Okay, I am just curious about trangender people's most dysmorphic aspects, physically. For aspects that you did not have at birth, consider it the "I wish I had it" way. If you did have it at birth, consider it the "I wish I had it not" way.
For example, a FTM putting "vulva" in first place would hate his vulva a lot, while a MTF doing the same would long for one.
Notes
-No matter where you are in transition, please answer as if you were still in the very early stages. Tell us how you felt back then, and why not how you feel right now, too.
-I do absolutely not force you to answer to this poll or disclose any information. Please do feel not forced to.
-Please answer while putting every item in order, from the most dysmorphic to the least.
-Please mention your "transgender status" in your message : MTF/FTM transsexual, MTF/FTM other transgender (no offense intended), intersex, non-TG (even though gender dysphoria should be nonexistent, I think. But hey, why not), etc.
-You can either explain with a long text or just post a list. You can also discuss (while not straying too far from the topic, ideally)
-Longing for an "item" (e.g. penis) and hating its contrary (e.g. vulva) do not necessarily go together.
-You may add items.
-You may skip items that you do not judge relevant.
Items (in alphabetical order)
Feel free to modify the list.
Accessories and make-up
Activities
Body hair
Bone size
Breasts
Facial features
Facial hair
Fat distribution
Friendships
Gender-specific clothes
Hand and foot size
Head hair
Height
Hips
Hormone-induced comportments
Love
Mannerisms and moving
Muscular mass
Penis and testes
Rib cage
Shoulders
Skin texture, colour and thickness
Voice
Vulva
Personally, I really need to think about it before I tell you mine, but I promise I will very soon !
EDIT : Agh, there was a section for polls, right ? Sorry :x.
I am an FTM Transsexual. I have tried to list these things in order of most to least dysphoric, although a few are pretty close. I also decided to rate the intensity. I mostly decided based on what I think about most often.
Penis and testes - this is the first thing that led me to understand I was trans... where was my penis? 9/10
Shoulders - I just feel quite shrimpy and not very impressive. 7/10
Muscle Mass - 6/10
Vulva - Looks strange on my body - 6/10
Fat distribution - Hides what muscle I do have. 5/10
Breasts - They are inconvenient and "offensive to the public" aka. I can't take off my shirt 5/10
Facial Features - 4/10
Mannerisms and Moving - Because I have wide hips, this pushes my knees together. It feels awkward to walk this way. 3/10
Hormone-Induced Comportments - 3/10
Facial Hair - 3/10
Voice - 3/10
Bone Size - 2/10
Rib cage - Slim 2/10
Height - 1/10
Head Hair - This is actually not gender related for me. I have a triple crown and it can be bothersome! 1/10
Gender Specific Clothes - Was always uncomfortable being out in public in these, but my fashion was always pretty neutral 1/10
Body Hair - Thick in some places, slight in others 1/10
Hand and Foot Size - 1/10
Friendships - Sometimes I will be treated "differently" 1/10
Skin texture, colour and thickness - 1/10
Accessories and make-up - Never wore much 0.5/10
Activities - 0/10
Love - 0/10
I'm curious to see other people's write-ups on this.
I'm an MtF who still has most of the features that I don't want, and few of the ones that I do. I'm not sure that I can rate individual items on a list. To me, the body works as a whole unit. What affects one part of me affects all.
I'm still pre-everything, and vary between feeling like either male or nothing at all. I want top surgery for sure (have for years) but I'm still questioning whether or not T is the right direction for me just yet. At some point I think I'd like to, but I'm only 20 and feel that I should take advantage of the time I have to make sure the decision is the right one. As of now a binder and external androgyny is enough to let me live semi-comfortably at least half the time. I currently have things under control, but I can already smell the ozone... >_>
I'm stealing another posters idea and rating the intensity as well, because I'm horrible at explaining some things and don't feel like ordering them haha.
Accessories and make-up [5/10] I feel the need to specifically use men's deodorant, shampoo, etc. for some reason... it just feels better. That and they smell wonderful x)
Activities [0/10]
Body hair [3/10] The men in my family all have light or no body hair so it's never really been a big craving of mine.
Bone size [2/10] I've never felt the need to be "macho" looking. When I visualize myself as wholly male I still see the same skinny twenty year old I am now, just with a different fat distribution.
Breasts [10/10] I want them gone. I have always wanted them gone. Biggest source of psychological agony I have. It's to the point where showering is becoming torture if I don't look elsewhere when I need to scrub.
Facial features [6/10] One of the reasons I'd like to get on T at some point would be to help restructure the fat deposits in my face. I know it's still going to look similar but I'm totally fine with looking like a feminine guy. Right now it's just plain feminine and keeps me from passing unless I'm wearing shades. I want my high cheekbones to show!
Facial hair [3/10] I've always kind of wanted sideburns, but I have no all-out need for stubble.
Fat distribution [10/10] I hate that I work and work on a six pack, and I'm at a low weight but can't show off my hard work. My fat distribution has driven me into a full fledged eating disorder in the past, and was mostly aimed at getting rid of my breasts and hips. I'm healthy now, but I could have killed myself if I didn't catch what was really going on.
Friendships [0/10] All of my friends are male. Yes. Every last one. I didn't do it on purpose, I promise haha- I go to a music school and the male/female ratio is 7:1.
Gender-specific clothes [8.5/10] In the last few years I've gotten to where I can't leave my apartment in anything but pants without feeling a panic attack come on. Occasionally I'll have days with less dysphoria and I'll be able to wear boots with a 1/2 inch heel, or some rings/bracelets but that's about as far as I can comfortably venture these days. While some of my clothing is more feminine-ish than other stuff, I could easily name a cis-guy that would wear the same thing. Nothing feels better than having one of my guy friends ask me where I got that jacket! I'm sort of a femme guy if that makes any sense at allx).
Hand and foot size [2/10] I have huge hands. They're the only part of me I like 100% of the time. My feet are large for a bio-female, but still small for a guy.
Head hair [0/10] Hair is hair. haha
Height [6/10] I'm 5'4" and wear lifts in all of my shoes to make me 1-2 inches taller. I'm very self conscious without them.
Hips [9/10] Kill them. See my response to "fat distribution". My butt is flat and smaller like a bio-male, but it's still wide.
Hormone-induced comportments [2/10]
Love [0/10]
Mannerisms and moving [3/10] I struggled with being slightly pigeon toed for a long time, and I still have to correct myself sometimes when I'm standing and notice my feet pointing inwards.
Muscular mass [3/10] I have thin arms that have always mysteriously missed the typical female fat deposit at the tops (thank god), but I'd like to have slightly more muscle in my upper biceps. My forearms are actually quite nicely built thanks to years of playing music.
Penis and testes [2/10] Eh. I never really wanted a penis. This is the big source of weirdness for me with transitioning- I know I'd never care about getting bottom surgery. It's not so much an aversion, just indifference.
Rib cage [0/10] My ribs are fine.
Shoulders [0/10] I have naturally broad shoulders.
Skin texture, colour and thickness [4/10] I have really pale skin that blushes easily if I'm not wearing some kind of stealth concealer, and I feel like it hides my facial structure by reflecting light and just makes my face look rounder. I need a tan. The texture is also irritatingly soft and makes me feel feminine... so I just try to ignore it and not touch my face or other sensitive bits.
Voice [4/10] It's deep for a bio-female, but not quite the male tenor I'd like.
Vulva [8/10] Kill it kill it kill it kill it.
Ovaries/vagina [9/10] See above.
My struggle is more of a "getting rid of" kind of thing rather than an additive one. I'm not really desiring much, but I can name a hell of a lot I'd like to be done with!
Here I go... Come on, girls, we want to hear you, too.
Rating items is a good idea !
MTF Transsexual
Quote
Accessories and make-up [3/10] I will probably never wear much (anyway, I'm so slow, I could not afford to put on a ton of it too often)
Activities [5/10] Okay, this is weird, but I've always been pretty self-conscious of how masculine or feminine my activities are. There are many things I do not like and I do not know if I do not like them "because" they are boyish. I am pretty easy to influence in that field. I started liking ketchup at some point because Pikachu liked it on TV.
Body hair [8/10] To quote the guys, kill it ! I'm okay with light and normal hair like most girls. You know, stuff you shave off once every 3 days and even if you forget it still does not shows, and hair on the arms so light that you don't actually see it. But now I have THICK hair EVERYWHERE, including places where even most guys are not hairy, i.e. the back and the freaking FINGERS.
Bone size [4/10] I know there's worse than me, but I still hate the fact that I have big arms and legs and will still do even if I lose lots of muscular mass, which I might not.
Breasts [3/10] Maybe I'm special regarding this, but I've always wanted to be a girl more than wanted to be a woman. Basically, I do not feel the breasts lack all that much. I want them because women have breasts and one (especially a transsexual one) needs them to pass, but well, I'm not a breast fan. Maybe I will like them more when I become more "adult" in relationships, which I do not plan will happen until I fully transition. Right now, I feel like a kid. Maybe that's why, because, well, I believe most young girls do not want breasts all that much either. Right now I hope the psychiatrist won't force me to be all social and adult before to even talk about transition. This would destroy me. Just a thought.
Facial features [7/10] Even though even without HRT, by tweaking a little my face could pass, I still hate how my jaw just goes down and down and down, and how my forehead just goes up and forward and forward and how my brow line is just HUGE...
Facial hair [10/10] Don't kill it -- destroy it. I'm serious. This is a pain, is ugly, is definitely manly, is impossible to hide and grows back in just half a day. Do you need more ?
Fat distribution [8/10] I'm tired of having a huge belly even while losing weight. It's just not where fat should go, I feel.
Friendships [6/10] I'm dying for normal relationships. How come I'm unable to do this as a male ? I don't know. I guess that's just what makes transition necessary.
