Hello,
I am not really sure where to start.
I guess the best place to start is with the basics.
My name is Sarah and i am a preop transexual,in my early 50's.
From only what i have read and some therapy that i do go through that this is not uncommon but it is also possible to never meet someone who also has gone through this.
Every school,church and work place that i have been in has been small to very small. In grade school my class was a class of 18. My high school class was a bit larger but still around only 300. The largest place that i ever worked at had only about 100 people on the third shift. So in my life i have only know of 2 other people. One was a person that we would see at a flea market type setting from time to time and she was quite a bit older than i was and i had not yet reached this point and i was a teenager at that time and the other was someone that i only dealt with through the dry cleaners i had worked at at the time.
So for the most part i have been talking with people that can never really understand what i have gone through. The best i can do is try to use terms that they they may be able to get a small glimpse of what it is like. The best i have been able to come up with is either it's like wearing size 8 shoes on a size 9 pair of feet,or that at time i feel like both male and female,neither one or torn in 2.
But still i get the blank stares or quizzical looks because they really have no idea what i am talking about.
I have no idea if anyone else has ever felt some of the things that i did. Has anyone else been told that you would make a good girl and have been treated as a girl even tough you don't look like one? Did it feel like someone had wrapped a bandage around your chest and hips? Has anyone else ever want to be pregnant? It's one that i have had to deal with. (And that one for me has been the hardest to go through) Has anyone else gone through monthly bouts of depression or irritability on a 5 - 7 day window?
I have no answers as i have never really had anyone else to talk to. More later Sarah
Hi Sarah, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 5000 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
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- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
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- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Hello Sarah,
It is good to meet you.
I'm little older and didn't figure that I was trans until my mid 50's.
I am in a very small city far from most trans people.
We have no trans groups or gender therapist within an hours drive of where I live.
And the people that know me, especially my family don't have any idea about what I have or am going through.
Bouts of depression, yes I have had them that lasted month rather than days.
But so far I have noticed no patterns.
Welcome to Susan's
Jillieann
Welcome Sarah! It's great to see that you have found your way here. Everyone at Susan's is exceptionally caring and willing to share their experiences and kindness with you. :)
I look forward to reading your posts.
Hugs,
Jackie
Thank you,
The journey for me has taken a bit longer as i had a few extra twists and turns and pot holes along the way. I was the oldest of 6,my oldest sister was born with multiple defects from drop ether. ((My mom was a nurse at the time)
When i was 5 my uncle committed incest with me. I when through all the personality changes. I went from being very happy and outgoing to very moody and withdrawn.
My father and i will only call him my father as he was never a dad, was verbally abusive,vidictive,heavy drinker and not around a lot. He did not like me and called me all the names in the book, and he had told my mom if she ever left him,he would find a sleazy lawyer and would have abandoned us.
Most of my relationships both male and female were self destructive so..... I had to work through all of that.
My mom though has been great through this all this. It helped that as part of her nurses training she had to work on the pshyce ward at Cook Countys and Ravenswood in Chicago and she had to deal with a few intersexed people and she saw the pain they were going through and she know of one that committed suicide.
She also does not fit the typical feminine mold. She had wanted to be a sports writer or a hockey player (In the 50's that wasn't something that was open for her). She does not wear make up and does like being around a lot of women so.....
Right now i do live with her so she can stay in the house and i am her caregiver as she is blind in one eye and can not drive.
She has no problem with me wearing womens clothes and has even giving me some of hers if they don't fit her right so i have a few really cute sweatshirts
So at this point i am OK with where i am at but now its time to start the next stage.
What a long strange trip it's been. :)
Sarah I'm so glad you have a supportive mother.
It really helps allot to have a loved one who will support you.
It sounds like you are moving in the right direction and that is good.
Hang in there girl.
Jillieann
Jillieann,
I am sorry i did not get back to you sooner.I just had a really bad week. 15 years ago i was so close to finishing therapy and getting ready to start and everything just fell apart. It's a long story so i won't go into yet. I spent so much time taking care of others around me and i haven't taken care of myself and it's time. It's time and it all or nothing there is no going back for me.
Trying to hang in there but my fingers are sure getting tired LOL
Sarah
You can do it girl.
I know what you mean I have raised a family and the last one got married in the fall of 2010.
So I am now moving forward, it late in life but I'm not turning back this time and you aren't either.
We can both do it hon.
If you fingers are tired than wrap your arms around what you need to do and keep going.
Hugs,
Jillieann