Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have a suspicion this "girl" in my class is ftm, and I've gotten that feeling about other people too, but I may be wrong. Do other people think they can tell too?

People think they can but really they can't, or it's based on effed up cissexist ideas.

I definitely have met trans people where other people in my group have no clue.

I think that it's one of those things that regular people don't expect.  They can only spot the Jerry Springer types where other trans people might be looking for the transyness in everyone.

Mine's very accurate. Then again I live in a place where I meet other MTF/FTM peeps weekly. Let's just say I'm not living in Kansas. So yeah, I have a pretty accurate "->-bleeped-<-dar" for lack of a better term.  ;)

I actually met another MTF the other day, and my cis-female friend had no clue.

I haven't picked anyone out myself, but when I came out a couple of my (gay) friends were just like, "yeah, we know."

Well, I'm somewhat positive that this 1 chick who's an interpreter for a deaf kid in some of my classes is an mtf, and I've had a substitute bus driver and a class ring dealer who I was somewhat positive were ftm's.

Now I had this 1 substitute teacher who I knew was an mtf :(. Poor thing didn't pass at all, although she did have a very convincing voice.

Also I saw a bus full of kathoey when I was at an airport in Las Vegas, a lot of them didn't pass very well either, but I guess you could say they were pretty.

I think it's more that most people don't expect to see any trans people, so they don't look for it. We do.

I'd like to think my ->-bleeped-<-dar is pretty good. My gaydar is near flawless! I still think we should come up with some secret phrase or handshake... I mean, you don't want to out someone who is stealth, and it's rude to just ask someone (especially if they aren't), but sometimes you feel the urge to be like "You're trans? I'm trans!!!" Or gay, if that is the case.

lol yeah, that 1 sub I wanted to ask her if she was trans and show support but that would have been soo rude >.>

I guess it really doesn't matter, only to know that you actually aren't doing this alone, other people actually are like you and you can become someone great.

No one can tell if a person is trans or not unless they are in the beginning stages and even then it's not always possible.    First, cis people can have hormone problems that causes them to have features of the opposite sex, does that make them trans?  Why does it matter so much if this girl is FTM?  It would be very rude to ask her or anyone you think may be trans if they are?  Would you want someone you didn't know asking you if you were trans?  I mean yeah it's fine to wonder and I could understand why you would but does it really matter what their genitals may or may not look like or what their gender identity may or may not be? 

Quote from: Andy8715 on March 08, 2011, 10:43:10 PM
No one can tell if a person is trans or not unless they are in the beginning stages and even then it's not always possible.    First, cis people can have hormone problems that causes them to have features of the opposite sex, does that make them trans?  Why does it matter so much if this girl is FTM?  It would be very rude to ask her or anyone you think may be trans if they are?  Would you want someone you didn't know asking you if you were trans?  I mean yeah it's fine to wonder and I could understand why you would but does it really matter what their genitals may or may not look like or what their gender identity may or may not be?

Ok, first of all I would never ask ANYONE if they where transgender/transsexual. I was just commenting that I thought she might be. And I guess it really doesn't matter but everyone is human so excuse me for being curious.

As I like to say "my gaydar is so broken I can't even tell if I'm gay!" and insuspect my ->-bleeped-<-dar is also broken to. Which sucks because I'd like to meet up with "fambily" here. :(

I work with a gay guy, and i know that his gaydar has gone off with me.... i've seen the looks from him, but he can't quite figure it out.... and i'm not telling  :)

I think that us gender variant folks may be more attuned to people that are also gender variant.

"->-bleeped-<-dar"? I don't mean to be a bug, but that term is rather bothersome to me

Quote from: Virginia Marie on March 09, 2011, 12:06:46 AM
"->-bleeped-<-dar"? I don't mean to be a bug, but that term is rather bothersome to me

Seconded.
With that said, my good friend, who is trans himself, is really good at picking out other trans people. I came out to him and he was all "yep. called it from a mile away."

Quote from: Virginia Marie on March 09, 2011, 12:06:46 AM
"->-bleeped-<-dar"? I don't mean to be a bug, but that term is rather bothersome to me

I personally use that first word to describe myself but I do understand why it would be bothersome.


I see people often who look like they might be starting transition but I'm in a city full of some feminine men and some incredibly masculine women. I do understand how you might want to feel like your not the only trans person around. Emoboi do you have a glbt group you could go to?