Gender-specific clothes [7/10] ...Depends. I'm not particularly dying for heels, skirts and sleeveless tops, but female clothes, even non-gender-specific, always feel and look better, e.g. sweaters, t-shirts, running shoes, jeans, etc.
Hand and foot size [7/10] Even though mine are small compared to most men, they are still bigger than the average female ones... Women's size 9 shoes are something many here would like, but I cannot help but still find it too big. Sigh.
Head hair [5/10] I'll be pretty angry if you shave my hair short. That's just how I feel my hair should be. And even though I'm just 19 (don't ya say I'm 20 until my birthday !) I'm still looking out (and probably exaggerating) for every sign of male pattern baldness.
Height [6/10] 5 feet 5 inches and a half are totally in the female range, but it's the male average. But I want the female average. Shorter if possible. Guys grow until 25, right ? Should I take just one more half inch, I'll start wearing heavy books on my head. D:
Hips [7/10] Need them. Mine are overdeveloped for a guy, but still far from anything acceptable.
Hormone-induced comportments [7/10] Gotta love feeling like a pervert 100% of the time.
Love [4/10] I don't particularly strive for this, but not striving for love at all is a problem in itself. I don't quite say it to myself yet, but I know I will eventually need something in that field.
Mannerisms and moving [7/10] I wish someone could observe me and show me every masculine move I make. Sometimes I don't even notice. :x
Muscular mass [7/10] Yeah, uh. Kill it. It makes body parts big and heavy, and this is not what I want.
Penis and testes [10/10] Destruction required. Some things can be temporarily forgotten, but this is a hard one.
Rib cage [5/10] Mine is so big my upper arms naturally stick out. This is just pathetic.
Shoulders [4/10] I'm not so bad about this. Mine are way too wide, but I guess they kind of pass.
Skin texture, colour and thickness [5/10] I don't like feeling like I'm wearing some kind of heavy duty leather, but well. I'm not too self-conscious about this because I know it will go back to normal with HRT.
Voice [10/10] I almost do like Dobby in Harry Potter when I hear a male sound come out of me. It just doesn't sound good. At. All. I've been working on my voice for 10 years, and now I feel it's all been for naught.
Vulva [4/10] Well, I kind of do want it because this is how I should pee and all, but I would prefer just having an uretra hole and nothing else than have a penis. This is important because it goes with passing and penis removal, but the lack of a vagina is not particularly distressful. Not as much as the other presence, anyway.
Ovaries/vagina [5/10] I would love to produce my own hormones and everything, and you know, be a "full-fledged" woman, but I do not think I would have a child even with this. I just don't feel my genes are something that should be transmitted.
Reading our posts, I notice that a tendency seems to appear that we want stuff gone more than we want new stuff to come in, in general. Or maybe it's just the guys, and I think like them.
Penis and testes 10/10 I want this right meow
Voice 8/10 - really want it to change, but if it doesn't it's not the end of the world
Muscular mass 8/10 same as above
Hormone-induced comportments 8/10 well hormones should take care of lots of these shouldn't they?
Fat distribution 8/10. hate my fat distribution, however losing some weight might help that too
Hips 6/10 - not supposed to be there but meh
Height 6/10 - wouldn't mind being an inch or two taller
Shoulders - 5/10 wouldn't mind being an inch or two wider
Facial hair - 4/10 not to thrilled on the idea of shaving everyday, but I also like the idea of the 1 day old stubble look
Hand and foot size 3/10 - feet are already around size 11 mens, hands are a tad small
Bone size -2/10 I have a small frame, despite my size.. but that's okay. It puts on muscle well enough to mask my teeny tiny little bones
Rib cage - 2/10 already large.. so meh
Facial features 2/10 - hey I like my face already.. doesn't need to change, but when it does.. that's okay too I supose
Body hair 2/10 - I wouldn't mind a little bit more (happy trail) but otherwise I'm good
Friendships 2/10 - Feel like I already got lots of awesome friendships going
Love 2/10 - Already got lots of loving going on
Skin texture, colour and thickness - 0/10? - Not too picky here
Gender-specific clothes - 0/10 - already have all I need.. though if you want to buy me more
Activities 0/10 - already got that going down
Mannerisms and moving - 0/10 happy with what I already have
Head hair 0/10 - already is masculine
Vulva 0/10 - f****** hate this thing, I can't have sex properly with it. DX Though on a day to day basis it doesn't cause me dysphoria.. it's just there
Accessories and make-up 0/10 I can't tell you how much I hate this stuff. Like.. it should all be blown up
Breasts - -10/10 yeah that's right, these get a negative 10. I hate that they are there, I hate having to bind, I just hate hate hate. Not always causing me dysphoria.. most of the time I can just ignore them, but when something does come up, I am not a happy camper.
I doubt I'm the only one that probably feels this way, but from my MtF perspective the dysphoria is dynamic, that which I might tolerate one day might be the object of my hatred the next day.
Quote from: regan on January 17, 2011, 09:42:40 AM
I doubt I'm the only one that probably feels this way, but from my MtF perspective the dysphoria is dynamic, that which I might tolerate one day might be the object of my hatred the next day.
That's the other reason I can't rate items on a list.
I am MTF. :icon_yes:
Accessories and make-up [7/10] - This is something I felt I could never be able to do as a guy without it being awkward or weird. I love accessories and I think it adds a really personal touch to things. Make-up is amazing, I just wish I knew how to apply it better.
Activities [3/10] I don't worry a whole lot if an activity is for girls or not because I think girls can do everything guys can and vice versa. I dislike sports greatly and I would feel weird playing them but that doesn't mean if I liked them I would feel like any less of a woman.
Body hair [10/10] I absolutely despise it for all I'm worth. I can't stand hair on my legs, arms, underarms, or *argh!* chest. It's just so annoying! The only place I want hair is on my head and no facial hair.
Bone size [8/10] This gets on my nerves a lot... I'm sort of tall and medium boned, I feel like I was jipped out of having small bones and there's nothing I can do about it. My feet are like a size 12 and that annoys me big time, especially since I love shoes and most of the ladies shoes don't go as high as I need them.
Breasts [5/10] I just want to look like a girl, if I have small breasts then that's totally okay by me. I do want some breasts though but they don't have to be big or even medium sized, whatever I get will be fine :). In fact I think smaller breasts are a nicer feature and much less hassle from what I've heard from various people...
Facial features [7/10] I think I have a fairly feminine face but I don't like my brow ridge line, my jaw, or my hairline. I'm not too concerned in the long run though because I can get FFS if I decide to but it bothers me for the time being.
Facial hair [10/10] Hate the dreadful facial hair! Not only do I have thick black hair but even when I shave I still have the shadow. I could grow a decent beard in a week, that's how annoying fast it grows. Also I have a really sensitive neck so every single time I shave I get razor burn. Honestly I would get rid of this with laser/electrolysis even if I didn't decide to transition.
Fat distribution [1/10] Right now I'm actually fairly happy with it except I would like to have a lot more in the hip area and cheeks but I expect that to change with HRT.
Friendships [5/10] I'm really kind of undecided on this. I'm quite a loner and I don't think that would change with HRT. I wouldn't mind having a few more really close friends but just one or two. I'm very picky about who I'm loyal too but once I decide to be loyal to a good friend then I would take a bullet for them in a heartbeat.
Gender-specific clothes [9/10] I'm a big fashion person, I love hair and clothing fashions so I love wearing girly clothes and shopping for them. It's a pretty important thing to me, I even thought about being a fashion designer then a hair stylist for a while haha
Hand and foot size [8/10] Both of these bother me, even more so that they're unchangeable. If they ever come up with a way to shrink your feet or hands I would want to be on that train.
Head hair [8/10] It bothers me that my hair is curly and won't grow right, but when it works I love it. It's long and brown, in fact I think it looks just like my avatar picture.
Height [4/10] It's not so bad being tall. I'm 6'1" and it is a little tall for a girl but hey the super models are tall too right? :D
Hips [9/10] I would LOVE hips. Sometimes it's hard to wear girls pants because they don't fit guy hips very well. I can't wait to see what HRT does.
Love [7/10] I know there's someone special out there for me and I think we'll find each other someday. I don't think it has very much to do with my transition though because if we truly love each other gender shouldn't even matter. I'm kind of an idealist sometimes about relationships.
Mannerisms and moving [8/10] This is something I need to work on a little, although some people say I already move "like a gay guy" (according to one of my ex-friends). I like using hand motions and walking with a swing in my hips but sometimes I feel like it's weird because I don't pass yet.
Rib cage [7/10] My rib cage doesn't bother me too often but when things start rolling I plan on doing corset training.
Shoulders [10/10] I have kind of broad shoulders and it bothers me a lot. I wish I had narrow shoulders like a GG :(
Skin texture, colour and thickness [8/10] I really, really want smooth and soft skin. I use lotion a lot but it still feels too rough. I'm not too sure about colour, that isn't really on my mind very much.
Voice [8/10] My voice needs work and I really think I can make it happen I just need to put my mind to it. I'm sort of waiting to be on HRT first though. A really feminine voice is something I really desire :)
Vag [5/10] As far as the nethers go I think it's really complicated. I want a vagina much more than a penis but at the same time it's something that isn't on my mind very much. I expect if I were in a relationship with a guy things might be different but this early in transition I'll just be happy to start HRT. Somewhere down the line I may or may not get SRS, I'm undecided. On one hand I feel like it would make me complete, but on the other hand I don't want to do it just because that's how society defines genders.
I hope I did this right!
Linking to regan and VG, the only one I can really identify with, as dysmorphia is penis and testicles.
The rest is variable for me.
My ugly bit has done and continues to do, it's worst. The rest is secondary.
I'm ftm (though I suppose it's possible that I'm fta). I wasn't really sure how to rate these. But most dysphoric would be the chest and downstairs. Height and voice after that.
