Ive been up all night tonight talking with Michael. There was something bothering him all week. He has revealed to me that for many years, he has also wanted to become female, but never found the courage to tell anyone. These past few months are starting to make sense now. Im still in shock now, but I support her descision. We both have agreed not to tell anyone till a few months after our wedding, and will not have hormones started till she sees a physician later this year. She has decided she wants to be called Maria from now on when we are alone. Im only afraid if this will have an impact on her job, when she comes out to the boss later this year. Im so confused right now , help !!!
The gods have given you a unique oportunity here.
You can be a suport to her that will be invaluable.
It is hard going through a spouses transition but it is a unique chance for you truely express you love.
Hugz,
c
Angela,
Wow. I'm starting to wonder if there's a contagious component to this condition (sorry, I know, I shouldn't joke). I am truly sorry for what you're going through, but you sound like you'll ultimately be able to handle it. But I'm sure it will be frustrating. Are you SURE you shouldn't perhaps postpone the wedding, and take some time (both of you) to explore how your relationship might (will) change? Not saying it WOULDN'T work, but definitely some unique challenges there...
Cynthia, I support her desicion, Its just I wish she would have revealed this to me after the wedding. I dont know if that sounds selfish ? I honestly dont know how I would have reacted if she told me this 2 or 3 months ago. Im afraid for her though, I know what I had to go through to become Angela . It will be tough for her the next few years. We agreed not to worry at all about this till after our wedding in April.
Colleen, no offence to you. But I know her inside out as a person. Nothing will change how I feel for her. Wedding will go on as planned.
I'm glad. And she's lucky to have you. I'm glad you're going into marriage with your eyes open. My own marriage of almost 32 years is now ending. I did not tell her anything about myself before we married. We love each other very much, but we both now realize it just isn't going to work. At any rate, we've had a very meaningful relationship, and nothing can take away from us having raised our three wonderful children. I wish you all the best. And no offense taken.
Thank you Colleen, may I ask how far in your marriage did you reveal ? Maria is asking, not me. I cant understand, why she never wants to make her own account here.
I'm going to be honest, I had suspicions that this might be the case. Don't know why. Maybe it was the instant acceptance of you as Angela and the questions you said she was asking. It pointed to a curiosity to me that might be personal, but I wouldn't have ever said anything before this because you know her best and I wouldn't want to plant any seeds of doubt before a major life decision like a marriage. That being said, that must have been so hard for her to tell you and I admire her courage to be open before you got married. I wish I had done that with my spouse when she asked me point blank before we got married if I was gay. That isn't the same thing, but kinda in the general neighborhood. Instead I told my wife after 15 years of marriage. She thought about it for a few months and decided divorce was what she wanted. We are still great friends and will continue to be so into the future. I leave my home in Texas for Florida Sunday, so this is very close and raw for me right now.
I also GREATLY admire your decision to hang in there with her in what must have been quite a life altering moment for you too. Wow. Please let Maria know that we all support her here too. Even if she never joins us, I send my best wishes to you and her and I hope you can make it work and have a great life together.
Melody, I dont hold that against you about suspiscions. Thanks for your support. :) Im exhausted, thank goodness Its an off day from work today, that she revealed this. Time to sleep, Ill see everyone here after many hours.
Angela,
Wow!
That had to be a shock.
But your love is amazing.
Maria is so lucky to have you.
Hugs,
Jillieann
Angieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all I have to say is wow what are the fricken odds? She's lucky to have you by her side.
Your life has been a true roller coaster, Angela. You know better than anyone what it will be like for her, and to stay and support her is an admirable thing. I am glad you were told before entering in a marriage full of hope and future. Now you both must plan for a future that is not common among most people.
Whoah, that's quite a bomb. I'm glad that you're cool with it and I wish both of you luck for the future - especially Maria.
She couldn't be in better hands though - she's a lucky lass :)
Wow that's umm wow O.o Good luck to you both ^.^ It's good that you seem so accepting Angela. I hope you two are happy together, I know you wanted your perfect dream wedding that you've no doubt wished for as a kid but yeah things are never quite perfect in life. And you never know this might be better for both of you in some ways.
