Last night I watched the movie Boys Don't Cry for the first time, and as I was watching it I was obviously relating to a lot of it, but after it was over it left me with a bad feeling, I even had a dysphoria attack. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day.
As much as I love being stealth, I realize how scary it can get. Of course being pre t and pre op makes things worse, but then I started wondering if being trans will ever stop being scary. The only positive things I find being trans is that I was able to find myself when a lot of people in general have a hard time finding themselves, and being able to have the courage to transition makes me a stronger person, but other than that, I really don't find pride in being trans :/ sorry I feel that way but I can't help it.
Then also, his gf in the movie is so awesome and supportive even after he lied to her, but it got me thinking about how sometimes I kinda feel bad for family/friends/SO who are accepting because its like they have to put up with the "situation" because they try to be understanding, when I'm sure its hard. Sometimes I wonder if I could do it myself (meaning be so supportive and understanding) if I wasn't trans. I'd never know unless I was in the situation.
Well I guess this was just a rant/wondering if anyone had any input on this or the movie. Sorry if I don't really make sense, its just some stuff I've been thinking about. Anyways, thanks everyone
I recently saw part of the movie, but I haven't been able to finish it. I enjoy it, but then I feel kind of bad because the lady playing him passed so well and I have no hope of passing that well until T.
There is a documentary called The Brandon Teena Story. Watching it will put a bit of a different spin on the movie.
edited due to having the name reversed. I blame...dyslexia whoever she is.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 23, 2011, 09:33:31 PM
There is a documentary called The Teena Brandon Story. Watching it will put a bit of a different spin on the movie.
Thanks! I'll check it out, don't know if it'll change the thoughts the movie already put in my head tho, but I'll definitely watch it
I saw that movie and it literally made me cry. When was him being himself such a crime? How did it hurt anybody else? I will never understand that length of people's ignorance.
But at the same time it made me wonder about the people I'm around. I don't think anybody would react that way but there there's still that fear for me. I don't know it's kinda hard to explain.
Quote from: LukasGabriel on January 23, 2011, 09:31:28 PMI enjoy it, but then I feel kind of bad because the lady playing him passed so well
Hilary Swank is so awesome. She's one of my favorite actresses.
She was also in Million Dollar Baby, which is one of my favorite Clint Eastwood movies.
There is a lot more to that story than was told on the screen, try to find the original articles in the New Yorker on it.
I saw a trailer for it and couldn't find anywhere to watch it so i ordered it online. it should be here soon, i hope i like it.
Quote from: KrisRenee on January 23, 2011, 10:25:43 PM
it should be here soon, i hope i like it.
Keep the tissue box in hand. This is one of the few movies that did make me cry.
I wish all it did was make me cry, but I guess accurate or not, it still left me with a bad feeling and brought all these thoughts and questions into my head. I mean, I never question my transition, but just the whole fact of being trans is kinda scary to me. idk
Quote from: James42 on January 23, 2011, 11:20:35 PM
I mean, I never question my transition, but just the whole fact of being trans is kinda scary to me. idk
It should be scary, keep you alert and alive as well as force you to be real certain that this is the right path for you.
Quote from: James42 on January 23, 2011, 11:20:35 PM
I wish all it did was make me cry, but I guess accurate or not, it still left me with a bad feeling and brought all these thoughts and questions into my head. I mean, I never question my transition, but just the whole fact of being trans is kinda scary to me. idk
I know exactly what you mean. It makes me wonder if I will ever get myself stuck in a situation like that and what I would do about it. I actually watched the documentary first and then the movie years before I came out as trans.
I watched it for the second time a couple of weeks ago with my girlfriend and she cried and got up and left without being able to watch the end, around the part where his girlfriends whole family confronts him. It made me wonder if she either: wonders if I will get in a bad situation too, or that maybe sometimes even though she accepts me and whatever that it is still hard for her (and her family) sometimes dating an FTM.
I watched it all the way through once. Never again ...
I've watched the first part a few times but I can't sit through the (highlight for spoilers rape scene) without going into a full blown panic attack.
Way to close to home folks. Good movie though. Hillary is fantastic.
Oh, that movie scared me back into the closet for awhile, no lie. Well, the movie coupled with my real-life experiences with transphobia while living in the midwest. I had my own brush with the law 5 years ago, and while it was not nearly so as bad as Brandon's, it was a painful reminder of Brandon's story and what can happen. I can't watch the rape scene either, it's very triggering for me.
I watched it with my family a few years ago. I rented it mainly to gauge their reaction to it. The fact that they kept call Brandon "she" pretty much told me when I was dealing with. And I'm with Jake that the rape scene scared me not only back into the closet for several years, but back into denial and into the first ever "try to be girly" phase of my life.
I've not watched it and don't plan to. It'd be way too triggering.