Accessories and make-up: I've always hated wearing make-up. I love earrings, and when I have money, I want to buy some earrings made specifically for men. I don't wear them often, but sometimes I get in the mood to wear some. I like making them too. Belts I don't wear but I do have one in case of formal occasions (not likely). I have a couple of ties, but not much chance to wear them. I don't like wearing rings or things around my wrist. I do wear a hat pretty often.
Activities: I have some really girly hobbies, like beading, sewing, scrapbooking, fashion design and pretty much anything crafty. I also collect My Little Ponies and a few dolls. I do collect legos too and like to swim and rollerskate/rollerblade, but those are pretty gender neutral. I'm a total computer geek, always been interested in programming and rebuilt a computer one time. I'm interested in camping and canoeing and wilderness survival. And weightlifting. And sword-fighting. I'd love to get back into SCA-type stuff. (I guess that's my manliest interests).
Body hair: I hate body hair. And I'm already really hairy for a female so I'll probably end up with lots of it.
Bone size: I have really large, thick bones. I haven't always been happy about it. But now I'm kind of glad about it.
Breasts: UGH!!!!!! GET RID OF 'EM! That's how I feel. So dysphoric about these.
Facial features: My features are already pretty manly-looking. I don't like my nose, I'd get that changed if I could. My eyebrows, unfortunately, won't grow back after plucking for so many years.
Facial hair: Do not want. I'd like sideburns but I really don't want facial hair. And I'm sure I'll get it because some is already there.
Fat distribution: I'm overweight, so I got fat everywhere. I'd like for it to distribute right off of me. No matter how hard I work out and how much I watch what I eat, I still can't lose it.
Friendships: Love my friends. I do wish I had more real-life friends to hang out with.
Gender-specific clothes: This one's a bit problematic for me. I find most men's clothes really boring. On the positive side, they are more comfortable and I feel lots more comfortable wearing them. There's some women's clothes that I really like too, though.
Hand and foot size: Feet are really big, women's size 10 and they're wide too. Most women's shoes don't fit me. My hands...ugh, they're so tiny and dainty-looking. How did I end up with huge feet and tiny little hands?!
Head hair: Love my hair, it's really my only redeeming physical feature. Once I'm on T, I want to let it grow back out. And I'm really paranoid about going bald.
Height: UGH. I hate being short. I'm average height for a woman, but even a lot of women are taller than me.
Hips: They're pretty wide. I want them gone.
Hormone-induced comportments: Not sure I understand this one.
Love: Definitely wish I had a love interest.
Mannerisms and moving: I have some female mannerisms, mainly in the way I talk. I'd like to get rid of those. I walk like a dude, though, happy about that.
Muscular mass: Pretty muscular for a woman, but I want MORE MUSCLES!!!
Penis and testes: May seem a bit odd, but I don't want testes or a really really big penis. I do want a penis though, I don't care if it's small; I want something I can have sex with and pee out of. If I got bottom surgery (though I doubt I will) I'd go for a meta with the urethal hook-up.
Rib cage: Not an issue.
Shoulders: I have really really broad shoulders.
Skin texture, colour and thickness: I have pretty rough skin already. It's really sensitive though, I hate that.
Voice: Hate my voice. Would love for it to be deeper.
Vulva: Yuck. I want it gone. Gone, gone, gone!
Facial hair 8/10: This is somthing that upsets me the most I've lost count of how many hours of electro I've endured It's painful and so expensive and after I fight so hard and endure another 2 hour session at maximum current I get the treat of what a clear region for a week before it laughs and regenerates again :( I've cleared my upper lip 6 times already it still comes back weaker and slower admittedly but still. I've always had so much compaired to all other males I know I always hated it to the point of tearing it off me it's just a sick cosmic joke.
Testis 8/10
Another big issue my hatred at them remains massive. They are soley responcible for this nightmare I've abused the hell out of them already throughout my life and accordingly they abuse me... Now with hormone blockers they're caged and in a coma but it's the fact that I'm NOT ALLOWED to finish them off them off because of the paterarchal medical establishment loves them so dearly it's like having to live with a dog that's savaged you. Why is the life of my testicals so damn precious anyway? Jeeze put them on oprah so the audiance can cry there sorry eyes out for the hard life they've had glued to an abusive MTF, but by all means ignore what they've done to me... I'm just an evil crazy ->-bleeped-<- who dosen't know what's good for *him*. ¬.¬
Voice 5/10
I'v trained my voice myself so that it sounds very female actually I'm read as female all the time based on my voice alone. but I feel it every day the fact my larynx is still irriversibly damaged and I can speak in my male voice and it's so much easier to speak like a man still dispite having used my female voice for 9 months 24/7 I have to avoid dairy products all the time and carry a bottle of water around with me because it gets disgusting and slimey or dry and horse I consider it a painful disgusting injury that I'm deeply ashamed to admit to having to anyone. and it's a wound that I know won't ever heal.
Facial features 4/10
These do bug me it's because of my androgynous facial features I can pass as a male day to day if I try and I'm forever paranoid about that fact part of me is divided on wheather I should plan for it in the future or not.
Hips 4/10
Alittle bit It's more that when I look in the mirror I know my hips are going to remain this narrow probably forever and it's somthing I missed by just a few years (3-4 would have been enough) is why it's highish on the dysphoria list because its one of those "If you were just abit Faster/Smarter/Braver/Stronger" you could have had them but you wern't.
Body hair 3/10
Its the fact it's on my chest and belly still even if it's thin. ugh ¬.¬
Penis 3/10
unlike my testis this only bugs me alittle it's upsetting somtimes when I can't just wear a pair of leggings/swimsuit because it'd bulge and I can't use it for anything in sex or chase a relationship with another person it's failure as a part jumps the dysphoria to a 10 if I try any of them.
Head hair 1/10
My hair is okay but I am missing abit from my temples its the male V's it's just annoying :(
Height 1/10
I'm a good height 5'7 but it's the fact I tower over my short friends and am still on the tall side for a girl.
I'm living full time now so the others don't really bug me... Others not listed don't bother me.
ok, so I am supposed to do this, pretending i am still pre T, and remembering how I used to feel correct? 10 being the worst 1 being not bad at all?
Accessories and make-up- 1/10 this never bothered me, i just used men's stuff, I didn't have to battle parents to do it either
Activities- 2/10 sometimes I feel weird that i don't have traditional male interests
Body hair- 9/10 used to be/ still kinda am almost hairless, it really really bothers me
Bone size- 5/10 bothers me that my pelvis will always be larger then a cis male
Breasts- 10/10 gross, they keep me from being sexy, they get in the way, i have to bind to go out, just gross
Facial features-7/10 didn't really like my face pre T
Facial hair-7/10 lack of, bothers me
Fat distribution- 9/10 really hated my hip fat
Hand and foot size-1/10 doesn't really bother me too much
Head hair- 1/10 doesnt bother me
Height- 3/10 only bothers me when im around taller guys, or girls for that matter
Hips-9/10 grossssss
Mannerisms and moving 1/10 I have male mannerisims
Muscular mass- 4/10 id like more muscle, but my lack of doesnt bother me too much
Penis and testes- 10/10 dont care for balls that much, but lack of a penis bothers me a lot, expecially because I am a top, so when having sex, i feel like i am really missing out, i want to be able to feel what im supposed to feel but I cant.
Rib cage- 1/10 could be bigger, but not a big deal
Shoulders- 7/10 really bugged me pre T, still bugs me a little
Skin texture, colour and thickness- 5/10 I was really soft pre T, didnt like it
Voice - 10/10 didnt even like to hear my own voice pre T
Vulva- 10/10 i remember feeling suicidal after catching a glimpse of it one time, i find it repulsive on myself
(adding these....)
vagina- 3/10 sometimes it bothers me, but for the most part, its just a bonus hole
fallopian tubes/uterus/ etc- 10/10 really freaks me out that I had periods, and have that gross stuff inside me, stuff that allows me to be pregnant
I've seen this type of thread on more than one TG forum. So here is my own "I'm Curious" Poll:
Do you feel better about yourself/less dysmorphic or worse/more dysmorphic when you hear/read what other people feel dysmoprhic about?
Do you feel better about yourself/less dysmorphic or worse/more dysmorphic when you participate in this type of poll?
I imagine that for some people, having a space to list off and rattle off everything they feel dysmorphic about helps them or reading that other people may feel the same way too is useful.
I imagine that for some people, being prompted about where they might/should feel dysmorphic and focusing on other people's dysmorphia is actually a negative experience. As in: well, I hadn't been thinking about it, now that I am, yeah, I don't like that.
Personally, I gain nothing from listing my areas of dymorphia (or lack thereof) to satisfy someone else's curiosity. I prefer to focus on the parts of my body - in looks or performance - that I do like. I don't enjoy participating in the negativity, even though I recognize that many of these negative feelings are valid and real. I am curious if people reply because, hey, why not, or if they are attuned to whether this type of sharing is on the whole positive or negative for them.
This is kinda hard to answer A... Like others so much of this is variable, but there are certain things that will always be a zero or a 10 for me, so I'm going to give this poll a chance.
Me: Female identified, androgynous, queer... Maaaaaybe considered MtF (but I am not too fond of that term) 4 1/2 months HRT as of now.
Accesories and makeup - 0/10 I wear what I like =/
Activities - Too variable to answer... location, other people involved, etc. If I'm alone or with people that know me however this gets a 0/10 as well.
Body Hair - 9/10 Too dense still, and growing in the wrong places, however this would have been a 10 last year. It's getting better
Bone Size - 5/10
Breasts - 9/10 They aren't the right shape yet... This I assume would also improve though, so again... Variable
Facial Features - Too variable again. I can say though that my chin gets a 10/10
Facial Hair - 8/10 would have been a 10 before hair removal was started and it will eventually be a 0/10 anyways...
Fat Distribution - 5/10 not perfect, but I don't NEED to be super curvy.