Personally, I find ->-bleeped-<- and queer offensive. ->-bleeped-<-, I don't mind.

If you don't find ->-bleeped-<- offensive, please read this:

http://nodesignation.com/?p=187 (http://nodesignation.com/?p=187)

Especially if you're a trans guy or female-assigned at birth genderqueer, etc. I don't say that because I have any problem with you guys, but because their experience with the word is, for various cultural and historical reasons, probably a lot less likely to imbue it with anywhere near the same viscerally painful connotations as it often does for trans women.

But whatever your gender, sex, or identity, it's not enough to say "I don't find it offensive." So what if you don't? Do you speak for all people to whom that term might, from time to time, be applied? I'm not saying that you can't use it. But if you want to, I am asking that you take responsibility for how it might affect others.

Trista, I don't find queer offensive. I'm queer. I have lots of queer friends. I think queer folk are the best kind. I use it, and will continue to use it, because it's really useful to me: Sometimes being trans and being a lesbian are closely related issues, because of how they set me apart from the mainstream. Sometimes I fell that calling myself a lesbian puts too strong an emphasis on gender, whereas calling myself queer just means that I don't care who the mainstream thinks I should love, and lets me just have my own tastes.

But I recognize that some people have a different experience, and I know there are many ways in which it hurts. Please read that blog post, and tell me what you think about it, and why you have a problem with it -- because that will help me be more sensitive. Of course, you don't have to tell me; I'm just asking.

For the record, I think "->-bleeped-<-dar" is sufficiently silly and sardonic that it falls within the category of "repurposing" that the author describes at the end of the article. I'm perfectly happy to use it and to hear other people use it, because I think it shines a light on the problematic nature of the whole concept it describes.

My gay/->-bleeped-<-dar is operating fine.  In fact awhile back, Lacey Lynne and I were at the mall.  The guy, who rang up our purchase, was definitely.  I told Lacey this as we left.  And she said "How do you know?".  My response was "Gaydar".

Hi !! The funny thing is... I have a gaydar.... I can tell quite well if someone is gay or not...
and to some extend I have a ->-bleeped-<-dar...
You know one time... I even FELT a ->-bleeped-<- in my presence WITHOUT looking up...
I was looking at the floor and I felt this person walking by several meters away from me and I was like:
"Oh god, ->-bleeped-<- alert"
and she turned out to be TS...
Thats bizarre right?

And I know guys that like TS have a special radar for ->-bleeped-<-s...
BUT
and here comes!

I do not have a radar for them!
I can't tell if a guy might like me because I am a TS, and I usually cannot really tell bisexual guys from heterosexual guys...
and I certainly don't have a radar for straight men that are OK with TS woman...

So I guess in daily life that makes me the hunted instead of the hunter...
But that goes well with my femininity so no problem... ;) :angel: :laugh:

My gaydar is usually great, but I have absolutely no transdar.
I still haven't met anyone outside my FtM group that I know is trans.  Oh well, I don't really care anyways, so it's not a big issue.  Gaydar comes in handy sometimes though. I think my favorite time was when I was at a club, and a friend of mine came over looking dejected.  Ends up she wanted to dance with this one guy but was rejected.  I looked over at him and told her that he's gay, so she shouldn't take it personally.  She didn't believe me until later that night, when she saw him dancing with another guy.  ::)

I strip the term and call it T-Dar. Mine has stopped working to a degree since coming out and getting help.

I find being called a ->-bleeped-<- to be offensive, mostly because it lumps me into several categories that I don't really fit into. I'm also a hypocrite, and will allow my very best friends to get away with it - as a term of endearment. Trans woman I can handle. I'd rather just be called by my name or some generic identifier.

I don't have much of a 'transdar', as far as I know. I don't know any other transsexual people in real life yet, and besides, it's not like I'd wander up and ask them about it even if I did get a bleep on my radar xD

However, my gaydar is in pretty good working condition 8) I grew up - and still live - in what is basically my city's 'gay central', so I think I had a bit of an advantage there.

I don't find that word to be that offensive but I know other people may not like it, but I am not using it in a derogatory fashion.

Quote from: Andrew Alexander on March 09, 2011, 12:42:15 AM
I personally use that first word to describe myself but I do understand why it would be bothersome.


