Today was two more firsts for me. Going out shopping to Kohl's and the mall in girl mode, and then after a few hours of shopping (and Starbucks) using the women's restroom in Macy's.
First the shopping (!!!)
I met Jerica this afternoon after spending a good 2 hours getting ready. I did my hair pretty nicely, and really tried to do my makeup well too. I had a laser treatment yesterday on my face so it's still a little puffy and you can see some of the dark shadow on my upper lip, but I got it covered as best as I could.
I wore a brown sweater with black belt, a denim skirt, black tights, and some black flats. I wanted to look nice but not too overdressed. I also wore some forms so that my chest looked a little more natural under the sweater. With that I was out!
I met Jerica in the parking lot of Kohl's and we went in together. I was super nervous!! But I quickly discovered that nobody was paying attention to me at all. We cruised the clearance racks and Jerica pointed out new things for me to try. Before I knew it I had a stack of items to try on and headed to the dressing room.
No troubles there either. The attendant took my items that I didn't want (I picked out a couple things that I liked) and I was back to browsing again.
It was so nice to be able to browse and actually try things on for a change! I'm so used to having to buy all my items online and taking a "risk" with each online purchase that it won't fit or something and then have to pay for return shipping. This was great, we could pick out a whole stack of things to try and then I could put them on right then and there. I was able to experiment with styles I'd never consider buying online. It was wonderful. I paid in cash so that nobody would ask for my ID.
Jerica said that one of the people behind the counter commented on my sweater and said she really liked it but I missed it I guess (nervous maybe?). But I think either she or another person commented on my sweater again later and I responded and said "thank you!" in my high voice. I could hardly believe I was talking to people!
After Kohl's, we headed to the mall. Stopping at Jamba Juice to get a quick drink. The girl took my order and said "your name?" I hesitated for a minute and said, "uh, Madelyn". Luckily I stayed in my higher voice! It was strange though to give my name, and I almost embarrassed myself!
We next browsed JC Penney, and the experience was the same. At check out the lady behind the counter said "hi ladies" and asked another associate, "will you help her please?" asking her to help me check out while she took care of Jerica.
We stopped for a Starbucks drink and chatted a while, and decided we should probably head home, but before we headed out we stopped at Macy's to use the restroom - the women's restroom. It too of course was a complete non-event.
The whole day was just awesome. It felt nice; natural. I mean, it was a little surreal for me, but still felt surprisingly natural. I was surprised I didn't actually find it hard to stay in my higher voice (I've been practicing a few months), and after a while I wasn't quite as nervous. It was so much simpler than I had feared it would be, and people didn't even really notice me despite my 5'10" frame, broad shoulders, forehead, and little shadow on my upper lip (etc etc etc I could list out a thousand flaws). In the end - I passed.
This day made me think of a couple things I'd like to share. First off, I can't believe how many years I spent in utter panic over the idea I'd ever be able to go out and shop for girl clothes in girl mode. Years wasted. It went more smoothly than I ever imagined it would. I continue to be amazed at how the world doesn't actually revolve around me (despite the voice in my head telling me that everyone in the store would turn and stare and ridicule me). To my amazement people just go about their daily lives, and many are even friendly. It was a wonderful reminder of how silly my fears can be.
Secondly, it meant so much to have a friend who would take me out and show me the ropes. Jerica, you did a wonderful thing today by being by my side as I did this. Thank you times a thousand! I'm reminded through you how much an impact one person and their generosity in helping another person can mean, and it inspires me. For anyone reading this, if you have anxiety about going out I hope you're able to find someone who is willing to help you take that first step. I am certainly fortunate to have had this amazing and confident woman with me this afternoon. It made all the difference, and I will never forget it.
Ending my day (and this post) with so much gratitude for two new firsts that went perfectly.
*blair likes this
;D ;D ;D
Congrats!
Hi Madelyn,
Sounds a great day. And yes it is so normal. 99.99% 0f shop people will help you. It is their job after all. I ended up going for a bra fitting (this was a while back) nervous as hell. Told the fitting person these are the forms I use. she measured me up, told me what size I should be wearing, showed me bras in my size. Then discreetly said 'If you have a boob job done; for your chest size 36C's would look very natural.
Only one time have I had a problem. She got fired on the spot (it is in my posts). Never ever had any other problems.
Confidence girl. That's the name of the game.
Glad you had such a great day.
Cindy
That is absolutely wonderful Madelyn ;D
I am glad you and Jerica had a good time together, she seems like a great gal to spend the day with
Hugs for both of you
- Virginia
Great to hear you had a fantastic day, and had Jerica along for company too.