Hand and Foot Size - 10/10
Head Hair - 8/10 for its general thinness
Height - Whatever... 0/10
Hips - 10/10
Mannerisms and Moving - 0/10 umm, I move like me... *why* would that be a bad thing? =/
Muscular Mass - 5/10 Estrogen has taken this down quickly.
Penis and Testes - Too variable... Depends on the situation basically. 10/10 if I think about it 0/10 if I don't.
Rib Cage - 10/10
Shoulders - 10/10
Skin Texture - 5/10 variable as HRT has changed it a bit.
Voice - 2/10 varies according my comfort level in situations... My voice is fine for the most part though.
Vulva - Umm, variable. I don't have one, but seeing one doesn't REALLY freak me out or anything. Not having one in sexual encounters = 10/10. Not having one when I'm sitting on the couch = 0/10
Well sorry it's mostly 0's and 10's but that just how I feel. Either something is or isn't a problem, or like a LOT of this stuff varies a great deal. And of course these numbers should be different after more time on HRT I can only assume.
Quote from: Sean on January 17, 2011, 03:35:03 PM
I've seen this type of thread on more than one TG forum. So here is my own "I'm Curious" Poll:
Do you feel better about yourself/less dysmorphic or worse/more dysmorphic when you hear/read what other people feel dysmoprhic about?
Do you feel better about yourself/less dysmorphic or worse/more dysmorphic when you participate in this type of poll?
I imagine that for some people, having a space to list off and rattle off everything they feel dysmorphic about helps them or reading that other people may feel the same way too is useful.
I imagine that for some people, being prompted about where they might/should feel dysmorphic and focusing on other people's dysmorphia is actually a negative experience. As in: well, I hadn't been thinking about it, now that I am, yeah, I don't like that.
Personally, I gain nothing from listing my areas of dymorphia (or lack thereof) to satisfy someone else's curiosity. I prefer to focus on the parts of my body - in looks or performance - that I do like. I don't enjoy participating in the negativity, even though I recognize that many of these negative feelings are valid and real. I am curious if people reply because, hey, why not, or if they are attuned to whether this type of sharing is on the whole positive or negative for them.
I like this comment! ^_^
It's not positive or negative for me, it's just feeling like answering a curious persons questions, and being kinda bored right now... I thought that by doing this it'd make me think a little, but eh... During answering the poll I kinda felt like, "Im so sick of thinking about this stuff!" Like what else is there to think about it? Really? I am 28 years old, I've been thinking about things like this for 20 years already...
To answer you question, I did the poll because I just wanted to be helpful if I could =/ I do not feel any more or less dysmorphic or any better/worse about myself in any way really besides being able to be helpful.
Pre-Hormone, MTF.
Penis and testes + Vulva: 10/10 : I have a very severe displeasure for having a penis and testis. While being able to pee standing up can be handy, at times, the hate for them being there outweighs the benefit. I've always wanted a vulva instead. I hate knowing that I can't wear a bikini or anything that would show that I have a different bottom part. I also find it rather gross at times, it's like the most obnoxious part of my body. And I absolutely despise erections. Until I can get surgery (if I can), this area will haunt me for a long time and continue its torture.
Friendships + Love + : 9/10 : I've never really had any (""real life"") friends, or relationships (of any form). I tended to stick in my room, online, being myself online. Online I make tons of friends, a few staying friends for numerous years. I really want something in real life, however. But I hate being with the guys (most are sick perverts / jerks around here) and get really bad dysphoria break downs and quite a bit of anxiety. Haven't had a relationship of any form in terms of 'love'; which also bothers me considerably. I've missed out on so many parties, and other events that would have been a blast, that it hurts.
Head hair: 9/10 : I have some hair-loss and a very, very, obvious 'M' hair pattern. This bothers me considerably because it makes most female hairstyles I crave, impossible.
Activities: 8/10 : I absolutely despise most male focused sports. Where I'm at you either do the guy sports as a guy or live a very pathetic existence. If you remotely touch something that can be for both or is stereotypically female's you get well, bad things. For example, I love gymnastics, figure skating, swimming. However, guys here must play hockey, football, or baseball. Anything else. Well, you're shunned. Similar things go for other activities. More often than not, even if a sport is for either gender, I would still hate doing it as a male and crave to be doing what the girls are; such was the case when I was in gymnastics.
Body hair: 7/10 : I find body hair very annoying, and it makes my legs and arms like a forest. Shaving is also a big no-no for men here, so I shave everywhere but my arms so that no one knows. As a result, I can't wear anything that shows my (nice) legs.
Facial hair: 7/10 : I don't have much facial hair but it still bothers me quite a bit. Even knowing I can get it removed (which will be expensive for me), I really dislike it. When I was told I needed to start shaving - it was a very horrible day. I remember most guys being "Woot I have to shave! ;D" and I was like " argh, :'( x 100".
Voice: 7/10 : Changing my voice is going to be hard. It isn't super deep, but is deeper than most female voices of course. I also tend to speak really softly because I dislike that my voice is a guy's voice. Furthermore, I'm always having to clear my throat, or cough, or have my speech end and need to swallow mid sentence; all of which will cause problems as I try to change it. These could be from speaking so softly, though.
Accessories and make-up: 6/10 : I really dislike not being able to do much of anything without being weird. While I don't want to be absolutely forced to have makeup / accessories all the time, having more freedom would be amazing.
Breasts: 6/10 : I've never had them so it's hard to say. I do, of course, want them so that I can be seen as any other girl. They actually might be a bit of a nuisance at times, but I do desire to have them regardless.
Gender-specific clothes: 6/10: I envy that girls can wear skirts (only some though, I'm picky regarding them), dresses, and can wear bikinis (and similar). I don't have much problems with male specific clothing as it's so simple. But I do get tired of what I'm supposed to wear. Right now I only ever wear a T-shirt + Jeans + Hoodie, all year round. Never anything else. When I can transition this will change drastically, but right now I feel very restricted.
Mannerisms and moving: 6/10 : I'm always keeping myself from possibly looking like a girl so I fidget and move around quite a bit. I dislike the male mannerisms that I have, and dislike knowing how hard it will be to change them. Guys frown too much :/
Facial features: 5/10 : Again it's hard to say. My fear is that my face wont look good after hormones, but my facial shape is similar to my aunts. I don't have very strong masculine facial features; which is great.
Adam's Apple: 5/10 : It isn't that noticeable. If I'm looking straight ahead you can see it a bit, look down you can't, look straight up you can't. I still fear it may be a give away when I transition, and hate that it's another thing I have different that other girls, but it isn't absolutely major.
Bone size + Hand and foot size + Hips + Shoulders + Rib cage + Height: 4/10 : Most of my body is identical to my sisters other than my hips and shoulders. Those two places I wish could be more feminine, but it shouldn't be too much of an issue. It does concern me now and then, however.
Fat distribution + Hormone-induced comportments + Muscular mass: 3/10 : This I know will change once I get on hormones so I don't get bothered too much. Right now I look like any other guy which is bad for me, but good for being 'normal'.
Skin texture, colour and thickness : 3/10 : This will also change when I'm on hormones (I'm sure) so I don't get bothered too much. My skin isn't that horrible and could be far worse.
Sean : Sorry if I offended you in some way. I do not want to offend anyone, so I was very careful when writing the topic.
But you know, this "poll" is not quite "useful". It's just that I felt pretty depressed, and felt very weird, and as I have, like, zero social skills and relationships, I wanted to know just how weird I was. I know I'm not supposed to worry about this, but I still do. Maybe it's illogical, but when I'm depressed, I tend to find comfort in seeing that I'm not alone in XYZ thing.
Also, this thread can help me understand other transgender people better, which is a big plus considering how mean I can be sometimes. I want to understand people so I do not hurt them.
Quote from: A on January 17, 2011, 06:08:29 PM
Sean : Sorry if I offended you in some way. I do not want to offend anyone, so I was very careful when writing the topic.
But you know, this "poll" is not quite "useful". It's just that I felt pretty depressed, and felt very weird, and as I have, like, zero social skills and relationships, I wanted to know just how weird I was. I know I'm not supposed to worry about this, but I still do. Maybe it's illogical, but when I'm depressed, I tend to find comfort in seeing that I'm not alone in XYZ thing.
Also, this thread can help me understand other transgender people better, which is a big plus considering how mean I can be sometimes. I want to understand people so I do not hurt them.
No worries. I'm not offended or anything. Like I said, I think some people find this helps them. I can understand how you - or anyone else - may feel less alone seeing who feels similar to you.
For me, it's the opposite. I don't feel better talking about certain kinds of depressing things, and seeing how other people who are depressed or feel badly just makes me feel sad for them. We're all different in these things.
Reproductive system - 10/10 (ahh...the one thing i want the most and can never have <3)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Accessories and make-up - 1/10 (i love makeup...in fact thats the best part about being me...i can spend all day with the stuff)
Activities - 1/10 (typical girl stuff, although i do hunt...which is stereotypically more masculine thing to do)
Body hair - 3/10 (just my arm hair sometimes, i dont have a lot of body hair (thank you asian mom)
Bone size - 1/10 (no comment)
Breasts - 2/10 (B/C cup, got lucky started young)
Facial features - 2/10 (my jaw sometimes bother me...but not a big deal)
Facial hair - 2/10 (got laser on upper lip...once again no real body hair)
Fat distribution - 2/10 (less on my arms would be nice)
Friendships - 9/10 (all my friends are guys, wish i had more gfs)
Gender-specific clothes - 1/10 (love it)
Hand and foot size - 8/10 (i am a size 9 feet =[ and big hands..ew)
Head hair - 5/10 (i've been dealing with eating disorders since college, sometimes ill lose my hair because of it so i gotta overcome it)
Height - 1/10 (i'm 5'9...most girls are this height)
Hips- 1/10 ( i got lucky, had a womanly body since birth)
Hormone-induced comportments- 7/10 (HRT makes me extremely sensitive and easily agitated.)
