My mom just asked if "we should get you a sex change because you act more like a boy then a girl." How do I respond to that? Part of me wants to come out but the other part is too scared to move. I don't know anymore. :(
As daunting as it is first talking to your Mum about this, it sounds like the perfect opportunity has presented itself to you! But thats just my opinion, I dont know all the details of everything and how your Mum is etc.
I know. This is the perfect opportunity to tell my mom. I want to but I have no idea what to say. I'm worried I'm going to talk to her and not know what to say. She's caught me crying before and has said that there's nothing I can say that would make her love me less so I guess I can go off that. I've just never been more scared in my life...
Moms have uncany ways of knowing their children.
She has opened the door for you to come out. I would highly advise you to utilize the oportunity while it is there.
I truly understand your fears. It took me so long to first tell my Mum, this was 5 years ago, and I STILL feel myself start to panic abit if I need to bring it up :p (But I am a complete wuss when it comes to talking about this anyway)
Maybe you could write her a letter? That is what I did. That way, you can spend aslong as you want, making sure you get the words right and are happy with it.
Also, your Mum will have time for it to sink in and understand how she feels and how to respond. Telling her face to face, she may feel shocked at first, she will need abit of time to absorb it.
But from what youve said, she sounds great and I hope it all goes well for you Brent if you do tell her :)
Kyle
If it's what you want, just go with it!! Tell your mom, go out, and start to enjoy life :)
It's not that hard, I just walked to my mother's kitchen and talked to her "Hi mum. You may not have realized yet, but I'm a man, a transman. And I'm going to start to transition right now, wether you like it or not"
She had no other option than accepting it :D
I feel like I'm making it more scary then it has to be. But if I don't tell her tonight, I'll bring it up tomorrow. It was just a shock when she said it at the time.
The exact same thing happened to me this Christmas, so I used it as the time to come out to her and it turned out well.
If you do choose to come out to her, good luck! =)
i think you should go for it. i wish i had an opportunity like that. did she sound serious? or was she joking? either way, she gave you a golden ticket.
She didn't really sound like she was joking but then again, that's just how she sounds. I was going to wait until Monday to call this therapist I found and then tell her about it since she already went to bed.
I know how scary it is to come out to your mother. I'd never thought I'd ever tell my mom, but it came out in a fight. Your mother might know but doesn't want to say anything. Are you afraid your mother will disown you? If your mother is anything like my mom she'll love you no matter what. But she might act like nothings change and go on pretending everything is okay after you tell her, that's what my mom is doing right now. She has no idea I got my shot, but I did tell her I was getting it the next day. She doesn't believe I would actually do it though since I said so many times I was getting it before but didn't.
I know she won't disown me. I know that she'll love me no matter what. I'm just scared.
I've made the decision though. I'm going to call that therapist I found near me, then I'm going to talk to my mom about it. I'm forcing myself to. I'll let you guys know how it goes.
That's a good idea to take your mom with you to a therapist and tell her there. That's what I was planning to do.
I hope it all works out for you.
This sort of thing JUST happened to me a couple days ago. My mom just asked me "Are you transgender or something?" and I just said "Yup." As much as I'm glad I came out to her, I'm equally as mad with myself that I did. She took it horribly and kept telling me over and over again that I'm not a boy and I'm just confused. She told my psycho-pharmacologist and he took it WAY better than her. He said that I obviously wasn't confused if I felt the need to tell her and he's hooking me up with a few new therapists because the one I have now isn't working out. I'm just glad that I'm turning 18 soon and moving out over the summer so I can transition without her trying to tell me not to.
I think you should just go for it and tell her because you're going to regret it if you don't. This was the second time this sort of thing happened to me and I told myself that if the opportunity presented itself again then I would just tell her and hope for the best. Your mom sounds better than mine, so I think you should have no problem with it.