I've heard of this phenomenon before. Where a transsexual in denial will seek out other trans-women engage them in a relationship and live vicariously through there love and sharing a part of that transition quietly enjoying that moment of happiness that you experience.
Hi Angela,
I told my wife before we married but didn't start to 'properly' (whatever the elves that means) transition until a few years ago. But I presented as female at home etc. We've been married 28 years.
As for the wedding, have a glorious one. You have the right of all women to have that very special day. Who knows Maria may wish to renew her vows in the future on another special day.
Best wishes to both of you
Cindy
Its gonna be a tough thing for you, if you were so keen to marry Michael the fully-functioning man, my dear.
And i thought you were 110% heterosexual? Being a so long post-op girlie?
I have a lot of admiration for any cis woman that sticks by her chap when he flips.....for good.
But i know even for me with my history, no i could never date another m-t-f TG, it would be just too complicated....
This does make for a 'sensational' development for sure.... make sure your local press doesn't get hold of it....
Angela.
I am transgender. My wife, a gfemale is also. For various reasons, neither of us have done anything phsical, but we did once talk about how a swap would work.
The point is, marriage, a decent relationship, being the best friend ever, it can and does all work, when you are completey open with each other.
Maria/Michael has done just that. You've done just that.
Your big day can go ahead. You will be in your lovely dress. He will be looking smart in his male gear. You will both have so much fun
Now I'm really sorry for those whose marriages fail, for whatever reason. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
But I have to say, maria has demonstrated, repeatedly and yet again, astonishing maturity and intelgence.
Just one question. Are there any more like her/him?
And where exactly did you get all this good fortune?
Seriously, I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you both. Everytime we hear from you, your life just gets better, more hopeful and more positive.
To use an American expression, 'Way to Go Girl!!.
Quote from: Angela Foureira Komninou on January 13, 2011, 09:58:32 PM
Thank you Colleen, may I ask how far in your marriage did you reveal ? Maria is asking, not me. I cant understand, why she never wants to make her own account here.
My poor wife knew nothing at all about this part of me until we had been married a year or two, and I tried to take my own life. After that attempt, I was honest with her about what I had been feeling that led to it, but at the time I was not a strong person, and couldn't face losing her, and couldn't face Colleen, either, so I forced myself to bury it deep. So deep, I spent the next 30 years wondering why I was so unhappy. And blaming her. Angela, Maria, may God bless you with happiness in each other. You are both very lucky to have each other, and to know each other as you do. You seem like you are very much in love. Blessings on you both.
Wow, what are the odds on that eh?
I can relate to your situation though as my son is FtM, and is having a hard time getting his head aroud the whole thing with me being the opposite. I realised I was suffering GID some time after he transitioned, so am in a similar place to Maria.
If you love each other, and want to be together, then that is the most important thing. At least she has not had to reveal she is dying of cancer or leaving you. I normally refuse to give definite advice but, give each other a big hug, and say how you truly feel about each other and take things from there.
Sandra.
Thank you everyone for your support. Spacial, if I had my way I wish she wouldnt transition at all. But I want her to be happy. Besides, Ive known him many years. She says my personality hasnt changed much, Im hoping the same for her when she eventually becomes Maria. I had to make her promise not to come out to anyone , till after the wedding. Cruella, yes I may be post op many years now, but the way I see it is she was there for me when I needed her most. I would be a very heartless person to abandon her. If its ok for 1 person in the couple to be transgender, why should it be any diffrent for the other, if you love them so much?
Angela.
Life has a way of surprising us at every turn. That sounds like a cliche and it is. But I've gotten to the point now where I sometimes, metaphorically, look life in the eye and say, Is that the best you can do? But the next turn just brings more surprises.
I really know what you're takling about. I know the sort of life you were expecting.
It's just going to work out to be a bit more intresting than you had anticipated. (Probably a lot more).
As for changing, we get happier. That's all.
Wow. The chances of that, hey?
