...I ended up coming out to my manager at work this week.
I wasn't planning to let her know about everything for a few more months, but after the last few weeks it kind of dawned on me that leaving it any longer is only going to make it worse for me. I work in a call centre (bane of my home town, its pretty much the only work you are going to get that you can fit university around that doesn't involve working behind a bar, not my idea of the perfect job to try and transition in) and work is the only time I'm still entertaining the whole "No, I really AM a guy!" fantasy. I think that if this went on for too much longer, no doubt someone from work would spot me on a day off, or I'd go in for an evening shift and forget to wash off my make-up, or someone would catch me testing out my voice on a call, or I'd have a total brain freeze and refer to myself as Megan instead of my male name, and then I'd have no choice but to sit back and watch the rumours circulate. Plus there's the fact that I can't bring myself to go into the men's room anymore, and that my office doesn't have any unisex facilities.
So I arranged a meeting with my manager. I explained to her that outside of work I was living as a woman, I was on HRT, and that it was very uncomfortable to have to try and present as male when I am trying so hard not to present as male in every other aspect of my life, that I wanted to move past this stage and would like to start presenting myself as female at work as well. I made it clear I wasn't just going to be turning up wearing a skirt the next day, that I was quite happy to take my time with this if that was what they thought was best. And her response? Not really what I was expecting - "I'm so proud of you for being able to be so open about this. I thought you called this meeting with me because you were going to quit and I'm so relieved you aren't. You must be so excited about this!". She made it clear that I had her support 100%, and suggested I should talk to the centre manager to let him know what I wanted to happen. So I went through the whole story again with him, and although he was a little less excited than my manager was, he told me he was completely fine with me going ahead with this. When he asked me what my timeline was I indicated I was happy to take a few months before going ahead, to which he answered: "Well, I was planning to move you into a different team in two weeks, I know it's a little soon but it would mean you get a fresh start. If you want to do this then I would be more than happy to make sure things go OK for you. What do you think?".
So I gave it a few days and after a couple of near-sleepless nights, some very intense self-reflection on whether I thought I was ready, some detailed reading of my states anti-discrimination law, and a lot of very emotional conversations with pretty much everybody important in my life at the moment, I went to work this morning and said that I was going to do it. I've got a lot to do over the next two weeks, but if how I feel right now is any indication, it's going to happen and I couldn't be more excited.
I don't think I knew what the definitition of the word "excited" was before today ;D.
Thank is so great Megan. You must feel wonderful, so have you climbed down off the ceiling yet :) You are definitely going to find that life will be a lot easier now. I'm not saying that you will still not have ups and downs but getting over this hurdle is a huge feat.
Steph
That's fantastic Megan....sounds like you have thought out your process and are ready to do it to it ;D
Best of luck to ya' sis.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi100.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fm37%2Frianmarze%2FCongratulations1.gif&hash=2a455eda572a535ffb8cfafd0268229c523efdc6)
That's great news, Megan. I'm happy for you!
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
That's such a beautiful story!!! I'm soooo happy for you!
I'm slowly approaching that point myself (coming out to management at least), so this is SO nice to hear ;)
Well done!
Kate
Quote from: Steph on January 04, 2007, 09:48:48 AM
Thank is so great Megan. You must feel wonderful, so have you climbed down off the ceiling yet :) You are definitely going to find that life will be a lot easier now. I'm not saying that you will still not have ups and downs but getting over this hurdle is a huge feat.
Steph
I think it's safe to say the ceiling and I will be getting very aquainted with each other over the next few weeks, my cheeks are starting to hurt from not being able to stop grinning madly ;D.
The confidence I'm feeling right now is really starting to reflect itself in the way people are reacting to me at the moment - for the first time
ever I managed to spend about an hour in the lingerie department this afternoon without getting a single "whats
HE doing here?" look, and my therapist's secretary somehow managed to confuse me with my therapists daughter-in-law when I called her this morning. And when I went to get the application forms for legally changing my name today the man who was helping me fill them out was visibly taken back when he read my response for the "why are you changing your name?" question :D.
Thanks for the kind words everybody, it really means a lot to know that I have your support :).
Megan
Ooooh, Megan. What an opportunity you have just had land in your lap. Some things are just meant to be. Please let us know how it all goes.
Excitedly,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
I'm starting to get pretty nervous about everything right now.
The last few days have been absolutely crazy, I've barely had any sleep, I feel almost totally drained at the moment. I had my change of name accepted, and started the whole business of letting every single person, corporation and government department that has known me by my old name know that my details need updating. I still can't look at my new photo ID without shedding a few tears :).
I had my first voice therapy session, which I had been holding out on for a while until I knew I wouldn't be needing to switch back and forth between voices. Easilly the most fun I've ever had with a medical professional . It does help the confidence as well when someone who works with TS women regularly tells you that if it wasn't for the voice, she wouldn't have picked you as being TS. It is kind of hard to accept that when I still have people making nasty comments about me behind my back after I've walked past them on the street, but if nothing else it does make me realise how much things have changed and how far I've come already.
I had my meeting with the state operations manager and state HR manager for my company at work, and I was really surprised with how accomodating and accepting they were. I had previously been getting some resistance in regards to letting me use the women's facilities - they wanted me to use a seperate bathrom on a different floor to our office, which I was not happy about and let them know it - but they got that all sorted for me, they just told the centre manager that it would be sending the message to the other staff that there was something wrong with what I was doing, and that was the last thing they wanted me to think they were doing, so there was to be no question that I was welcome to use the women's facilities just as every other woman at work is. I was very relieved about that :).
