My name is Rachel, I began living full time as my real womanly self in may last year, so this is the 9th month of my real life - so to speak. On the whole I'm just glad to finally give up the pretence of being something I wasn't
Hi Rachel, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 5500 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Hi Rachel!
It is great to have you on board. You are going to make plenty of new friends here.
Is'nt it fantastic to be yourself? ;)
Huggs
Maegan
Hi Rach
Welcome.
I find it interesting that you've been living full time for almost a year yet are only new to this forum.
Are you a member of another forum or have you been reading the forums here without registering?
Or maybe you've just dealt with this all in real life?
I'm really interested and would love to find out.
Welcome to Susan's, Rachel!
I am happy to hear that you have been living full time for 9 months already! As Caitlin said, would you care to share more of your story with us, if not that is okay as well.
As I am sure you will discover this site is full of the most amazing, loving, and supportive people you will ever meet. When Janet welcomed you to the family, she means it. Here we share our thoughts and feelings in a safe space.
I hope to see you around the forum!
Hugs,
Jacquelyn
hi, thanks for the warm welcomes :)
I'm a member of quite a few online forums but only a couple are trans related, I mainly haunt Gallifrey One which is a site about my favourite telly show Doctor Who (a programme I have watched since 1979 and the watching of it on VHS and DVD has helped me stay sane over the years).
I don't know how common or rare my personal past is, I've always thought of myself as female, never not as male except as a disguise to hide behind. Up until the age of around 4 I had no clue that I wasn't the little girl on the outside that I knew for a fact I was on the inside and realising I was different kind of made me start to hide myself away. My parents used to threaten me and my brother regulalary with being put up for adoption if we did something naughty, which tended to be basically anything that bothered them, so I didn't want to be thrown away by telling them I was really a girl even though I looked like a boy. As I grew up and society kept trying to push me into a shape that I didn't want to be I just kept quite and went along with things to the bare minimum possible not to attract any attention to myself, which involved self-monitoring every single thing I said or did every moment I was awake and obsessively worrying that I migth say something in my sleep. Still though I guess people knew something was wrong with me, every day at secondary school I'd be harassed or beaten up by gangs of boys, I guess they knew somehow I wasn't one of them in some way but they didn't quite now how or why. The first time I tried to commit suicide was when I was about 15, I took a few paracetamol and prayed I wouldn't wake up again, but I did and so things went on. Sixth form was a little better, people were more relaxed and were there to study, not to recreate Lord of the Flies on a daily basis. Still I felt trapped, unable to tell anyone that the me they knew was little more than a sham, I couldn't dare risk anyone getting close to the real me out of fear of rejection and also out of fear for my life if they attacked me. University was pretty much the same, I just drifted along made a few friends for a while and I did graduate but afterwards couldn't get a job for anything. About this time I tried to commit suicide again, but after it failed I decided to try and do something about it, I tried to talk to someone and I was sent to talk to someone who basically humiliated me and ridiculed me, which kind of put me back a long time and I really went for it with the pills and I honestly should have died, I really should have but I didn't and I realised what a stupid idiot I'd been afterwards, I learned how valuable my life was but after trying to do things 'the right way' and failing I decided to try doing things myself. I'd order hormones on and off and slowly experimented with clothing and make up in secret, to make sure that being a woman after so long of living a lie that I'd almost lost who I even was, I knew instantly that I was a woman inside, I'd always been a woman inside and I wanted to be my true womanly self on the outside for the whole world to see for the rest of my life. Of course it wasn't quite as easy as that but after a few years of building up my wardrobe, developing a very small but very well liked pair of chest bumps I knew that doing things myself wasn't rhe way to go, I could be taking anything in those pills rather than the real hormones I wanted to be in them, I could be killing myself rather than freeing myself so I went back to my GP, got another referral and eventually got accepted onto the northern gender team and I have been diagnosed as a genuine transsexual, what I'd always known about myself was clear for everyone, I'm out to everyone, I'm a woman, I've changed name and all my documents into my new name, my real name as I like to think of it and I'm just getting on with my private life and my job. Work's been fantastic about my transition, they accept me for who I am and all my paperwork and pensions have been changed over too.
You seem pretty strong - to go from your low point to where you are now is awesome.
thanks, I feel that I'm slowly acquiring the power of a woman :)
Hi Rachel
Very, very welcome to the forum, honey.
It's a good thing you've found us.
As you have seen allready there are a lot of nice people here and I think you will have many friends.
Looking forward to your future posts.
hugs
annette