Quote from: Angela Foureira Komninou on January 14, 2011, 06:40:24 AM
Thank you everyone for your support. Spacial, if I had my way I wish she wouldnt transition at all. But I want her to be happy. Besides, Ive known him many years. She says my personality hasnt changed much, Im hoping the same for her when she eventually becomes Maria. I had to make her promise not to come out to anyone , till after the wedding. Cruella, yes I may be post op many years now, but the way I see it is she was there for me when I needed her most. I would be a very heartless person to abandon her. If its ok for 1 person in the couple to be transgender, why should it be any diffrent for the other, if you love them so much?
Discovering lesbianism can be an adventure you and Maria will be able to share together. It's a beautiful thing you two have going on.
Spacial, thanks for your comforting words. John, while you may have a point about lesbianisim, I prefer not to look at it that way. Despite that she will physically for all purposes be female, I prefer to look at it as 2 people who know and understand each other for years. Its only because of my love for her, I would not under other circumstances never kiss another woman. I hope that makes sense.
Quote from: Angela + Maria Forever on January 14, 2011, 10:42:59 AM
Spacial, thanks for your comforting words. John, while you may have a point about lesbianisim, I prefer not to look at it that way. Despite that she will physically for all purposes be female, I prefer to look at it as 2 people who know and understand each other for years. Its only because of my love for her, I would not under other circumstances never kiss another woman. I hope that makes sense.
Be careful there; you're coming a little close to invalidating her identity.
At the risk of speaking for Angela, I don't think she meant she didn't consider Maria a woman. My wife and I had a similar conversation when she asked for a divorce. She told me she couldn't become a lesbian for me. I told her that I didn't expect her to become attracted to women in general. I was asking her if she could continue to love me. It would certainly be different, but I was still me. She just couldn't get past it. Indeed, any kind of sexual relationship ended with her very shortly after I came out.
In a very "life is strange" moment. My wife's sister came to her shortly after my coming out and told her that she had just come out of a two year relationship with a woman and was so heart broken that she had a nervous breakdown and had to be institutionalized briefly. However she didn't consider herself a lesbian. I had hoped this might show my wife that it is possible to love without labels. That all that mattered was how we felt about each other. It just didn't work out.
Yes, what Melody said. We are still going to be intimate, I just dont want the tag "Lesbian". This is all happening so fast , Maria has already made an appointment with a psychologist , and our family doctor for next month. She wants to start HRT immediately after the wedding.
Quote from: Angela + Maria Forever on January 13, 2011, 09:49:14 PM
Colleen, no offence to you. But I know her inside out as a person. Nothing will change how I feel for her. Wedding will go on as planned.
This is great =) Good for you, hun.
I find myself wondering how I would react in the same position. I would hope I could be supportive but I may have some trouble with it since I'm mostly men-oriented.
Thank you Jerica, I hate to sound like an old broken record from the 80s, but my previous ties with her, from high school and college helped. I would probably react diffrently if it was someone I just met last year.
It is dificult to watch a spouse transition. The physical changes remind you daily that your old spouse has been replaced.
It gets better over time but it is not easy to deal with at first.
The best part is your mate gets to become the person they are destined to be. And that is wonderful to be part of.
I don't think I could stay with a guy if he was mtf, I wanna be with a man. Always have. Ftm is different though lol
Aw Cynthia, thanks ! I know you speak from the heart and experience, since you are going through this yourself. Maria and I both say hi to Sevan. Hope I remembered the name right.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 14, 2011, 03:43:55 PM
I don't think I could stay with a guy if he was mtf, I wanna be with a man. Always have. Ftm is different though lol
Britney , I wonder if you would think diffrently, if you met a man you knew and loved for a long time, then he came out as MTF ? Would it make a diffrence?
Well after 23 years with Alison I am hardly in a position to say anything other than two MtF's in a relationship can indeed work just fine.
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 14, 2011, 04:08:10 PM
Well after 23 years with Alison I am hardly in a position to say anything other than two MtF's in a relationship can indeed work just fine.
I got a chuckle out of that. :) I always forget to ask you, are you the person on the left or right in your avatar?