The big thing though, and the one I wasn't expecting at all but probably should have, was that my parents have finally started to freak out about me transitioning. They've known I've been on HRT ever since the day I started, they've seen me dressed in female clothes before, I use my female voice when I talk to them on the phone, they've known what I was going to be changing my name to for quite some time - but I guess now that it's all happening and I've got the documents to prove it they've finally accepted that this isn't just something that I'm going to "get over" and just move on with my life as a male. So now my father is completely refusing to talk to me. My mother isn't being as extreme, at least she is still talking to me on the phone, but she told me flat out that she didn't want to see me. I'm hoping they just need some time to accept that this is they way that I need to live my life to be happy with who I am, because I've really relied on what I thought was their support over the last 9 months so much, and more than anything in the world I don't want have to move into this new phase of my life without it, and without them.
So now I have two days left of having to present myself as male to the rest of the world before I never have to do it ever again if I don't want to. I never thought I would be so excited and so upset about this whole thing at the same time, but if thats the way it has to be then I'm OK with being a bit of an emotional wreck for the next few days until it all comes together.
I'm going to stop typing now before I start crying again, I have to be at work soon :).
Megan
*hug* Hang in there Megan!
Make sure you get your rest though, that is one thing I have noticed with HRT is I don't deal with long hours quite as well as in times past. Moral: Sleep is good!
(=
Megan,
I am so glag it is work out for you. I am sure your parents will come arround soon.
(Hugs)
Alice
My goodness girl,
Your path sounds SO similar to mine, especially with the entire coming out at work and the parents freaking out and refusing to speak to me. It definitely brought back some memories. All I can really say is Woohoo!!! You are going to be walking around with the biggest grin for the next few months. :)
Melissa
So today is the last day I have to try and look somewhat male for work. And seeing as its casual day, I probably won't be able to look the part even if I try my hardest. Which I won't :).
Today is also the day when everyone else at work finds out about my transition. I've already told all of management, a few of my friends in the office, and all of the people I went through training with, but today the secret will well and truly be out. Which means that for the first time for a very long time, I won't be lying to anybody about the real me. I feel so good about that it's making me feel dizzy ;D.
So I guess my second chance at having the life I always wanted starts tonight. I know it sounds a bit corny, but I think I'm finally understanding what everyone meant when they said that life is a beautiful gift and that it should be cherished. It still seems pretty incredible that I managed to get this far, and there is no way I'm looking back now.
Megan
My gosh, I was panicking on my coming out day. It went WAY better than expected however. It doesn't sound too corny though, because it's true. Personally for me, things improved vastly upon going fulltime. I hope they do for you as well.
Melissa
I was soooo terrified about comeing out at work... Uppermanagement allready knew from the moment I was hired... <Arnt extensive drug tests fun> I was just panniced about lower management and all my coworkers... I worked at a call center too by the way....
HR spent allot of time getting ready for my comeing out... we had a set date and everything... and I go and show up two days early LoL... Anways it went allright for the most part... accept I kept getting in troubble with QA for useing my female name and a female voice... they didnt care, company policy thats not junk...
I finaly quit that job because I was moveing... it didnt happen as quickly as I had planned but I refuse to go back there... I do keep in touch with all my old friends though :)
Getting the leagle name change out of the way and compleeted is a great idea BTW... best of luck to ya *Hugs*
Quote from: Melissa on January 11, 2007, 05:11:24 PM
My gosh, I was panicking on my coming out day. It went WAY better than expected however.
Everything didn't really go as expected for me unfortunately...
Thanks to some last minute bureaucracy on the part of corporate HR, the email that everybody who I hadn't already told in person was supposed to recieve so they would know what was going on didn't get sent out. So now I'm going in to work on Monday with only part of the office knowing why I'll be dressed that way and what my new name is. So if I wasn't that nervous before, I am now :).
It doesn't help that I had a guy come up to me at work yesterday (who as far as I know doesn't know about my transition yet, at least I hadn't told him anything about it so he may have heard some rumour), and tell me I had a "nice pair of tits on me", and laugh like he thought it was hilarious. I was too shocked to really respond in any kind of sensible way, but if anybody does that to me after Monday they'll be hearing from management. I don't mind if people are a bit uncomfortable with me transitioning at first, but that in my opinion is going
way too far.
Megan
Quote from: MeganRose on January 12, 2007, 11:55:04 PM
Thanks to some last minute bureaucracy on the part of corporate HR, the email that everybody who I hadn't already told in person was supposed to recieve so they would know what was going on didn't get sent out. So now I'm going in to work on Monday with only part of the office knowing why I'll be dressed that way and what my new name is. So if I wasn't that nervous before, I am now :).
:o
Quote from: MeganRose on January 12, 2007, 11:55:04 PM
It doesn't help that I had a guy come up to me at work yesterday (who as far as I know doesn't know about my transition yet, at least I hadn't told him anything about it so he may have heard some rumour), and tell me I had a "nice pair of tits on me", and laugh like he thought it was hilarious.
I doubt he knew then. Most people would definitely not respond like that for fear of getting in trouble. However, if he only saw you as a guy (didn't know), then it was probably coincidence.
Melissa
Quote from: Melissa on January 13, 2007, 01:32:05 AM
I doubt he knew then. Most people would definitely not respond like that for fear of getting in trouble. However, if he only saw you as a guy (didn't know), then it was probably coincidence.
Melissa
If that's the case, he's going to be really embarrassed on Monday ;D.