Love - 1/10 (...just keep dating until you find the right one)
Muscular mass - 1/10 (none.)
Penis and testes - 1/10 (gone)
Rib cage - 1/10
Shoulders - 1/10
Skin texture, colour and thickness - 7/10 (still have scars on face from childhood acne...not bad but enough to make me feel insecure without some concealer on when going out. )
Voice - 1/10 (ultra femme)
It's just a curiosity poll...if you are not comfortable then dont waste the extra 5 minutes with a reply. :-*
I can't very well remember what my most dysmorphic attributes were; iirc, probably my hair (since I'd been sporting an army buzz-cut for 9 years prior to transition) and my voice (which I'd coached nice and deep and manly so that I didn't sound like a '->-bleeped-<-').
Other than those two things, I don't think I had any major dysmorpic issues once I started living as a woman.
I'm FTM.
Accessories and make-up - 3/10. I don't wear make up, but depending on what it is, it doesn't make me dysphoric. And I wear necklaces and stuff, so accessories, not entirely. Depends on what it looks like and what it is.
Activities - 2/10. I do some girly things, and while it makes me a bit self-conscious, it doesn't make me dysphoric.
Body hair - 1/10. Doesn't really make me dysphoric or euphoric.
Bone size - 2/10. I don't mind it.
Breasts - 9/10. Obvious reasons are obvious.
Facial features - 1/10. I quite like my facial features, to be honest.
Facial hair - 10/10. The fact that i have none.
Fat distribution - 4/10. Eh, not entirely. I've never really noticed.
Friendships - 6/10. I have almost no guy friends. I adore my female friends, but I sure would like to have some male friends.
Gender-specific clothes - 6/10. Yes and no. I mean, I wear a lot of unisex clothes, but I really don't like wearing girl clothes.
Hand and foot size - 2/10. I used to dislike my hands, but now I just don't care. As for foot size, I don't even know the average foot size for a male. Ignorance is bliss, eh?
Head hair - 1/10. I very much like my hair on my head.
Height - 7/10. I'm too damn short.
Hips - 5/10. So so.
Hormone-induced comportments - I don't know what they means...?
Love - 3/10.
Mannerisms and moving - 9/10. I pay attention to the way I walk, sit, and talk at almost all times.
Muscular mass - 9/10. I have none. ;-;
Penis and testes - 9/10. Lack of.
Rib cage - 1/10.
Shoulders 2/10. Not necessarily.
Skin texture, colour and thickness - 2/10. I don't really like how my skin is so soft. I definitely have girl skin.
Voice - 9/10. I try to make it sound lower everyday - all of the time. That's why I carry water and stuff in my backpack for school.
Vulva - 5/10. Yes, but I tend to ignore it.
Adam's Apple - 9/10. I feel like this was left out. I'm always touching my throat to feel if I have an Adam's Apple.
FTM
I'm not good at rating things on a scale of 1-10. I listed them with what's currently bothering me the most at the top, at least the first few are. The bottom half isn't in any order.
Height- I'm 5'4- 5'5 and I hate it. I think this will even bother me more on T and I will want leg lengthening surgery.
Breasts- They are huge. Right now I'm sitting on the couch and my nipples are almost down to my belly button. It takes effort for me to sit up straight just for a single minute. I think I could easily be a solid 5'5 even at night after top surgery. Stretching would help too since I'm extremely inflexible.
Penis and testes- The lack of. If I'm not happy with what I get from T and a meta I will get a phallo.
Vulva- The fact that I have one.
Head hair- I don't like my hair line.
Facial features- I hate my nose. Getting a nose job is on my to-do list. Kinda iffy about my lips. Not sure if they are masculine or feminine.
Voice- Doesn't pass at all to me, but I've noticed whenever a girl is impersonating me they make their voice deeper.
Facial hair- Looking forward to it. Sure it will grow in fine with T.
Muscular mass- Nothing some hard work won't fix. Looking forward to T helping out here.
Hand and foot size- According to the Isotoner website I would be a mens traditional M or M/L if it's combined sizing. That would be a women L or L/XL. They still look kinda small to me. I'm a US mens 7.5. I would like bigger feet. Seems like most people's hands and feet grow on T.
Fat distribution- Wish it would leave the thighs. Could use a butt.
Body hair- Already pretty hairy. Not looking forward to more back hair.
Hormone-induced comportments- That's a new word for me. A lot of people mention they are less emotional and easier to anger with T. I already have anger problems. The last time I cried was 7 months ago when my ex tried to guilt trip me back into the relationship, they saved my life shortly before I broke up with them. Besides relationship drama the last time I cried was when my dog died in 2006.
Gender-specific clothes- I used to feel really dysphonic when I was little and forced to shop in the girls section as a kid. Owning clothes that I like makes me feel a lot more comfortable about myself.
Accessories and make-up- In high school I got into the whole piercings and tattoo thing. It made me feel like I had control over my body. Now I don't care for them. I stretched my lobes to 0g and you can still see holes where my other piercings were. When I get my nose job I might have the work on the holes. Going to get laser tattoo removal too.
Activities- My mom and grandmother have always pestered me about my interests.
Bone size- Guess that's fine.
Friendships- Don't really care about friendship.
Hips- My stomach and thighs stick out more than my hips.
Love- Sometimes being emotionally attached makes me uncomfortable, even with family.
Mannerisms and moving- My mom has always companied about my lack of femininity here.
Rib cage- I've never took notice of my rib cage so I guess it's fine.
Shoulders- I guess their fine.
Skin texture, colour and thickness- I could use a tan and I hate having freckles.
I hope I do this right.
I'm FtM/FtA (figuring out).
Major Wish I Had: Penis/testicles.
The rest is in no order and I'm just going to rate out of a scale of 10 and the higher the number, the more I wish I had it.
Accessories and make-up 2/10 I don't care really about it, though I do like to dress up occasionally.
Activities 0/10 You can keep the "male" activities. I like my "feminine" activities too much.
Body hair 3/10 I'm not fond of body hair (i.e. chest, back, facial, and leg hair) on anyone.
Bone size 1/10 I never thought about it, but I would prefer a slender shape.
Breasts 0/10 Be gone!
Facial features 1/10 I don't mind being feminine looking.
Facial hair 0/10 No, thank you.
Fat distribution 6/10 I would like to have the fat distribution of a guy, pretty please.
Friendships 1/10 I don't really know what this means.
Gender-specific clothes 4/10 Toughie because many male clothing isn't feminine enough and many female clothing isn't masculine enough.
Hand and foot size 2/10 Danty is nice, not like I have danty anything.
Head hair 2/10 I haven't thought about it.
Height 6/10 Being taller would be nice.
Hips 7/10 Get rid of these large hips!
Hormone-induced comportments ?/10 No idea what this is...
Love ?/10 No idea.
Mannerisms and moving 2/10 Eh...I think most guys look silly when they walk so I really don't want to walk like them.
Muscular mass 4/10 Yeah, that'd be cool.
Penis and testes 10/10 Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Rib cage 1/10 Eh...never thought about it.
Shoulders 1/10 I like slim shoulders.
Skin texture, colour and thickness 1/10 I like smooth, silky skin.
Voice 7/10 I would love a deeper, more masculine voice. My current voice is very feminine.
Vulva 10/10 Leave me be, beast! xD
Quote from: Vexing on January 17, 2011, 06:35:18 PM
I can't very well remember what my most dysmorphic attributes were; iirc, probably my hair (since I'd been sporting an army buzz-cut for 9 years prior to transition) and my voice (which I'd coached nice and deep and manly so that I didn't sound like a '->-bleeped-<-').
Other than those two things, I don't think I had any major dysmorpic issues once I started living as a woman.
OMG, after having a short hair cut for so long, it nice to have at least the start of a mop of hair. :)
Everybody seems to wonder about "hormone-induced comportments". I'm going to exagerate here to make it clear. I'm saying this from the little feedback I got from both sides of HRT I got from what I read and my own experience. It's pretty subjective, but I think at least some of this is true.
Male hormones makes people :
-Less emotional
-More aroused
-More prone to anger
-More active
Female hormones makes people :
-More emotional
-Less aroused
-Less prone to anger
-More calm
So basically, some people express uneasiness with some of these comportments and psychological "symptoms". I believe the most common FTM dislike is emotionalship (whoa what's the word?), while the most common MTF dislike is arousal. I think. Maybe.
Anyway, no matter how (un)accurate my "most"s I think you should be able to understand what I mean.
Ok, I'm a pre-transition FTM....
Okay...I made three lists...most wanted (rated by most wanted at top), most hated, and doesn't matter.
Most Wanted
Voice (this is my biggest stumbling block ^_^;)
Facial features (this too...aheh)
Muscular mass
Height (why, oh why, couldn't i have inherited my dad's genes for this?!)
Penis and testes
Mannerisms and moving
Shoulders
Facial hair (can't wait to grow a soul patch, hehe!)
Gender-specific clothes
Fat distribution
Rib cage
Activities
Friendships
Bone size
Most Hated
Breasts
Vulva (I'll add all the internal bits in here too)
Hips
-Doesn't matter- (no particular order)
Accessories and make-up (never worn it anyway)
Love (no thanks)
Skin texture, colour and thickness
Body hair (again, no thanks)
Hand and foot size (fine how they are)
Head hair (again, fine how it is)
Hormone-induced comportments (er...what?)
I'm not to sure as to where in my transition I should base this off of. The start of my transition would be considered 14 years ago (when I started wearing clothing exclusive to the gender I currently identify as), 6 years ago (when I started identifying as "not the sex I was assigned at birth), 4 years ago (when I started to try to live full time), or 2 months ago (when I started hormones).
I tend to ignore my body and see it as much more "male" than it is so my issues with myself physically are when I look in a mirror while nude or wearing tight fitting clothing and am faced with the reality of my body not being what I thought. When I'm alone I'm typically okay with myself. I can walk around topless in my bedroom without any discomfort with my chest. I suppose the most major thing I have an issue with is "the red death"/"shark week"/"the monthly curse."