I see people often who look like they might be starting transition but I'm in a city full of some feminine men and some incredibly masculine women. I do understand how you might want to feel like your not the only trans person around. Emoboi do you have a glbt group you could go to?

There is a gsa at my school but I do not feel comfortable going there because I am not out. I do not think there are any other glbt groups in my area.

I visit another girls site, she uses the term "T-dar" as well, I think it sounds nicer.

I am making the occasional spots when I've met some people. However, there is a lesbian at work, and she is constantly asking me if I'm gay, and is absolutely convinced I am. It's making me laugh so much as her gaydar is obviously getting a major ping on me, but not quite right!! I might have to put her out of a misery at some point; it could be good to let her in on the secret.

I REALLY dislike this "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" attitude! We all strive for acceptance and respect and "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" totally feeds in to discrimination and prejudice - it makes no difference if we do it to each other or if some "norm" does it - it is still demeaning to the person involved.

Quote from: Nygeel on March 08, 2011, 06:32:57 PM
People think they can but really they can't, or it's based on effed up cissexist ideas.

This, a thousand times.

My dad's always pointing out gay people saying they must be gay. But unless you actually asked them, there's no way of knowing your "gaydar" even works. If you're just seeing a lot of people you assume to be gay, perhaps you should stop making assumptions on first glances? :) I don't mean that in a mean way. It just seems... I dunno, somewhat silly going out and pointing at people and saying "ha! you're gay and I know it!" (Or trans, whichever radar you're using :p)

Quote from: Northern Jane on March 09, 2011, 05:13:29 PM
I REALLY dislike this "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" attitude! We all strive for acceptance and respect and "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" totally feeds in to discrimination and prejudice - it makes no difference if we do it to each other or if some "norm" does it - it is still demeaning to the person involved.

I don't know about the others, but I don't play that game.  They blip on my radar and I just make note.  I will not point out or approach a brother or sister, unless I personally know them.  And then it would "Hey.  How have you been?"

Quote from: Janet Lynn on March 09, 2011, 05:20:45 PM
I don't know about the others, but I don't play that game.  They blip on my radar and I just make note.  I will not point out or approach a brother or sister, unless I personally know them.  And then it would "Hey.  How have you been?"

Thank you Janet, this explanation is much more palatable  :)

Quote from: Northern Jane on March 09, 2011, 05:13:29 PM
I REALLY dislike this "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" attitude! We all strive for acceptance and respect and "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" totally feeds in to discrimination and prejudice - it makes no difference if we do it to each other or if some "norm" does it - it is still demeaning to the person involved.

Said a lot better than I did.  Plus the term ->-bleeped-<- is really offensive and derogatory. 

Quote from: Andy8715 on March 09, 2011, 05:54:33 PM

Said a lot better than I did.  Plus the term ->-bleeped-<- is really offensive and derogatory.

I agree on both counts.

That said, however, what "transdar" I might have mostly consists of me looking at women and men and noting traits that do not conform to gender stereotypes. This I do, not in order to spot "->-bleeped-<-s", but in order to spot women with masculine features similar to my own, in an attempt to improve my own self-esteem - "Hey, she's got the same [whatever] as me, and she's got no problems passing!" Of course, if I spot a man with feminine features, I experience the opposite - and find my dysphoria getting triggered.

A side-effect of this hypersensitivity to gender cues is that I occasionally spot someone I wonder if might be trans. So, in essence, my "transdar" is a side-effect of something quite different.

However, mainly I just find that most women, trans or not, have some typically-male features, and vice versa.

But I would still not call that transdar.  A woman with masculine features does not neccesarily equal she's trans or gender variant. 

Quote from: Andy8715 on March 09, 2011, 07:33:03 PM
But I would still not call that transdar.  A woman with masculine features does not neccesarily equal she's trans or gender variant.

No, indeed - it's just more likely. That's why I put the term "transdar" in quotes ;) .

Quote from: My Name Is Ellie on March 09, 2011, 05:19:43 PM
This, a thousand times.

My dad's always pointing out gay people saying they must be gay. But unless you actually asked them, there's no way of knowing your "gaydar" even works. If you're just seeing a lot of people you assume to be gay, perhaps you should stop making assumptions on first glances? :) I don't mean that in a mean way. It just seems... I dunno, somewhat silly going out and pointing at people and saying "ha! you're gay and I know it!" (Or trans, whichever radar you're using :p)

Well, I am gay, so my gaydar has a purpose (how would we ever get together if we couldn't recognize each other? And it's a safety issue too, if you're male, you just don't hit on straight guys.)