I've learned that, for me, the emotional connection of attraction is way more important than the physical part. Lots of married people have to change their views enough to understand that even if their spouse is perfectly attractive today, 40 years from now will bring plenty of changes. How many today would find someone 40 years older than them attractive? Yet I'll bet that if I'm blessed enough to be with my wife in 40 years, I'll still be very attracted to her and hopefully she will feel the same way for me - even though I'm sure I won't be that attractive to anyone else (in fact, I can think of few things less attractive than what I'll likely look like in 40 years)!
Expecting a spouse to always fit a certain mold of "attractive" is probably not good for long-term relationships. And I wonder how much of what we individually are able to accept as to physical change comes down to societal expectations and conditioning. We accept and stay in relationship with a spouse 40 years from now because we're kind of expected to, for instance, even though few would say an 80 year old is more attractive than a 20 year old, etc.
That said, obviously not everyone wants to be in a romantic, physical relationship with someone who changes in certain ways physically. I acknowledge that, even though it's not how I'd see things.
Quote from: Angela + Maria Forever on January 14, 2011, 04:14:12 PM
I got a chuckle out of that. :) I always forget to ask you, are you the person on the left or right in your avatar?
We change sides - but I am the one with RED hair - Alison is the blonde, and I always change the names round in the line underneath so that the names are the same way round as the picture.
Ok, thanks Jenny.
Quote from: Angela + Maria Forever on January 14, 2011, 03:48:53 PM
Britney , I wonder if you would think diffrently, if you met a man you knew and loved for a long time, then he came out as MTF ? Would it make a diffrence?
It probably would. But who knows. I might be able to stay with her but I wouldn't want the relationship to be physical or sexual. I'm not aroused or even interested in doing anything sexual with any female. Then if that happened, the relationship would end. =/
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 14, 2011, 05:14:37 PM
It probably would. But who knows. I might be able to stay with her but I wouldn't want the relationship to be physical or sexual. I'm not aroused or even interested in doing anything sexual with any female. Then if that happened, the relationship would end. =/
you might be surprised....
I am mainly into females but I find myself excited and turned on by Sevans masculized traits.
I ussed to hate facial hair on my lovers but it is diferant with Sevan.....I like it on hir.
:)
It might be more respectful to Maria if the thread title was changed. At the moment it says 'him' where really it ought to say 'her.'
Maria needs to be allowed to be true to herself, how many ladies here have regretful memories of their own wedding days? The wedding day they were forced to take part in looking, sounding and being regarded as a man. Maria needs to embrace her inner woman. She has a long road ahead of her and she really doesn't need a wedding, conducted under false circumstances, to be nagging away at her. It will then be another piece of male history she will be forced to lie about in years to come.
I am begging you Angela, please don't put her through that!
John, we have discussed this in length with Maria. She has no problem with the wedding while in male mode. For us its all about the love and the bond we share together. Maybe, some years down the line we will renew our vows. For now we are both looking forward to our special day on April 2nd. :)
To be legaly married to Sevan I would be happy to wear a man suit and play the part yet again.
Yes I would prefer to have been the one in a gown and flowers. So when we get remarried I will.
I wouldn't be surprised if Maria would do that too just to be married legaly to her sweety also.
Your know, when I married my wife, we talked about how we would present ourselves.
Both of us really would have liked the opportunity to say to the world, this is who we are. We didn't really discusss any detains as such, but the idea. It was our day, after all.
But as we thought more, we realised that the notion of Our Day, is perhaps a bit misleading. It is the day when our families and friends come and see these two people becomng a unit, a team.
My wife's parents, in particular, were coming to see their child being partnered as they had been. And believe me, they were very conventional.
It wasn't just about us really. It was about everyone there.
As boring as it sounds, we opted for as much tradition as we could afford. So that those there, who had come to see us becoming a team, a unit, could understand and feel comfortable. So that they, all of them, could remember the day when they witnessed that.
Since that day, we've both done almost everything that we dared to to defy convention. >:-)
I remember when my girlfriend came out to me, just a month after I came out to her. It's been the strangest road we've gone down, transitioning and discovering ourselves together, but it's brought us closer than I think we would have ever been otherwise. I truly feel for you. Good luck with your life together, and congratulations on your marriage!
