First, before I start, I have to say that I went to get my haircut and didn't get to have it cut the way I wanted because the one I wanted was "too short" and the one my aunt and her coworker liked "would look cute on me". But I'm just going to wear it flat and whatnot so it won't look all fluffy and ->-bleeped-<-.
Second, I hate when people indirectly insult me. Like, if they don't know I'm transsexual and they start bashing transpeople. Well, that was pretty much the case when I was getting my hair cut.
So, my aunt's coworker was watching the TV behind me when a feminine man came onto the screen. The coworker lady starts going off about how he looks like a chick and how he looks like, and I quote, "like he got that Chas - Chastity Bono surgery!"
My mom was all, "What?"
And she explained it, and my mom was all, "Oh." like annoyed. My mom knows about me, but we don't talk about it. Actually, I don't think I'm supposed to know she knows. It'd be nice if she stood up for me though, since she knows. She can't say "We should stop talking about this" or something? Really? I don't know, I'm just pissed.
And this lady is going off about Chaz Bono and his surgery and ->-bleeped-<-, I just wanted to get up off my chair, punch her in the face, and tell her to "shut the f*** up" and that she has no idea what she's talking about.
Then again, that might cause some explaining.
The way I look at it: if you don't know something, just don't say ->-bleeped-<- about it unless you're honestly asking a question. But if you're just bashing the subject of what you're talking about and have no idea what it's really about, don't say anything about it.
God. I think indirect insults are worse because there's normally that awkward "Oh, but I'm transgendered...." moment. If there's not, there's usually a good reason for it.
>< My hair looks like a mix between a pixie cut and a dyke spike. FML. I picked out the one I wanted and they were all, "lolno.you'regettingthisstyle."
Man getting up and punching anyone in the face who are insulting trans people.... not such a good idea. Though yes, understandably it's probably tempting sometimes. See because then the transphobic people will suddenly be like "See, they're all crazy! They're all aggressive!" Anything for an excuse to bash it seems.
However it's your hair. Stand up for it man. Just say "this is the cut I want and it's MY hair." If you can't do that then try looking up females who look attractive with men's cuts? That's how I used to persuade my mom into getting a haircut that she would pay for. Personally when I hear that crap and don't wanna listen to it but don't want to out myself. I just tell the people talking about it that I have trans friends and they really shouldn't gossip about things they don't understand. Sorry you had to deal with that man.
I always find it harder to stand up to something that involves me, it's weird. If someone says something horribly racist, I'll speak up..anything involving a personal side of me, even if no one knows, it's way harder
Quote from: Andrew Scott on January 17, 2011, 08:01:10 PM
Man getting up and punching anyone in the face who are insulting trans people.... not such a good idea. Though yes, understandably it's probably tempting sometimes. See because then the transphobic people will suddenly be like "See, they're all crazy! They're all aggressive!" Anything for an excuse to bash it seems.
Well, normally I would just walk away, but I was kind of stuck there.
I had the same exact problem. My mom's friend cut it. She would say the same thing. I argued with her a lot. Her and my mom would gang up on me and make fun of me in a way. It was so frustrating to just get a freaking hair cut! So I tried going to a actual hair place. They did alright. But sometimes I would get a bad one. IT was just to frustrating all together. I would sneak cutting my own hair but back then my mom didn't like that. Now she just doesn't care cause again its to frustrating. Now I do actually but my hair myself. IT saves money and is way easier...and if I did go to a hair cuttery place then she wouldn't care. And she knows bout me. But just stick up for yourself, it really shouldn't be a huge 'event' to get a hair cut.
I haven't had any experiences where people didn't know about me and they were insulting transfolk, because pretty much everyone I talk to knows about my situation. Honestly though, I hate it when people talk about something as if they know what it's like or how it feels. My dad, a few months ago, was talking to me one night about a friend of mine who lives far away, and about our arrangements to meet each other (I was out to him at this point) and he actually said "But why would she want to meet someone like you?" and he asked "Is she one of your sort?", as if to say she'd only want to meet me because I was like her, and not because we're actually really good friends. One other time he actually compared every trans-person EVER to Buffalo Bill. I called him out on this, but all he said was "Well, it's right." On top of this he's always throwing comments at me because he knows I hate it. He's disgusting.
I hate ignorance.
The main reason people say ignorant things about trans-people is because they're actually ignorant.
The correct way to answer ignorance is with knowledge.
And knowledge isn't aggressive, isn't emotional, isn't upset, it just is.
I would suggest starting with the simple question of "so, what do you actually know about transsexuals?"
Quote from: Miniar on January 18, 2011, 07:00:43 AM
The main reason people say ignorant things about trans-people is because they're actually ignorant.
The correct way to answer ignorance is with knowledge.
And knowledge isn't aggressive, isn't emotional, isn't upset, it just is.
I would suggest starting with the simple question of "so, what do you actually know about transsexuals?"
This is true, hell even I had misconceptions of the trans-community. Sometimes, all people know is what they're shown and the media typically isn't the best at showing things in an educationally correct manor
Quote from: FebruaryFalls on January 18, 2011, 08:27:14 AM
This is true, hell even I had misconceptions of the trans-community.
Seconded. I'm embarrassed to admit how little I knew about trans people before looking into it. The only trans person I had heard of was a woman who works in the same building as my dad and brother. They were laughing about the fact that she doesn't pass well, but I didn't say anything. It still bothers me that I didn't.
I can completely understand the frustration. Before I came out at work, we have a client who is ftm. He passes really well but my coworkers knew him before his transition. Many people at work were fine with it but a lot acted like he was some kind of circus show. "he's here! Go look at him! Hes a girl!" and even saying "he's not a he, he's an it." One person had said to me, "how can you think he's attractive? Do you know he doesnt have a penis?" so it was really hard for me to not punch a few people and these are the ones I saw everyday. So it was a bit of a smack in the face when I came out at work and my manager threatened to fire anyone who dared to say anything discriminating against me.
Devyn,
Trust me! I completely understand your frustration. You have no idea how many indirect insults towards this family I've had to shoulder and deflect. In the Military I earned the nick name "Smirk" at one point simply because well... I spent a large amount of time smirking!! All the while screaming to myself in my head thinking "dear lord...if they only knew..." I know it is hard, but until you have a safe manner and place to get onto the road of "renovating" yourself at times we have to play this game. It is never easy know that this among other places is a spot at which you can safely displace the negative experiences.
I long for the opportunity to say "It is darkly ironic that we live in a society, in which some of thoughts who are willing to go into harms way in order to preserve that society are violently and openly attacked by that same society? Freedom? Yes...Safety? No.". We are free to do as we wish of course, but bound by the social consequences related to how we elect to exercise that freedom.
Honestly I fear my other soldiers more then I do our "enemy". It just takes one hateful individual with a brick while walking alone on a FOB, our a sworn statement outside the wire. So again, I completely understanding having to hide at times, or for extended times be it for your physical security, financial security, emotional security or simply to preserve your life style at home which I suppose is a combination of all 3.
Respectfully,
-Violet
"A free country is one where it is safe to be unpopular."
--Adlai Stevenson
My significant other's best friend said some pretty nasty things that were not directed at me, but intended for me.
One instance nearly made me snap. My SO, his friend, and me were all watching an episode of the tv show The Boondocks. In this particular episode, one of the characters auditions for a play and is accepted into the play as one of the main characters. The central character of this play is a woman portrayed by a flamboyant man. My SO's friend had the balls to say this in my presence: "What a ->-bleeped-<-ing freak! How can someone be so confused about their sex? Sick!"
When people who do not know I am trans say transphobic things, I consider it ignorant, not insulting.