One time I watched Boys Don't Cry with my ex girlfriend and she just held me so I didn't have to watch the emotionally disturbing scenes towards the end. The second viewing was a bit easier for me. It didn't scare me back into the closet however, if anything it made me stronger in my resolve to stay true to myself and go forward with transition. Brandon didn't live a lie by being trans and neither should I.
Anyways....I own this movie and show it to my friends and I just sit there quietly with an expression on my face that is seriousness mixed with extreme sadness and just allow others to talk with me about what they saw and what they think about it. No question is ever too personal for me, so I figure my friends can learn a thing or two by watching Hillary's AMAZING performance and also learn about my own experiences with transphobia.
I decided to watch that movie when I was 16. Id never watch it again. I already have at the back of my mind, the constant guard and wariness in any situation. And like LordKAT said, we should be alert. Know we are certain in what we are doing in life, transitioning despite the risk it puts us in.
There are great things that come with being stealth, and I love reaping these rewards each day ;D
But I will admit I will never feel fully safe untill Im post op (lower surgery especially).
Im sure it sounds dramatic, but Id rather be murdered than raped.
But yeah, Hilary Swank did a great job playing as Brandon. My twin sister is a big Hilary fan, and didnt realize it was her on the front cover, she thought it was just a boy!
I saw the movie long ago and it still scares me. What motivated the crime is really disturbing. I mean, some people really do feel deceived when they learns a guy's biologically female. We're not lying about but somehow others feel that way. I find it problematic.
I want to watch it but I know I will bawl my eyes out, something I have never done during a movie ><
I watched it once, still have the DVD but i'll never watch it again. It's very hard to watch.
I thought the rape scene was unnecessary. Those kinds of things are better left to the imagination. I couldn't watch that part either, but it was because I think being blatant gives power to the wrong characters.
That said, the film distressed me quite a bit.
I've seen parts of it. I'll probably never actually watch it.
Though being trans certainly influences my decision, its the type of movie that I'd probably never watch otherwise. In fact, being trans makes me more likely to watch it, I guess.
I'm very picky when it comes to movies, and what I can stand to sit through.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 23, 2011, 09:33:31 PM
There is a documentary called The Brandon Teena Story. Watching it will put a bit of a different spin on the movie.
edited due to having the name reversed. I blame...dyslexia whoever she is.
I actually found that harder to watch than Boys Don't Cry. Couldn't even finish it... I guess it was harder because it's not fictionalized. These are real people saying real things, and a lot of the things they say are really transphobic.
Like, something to the effect of "It's crazy how someone can lie to you like that, make you think they're something they're not, manipulate you..." I couldn't watch far past that.
I had the movie on my Netflix instant que for a while and decided to watch it after seeing this thread. More than making me scared of being caught out as female-bodied, it made me scared for my fiance. She's FROM a small midwestern town and so is her entire family, and while (after a year of 'deal with who my partner is or get out of my life') they're accepting, they have threatened to 'mention' it to the other people in town and instigate something like what went down in the film.
I've been through that ->-bleeped-<-, and it'd shatter me, but having something happen to her because of who I am would break me in a far worse way...
Regardless of the Hollywood ability to tell stories, without letting facts get in the way, you're pretty much safe unless you choose to buddy up with a couple of two-time felony losers, and then start engaging in criminal activity on your own. And meth, stay away from meth too. But funny, the meth deal was not in the movie. Odd.
Quote from: tekla on January 25, 2011, 07:20:01 PM
Regardless of the Hollywood ability to tell stories, without letting facts get in the way, you're pretty much safe unless you choose to buddy up with a couple of two-time felony losers, and then start engaging in criminal activity on your own. And meth, stay away from meth too. But funny, the meth deal was not in the movie. Odd.
What about meth? Just curious because I've watched the documentary and read the book about Brandon Teena...(I think it's called "All She Wanted"...Besides the obviously offensive title with the incorrect pronoun, I didn't care for the book at all, but that's a whole other issue) and I don't remember anything about drugs.
I had the oppurtunity to watch the movie not too long ago.. Needless to say, I will never watch it again. It was a great movie, but it was very hard to watch and I often found myself covering up my eyes for quite a few scenes.
You have to go back to the original set of stories in the Village Voice and New Yorker to find that stuff out. Suffice it to say that you don't take shotguns to three people in close quarters without being a little bit high.
And the meth deal happened in the midwest long before anyone noticed it happening anywhere else. It's white trash, trailer park stuff, and that's what we're dealing with in Falls City. Really, had they been sober don't you think they would have at least dumped the bodies?
Yeeeaaaah. I watched this film for the first time quite recently, and... wow. It was amazing, but so incredibly difficult to watch. Some of the scenes made me feel physically ill, and I was crying by the end. The one really awesome plus was how very very well Hilary Swank passed - gives me hope...
Quote from: jmaxley on January 24, 2011, 10:48:29 PM
I've not watched it and don't plan to. It'd be way too triggering.
This.