Quote from: Morgan on January 15, 2011, 07:32:00 PM
I remember when my girlfriend came out to me, just a month after I came out to her. It's been the strangest road we've gone down, transitioning and discovering ourselves together, but it's brought us closer than I think we would have ever been otherwise. I truly feel for you. Good luck with your life together, and congratulations on your marriage!
This is the wonderous gift we get when we transition with a partner.
Quote from: Angela + Maria Forever on January 14, 2011, 06:40:24 AM
Spacial, if I had my way I wish she wouldnt transition at all.
Just based on this statement i think you should really reconsider your choices. I don't know you of course, but what difference is it if you have a wedding now or a year from now? You both love each other the same, and ultimately you will be together forever, there's no rush after such a huge revelation that you can't take time to really discover each other and see how you both will deal through these tough times. Marriage will always be there, take it slow and take some time to know your future wife...
Quote from: KillBelle on January 15, 2011, 09:03:45 PM
Just based on this statement i think you should really reconsider your choices. I don't know you of course, but what difference is it if you have a wedding now or a year from now? You both love each other the same, and ultimately you will be together forever, there's no rush after such a huge revelation that you can't take time to really discover each other and see how you both will deal through these tough times. Marriage will always be there, take it slow and take some time to know your future wife...
I didn't want Sevan to transition. I got over it soon enough after ze started cause I knew I wanted to be with hir regardless of hir gender.
The girls have a limited amount of time to get married considering that Maria isn't going to start her transition until after the marriage. (which I tottaly understand)
Quote from: cynthialee on January 15, 2011, 09:31:22 PM
I didn't want Sevan to transition. I got over it soon enough after ze started cause I knew I wanted to be with hir regardless of hir gender.
The girls have a limited amount of time to get married considering that Maria isn't going to start her transition until after the marriage. (which I tottaly understand)
I understand your point of view, but just based upon the divorce rate of this country as of current: 46%. People are taking things like marriage to be some sort of solution to their problems (or a way of coping), also, marriage isn't something to jump into lightly, have they considered ALL the routes and got all their priorities straightened out?
I'm not sure if you've read that other thread the OP made about wanting to go drown in the ocean with her fiance, obviously there are issues that needs to be addressed. I am not going root for a marriage because (no offense) both people do not seem to be very stable at this moment in their life.
You cannot compare your situation Cynthia because perhaps it revolved around different circumstances. But all in all i am happy that you are able to find your soulmate <3
Considering, KillBelle, that you very recently had a very acrimonious breakup, I wouldn't put great stock in your advice - as it's very likely to be heavily biased in one direction.
Quote from: KillBelle on January 15, 2011, 09:42:35 PM
I understand your point of view, but just based upon the divorce rate of this country as of current: 46%. People are taking things like marriage to be some sort of solution to their problems (or a way of coping), also, marriage isn't something to jump into lightly, have they considered ALL the routes and got all their priorities straightened out?
I'm not sure if you've read that other thread the OP made about wanting to go drown in the ocean with her fiance, obviously there are issues that needs to be addressed. I am not going root for a marriage because (no offense) both people do not seem to be very stable at this moment in their life.
You cannot compare your situation Cynthia because perhaps it revolved around different circumstances. But all in all i am happy that you are able to find your soulmate <3
To be honest it would be silly to assume that everyone that gets married has everything worked out before they do. The things that end marriages typically don't appear or disappear overnight. Relationships that last tend to be composed of two people who love each other and work together to overcome the inevitable obstacles. I think people are too obsessed with instant gratification and the moment things don't look peachy one or both throw in the towel.
We might not always accept things at face value, but we compromise, we love, and we work together. Those are the key factor to a successful relationship in my opinion.
Quote from: Vexing on January 15, 2011, 09:58:15 PM
Considering, KillBelle, that you very recently had a very acrimonious breakup, I wouldn't put great stock in your advice - as it's very likely to be heavily biased in one direction.
It's not biased in any direction, not everyone is going to have the same opinion about marriage as you do. I was just stating the obvious, marriage can happen at any time...just take it slow especially after a revelation such as this.
