem with men's clothes being too big. I've just been shopping in the boys' section for jeans. They're too short, but at least they're not women's.
Awkward- and it's still awkward, although I'm becoming more comfortable with it. The underwear department still makes me nervous though; I really do feel like I'm under scrutiny there, and being judged when going through the checkout and my name on my credit card confirms the gender question for them. I've only actually gotten dirty looks and cold treatment from one clerk though, it was an older lady at Kohls who just looked angry and shook her head while ringing me up, refusing to speak to me. I live in southern Ohio though; it's to be expected occasionally, most people here haven't even heard of FTM's and it's super conservative and religious.
Spacepilot: Boys sizes in the same brands as the men's, like Levi and Vans. I often wear boys jeans and the shirts in a 14/16 are more like a XS in mens. I don't shop at Urban Outfitters or any place like that, but JC Penney and Kohls carry boys sizes in the same brands and often styles/colors. I sew too, but I'm much too lazy to modify everyday clothing, so I typically just shop in boys or look for places that have slim fit jeans, as they run about 1-2 sizes smaller than a typical size 28, the smallest size most men's pants come in.
Quote from: spacepilot on January 09, 2011, 04:55:05 PM
The first time I felt reallly awkward, definitely. Like I was being watched o_o;. I don't really worry about it any more though- there are so many people going in and out throughout the day I doubt the staff really remembers who's who unless they're trying to steal ->-bleeped-<- haha.
I have a question for you all though. I have some serious issues finding stuff in the mens section that fits me well and doesn't look like I'm... well, a female wearing mens clothing :X. On occasion I'll stumble across an XS that works well, but other than that I'm considering having my mom send me my sewing machine so I can just start tailoring my clothing like I did back in high school. I'm too small to wear mens jeans so I'm confined to the gals section for pants. I have relatively straight legs anyway so the hips are always baggy on me even when I'm wearing the right size... which would be to my benefit if the rest of me was large enough to fit mens sizes! Any advice for making it work? Stores? etc.? I'm a huge fan of the mens section at urban outfitters but I find that the majority of their sweet t-shirts are the trouble-makers when it comes to finding the right size.
Man. I'd put on weight in a second just to wear what I want, if I didn't already know that it would go straight to my bust and hips, thus defeating the purpose. BLAH. If I'm not watching my weight then I'm basically a curve-bucket.... it's lose/lose.
rantish, sorry haha.
I know Apt 9, a brand Kohls sells, runs small. So does stuff from Gap. Dockers comes in inseams as low as 28.
at first i felt like i was tresspassing, and that i didn't belong in that section, and that that's how all the 'real' guys would think of me about it. But then i just sorta went, "you know what, who gives a $hit. ill shop here all i want, ill even look at the guys underwear" lol. so i just did it, keeping in mind that i could just be seen as shopping for my bf, though i didnt even care what anyone thought i was anyways. after all that, i went to the changing room (after a few minutes of hesitation) and they pointed me to the guys changing room =)
For my entire life, pretty much, I was never (still, actually) allowed to shop in the men's section thanks to my family. A friend of mine finally intervened because I had been complaining to her about it, and brought me a full-out men's store when I had been having a particularly bad week thanks to an annoying cough.
The guys there were quite friendly towards me, offering me advice about what sizes and colours would probably suit me when it came to tops and jeans. They kept calling me "sir" and "man", and using the proper pronouns. The guy who checked me out at the cash register even took an interest about my art (which I had been talking to my friend about while I was changing), and it was overall delightful.
...then I went and bought a pair of jeans at another store, and got the glare of death from a guy there who was downright scary. Everyone else there was nice though, so I'll shop there again.
Yea, it was overall a positive experience, a tiny bit scary/apprehensive. It was kind of soured by the last experience, and by a woman calling me "ma'am" with a kind of condescending tone while I was looking at cologne.
At the risk of echoing everybody else here - for a long time I always felt as if the other guys there were watching me, or that people around me were judging me. I would always wig out and just browse through the side of my eye as I ambled between the women's and men's sections.