I saw it back when it first came out - it freaked my mom out more than me. I don't hang out with scum, and although I live in the Midwest, people like those ignorant fools in that movie, don't get taken seriously around here. If they do, they're taken care of.
If they weren't behind bars now for what they did to Brandon, they would of been locked up anyway for something else, most definitely. I agree with Telka. Say no to drugs.
I can't believe you all think that movie is so hard to watch or worth crying over. I watched it twice and still don't find it so emotional.
I didn't find it hard to watch and I didn't cry over it, in fact I watched it twice idk why though. It just left me with a weird feeling and a lot of thoughts and questions, not about transitioning, but about being trans in general.
I'm pressing play for the first time right now.
I live in the Midwest, people like those ignorant fools in that movie, don't get taken seriously around here. If they do, they're taken care of.
Well first of all I never said 'say no to drugs' never have, never will. I said meth makes people so some real messed up ->-bleeped-<-. But hey, the Midwest is just the South with snow, look at the stats. South Dakota, number one in Rape. Nebraska, number on in violence against females, Wisconsin, that's the binge drinking capitol of the USA. And that's M/St.P? The number one source for underage prostitution in the US. I don't think that people like that are 'taken care of' anywhere by the way, because they are psychopathic stone cold killers and you need heavily armed and well trained cops to go up against them.
But you know who does walk that walk? Hispanic-Americans. They have a very low rate of violence against women, in part because Latina women fight back, and if you beat up Lupe Ramirez you just picked a fight with the entire Ramirez clan, and do you know how many Ramirez's there are? Her dad, her brothers, her cousins are all going to be coming after you, and that never ends well.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 23, 2011, 09:33:31 PM
There is a documentary called The Brandon Teena Story. Watching it will put a bit of a different spin on the movie.
edited due to having the name reversed. I blame...dyslexia whoever she is.
I watched that. It was intense.
I could not believe some of the questions the police officer asked him. And when they showed what those people did to him... It was just awful. I can't believe people do that kind of thing to somebody who wasn't hurting anybody.
who wasn't hurting anybody
Writing checks and getting money for them under false pretenses does hurt people.
Not to say that wasn't wrong, but it wasn't as if he could get a job pre-transition without the whole town knowing he was trans either. I didn't know Brandon, he could have been the shady sort anyways, but the midwest isn't exactly trans-friendly, and the area Brandon lived in was bumfrick nowhere; he'd have been hard pressed to do much about his situation, especially since his own mother was far from supportive. In the documentary all she does is say 'my daughter' every chance she gets and Brandon's memorial makes me want to leave flaming dog doo on her porch.
All the factual reports pretty much indicate that Brandon was a small time grifter. Yeah, Falls City is about as far from trans-friendly as you can get, yet he moved there from Lincoln, perhaps the most liberal place - if not the only liberal place - in the entire state. All indications are that the whole deal was a scam.
'The whole deal'? What deal would that be, exactly? I don't think the media ever made Brandon out to be a saint, or if they did, I certainly never got that impression. Hollywood skims over details, but the bottom line was, redneck attitudes and shoddy police work got a very young transperson killed. Also, if I'd have had Brandon's trailer trash relatives, I'd have gotten the hell out of their town too, he was molested by his uncle for years for christ-sake, how well would they have taken to him transitioning? Was Falls City a good choice? Obviously not, but with that background it's hard not to be sympathetic, his background was a Maury Povich show. Was he partially responsible for what happened to him? Sure, but that's like saying a woman who's doing illegal intoxicating drugs deserves to be raped, the punishment hardly fits the petty crime.
Quote from: tekla on January 26, 2011, 06:58:53 PM
who wasn't hurting anybody
Writing checks and getting money for them under false pretenses does hurt people.
Yes I agree. That isn't a good thing.
I'm more talking about the trans issue.
I'm aware that Hollywood tends to just skim the top of the story and I'm sure there's much more to it then we know.
Who cares if he was a saint or not? That's irrelevant to the fact that he got raped beat up and killed based on the fact that he was transgendered. Sure we can justify it by saying that we won't put ourselves in his situation but it doesn't matter. That type of thing can happen anywhere at any time to us.
I know a FTM guy who was at a bar with his girlfriend and these guys kept hitting on his girlfriend then asking questions like "wtf are you?" to him and he told them to leave them alone. When they didn't him and his girlfriend started to leave and as they were just outside the guys followed them and wouldn't leave them alone and he told them to back off obviously like any other person would and the guys kept asking 'wtf are you' to him and then the guys started to kick the ->-bleeped-<- out of him. They broke his nose and arm and repeatedly kicked him in the crotch asking wtf are you over again. And they only stopped because a cab driver pulled over and told them off and then dragged the guy into his cab and told him to the hospital.
Yeah that could also happen to a cis guy, getting the crapped kicked out of them but they must have targeted him also because he looked trans. who knows what would have happened if the cab driver didn't see. And this was in Southwestern Ontario, Canada.