When you decided to go on T, did your parents cry a lot? My mom was crying today b/c I told her I was gunna get my shot Monday that I was sick and tired of waiting to get on it. She said she didn't want to lose me as her daughter, she didn't want me to change, and I would be different. I'm assuming she means in looks when she said different. I told her I'll still be the same person, but I know it's going to be really hard for her and It's going to be really hard for me so see her cry all the time. I told her I just can't live in this body no more. It's either T or suicide. I won't kill myself for fear of going to hell, but I'd rather be dead then live in this female body any longer.
Yeah, my mom told me she's afraid of the side effects, that's another reason why she doesn't want me getting on T. She's telling me that getting on hormones is very dangerous and it's not a good idea.
Thanks!
Thank you. Me too.
I came out to my parents in March 2008. My mom in particular was very combative about the whole idea, but my dad seemed okay about it. My gender therapist suggested we have a group therapy session and during it my dad completely broke down sobbing, which got myself, my mom, and my therapist crying. My dad started crying when he asked "What am I supposed to do with all my old pictures and memories, and when people ask how my oldest daughter is doing?" It was a real eye-opening moment for me to see my dad show a vulnerable side like that.
The more I think about it I expected my parents to come around immediately because I had been dealing with this my whole life, but I didn't realize it was a new thing to them. I gave them distance but did not let them forget I was transitioning (I live in a different state). They actually came to the point where they paid for my top surgery this past summer. Your parents will come around, it is just scary for them. If you haven't already I would suggest finding online resources for your mom that explains stuff about trans people in general, and also T. If you see a therapist maybe have a joint session so you can talk to each other with a mediator. Good luck!!
She surely will cry and scream about it. I just can't imagine how it ends. :-\
Quote from: Chris968 on February 12, 2011, 09:53:25 AM
I came out to my parents in March 2008. My mom in particular was very combative about the whole idea, but my dad seemed okay about it. My gender therapist suggested we have a group therapy session and during it my dad completely broke down sobbing, which got myself, my mom, and my therapist crying. My dad started crying when he asked "What am I supposed to do with all my old pictures and memories, and when people ask how my oldest daughter is doing?" It was a real eye-opening moment for me to see my dad show a vulnerable side like that.
The more I think about it I expected my parents to come around immediately because I had been dealing with this my whole life, but I didn't realize it was a new thing to them. I gave them distance but did not let them forget I was transitioning (I live in a different state). They actually came to the point where they paid for my top surgery this past summer. Your parents will come around, it is just scary for them. If you haven't already I would suggest finding online resources for your mom that explains stuff about trans people in general, and also T. If you see a therapist maybe have a joint session so you can talk to each other with a mediator. Good luck!!
That's great your parents finally came around. It's makes things a little easier when you get support from your parents.
I can see my mom being just like your dad before he came around. My mom can't talk about my transitioning b/c it upsets her. Every time I bring it up, like getting my shot she gets upset and we argue. She keeps trying to scare me by saying "things are gunna be so much worse. Your making a big mistake..." It's driving me crazy.
I wish my mom would pay for my top surgery, but there's no way in hell she would that. I'm already in-debt with some other stuff. But I don't care if I'm in-debt, I want my top surgery ASAP. I'll deal with being in-debt later.
It seems to me my mom doesn't want to see a therapist with me to talk about it. I tell her she's more than welcome to come with me to my counseling sessions, but she won't. She did however, come with me when I talked to a priest. I think she was hoping that the priest would tell me what she's been telling me. All he said was you might have to move and start a new life somewhere else where people don't know you, and I can't remember what else he said.
She doesn't like looking for info on trans stuff. It's too much for her to deal with because there's some stuff I could show her but she doesn't want to see it. Whenever I watch a video on transgender, like the video blogs on youtube, she says I'm throwing it in her face b/c I'm constantly watching them.
I just think it would be better if I transition after I moved out. But since I have no money, I'll have to transition at home, and my mom is gunna be the one to make my life a living hell.
Quote from: kiris on February 12, 2011, 01:50:23 PM
She surely will cry and scream about it. I just can't imagine how it ends. :-\
Oh yeah, she'll cry. Scream? I'm not sure. Hopefully she'll come around and my grandmother too.
I'm already in-debt with some other stuff. But I don't care if I'm in-debt, I want my _______ ASAP. I'll deal with being in-debt later.
Which, of course, is how you get into debt in the first place. We might have outlawed slavery, but replacing it with debt ain't much better.
My mom is my best friend, and she was fully supportive at first, a little snipey and insensitive for a few days, then back to fully supportive. She said something at one point with my birth name, then corrected herself with the name I would rather have been called (at that time, Liam) She finished the thought with a nice jabby feeling "whoever you are." That stung like you wouldn't believe. I think she sensed it though. The next day she called me up and suggested she take me to Old Navy so she could use some awesome coupon and help me start an entirely new, more male, wardrobe. Since then, whenever the subject comes up, she's always very interested and chatty. Great to have at least one person in my life who I can talk to about it.
Dad and I don't really talk about the subject, but he's working really hard on using the right name at least. He has some mental problems and remembering isn't exactly his strong suit. The fact that he makes an effort is huge.
Neither living grandparent knows. Grandma is a million years old and easily confused. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. She had a breakdown over my cousin having a child out of wedlock, so I can't imagine what she would say about this. Grammy doesn't know yet as far as I know. My mother may or may not tell her. A couple of my aunts know. Pretty much everyone BUT the million year old grandma calls me Rowan now... but it's taken years. I never tried to correct them, just let them correct themselves, and eventually that part came easily.
Quote from: Rowan on February 12, 2011, 06:48:54 PM
My mom is my best friend, and she was fully supportive at first, a little snipey and insensitive for a few days, then back to fully supportive. She said something at one point with my birth name, then corrected herself with the name I would rather have been called (at that time, Liam) She finished the thought with a nice jabby feeling "whoever you are." That stung like you wouldn't believe. I think she sensed it though. The next day she called me up and suggested she take me to Old Navy so she could use some awesome coupon and help me start an entirely new, more male, wardrobe. Since then, whenever the subject comes up, she's always very interested and chatty. Great to have at least one person in my life who I can talk to about it.
Dad and I don't really talk about the subject, but he's working really hard on using the right name at least. He has some mental problems and remembering isn't exactly his strong suit. The fact that he makes an effort is huge.
Neither living grandparent knows. Grandma is a million years old and easily confused. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. She had a breakdown over my cousin having a child out of wedlock, so I can't imagine what she would say about this. Grammy doesn't know yet as far as I know. My mother may or may not tell her. A couple of my aunts know. Pretty much everyone BUT the million year old grandma calls me Rowan now... but it's taken years. I never tried to correct them, just let them correct themselves, and eventually that part came easily.
Wow, that's great your mother is so supportive. My mom would never be like that. You are so lucky with that.
Quote from: tekla on February 12, 2011, 04:38:41 PM
I'm already in-debt with some other stuff. But I don't care if I'm in-debt, I want my _______ ASAP. I'll deal with being in-debt later.
Which, of course, is how you get into debt in the first place. We might have outlawed slavery, but replacing it with debt ain't much better.
That's true.