Normal is Brilliant!
had this amazing and confident woman with me this afternoon
True that, Jerica is pretty confident and is amazing.
:)
Jennifer
YAY! Congratulations!!!!! Remember to always keep your head up and ALWAYS smile!!! That is how I disarm a lot of the nervousness inside me when I feel nervous about something!
Yay!
So happy for you. Sounds like you girls had a great time.
Awww girl. I was glad to help! I enjoyed seeing you in your element, frankly. =) We will have to do it again sometime for sure.....when I have budgeted for it again lol
Quote from: tekla on February 06, 2011, 07:57:12 AM
had this amazing and confident woman with me this afternoon
True that, Jerica is pretty confident and is amazing.
*blush* =)
I really enjoyed reading this story, it made me smile all the way through.
You're first step was a brave leap and it seemed like the perfect way to start off.
=)
It always is a non-event, I have found. I took Lacey Lynne on her first outing including a trip to the ladies room. And yes I stepped out be for she was ready. We all will have to do it alone at one time.
And of course there were no problems.
Sounds like you and Jerica had a great time. And like all of us you found out that it is just another day.
Congratulations.
Sounds like you both had a great time!
I definitely think I would prefer to find a girl who's done it before to go out with my first time, although if that's not an option I will make due.
I don't see it happening anytime soon unfortunately, so I still have a little bit of time to find someone who could show me the ropes and make me more comfortable that first time... now where are all the Missouri girls ;) or even Kansas, Oklahoma or Arkansas..
That is so great! I only went shopping in girl mode a few weeks ago and to the ladies this past Friday. It is an incredible feeling isn't it? I wish I had had a Jerica to accompany me. Good on her. I also felt as you did about wasted years. It was such a non-event I wondered why I waited so long. It is so neat though. I was telling Jackie this weekend that it felt like I could do a really cool magic trick all along and only just discovered it.
Congrats, Madelyn!
It sounds like you had an amazing time! It's nice to have friends to walk with you through those changes. I understand it can be a bit nerve wracking, but I am so happy you were able to get through it and have such a wonderful time!
Hugs,
Jacquelyn
PS. I saw the photo on FB, cutie! :) :) :)
This is so cute! I want to take someone on their first outing.
Thanks for sharing!
It's a very inspiring story, thank you for sharing it!
Quote from: Janet Lynn on February 07, 2011, 05:11:28 PM
It always is a non-event, I have found. I took Lacey Lynne on her first outing including a trip to the ladies room. And yes I stepped out be for she was ready. We all will have to do it alone at one time.
And of course there were no problems.
Sounds like you and Jerica had a great time. And like all of us you found out that it is just another day.
Congratulations.
Yeah, she left me in there with a GG!!! I was scared ->-bleeped-<-less! Dang!
Actually, this was one of the greatest moments of my life, and I'm grateful to Janet Lynn bigtime. She's been very patient with me, her high-maintenance l'il sis! Like, see my avatar pic there. Well, yo! Guess whose arm that is cropped out of the picture there? That was on Thanksgiving Day of 2010. Loved it! She's family, y'all. Get used to it.
Thanks bunches, Babes!
:D Lacey Lynne
Postscript:
Got my ears piereced at ICING in the mall on Sunday, 9 January 2011. I'm seeing The Reidster on 14 March 2011 at 11:00 a.m. to get my carry letter and document the start of my RLE/RLT. The economic meltdown during the holidays blew my full-time plans to hell and back. I'm planning on going full-time in April 2011. Got YOU to thank for giving me "the balls" to do it ... even as The Reidster is preparing my way for me to lose mine.
Only another T-girl can appreciate a joke like that! :laugh:
I love reading about first timers. Hugs Shannon
I love to hear about your fun.
When I first started shopping in girl mode I thought of myself as simply a crossdresser of some kind. I was a little nervous at first. But I very soon realized that the salespeople, be they man or woman, are simply in sales because they want to help people find things that they like.
Now these days I think of myself as transgender and as such when I do go out in girl mode is to simply get anything done, not just look at clothes. I do not live 100% in either guy mode or girl mode. My weekends and vacations tend to be 100% in girl mode, including to the bank, post office, hardware store, surf shop, motorcycle shop, grocery store, and yes, to the mall. This includes ladies room time.
It is a wonderful feeling just to be able to be out and about and not care whether people think I have an innie or an outie down there. When I wear lipstick, meaning when I present as female, I am treated like a lady, and nice old fashioned gentlemen hold the door open for me. When I present as male, I am the old fashioned gentleman because that is my training.
Sounds like you had a good time. I long for the day I can do that.