Recently, though, around the same time I was coming to terms, so to speak, with my trans identity, I went shopping with my mum. I got frustrated with looking at girls' clothing (not out yet, all that), and headed for the men's section. I ended up staying there almost an hour, just wandering around the men's floor and checking stuff out. I only ended up getting two pairs of jeans, which were fine with a bit of a hem, but it was probably one of my best shopping experiences yet because I actually enjoyed it.
Once I get my binder (I just found out a local store carries them in their online shop, and allows you to pick it up at the store :D ), I plan to head out to a second hand store on my own and spend an afternoon just browsing and buying.
My only issue, really, is that I'm picky, and try on everything before buying, which doesn't seem to something many men do (the local Zeller's doesn't even have a changeroom on the men's floor) x3
Quote from: Jake84 on January 09, 2011, 05:06:30 PM
I live in southern Ohio though; it's to be expected occasionally, most people here haven't even heard of FTM's and it's super conservative and religious.
Hey where in S. Ohio are you? I'm in the Cincinnati area.
It's pretty conservative here too.
*edit* To add to the conversation, I felt indifferent to shopping in the men's section. I look alternative, so people stare at me no matter what.
Quote from: Renard on January 09, 2011, 05:45:42 PM
Recently, though, around the same time I was coming to terms, so to speak, with my trans identity, I went shopping with my mum. I got frustrated with looking at girls' clothing (not out yet, all that), and headed for the men's section. I ended up staying there almost an hour, just wandering around the men's floor and checking stuff out. I only ended up getting two pairs of jeans, which were fine with a bit of a hem, but it was probably one of my best shopping experiences yet because I actually enjoyed it.
Oh god, the bolded describes my experience so well. I used to hate shopping before my trip (not a big fan of women's clothing most of the time), and now I'm pretty sure that I'm a tiny bit of a Mr. Shop-a-holic when it comes to clothes. :P
Quote from: Shayne on January 09, 2011, 05:51:54 PM
Hey where in S. Ohio are you? I'm in the Cincinnati area.
It's pretty conservative here too.
Same. Not sure we're supposed to disclose our specific locations here, but yep, Cincinnati area. :)
Quote from: Jake84 on January 09, 2011, 05:57:38 PM
Same. Not sure we're supposed to disclose our specific locations here, but yep, Cincinnati area. :)
Yea, I'm not sure about the rules about that.
Haha, sucks here doesn't it. I am betting we see the same Dr. for HRT. There's only two in the whole area that I know of who sees trans patients. (:
My Dr. said she's seeing a huge influx of ftms recently. She's kind of bewildered by it. I just shrugged at her, I have no idea why that would be.
Sorry for going off-topic there.
Thanks for the advice on sizing/shops everyone! Really helpful. I'm bookmarking this thread for sure.
and just for fun, I feel like I should share these online shops with you all. I've gotten some fantastic shirts from them- really great for smaller guys because even their women's shirts are the exact same as the mens, just smaller. http://www.designbyhumans.com/ (http://www.designbyhumans.com/) and http://www.threadless.com/ (http://www.threadless.com/)
I like Design by Humans a bit better quality-wise.
I like to shop at Hot Topic, the clearance section especially, usually online. They have shirt sizes smaller than men's small, youth large. I find their size small though fits perfectly for me. Their guy's pants fit well too. Though I do shop in the girls sections for jeans too. I like my pants tight >.>
Also if you do a lot of online shopping, use www.retailmenot.com (http://www.retailmenot.com) for coupons.
I was sent by my grandmother to go get a sweater to give to my dad for his birthday...
I went through there going;
want this...
want that...
want this...
want that...
wait.. why the F isn't there more of these over in the "girl" section where I shop?
... er...
ooookaaaay....
find sweater...
find sweater...
find sweater...
find... ooh!...
want this...
want that...
