I got my blood test results. Testosterone above average. Now I just kinda want to die. And it's still over a year 'til I can get it fixed, and become human again. So I guess I'll just have to wait, while this poison remains in my veins, killing me slowly.
Never in my life have I hated anything or anyone more than I hate myself right now. I thought I'd get the opposite message. Instead, it turns out I'm a simple animal.
Would someone please kill me while I still have a shred of dignity left?
*hugs*
You're one of the most dignified people I know, even when you're being silly. And you're not a simple animal.
I have a feeling mine will turn up similar. Don't worry, T level doesn't count at this stage in the formation of your identity. I had a dream that a doctor told me mine was high, and I freaked out too. But I quickly realized it had no real bearing. Just keep moving forward :)
Will they not give you AA's and E because it's high?
Quote from: EmmaM on March 02, 2011, 09:47:57 AM
I have a feeling mine will turn up similar. Don't worry, T level doesn't count at this stage in the formation of your identity. I had a dream that a doctor told me mine was high, and I freaked out too. But I quickly realized it had no real bearing. Just keep moving forward :)
Will they not give you AA's and E because it's high?
They will not use this as a reason to deny me HRT, no. But they won't give me anything to reduce my Toxin level, either, since it's only about 10 times the highest normal level, which is within normal parameters for the opposite sex of mine, and since that's the one on my birth certificate...
At this stage, what does it matter? The damage is already done, and I'm already going to look like a gorilla for the rest of my life, so it doesn't make much real difference. But it still
feels like it does.
Quote from: E on March 02, 2011, 09:57:41 AM
At this stage, what does it matter? The damage is already done, and I'm already going to look like a gorilla for the rest of my life, so it doesn't make much real difference. But it still feels like it does.
I know, sister, I know the feeling all too well. I'm essentially fully baked (27), but I still feel like the right stuff will solve all my problems, well, except for two or three.
E: There is something you can do, but it cannot be discussed or described here. PM if you are interested.
This message brought to you by a 53-year old 6'2" 270-pound former gorilla who hates it with a passion.
*hugs* sorry to hear about the results.
Hope you can get it changed soon.
Quote from: Jerica on March 02, 2011, 04:07:14 PM
*hugs* sorry to hear about the results.
Hope you can get it changed soon.
It's unlikely I'll have any chance before at least a year has passed. Such is the way of things: The establishment is concerned primarily with defending cisgender people from scary ->-bleeped-<-s and from transitioning in error, and the safety and well-being of trans people comes a distant, distant third.
Misery loves company. :-\ Before I started, my T level was around 700 - which is actually quite high... Hang in there hon, the waiting and suffering stinks but it will make it 10 times better when you get the right stuff in your veins.
Quote from: AmySmiles on March 02, 2011, 06:11:20 PM
Misery loves company. :-\ Before I started, my T level was around 700 - which is actually quite high... Hang in there hon, the waiting and suffering stinks but it will make it 10 times better when you get the right stuff in your veins.
Umm, on what scale? On the one my doctor used, I had 7.2, and anywhere between 2.5 and 9.5 would be considered within normal had I been a man.
Probably the same scale times 100, so I would be around 7 also. The range numbers my doctor gave me would about match with the 2.5 - 9.5 if divided by 100.