Androgynous FTM - you'll see what I mean soon enough ;)
Okay, I'm not great at rating, so I'll just comment on each one:
Accessories and make-up - I'm not *that* big on accessories, although I would like some jewellery at some point. I'm waiting 'til I get manly enough to get back on the black nail paint ;)
Activities - heh, funny this should come up, just been playing a nice bit of Sonic the Hedgehog ;) Don't bother me that much, if at all
Body hair - thanks to PCOS and/or other issues, I was already pretty hairy pre-T. Wasn't that fussed about getting more, but now it's happening I'm loving it :D
Bone size - it's thanks to Dad I wound up long and thin, so no biggie
Breasts - ugh. They actually don't bother me *that* much in themselves, I just see them as gynecomastia and move on. Except when I remember that I need to bind if I'm to pass, and *especially* in the summer - binder and shirt + hot weather = TORTURE! I wanna go topless like the other guys, damn it >:(
Facial features - I've been told they're quite masculine already ^_^ Only real problem is the eyes, but T is fixing that, slowly
Facial hair - similar to body hair; already had a bit of a 'tache going on before I started T. Now looking forward to the rest of it coming in
Fat distribution - pre-T it didn't bother me that much, since I can eat for England and not put on a pound. Now it bugs the hell out of me, 'cause as it migrates my hips get bigger - so does my stomach, and 'til my surgery's done with I can't do anything to burn it off apart from walk XP
Friendships - this has greatly improved since getting away from the South. Because I fall somewhere in the middle on the gender spectrum (but male enough to identify as one :P), I can get on with both men and women, although I relate better to men. Since a support group member lives just up the road from me, it's just got better ;D
Gender-specific clothes - never been a fan of skirts, although I wore them without complaint when I had to back in the day. Am looking forward to being able to buy some poet shirts and other girly man-stuff ;)
Hand and foot size - doesn't really bother me
Head hair - I kinda like my hair, but shan't worry too much if I go bald
Height - does get to me a bit, although Ronnie Corbett makes me feel a lot better about it ;)
Hips - hate. Ironically I used to have boy's hips before I filled out - now I want them back!
Hormone-induced comportments - HATE. Estrogen messes with my mind, and sends my emotions all over the place. T is actually helping to bring me back into focus and less stressed about things.
Love - wasn't that experienced before transition, and 'cause they were straight relationships with men, they also messed with my mind, so now I'm a little nervy about going into a new relationship. I'd literally be starting from scratch whoever I'm with
Mannerisms and moving - thankfully I got most of that from my dad ^_^
Muscular mass - again, I had a bit of a head-start here, so I'm loving it ;D
Penis and testes - WANT! Would be nice if testes transplants were possible, but anyway...
Rib cage - never really thought about it, TBH
Shoulders - love; I already have quite broad shoulders ^_^
Skin texture, colour and thickness - not really bothered, although it helps with shaving ;)
Voice - oh hell, yes! Can't break soon enough - I've been told I now sound like a teenage boy, but it still gets me read as female sometimes ¬_¬
Vagina - DO NOT WANT. All it's good for is medical stuff and reminding me how stupid I was to keep sleeping with men when it felt wrong XP
As for this:
QuoteI've seen this type of thread on more than one TG forum. So here is my own "I'm Curious" Poll:
Do you feel better about yourself/less dysmorphic or worse/more dysmorphic when you hear/read what other people feel dysmoprhic about?
Do you feel better about yourself/less dysmorphic or worse/more dysmorphic when you participate in this type of poll?
Dunno about the first, but - well, just feels better to offload it somewhere, you know? :)
Accessories and make-up 8/10 I tried to be girly for about a year before I gave in, and these things remind me of that time. I also think I look like a guy in drag now if I have to pass as a girl for something.
Activities 2/10 I do a lot of more stereotypically feminine things, but it doesn't really bother me. The only thing that's gotten to me lately was when a friend of mine and her mother wanted to get together for a "girls luncheon" with my mother and me.
Body hair 1/10 I'm pretty hairy and neither like nor dislike it. As long as T doesn't turn me into a yeti, I'm good.
Bone size 3/10 I have small hands and wrists, but the rest is okay.
Breasts 9/10 They really just need to go.
Facial features 7/10 My eyes and eyebrows get to me.
Facial hair 1/10 I could probably grow a full beard, but it just kind of annoys me that I have to shave daily.
Fat distribution 5/10 Two words: hourglass figure :/
Friendships 9/10 I'm not out to my friends, so they treat me like a girl.
Gender-specific clothes 8/10 I dread anytime I have to dress in drag.
Hand and foot size 3/10 Tiny, girly hands
Head hair 1/10 I like my hair, and my hairline isn't too bad either.
Height 4/10 5'7", so not too small for a guy. Still I'd like a few more inches.
Hips 8/10 I really hope T takes them away. There's a 9" difference between the size of my hips and waist, so no pants fit right.
Hormone-induced comportments 7/10 Once a month I spend a day on top of the world and the next about ready to kill myself. I can't wait for that to go.
Love 10/10 I just can't date anyone who sees me as a girl. This will really have to wait until I can pass.
Mannerisms and moving 6/10 I caught myself drinking with my pinky finger up last week. I do weird girly things like that, and they drive me nuts.
Muscular mass 5/10 Abs and more muscled arms would be nice
Penis and testes 9/10 Less important for me at the moment, but I can't imagine being in a relationship without it.
Rib cage 1/10 It is successfully protecting my innards. Keep doing your thing rib cage.
Shoulders 3/10 It should be fine if my hips shrink down some.
Skin texture, colour and thickness 6/10 I'm pretty much translucent.
Voice 7/10 Not at all passable
Vulva 2/10 I can't see it, so it isn't there.
I had to split up accessories and make up, because one makes me super-dysphoric, while the other I love.
I'm a bit of an odd FTM, with, maybe, a drop of androgyne (although I'm not too fond of the term- I know it suits others, but it doesn't really suit me that well).
Born with a male brain, but I tend to have a lot of typically feminine characteristics that come out in my appearance sometimes.
Accessories: [0/10] - I'm a boy in love with every single accessory under the sun. Some of my girl friends are jealous of my vast amount of costume jewelry, in fact.
make-up: [8/10] Especially when I'm forced to put it on to attend something where I'm wearing a dress. I once had a meltdown because I tried wearing lipstick...not fun.
Activities: [9/10] I'm very jealous of my guy friend's activities and want to participate in everything as a guy. It feels very awkward if I attempt to do certain activities that I love as a girl, especially if I'm doing it with guys. I hate feeling like the girl of the guy group.
Body hair: [5/10] I love my hairy armpits and legs. ^^
Bone size: [0/10] I'm not a superman, and I don't really care.
Breasts: [5 (if they grow larger, a 10)/10] There as small as a generic teeny-bit overweight guy's right now, so they don't bother me that much unless someone's forcing me to wear something to accentuate them. If they grow bigger- KILL!
Facial features: [1/10] I'm a "pretty boy", so, I don't mind.
Facial hair: [3/10] I'd like a 5 o'clock shadow, but not having one isn't killing me. Plus, I'm lazy on shaving, so not having facial hair is kind of useful.
Fat distribution: [10/10] GET OFF MY HIPS/THIGHS, FAT! D:
Friendships: [9/10] There are certain moments where I go in my head "I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU ALL!" when my female friends talk about certain things, and then I want to storm off, but I don't fit in with guys either because I hate being considered the girl-member of the group. There are certainly a few female friends where I don't feel too odd around.
Gender-specific clothes: [10/10] - There are certain t-shirts I may love in the women's section, but I cannot shop there exclusively without going insane. I love the men's section, it's so...monochromatic. :D
Hand and foot size: [1/10] - My feet and hands are big for a woman's body, so I don't mind their presence.
Head hair [?/10] I'm not sure what to put on this one. I HATE having female-styled hair, but I'm not in a hurry to suddenly lose it all thanks to T kicking in.
Height: [4/10] Pretty much all of my male friends are shorter than me, but I highly envy taller guys because some of them have the thin look that I desperately want.
Hips - [10/10] KILL IT NOW.
Hormone-induced comportments - [9/10] I feel like my hormones right now are keeping me in a tiny, teeny little box. I'm highly emotional and sensitive to the point where it hurts sometimes. That's what has kept me from forming a lot of good friendships with guys, which I hate.
Love [?]
Mannerisms and moving - [4/10] I would love to be more masculine, but I am already pretty masculine in my movements.
Muscular mass - [2/10] It would be nice to be a bit more muscular, but it doesn't keep me up at night.
Penis and testes - [4/10] I kind of don't care about a penis and testes (although it would be awesome to be able to aim while in the bathroom), honestly. It would be nice, but my dysphoria isn't so intolerable that it can't be helped with a packer and an STP.
Rib cage [0/10] Don't think about it at all.
Shoulders [0/10] I have wide, wide shoulders. :D
Skin texture, colour and thickness: [0/10] I like/don't care about my skin.
Voice [10/10] There are some moments where it is really deep and masculine, which I love, but then I hear a recording of it and it sound super-high and feminine. I also hate it when it naturally goes into super-high mode in my head, and I sound like a pre-teen girl.
Vulva - [6/10] As long as I don't have to see a picture of a vulva, and no one, including myself, pays attention to mine, I pretend it doesn't exist for the most part.
Wow, I'm actually a lot more generally dysphoric than I thought.
It seems most everyone has taken to the "x/10" scaling, I might as well too. I am personally going to list this from least dysphoric to most dysphoric. I am a FTM.
Accessories and make-up – N/A: I have never willingly used such things. Such times I was forced, I was not aware of being transgendered.
Activities – N/A: While I do get paranoid that some people will call me out being female, I am generally assumed gay because I flock and gossip amongst the women. Aside from that, my general activities are typical to males. Some things might be "female" or "male", but generally I think anyone can do anything.