(and repeat)
I've shopped in the boys' clothes since I was young, my parents' and grandma (she took me shopping often) were okay with it. We would go to the boys' section to get my brother's clothes, and I'd end up picking out all my clothes at the same time. They'd try to get me to dress more girly, but I always declined and it was never a big deal. My male older cousin's old clothes would end up being passed down to me and I loved it :P
I really don't remember. I started wearing "boy clothes" when I was about 10 years old. I don't exactly remember when I shifted over from boys section to men's section or anything. I've just always bought what I liked.
I've been wearing guys clothes since I could dress myself. I used to get nervous and think that people would think I was weird but I got over it. Now I don't care what people think. The only think that matters is that I'm happy with it.
In all of my early memories of shopping, it was in the boys section. Mom and I would go through the girl section first, and I'd beg her to let me change sections until she gave up trying to convince me otherwise and let me run around the section with sports jerseys and Scooby Doo. This happened every time (I don't know why she didn't just give up), with the exception of pants, since my hips didn't fit boys pants, until I was 14 and decided to experiment with girls clothes. My awkward memories are of womens sections - even when I had long hair I was afraid someone was going to find me out and ask what I was doing there. Especially in the lingerie department. When I was 11 (and needed a bra when I was ten), mom dragged me into the bra section and I actually started crying. That happened twice in store and many times with catalogues or lectures. She gave up.
I have been awkward in the mens section when buying underwear, though. My mom and grandma bought me my clothing necessities my whole life, since I usually pointblank refused to go shopping. So I was unused to buying underwear at all, let alone when being scared of not passing.
Quote from: Renard on January 09, 2011, 05:45:42 PM
My only issue, really, is that I'm picky, and try on everything before buying, which doesn't seem to something many men do (the local Zeller's doesn't even have a changeroom on the men's floor) x3
Once guys know their sizes, they don't try stuff on. They'd rather buy it and return it, even if it takes more time in the end. Or get someone else to return it.
I was actually in Hollister the week before Christmas (I usually just shop online, easier to find the clearance stuff that way, easier to find anything really compared to just poking around in the dark inside the store actually, but sometimes it's useful...), and I'd say at least 2/3 of the people in the guy's section were clearly women. The proportions were not skewed the opposite way on the women's side with guys buying gifts for the girls. Women buy most of the clothes, for everyone. Maybe if you don't pass well, if you tried to obviously *not* pass on a day you were out clothes shopping, you'd feel less strange? Especially buying things that are more gender specific, like underwear, than something like a hoodie - if you look very obviously female, nobody's going to think they're for you.
lolz. I've always felt that people would be looking at me funny in the womens section.. and thus stayed away from it unless forced into it by parents.
I can't remember the feeling of first shopping in the mens. Was too young to remember.
When I first bought stuff from the men's, I was worried that security guards or shop employees would find me out, laugh at me, and then throw me out because I was in the "wrong" section. They didn't. It doesn't really feel odd to me anymore, I mean, who cares what some random store employee might think of me? I am a young man, regardless of wether they see me as one or not. One's worth is not in the eyes of others.
I get the same feeling when going to the women's underwear department, like I'm doing something very forbidden, trespassing or something. This feeling has always been here, the "Oh, I shouldn't be here, what if they find me out?!"
I know when I was little my mom and I would go in the boys dept and she would buy me jeans because they lasted longer and were made better than anything in the girls department. I think the first time I went in the young mens/mens department and bought stuff on my own was when I was 16 and I had a job and my own money. I already looked like a dude back then so I didn't stick out or anything. I felt ok about it.
I never used to go shopping for clothing a lot when I was younger, but my dad would always pick more androgynous things out for me from the kids (female) section. I hated shopping for clothes though, even when I was about 14. I had some more girly things around that time, but I never really wore them.
When I first went shopping for clothes in the men's section, I felt pretty awkward, like everyone was watching me and looking at me and stuff (I didn't really pass that well then). I still get a bit awkward if there are a lot of guys in the section of the shop with me, and I usually walk around a bit and wait until it's cleared of most of them before I start browsing. It's getting better though.