Quote from: Jacquelyn on January 15, 2011, 10:02:12 PM
To be honest it would be silly to assume that everyone that gets married has everything worked out before they do. The things that end marriages typically don't appear or disappear overnight. Relationships that last tend to be composed of two people who love each other and work together to overcome the inevitable obstacles. I think people are too obsessed with instant gratification and the moment things don't look peachy one or both throw in the towel.
We might not always accept things at face value, but we compromise, we love, and we work together. Those are the key factor to a successful relationship in my opinion.
I see the point that you are making, but we are talking about someone changing their gender four months before their wedding date. I'm not saying that you SHOULDNT have the marriage, im just saying that you should take time to overcome or come to terms with who you are.
Do you remember the stress and pain that it takes for one person to come to terms with their transition? How painful it was to wait the months to pass by before you can start HRT? Or looking into the mirror and wishing the day would come when you can live full-time? Imagine all that stress lumped into the stress of planning a wedding and hiding it from friends and family, and then to also deal with a suicidal spouse. Just saying, but of course i could be wrong =D
Quote from: KillBelle on January 15, 2011, 10:11:00 PM
I see the point that you are making, but we are talking about someone changing their gender four months before their wedding date. I'm not saying that you SHOULDNT have the marriage, im just saying that you should take time to overcome or come to terms with who you are.
Do you remember the stress and pain that it takes for one person to come to terms with their transition? How painful it was to wait the months to pass by before you can start HRT? Or looking into the mirror and wishing the day would come when you can live full-time? Imagine all that stress lumped into the stress of planning a wedding and hiding it from friends and family, and then to also deal with a suicidal spouse. Just saying, but of course i could be wrong =D
Well, I'm a GG so no,I don't know what that feels like. My SO is trans though and I don't plan to leave his side but to try and work through that with him. His GID is the least of my worries, but still, not giving up just because things aren't easy is the key.
A girl I know quite well once mentioned how our marriage seems to just truck along and said, 'Well, you deserve each other.'
I think if you go into marriage, thinking there is a way out, or if you go into marriage, hoping it will get better, or if you go into marriage thinking the person is anything other than the best there ever was or could be, then it probably won't work.
I really can't say why my wife has put up with me all these years. But for my part, every day, I am grateful that she has. She's a better person than I can ever be. I look up to her. I admire her. I try to emulate her as far as possible. She might not know it, but she's my leader.
But for all that, we're equals. We respect each other and accept that neither of us is perfect.
You know, I've been thinking of starting a thread asking what is your favourite pet hate about your partner.
Quote from: KillBelle on January 15, 2011, 09:42:35 PM
I understand your point of view, but just based upon the divorce rate of this country as of current: 46%.
(assuming USA)
The total divorce rate is somewhere around there. But for first marriages, it's substantially less than 46%. A first marriage is way more likely to work out than a second or whatever marriage. The other key factor in marriage, other than how many times a partner has failed in the past at marriage, is the age of the couple when they marry. People over 25 have a substantially lower rate of divorce. For instance, women who marry at between age 25 and 30 have a divorce rate of around 16% (only 16% of them will divorce their spouse). Women age 20-25 have a 36% divorce rate - still much lower than the average of 46%, because the 46% is partially composed of a group of people that divorce and marry other divorcees and then divorce again - these people can have an 80% chance of divorce or more.
So love is not quite as dire as many think for most first-marriage young people. :) Your chances are reasonably good, particularly for first marriages of people after age 25 or 30. That said, marriage *is* hard work sometimes and I wouldn't fault anyone who couldn't make it work out with a specific person - that happens to plenty of people who work very hard to build a relationship. And it's plenty possible for divorcees to find a good spouse and spend the rest of their life together - we aren't constrained by the odds.
(I take my numbers from the USA CDC)
That said, I *do* agree with you that anyone entering marriage do so with open eyes - and makes sure that they can handle things that can be reasonably expected to happen.
Not to mention the fact that a potential divorce is not a reason to put off marriage. Marriage doesn't need to be forever. It's like throwing a really big party where you get to wear an awesome dress - in fact it IS a big party where you get to wear an awesome dress.
I think people put too much emphasis on marriage and treat it far too seriously.