Hormone-induced comportments – N/A: I think this is if I'm already on hormones and I'm not, so yeah.
Love – N/A: Love is love.
Rib cage – N/A: Nothing wrong with mine or anyone's as far as I'm aware.
Body hair – 0/10: I have enough to suffice and I'm happy with that.
Bone size – 0/10: I am a pretty big guy and I think I am only helped by my bone size.
Hand and foot size – 0/10: I have big hands and feet.
Head hair – 0/10: I am a bit of a drama queen with my hair, but it's just crazy sometimes! Otherwise it's hair, it's thick, I like it.
Friendships – 0/10: Once I meet people as male, things are fine. Even my regular friendships are well off with my transition.
Muscular mass – 0/10: I may not be the most muscular, but what little muscle I do have I have always relished and still think
that I'm "buff" :P I plan on getting beefy on T.
Shoulders – 0/10: Mine are wider than my hips! :D
Height – 1/10: I am a roughly average sized Hispanic. My dad is 5'11" and I am 5'8". I wish I was taller, but I'm happy that I'm not shorter.
Facial features – 1/10: I am occasionally shot down with the belief that I look no more than female, but it's rare.
Breasts – 2/10: While they are small and I generally view them as moobs, I have recently been taken more aback my their existence.
Facial hair – 3/10: I have some thickened up by what I'm suspecting is PCOS, but I have no diagnosis. It's mostly in the 'stache area, the sideburns and the neck. I shave because of my job, but I don't worry about it terribly. I just don't want the "boy" look.
Skin texture, colour and thickness – 3/10: I do worry that my skin is too soft to be male. A guy at work has soft hands like I do and he's pretty manly; really tall and hairy, deep voice. So while I worry about myself, I know I'm not alone.
Fat distribution – 4/10: I am fat, so I can deal with it generally. I do not enjoy the fat that is going to my hips and thighs!
Mannerisms and moving – 4/10: I am generally aware of what I'm doing because while I have unknowingly developed male ways through my life, I still have some female things that I picked up from being with the girls. This leads people to, again, think that I am gay.
Gender-specific clothes – 5/10: I am generally afflicted by my hips in clothing and freak about what I'm wearing and how it makes me look.
Vulva – 5/10: While I have issues, I don't have issues. It's a body part that I have to deal with regularly and I can handle that. When it comes to actually thinking about it, it becomes a sort of malformed piece of myself. I guess it's sort of like and hate.
Hips – 6/10: I hate them. I really hope it's just fat... and not permanent bone.
Voice – 7/10: I am afflicted by this, specifically at work where I am constantly talking. I have an androgynous male voice and that works for me, but it can come up well into the female range which sometimes happens. Sometimes I'll walk away from saying something to someone and kick myself because I can hear the female tone that it was said with.
Penis and testes – 10/10: This is only recently and I mean extremely recent. For some reason within the last week or two I have been put down so much by the fact that I have nothing in my pants. I was scoping out crotches at work yesterday and for every man I see, it was apparent to me that he had a bulge. Even the smallest hump was more than the flattened fabric of my work pants. I am getting ready to buy a new packer to pack with since my old one is a bit beat up.
I am made more aware of this with my girlfriend. While she prefers me without a penis (due to past experiences) she has been with a boy before and I just feel unworthy. I feel like it's such a big thing to be missing. We want a family eventually and I am physically unable to provide her with one. I will never be able to "spread my seed" into this world and carry on my bloodline.
Another thing is going to restroom. This makes it so terribly easy and normal, while I just sit. I sit because I'm a little big which makes STPs a little hard to maneuver. I try, but I feel like I'm trying so hard for something that just won't go right. So, I sit.
I don't know why it's become such a big hurdle, but it has and I hate it.
Accessories and make-up 0/10 I love it!
Activities 2/10 Can't think of any activity that causes a lot of dysphoria. Maybe showering
Body hair 5/10 It used to be 100 but thanks to hrt I swear its thinning out! :D
Bone size 0/10 This doesn't bother me, yet anyways :(
Breasts 3/10 I'm so close to an A cup, I might even be one who knows But I LOVE my boobs, only problem is they grow too slow lol.
Facial features 3/10 I don't think my face has many male features. My chin and hairline are the same as my mom and sisters. But I hate my nose!
Facial hair 8/10 omg I hate shaving so bad. I wanna cry when I see my face hair growing in :(
Fat distribution 0/10 I'm not happy with my body fat etc right now but its not a dysphoric thing, its a bitch lose weight thing lol.
Friendships 3/10 I get really jealous of my bestie when she tells me about her dates and stuff. If I was born right, I would be going on dates too :(
Gender-specific clothes 4/10 It really bugs me to not have female clothing. But most of my clothing are androgynous and I still pass.
Hand and foot size 3/10 too wide. but we all got my moms wide hands/feet
Head hair 8/10 probably my biggest cause of dysphoria! I've wanted long hair all my life omg. :(
Height 0/10 I like my height :)
Hips 2/10 I think my hips are getting wider, in appearance anyways.
Hormone-induced comportments (Feel really dumb, not sure what this means lol)
Love 0/10 I'm not in love but its not causing dysphoria =/
Mannerisms and moving 0/10 I like my mannerisms. I've been told I've always acted like a girl and not a gay guy lol.
Muscular mass 0/10 haha the tiny bit of definition I naturally had on my arms seems to be gone! lol.
Penis and testes 0/10 Weird right? Thing is, I just ignore it. I pee, I get orgasms, I hide it. Thats it. I think I'm more pissed off by the lack of vagina rather than the presence of a penis
Rib cage 4/10 I feel like this is gonna get worse if I lose weight, because it seems big and makes my boobs look smaller idk =/
Shoulders 2/10 I felt worse about them before but my friend Niki is almost as wide :D
Skin texture, colour and thickness 0/10 I love my skin :)
Voice 5/10 gahhh my voice needs to GOOOO =/
Vulva 10/10 =/
Ok I have had a go at this but I have had to simplify it because basically for me it boiled down to just three categories - a few things all of which were of total importance and were indeed all equally vital. A few that I was mostly ok with but had some regrets over and then the rest - which were complete non issues because I was fortunate enough to have had pretty well what I wanted since day one of childhood.
Things which bothered me immensely – Kind of ALL of them were of 100.00% importance!
Vulva it should have been there from day one. SRS fixed it.
Ovaries vagina the fact that I will never have properly working ovaries used to really distress me.
Penis and testes I hated them and got rid of them as soon as I could in SRS.
Breasts When in puberty they stopped at mere gynecomastica I was distraught. HRT fixed them.
Facial hair thankfully I didn't have much but I hated what I had. Electrolysis fixed it.
I had some small issues with these things but not massively so – they are kind of like 30% importance
Hips would have liked them broader but thankfully they were broader than some males
Bone size I am not massively boned but I would like to be more delicate
Shoulders maybe could be a touch smaller but no real issues
Facial features My face is just fractionally more masculine than my ideal, but not excessively so I can live with it.
I have never had any issues what so ever with any of these
Voice It didn't break properly anyway – so it's fine
Body hair I have very little of this – so no problem
Fat distribution Always quite feminine so no problem
Rib cage no issues
Mannerisms and moving Well I grew up kind of gender neutral so these are fine
Muscular mass No issues – I haven't got any
Accessories and make-up Cant be bothered with these. I was allowed to do it as much as I liked in my childhood and teens and so like many girls I kind of lost interest in it.
Activities Always fairly female and anyway I'll do what I want irrespective of gender expectations.
Friendships Mostly female.
Gender-specific clothes I have always worn exactly what I wanted.
Hand and foot size Both Small – no problem.
Head hair Adequate. I wish it wasn't going grey now though.
Height I'm ok.
Hormone-induced comportments no problems.
Love I've done very well. 23 years in a loving relationship so I've done better than many.
Skin texture, colour and thickness Thin skin, porcelain, and pale peaches and cream.
All in all I had very little that was really important and all except the ovaries were fixed. :)
Most Hated
Facial hair - Work in progress.
Penis and testes - The latter has been dealt with.
Hips - Boy type is not acceptable
Head hair - Still have some areas that are way to thin.
Fat distribution - None. Total failure.
Tolerable
Body hair
Bone size
Facial features
Hand and foot size
Shoulders
Skin texture, colour and thickness
Acceptable
Accessories and make-up
Activities
Breasts
Friendships
Gender-specific clothes
Height
Hormone-induced comportments
Love
Mannerisms and moving
Muscular mass
Rib cage
Voice
Most Needed
Vulva - This is the most required. Failure is not an option. Will result in heart failure if not accomplished.
MTF, age 50
10 Unbearable dysmorphia
Body hair
Breasts
9 Extreme
Vulva
8 Substantial
Accessories and make-up
Friendships
Gender-specific clothes
Hormone-induced comportments
Love
Penis and testes
7 Significant
Fat distribution
Activities
Mannerisms and moving
Shoulders
6 Uncomfortable
Voice
Facial features
5 Constant annoyance
Head hair
Hips
4 Frequent
Muscular mass
Rib cage
3 Common
Bone size
Height
2 Rarely
Hand and foot size
1 Seldom
Skin texture, colour and thickness
0 Never
Interesting... Here are mine, as well as I can remember from early transition. I'm FTM.
Accessories and make-up - 3/10 - I like accessories like necklaces, bracelets just made me feel femme. Makeup I didn't mind by itself, but I did't like what it did to my face. Same problem with eyeliner. I liked it, but not pre-T.
Activities - 2/10 - I was fine with everything I was doing, but being shoved into all-girls situations made me really mad. Luckily, that was very rare, so it's still a low score.
Body hair - 3/10 - Need more. The day I get actual chest hair... I will be pleased.
Bone size - 3/10 - My wrists are tiny (5 3/4 inches around). So are my hands. I get self conscious about that.