This thread is making me want to go shopping something terrible. Gah... I really shouldn't... my bank account wouldn't be pleased... but... eh... I'll make up for it and just wait a few months before going again. xD I at least want to go try things on.
Sometimes I feel like such a femme guy haha.
Never felt awkward in men's section. I been wearing male clothes for as long as I can remember. Admittedly, I'm getting older and my memory is getting shorter.
Quote from: spacepilot on January 10, 2011, 09:49:23 AM
This thread is making me want to go shopping something terrible. Gah... I really shouldn't... my bank account wouldn't be pleased... but... eh... I'll make up for it and just wait a few months before going again. xD I at least want to go try things on.
Sometimes I feel like such a femme guy haha.
LMAO! I like shopping. I actually went shopping yesterday. Didn't get much (two sweaters and a jacket) but still. Shopping. I have to limit myself as i'm trying to save up as much as i can so i can move out to my own place by next winter, but hey. I do what i can, when i can. And yeah, sometimes i go just to browse.
Gotta say i felt more awkward following my mom into the lingerie section than i did browsing in the men's - got more looks in the former as well, so i retreated to wait for my mom by the shoes. I get "miss"ed a lot less and a lot of employees just don't address me as anything now lmao. Since loosing a bit of weight (finally) i think i look more androgynous than anything else (which is far better than looking feminine.)
I always shopped in men's to a degree. Didn't get much, but still browsed a lot. Didn't care about "looks" so never noticed if i got them or not. I think back then it was more "oh this is so FUN, i'm getting GUYS stuff like my aunt used to do - oh wow, look at that you would NEVER see THAT over in girls!"And it pissed my folks off a bit, i think they where worried about how it would ruin their image as parents lmao.
Now it's more of a "i don't think about it much because i don't care - i belong in this section so what the heck." Mingled in with "oh i have that, and that... wait, don't have that - is it on sale and do i need it" of course! Since i came out to the folks last year (god, it's already been a year) i've completely gone through my wardrobe and got rid of most of my "girls clothes." I've still got some unisex stuff but it's 90% male.
Well, I just got a cheapo three pack of boxers for approximately 12 dollars. First male undies I've ever owned. They fit nicely and makes me feel more confident. They are black, and black with pinstripes.
I hope nobody will give me any annoying questions when doing the laundry though...
I was nervous and embarrassed when looking in the men's underwear section, but nobody batted an eyelid. The same with asking the hairdresser for a men's cut. Man, it's going well for me!
Quote from: PixieBoy on January 10, 2011, 11:41:09 AM
Well, I just got a cheapo three pack of boxers for approximately 12 dollars. First male undies I've ever owned. They fit nicely and makes me feel more confident. They are black, and black with pinstripes.
I hope nobody will give me any annoying questions when doing the laundry though...
I was nervous and embarrassed when looking in the men's underwear section, but nobody batted an eyelid. The same with asking the hairdresser for a men's cut. Man, it's going well for me!
This just made me think of when i was shopping yesterday with my mom. I was thinking at one point "wtf - she just spent more time looking at underwear then she did anything else: and she came back with like, three pairs of store brand for over $25..... and that's WITH a coupon!" Then i felt blessed that my underwear costs $10 for five pair at Walmart, roflmao.
To avoid annoying questions at laundry time, just do it yourself. That's what i do (though i do it less because of potential annoying questions and more because my parents don't approve of anything at this point and would totally flip out.)
And a good hairdresser will do what you ask without question or strange looks. It took me a while to find one that would do a decent job on mine, but sometimes they still try to style it when i leave.... i politely decline because they always make it styled to look more feminine even if the cut itself is unisex. Ah well. Until i find something better, it works.