I also think that much of that attitude comes from the religious connotations that go with it - which to someone like me are utterly meaningless.
If some suggested that I put off my big party because my partner was having some issues, I'd tell them to bugger off - as a party would probably cheer my man up :)
Considering the history of Western divorce law, gender inequality, and sociocultural and religious shifts--not to mention longer lifespans--I'm not surprised about the current divorce rate in the U.S. I really don't have a problem with it. I don't see why it's such a tragedy for two people to grow apart over time, and decide to call it quits. It's only a sacred lifelong commitment if people insist that it is--and when such people divorce (and many of them do), they often feel like failures or sinners or whatever. That makes sense. ::)
Personally, I think the hue and cry over the U.S. divorce rate is a crock, much ado about nothing. Or much ado about very little.
I honestly can't see a problem here. As Jacquelyn has said, it depends upon how ready you are to overcome problems.
But I still believe that, if you think there is an alternative, then there will be. For my wife and I, there isn't one.
Angela is pretty smart. I think she and Maria will have a sensible approach
Quote from: spacial on January 16, 2011, 05:44:18 AM
A girl I know quite well once mentioned how our marriage seems to just truck along and said, 'Well, you deserve each other.'
I think if you go into marriage, thinking there is a way out, or if you go into marriage, hoping it will get better, or if you go into marriage thinking the person is anything other than the best there ever was or could be, then it probably won't work.
I really can't say why my wife has put up with me all these years. But for my part, every day, I am grateful that she has. She's a better person than I can ever be. I look up to her. I admire her. I try to emulate her as far as possible. She might not know it, but she's my leader.
But for all that, we're equals. We respect each other and accept that neither of us is perfect.
You know, I've been thinking of starting a thread asking what is your favourite pet hate about your partner.
Quote from: spacial on January 16, 2011, 05:59:32 PM
But I still believe that, if you think there is an alternative, then there will be. For my wife and I, there isn't one.
That pretty much is how I feel about it. I think that the best partners compliment each other's personalities, work together, and most importantly, respect each other for the unique people that they are. It is sweet that you are still able to share those feeling with your wife, Spacial.
I believe that marriage is a commitment unlike any other. In agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone you must (or, should) believe in yourself, and in them. As was stated above, marriage doesn't change someone, but we are all human and subject to change without warning. Your growth as a person doesn't stop just because you have a ring on your finger, and you aren't agreeing to marry someone with the expectation that they will remain stagnant for the rest of their life (or at least you shouldn't... if that is the case it's probably best you don't marry).
Yes, I do eventually want to get married. For me, marriage is a way of expressing your love and dedication to the person that you are with (and as Cait said you also get a pretty party with your friends and loved ones, and you can't beat that :) ). However, it's also a official promise to promote each others well being and shared life (in my opinion at least).
Also, I think a pet hate thread is a great idea. :p
~Jacquelyn
Done.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,91118.new.html#new (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,91118.new.html#new)
But I might be posting several times in it!
I have been following your posts with interest...
First there was the long drawn-out courtship by Michael of you...
Then we had the eve of big announcement, school reunion moment broken by your awful car accident.... that left you facially disfigured...and in hospital for two weeks
But thanks to the miracle work of the talented surgeon..... your 'looks' were saved...
Then post this Michael proposes marriage and you/your family are delighted for you...
Now with a few weeks to go Michael announces his deep seated TG dysphoria... and the latest (sic) twist is you announce your joint suicide....
Which gets the caring side of Susan's once more all ruffled..... >:-)
I think what's most sad about all this.... is obvious to anyone that has more than a little common-sense...
:police: Right for those that do not know Angela is now enjoying a brief vacation whilst the Forum Admin and his team decide what to do. The other two threads have been deleted.
For the benefit of those with short memories I will repeat my earlier message.
This is the internet folks - not all of it is real - but it is FOR STAFF AND STAFF ALONE to sort out and take action when we believe it to be warranted. Until we do so, members must remain supportive and open minded. If you cannot do that then don't post, or you may find yourself being dealt with as the violator of forum rules.
This thread is now also locked. :police: