I've been searching for answers and searching for who I am. I've been reading through a lot of threads on this forum.
At a young age, I had very vivid dreams of being a girl.
I even had a reoccurring (unrealistic) dream where my mother would take me to place with a machine. I would be placed into the machine, the door would be closed. When I walked out, I was a real girl. I remember feeling good after I had this dream, but disappointed that it wasn't real.
I didn't dress or anything. (I remember putting on mom's lipstick). But I did like to play with my hair, when it was finally allowed to be more than a half inch long.
I've had this feminine side that has remained hidden for decades. The only thing that I've allowed for myself is that I finally grew my hair long (something I've always wanted to do.) I've always wanted long hair since I was young. I wanted long, beautiful, styled hair (not your typical guy long hair).
I now have hair almost to my waist. I wear it pulled back most of the time, but I love to play with it and put it up in different styles. My stylist will curl it for me at the salon....it looks very pretty when I walk out of the salon.
But the hair is the only feminine thing I've allowed myself. I present very masculine otherwise. I am married and my wife has slowly accepted my hair, but does not like me styling it at all. I can't imagine pushing anything else on her. Yet I have these very strong feelings of being female....and I don't mean just dressing as one, but I guess that's where it would start?
I've always been more comfortable talking with women, but can make myself fit in with a group of guys. But I much prefer the topics that women talk about.
I feel like I'm just rambling and I probably have not explained things very well. This is my first post anywhere about this.
Thank you for listening.
Hi Jamie, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 5200 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Thank you for the warm welcome Janet Lynn.
(I saw your "must reads" in another post. Thanks for the links.)
Hi Jamie
Welcome to the forum.
I've read your story but I'm not sure what you really want to ask or say.
It looks to me that you want to be feminine but you also want to present yourself masculine.
Is it because your wife doesn't like your feminine side?
Can you please explain it?
You know, whatever you will be you'll have support here, don't you?
I'm looking forware to your posts.
hug
annette
Hi Jamie,
Thank you for sharing your story. I have always loved long hair. As soon as I was old enough I grew it out. Though I couldn't get it it grow much further then the middle of my back.
Welcome to Susan's, I am glad you decided to join us. I hope to see more of your posts and get to know you a little better.
Hugs, Roxy
Quote from: annette on January 24, 2011, 06:51:56 PM
Hi Jamie
Welcome to the forum.
I've read your story but I'm not sure what you really want to ask or say.
It looks to me that you want to be feminine but you also want to present yourself masculine.
Is it because your wife doesn't like your feminine side?
Can you please explain it?
hug
annette
I really can't explain it. I've had desires to be a girl/woman since I was young. But I was not aware of any options until I was older.
I am married with a child now. I feel that I've made choices and have responsibilities/commitments to the two most important people in my life. I feel that sometimes you have to make great sacrifices for the people you love.
I feel transgendered, but I don't believe that I'm currently ready to move forward with anything.
Yet it's probably obvious that I've been thinking about it more recently, since I've been seeking more information and joined here.
Maybe I'll be ready for some small changes in the near future.
QuoteYou know, whatever you will be you'll have support here, don't you?
I'm looking forware to your posts.
I really do appreciate the support.
Sorry I can't currently explain more at this time. I'm hoping that by reading the experiences of others, I'll better understand myself.
- Jamie
Quote from: Erocse on January 24, 2011, 07:47:14 PM
Hi Jamie,
Thank you for sharing your story. I have always loved long hair. As soon as I was old enough I grew it out. Though I couldn't get it it grow much further then the middle of my back.
Welcome to Susan's, I am glad you decided to join us. I hope to see more of your posts and get to know you a little better.
Hugs, Roxy
Thank you Roxy.
BTW, your hair looks beautiful! I love the color... and the style is very flattering on you!
Peace, Jamie
Hi Jamie
Your reply explains a lot more to me.
Woow, these are difficult times for you, your responsibilities on one side and your feelings on the other side.
I know how you must be feeling, I was there a long time ago.
I'll hope you'll find the balance to be happy.
I'm very glad you joint us and I'll hope you'll find comfort and support around here.
Like Roxy sad, thanks for sharing with us and if you'll will ever need a virtual arm around your shoulder...just write.
hugs
Annette
Quote from: annette on February 07, 2011, 05:00:50 AM
Hi Jamie
Your reply explains a lot more to me.
Woow, these are difficult times for you, your responsibilities on one side and your feelings on the other side.
I know how you must be feeling, I was there a long time ago.
I'll hope you'll find the balance to be happy.
I'm very glad you joint us and I'll hope you'll find comfort and support around here.
Like Roxy sad, thanks for sharing with us and if you'll will ever need a virtual arm around your shoulder...just write.
hugs
Annette
Annette,
I truly appreciate your kind words.
I already feel that "virtual arm" ;)
Peace,
Jamie
Welcome to Susan's, Jamie!
Thank you for sharing your story with us, I am sure that you will find that you can relate to the background stories of many of the girls here. This site is full of people who will support you throughout your journey. Don't be shy!
I look forward to seeing you throughout the forum!
Hugs,
Jacquelyn
Quote from: Jacquelyn on February 08, 2011, 12:41:35 AM
Welcome to Susan's, Jamie!
Thank you for sharing your story with us, I am sure that you will find that you can relate to the background stories of many of the girls here. This site is full of people who will support you throughout your journey. Don't be shy!
I look forward to seeing you throughout the forum!
Hugs,
Jacquelyn
Thanks Jacquelyn!! ;D
Peace,
Jamie