Heh, I've shopped in the men's section most of my life. I would buy the underwear and most clerks assumed I was buying it for my boyfriend. No big deal. However about 5 years ago I went to Jos A. Bank Clothiers which is an exclusive men's store specializing in suits for a cosplay costume. I wanted to be Tseng from Final Fantasy Vii if anyone is curious. The customer service is very focused and there was no way I was going to escape scrutiny. So I strode in completely female from head to toe and told them I wanted to buy a suit for myself. I had to emphasize that last part because they just didn't get it at first.
My heart was pounding so hard I almost passed out but I believe in facing things head on or not facing them at all. So I got to try on suits years before I decided to transition. Once they got over how weird I was it was a good experience. I ended up not buying any in the end. However this past weekend I went back and they were all "hello sir is there anything I can do for you?" Awesome!
So I tried on more suits. Still can't afford them but hey I love them. Getting fitted is a bit worrying because you are put in front of about 5 full length mirrors and measured all over with a tape measure. Apparently even being examined that closely I still pass well so hooray for that. Worked out well so as soon as I have about $1000 lying around I'll heading on back there.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on January 10, 2011, 08:10:01 PM
Heh, I've shopped in the men's section most of my life. I would buy the underwear and most clerks assumed I was buying it for my boyfriend. No big deal. However about 5 years ago I went to Jos A. Bank Clothiers which is an exclusive men's store specializing in suits for a cosplay costume. I wanted to be Tseng from Final Fantasy Vii if anyone is curious.
Heeeyy, another cosplayer, and a FF one at that! I've been poking along on a Dissidia Zidane costume forever, I should really finish that thing. I don't really go to anime conventions anymore though, I feel a bit old at them, it's all teenagers now.
Cosplay was how I started acquiring men's clothing though, I did a lot of costumes that required modifying existing garments, and of course eventually all the characters I cosplayed were male. Well, and in my fat phase I sometimes stole my ex's clothes that I'd accompany him to buy, he was far from stylish though. I'm not exactly super fashion savvy now, I dress like a skater boy, but it's worlds better than what my ex wore, dressing up for that man meant jeans, he'd wear nylon mesh shorts year round. ><
I don't remember the first time I shopped in the men's department...but it clearly didn't affect me. I have always worn male clothes -- t-shirt & jeans all through high school much to my mother's dismay. She wanted a girl who loved pink and frilly dressy stuff. I never fit the bill - even as a small child I would fight her on wearing dresses.
I refused to go shopping so ... I wore whatever my mother bought me ... she finally gave up on trying to get me to wear girly clothes and bought me jeans & t-shirts.
Hm... The first time I really shopped for men's clothing, not just a pair of pants or a shirt, but really shopping. You know the stereotypical reaction of a girl when her man shows her the new apartment with her own very, very, very big closet. Yeah, that was me, but instead, new mall with an Armani Exchange. My friends described my reaction as "you let out the gayest "eep" sound, made a hop and then ninja vanished on us." I was also asked by a customer if I could show him to the fitting room even though I didn't dress that day really trying super hard to pass. So I was kinda in heaven. :laugh:
The first time I bought men's clothes for myself was scary! I was still "female", and bought myself two pairs of boxers! I was really nervous about it and remember blushing bright red, but the assistant didn't bat an eyelid and probably thought they were for my boyfriend or something. I think I felt worsT buying men's clothes when I was first transitioning - I wasn't sure how the other men in the shop viewed me, and didn't really know what would fit me, or suit me. I bought some awful stuff, most of it the wrong size! But now I feel at home in the men's section, and enjoy shopping again. And best of all, my clothes actually fit now!
To be honest, the few times that I've shopped in the men's department I have felt more comfortable than I ever have been shopping in the women's department. I always felt like someone was watching me in the women's department because I've always been a pretty masculine guy (I blatantly refused to wear anything girly all my life). I'm not sure what it'll be like when I'm actually in guy-mode (rather than trying to hide that I'm a transguy) but it has never been uncomfortable for me to shop in the guy's section.
Nervous as all hell! And it took me a while before I stopped being so nervous. But I felt better compared to shopping in the women's department. Then, it was miserable.