That's kind of cool that she's giving you an opening. I'd say go for it especially as it sounds like she'd be okay with things. My dad has asked me twice before if I'd like a sex change (jokingly), and I really wish I had just said yes. Unfortunately, these were before I had the whole trans thing figured out. I pretty much thought you went in for surgery, they gave you a dick, and you were stuck as a girl with a dick. (Nothing wrong with that, but not what I'm looking for.) Now I'm trying to find a good way to bring it up.
I;m not really sure how many times my mom's asked me. Its been a couple of times though. She jokes about it a lot. I just hope she's ok with it.
Just do it! She's going to know eventually, right? This sounds like the perfect time.
Therapy is expensive. I called some places in the area and it's out there. It kinda discourages me in telling my mom. :(
It sounds like your mom suspects that something is up and wants you to tell her. Mine did something similar. She asked me a couple of times before I came out if I felt like I wanted to be a boy. I wasn't able to answer at first either...
But anyway, if she asked, she probably already knows the answer. She may be trying to tell you that she would still love and accept you if you came out.
It is just my opinion, but I think that if your mother is bringing it up lightly/jokingly, she will probably be accepting if you tell her. In fact if she is joking then she has probably already started to entertain the idea. Just speak from your heart and let her know how you're feeling. She might not fully understand it at first, but then again I don't think you can expect anyone to understand something so complicated and new the first time you tell them. But at least she has helped you to initiate the conversation, so it won't be as awkward as if you just brought it up one day "out of the blue."
Myself, I just sort of winged it. I was very nervous about telling my dad, because for him it would be a completely new concept to grasp, so basically I just started walking over to where he was and then put myself on the spot. It went much better than I planned, because he didn't deny what I was feeling. I don't think your mom will, either. She seems to really care about you.
(Also, if you do tell her and every once in a while she jokes about the whole thing, I wouldn't let it get to you. For some people humor is a coping mechanism, so they can get their head around the idea.)
Good luck, Brent!
Quote from: Brent123 on February 20, 2011, 05:13:21 PM
My mom just asked if "we should get you a sex change because you act more like a boy then a girl." How do I respond to that? Part of me wants to come out but the other part is too scared to move. I don't know anymore. :(
just reply with a sarcastic comment, in a half joking half serious way like "hey maybe we should get me a sex change"
My mom said something to me like this before. This is an opportunity presenting itself, if you are not good with the confessing stuff, this maybe a conversation starter. its up to you of course.
You guys are right. I'm going to tell her tomorrow. That way I can tell my parents at different times. That just seems easier then telling them both at once. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Wish me luck. :)
Good luck :) Let us know how it goes.
Brent: From what it sounds like, your mom is gonna be cool with you coming out. If you don't think she'll disown you, then you really have nothing to lose by just telling her. And hell, that will open a whole discussion FULL of education and answers if she has an inquisitive mind! It was tough coming out to my mom but she just asked me lots of accusatory-sounding questions in a somewhat hostile manner and I kept educating and informing her as rationally and calmly as possible. Sounds like you won't have that issue though. Nonetheless, best of luck tomorrow!
I chickened out. I just couldn't say it. So I wrote a letter instead. I'm going to do it when my dad gets home though so I only have to do it once.
Quote from: Brent123 on February 22, 2011, 03:12:53 PM
I chickened out. I just couldn't say it. So I wrote a letter instead. I'm going to do it when my dad gets home though so I only have to do it once.
Good luck.
We are here for you regardless of how it goes.
Sometimes it's better to write out what is harder to physically say. I have my reservations about writing stuff though but I'll spare my thoughts on that for now until I know the outcome of tonight for you.
Either way, my fingers are crossed! :)
Wow, I cannot express in words how lucky you are to have a mom like that, Brent. My mom is the most antagonistic family member about my ->-bleeped-<- and threatened to disown me (on top of already transpiring physical/verbal abuse) if I wasn't her "daughter" when I was fully honest about how I felt.
In any case I can perfectly understand your nervousness. Wishing the best for you and your family's reactions, and I hope they are fully supportive of you. I'm glad you're putting forth the efforts to come out; It takes a lot of courage! A letter is a good way to put your thoughts and feelings into words without the pressure of "being in the moment", so don't think of it as chickening out.