Breasts - 9/10 - Them just existing is bad enough, but then they have to go and move around.
Facial features - 7/10 - I really hated how soft they looked and how hard they made it to pass. My round cheeks and non-existent chin.
Facial hair - 2/10 - It would be nice to have a bit of a mustache, but being clean shaven suits me well.
Fat distribution - 10/10 - Causing hips, butt, moobage, tiny waist, chunky thighs. Argh.
Friendships - 5/10? - The gender distribution was fine with me, but not having real friends wasn't/isn't.
Gender-specific clothes - 2/10 - They cause problems with passing, and I don't like the way jeans cling. Dresses are awkward. But I don't mind the idea of cross-dressing.
Hand and foot size - 5/10 - As I said, tiny hands. Tiny feet, too. My size doesn't exist in stores outside of the kid's section, and a few in the women's. Sometimes. Actually, they're so small that they just look like kid hands and feet rather than girls' hands and feet, so it's lessened.
Head hair - 1/10 - Occasionally having a more female hairline bugs me, as well as having fluff in front of my ears. But it's not bad or usual.
Height - 6/10 - I'm almost 5'4" and not pleased with it. I could get over it, except when combined with my figure.
Hips - 10/10 - They're big and always will be. It's not a fat problem in my case, it's bone. I have an exceptionally wide pelvis. Especially when combined with my height, it's ridiculous. Nearly impossible to hide, and when I do, I look shorter.
Hormone-induced comportments - 9/10 - I hated menstruation and the mood swings that came with estrogen in my system. When my girl hormones were especially bad, I felt weak, overemotional, helpless, foggy, and lethargic. Those fueled my gender related panic attacks to become even worse.
Love - 2/10 - I've worried about it, but in practice it hasn't presented a major obstacle. I'll probably always have insecurities that will make a relationship with a man slightly more difficult, though.
Mannerisms and moving - 6/10 - Mannerisms are a 1 or 2. I don't care about coming off as flamboyant. However, my pelvis affects my movement big time. Unless I am very, very actively concentrating on walking, I have to choose between leaning butch lesbian or leaning super-gay.
Muscular mass - 4/10 - I've always wanted more muscle/strength, but it's not a big deal that I don't have it. I'm pretty introverted and geeky.
Penis and testes - anywhere from 3/10 to 6/10 depending on the day - I don't feel dysphoric about them almost constantly like I do about some other things (like hips), and I don't have a phantom. I do however, enjoy packing, and I'd feel much more comfortable sexually if I had a penis. It's more a matter of being sad that I lack one, rather than panicking that I don't.
Rib cage - 0/10 - Never think about it.
Shoulders - 2/10 - They're fairly slim, but I really like my neck and collarbone so I'll give it a pass.
Skin texture, colour and thickness - 6/10 - The longer I went with soft skin, the more I hated it. The longer I am on T, the more I appreciate it's new texture and thickness. Having it change has made all of my body parts more bearable, because they're covered in it.
Voice - 9/10 - Thankfully, more a 5/10 now. But I've had a history of suddenly becoming aware of my voice and then refusing to speak. I went through a stage when I was 11 or 12 when I remained silent for as long as possible because I had just realised the horrible truth - as high as it sounded in my head, it was worse in reality. I don't like it squeaking. It's made me self-conscious, anxious, and instantly self-hating when I've noticed it.
Vulva - 3/10 - I don't like it, and it's pretty much useless. I mean, I get off more easily from my other hole anyway. But I rarely notice it's down there anyway.
Seems like several of mine are far from the norm, especially by being so apathetic about my genitals.
Primary Sexual Characteristics (Both presence and lack of. They bother me enough I'd prefer not to name them XD.)
Hips.
Other girly aspects of my frame (I'm quite small framed with thin bones. Small hands etc. On the short side but not terribly so.)
Face that isn't quite manly as it could be.
Besides that, I think I'm okay with everything else.
Quote from: Lance M. on January 31, 2011, 10:47:26 PM
Vulva - i HATE my vagina hole, but the vulva outer part actually doesn't bug me. when it's itchy i pretend i'm scratching my balls. :laugh:
That's hella gangster lool
He may have meant scrotum, not balls. There's all kind of squishy glands, canals and connective tissue between the sac and the testes.
Quote from: Lance M. on January 31, 2011, 10:47:26 PM
Vulva - i HATE my vagina hole, but the vulva outer part actually doesn't bug me. when it's itchy i pretend i'm scratching my balls.
It's interesting. This is the same kind of mental gymnastics, transposing the physical part for the desired part, that I do in the genital area.
Here I go...
MTF
1-10 with 10 being the worst.
Accessories and make-up= The fact that I can't wear what I want drives me nuts!
Activities= That I can't participate in a lot of "girly" activities with my girl friends drives me nuts as well.
Body hair= I'm not too worried about this, but it does get in the way of things. The light at the end of the tunnel is LASER and Electrolysis!
Bone size= Hmmm, not sure if it's BONE or Fat that I worry about. 5/10
Breasts= I can't wait for them to pop out a little more!
Facial features= YEP! This is the one that drives me bonkers the most! I see everything bad x 1000! Despite people telling me that I have some really nice female looking eyes and lips I can't stand my Brow and the ratio between my lips and nose! 9/10
Facial hair= It does bug me but not enough since I am taking care of this now.
Fat distribution= I have developed (I'm on HRT)some really nice girly curves and BUTT! So I am not bothered by it at all.
Friendships= So far so good. There might be one person that I am reasonably close to that may have an issue with me but most of my friends seem to keep loving me. We'll see once I start showing up in a more female appearance how they will react.
Gender-specific clothes= I can dress a little EMO and get away with a lot sometimes.
Hand and foot size= The foot thing bugs me but more because I have to look for larger sizes. Luckily, a size 11 female is big but not THAT big. I can still find that size in most department stores. 6/10
Head hair= I was thinning on top. This was bugging me too but I think that HRT is helping that and I am looking into hair replacement alternatives.
Height= I'm around 6ft. So yes, this does bug the crap out of me.= 7/10
Hips= I'm seeing some curves and I think it's primarily due to the fat distribution thanks to the HRT. I'm not that worried about it.
Hormone-induced comportments= Does this mean the ups and downs brought on by HRT? If so, yes, it can get a little crazy at times and I have to find my head occasionally.
Love= I've never felt so incredibly loved by my spouse!
Mannerisms and moving= I'm getting there.
Muscular mass= I use to compete in martial arts and despite having such cute curves sprouting, the top portion of my body feels a lot bigger than it is. 8/10
Penis and testes= Eh. I don't know why, but I think that since I know I can take care of this eventually AND the fact that I am already in a relationship where no one cares either way, helps me to not think about this too much. 4/10
Rib cage= Yep too bug for my taste.
Shoulders= TOO BIG. I hate hate hate my shoulders!10/10
Skin texture, colour and thickness= I love what HRT has done in this department! I can't complain.
Voice= I'm getting there!
Vulva= It would be nice.
Sure, why not
Accessories and make-up= Not really applicable. I never wore makeup when I lived as a girl. It might be fun to mess around with once I've been on T and can pass with makeup on, but this isn't something I think of as 'gendered' anyway.
Activities= I like being physically active and might like to play sports. But I don't want to be on a women's team obviously, and I can't even run with my binder on... pisses me off.
Body hair= Wish I had more! But I'm very proud of the 10 or so chin hairs I have.
Bone size= Not too bothered by this. I'm taller than most girls and not too scrawny.
Breasts= I think I've somehow emotionally detached myself from these so much that I can barely even feel them. I remember first learning about sex when I was a kid, learning that breasts are supposed to be sensitive... mine aren't, at all. I don't like 'em. I've cut them.
Facial features= My eyes are big and kind of feminine, but not so much so that I can't pass.. and I get compliments on them, so maybe it's not so bad. My face is a little rounder and softer than I'd like.
Facial hair= See body hair.
Fat distribution= My lower area (entire thing; hips, parts, just that whole curvy shape) is my most dysphoric aspect. I try not to look at it, ever.
Friendships= I'm out to all my friends and they're all really cool about it. Nothing to worry about here.
Gender-specific clothes= I kept a few women's clothes that I felt were kind of androgynous. Never liked women's jeans though. I could never find any that fit the way I want... either they're too tight or just oversized.
Hand and foot size= I've got relatively big feet. My hands are one of the most female looking parts of me.. I've been told I should be a hand model, but... ew.
Head hair= I'm fine with it. My hairline looks female, but enough of it is covered by my 'hawk that you can't really tell.
Height= Kind of wish I was taller, but I'm not so short that I can't pass. (5'7")
Hips= See fat distribution.
Hormone-induced comportments= This refers to periods I assume? Hate them. The moods they put me in... don't wanna go there.
Love= i don't do that lol
Mannerisms and moving= I never really moved in a stereotypical female way, except for when I was really trying... I don't have to try to move 'like a guy.' It just feels more natural.
Muscular mass= My shoulders and abs are pretty toned. Not nearly as much as I'd like though. Darn subcutaneous fat covers everything up.
Penis and testes= Dude, I clearly remember the first time I saw a penis, when I was about four. It immediately clicked in my mind that THAT was what I was missing.
Rib cage= Visible. Not a lot to say about it.
Shoulders= As mentioned, they're kind of big. I like them that way..
Skin texture, colour and thickness= My skin is oily, and I'm a little worried about getting horrible acne on T. I guess I'm not too bothered by having soft skin, but it would be nice to not feel so.. delicate, I guess.
Voice= Hate it hate it hate it... it's not even that soft or high pitched, but it's definitely female. I'm working on it.
Vulva= I do the pretend to scratch my balls thing too. Only way I can tolerate the damn thing. I can't even touch it, seriously.
I reached a new one this week...were my breasts bigger, or at least more femalish, I could be happier about my body. Were my butt bigger, I could be happier with my figure.