I've read that a lot of guys remember seeing themselves when they were younger and knowing that something was wrong just by seeing what genitals they had. I was wondering if it's possible to somehow block that all out, as if it was too traumatic or was too much insecurity for the child. I have very few memories of when I was a child, and none whatsoever of me looking at myself and seeing it as "wrong". That is to say, I can't remember ever looking at my downstairs as a child, and I know I only started to notice it when puberty started. I don't think I had any discomfort as a child because I wasn't forced into acting or dressing as I was "supposed to", even though I was aware that I was a "girl", though quite different from any other girls I knew at that time. I'm curious to hear about people's pasts, as I find it sort of peculiar that I can't remember ever exploring myself at a younger age, which I know most guys did.
well, i'm kinda half in the same situation you are.
I can't remember most my past at all, and wonder if it's the whole 'it's been blocked out' thing.
Though for me, i do remember always being uncomfortable about myself for some reason since preschool even.
i guess i'm not much help, but i'm curious to see others experience or opinions.
I just remember accidentally looking down there when I was about 12 years old and being like, "Whoa, I don't remember that stuff being there!" o-o
I guess I had just assumed that I had no genitals at all.
I think it is very possible to block out trans memories, blocking memories is a common coping mechanism so I don't see why not.
But to you specifically, having no dysphoria or trans memories before puberty does not make you less trans, it just means you have a different experience, if that's what you're worried about. It's different for everyone. Some kids just aren't very aware of their bodies at all, especially if they have no sexual interest. So if you were already allowed to be like you wanted and not being forced into girly stuff I think it makes perfect sense that it can go more or less unnoticed for a time.
Myself though, I've carried those memories with me the whole way, what I did instead was keep telling myself I must just be confused or that it was normal to question your genitals, and things like that. That way I managed to stave it off most of the time.
I still remember very specifically from when I was 6, how - when I learned about the differences in male and female anatomy - I looked at my dick(my clit) and wondered why it was so small.
I was also already quite sexual while growing up, in a male way, which I was ashamed of, especially after the horrible scolding after someone found out what I was doing. That brought even more fear in me of ever telling anyone I felt like a boy.
Berren I can't answer your first question but your more recent question about memory blocking I can answer. This is just my experience though so really I could be wrong in your case.
Something bad happened to me was younger. It happened repetitively throughout a year. I didn't deal with it for about 8 years and I blocked out most of the memories. Basically I knew it happened but my brain managed to lock away all of the details. When I finally dealt with it and started thinking about it/talking about it the memories all slowly came back so yes, therapy might could get the memories but I will say this if your brain blocked it out there is probably a good reason and going through remembering it all could be a traumatic thing that you don't want to deal with if you can avoid it. Just my advice. Good luck though, if your like me even knowing that it could be hard to deal with you will want to try to remember it all because if not it will drive you nuts- if that's the case then I hope you can remember and it goes alright for you.
Istruggle to recal much of my life pre 18 and even the past 10 years are pretty hazy if i'm honest.