Spotting trans and gay people just to spot them...kind of offensive. Especially if you're pointing them out to other people. That's basher behaviour.

I don't know why everyone has to make something negative, I was totally not using it in a negative way.

Quote from: emoboi on March 09, 2011, 08:12:58 PM
I don't know why everyone has to make something negative, I was totally not using it in a negative way.

You may have not meant it negatively but there are a lot of negative connotations with the word "->-bleeped-<-".  Not to mention the whole "can you tell a trans person based on looks only" thing.

On the top of things it sounds a fun and playful thing but deep down it's based on beliefs that people can "look" like things and that just really annoys me, sorry for being so negative. I know so many camp straight dudes, feminine men, manly women, etc that I don't think it's even possible to tell any more these days. That's just me though!

Alyssa M., thanks for that article link.

I think there's an experiential difference between getting angry at a term because you know it's unacceptable to others (or even because it's 'politically required' to get angry, sigh...) on the one hand, and getting angry because you feel personally hurt by it on the other (maybe that's obvious, but I wanted to say it anyway).

Terms like ->-bleeped-<- and queer hurt me, so I feel angry in consequence. they hurt because I've experienced people using them like a weapon, intended to hurt me. If you haven't had that experience, it's harder to empathise, especially if you're used to using e.g. queer as a positive self-identity.

In the UK, at least, ->-bleeped-<- has always been a derogatory term, pretty much used against anyone who wants to pass but doesn't. I've watched teenagers reduce a young transwoman to tears using this on a train a few years ago, and I'm still ashamed I didn't intervene somehow, but I couldn't see any way not to make the situation worse for her (and of course I was too scared).

As for queer, amongst younger people who are comfortable with the term I notice a tendency to be ageist in dismissing others' discomfort with the term, saying "oh, that's just something old guys don't like hearing." I don't like it because it hurts to hear it; after a childhood of being whipped by it, I have scars - it even hurts for me to hear other people calling themselves that, though they're happy to do so. So it goes. But it doesn't make me angry unless it's being used as a weapon.

I can feel the humour in ->-bleeped-<-dar, but t-dar is cooler (less syllables, so sounds more like gaydar anyway!)

I think some of you guys react a little bit oversensitive to the fact that you are a TS,
of course you can call yourself a man or a woman...but you cannot excape the fact
that you are a TS as well. The sooner one comes to terms with that, the better.
And it also will make you less sensitive to the words some people use to describe us.

Quote from: Andy8715 on March 09, 2011, 05:54:33 PM

Said a lot better than I did.  Plus the term ->-bleeped-<- is really offensive and derogatory.

I can understand why a guy does not like the term. I however have no problem with it.

Quote from: Birgitta on March 10, 2011, 04:51:57 AMAnd it also will make you less sensitive to the words some people use to describe us.

[editing out my initial passive-aggressive resonse :)]

There is a difference between having someone call you trangender, and having someone call you "a ->-bleeped-<-". What we choose to call ourselves isn't at issue, it's how the terms are used towards other people, and with what intention. What makes a term offensive? It's not simply that someone takes offence at it. It's always contextual, after all. In this case, people are offended by being called ->-bleeped-<- because they have been hurt by it - or because they know others have been or can be hurt by it. (I had forgotten until this thread was started that I was called "->-bleeped-<- boy" when I was 16 for wearing "girls' jeans" - I had no idea, I just went into a shop and bought some jeans I liked, but apparently the Sloopy label was officially Women's Territory - pff. Anyway, when I was called that, it was with definite intent to shame and hurt me, and it worked, since I was already vulnerable.)

It's a shame that this discussion so easily gets polarised into "You can't use this, it's universally offensive!" and "It doesn't offend me, so why should it bother you, and why can't I use it?"

Maybe a way through is just to point out that some people find a particular term hurtful, and to ask for that to be borne in mind when using it (rather than declare either that "it's never alright to use this, ever" or "it's fine because it's fine for me"). I know this is what some people were doing above, but it's very easy to get into side-taking (I'm still struggling to sound neutral :-\). Let's not - I think it's safe to assume that on this forum, we can give people the benefit of the doubt that they don't mean to offend - but also that if someone says they are hurt by something, they mean it.

Quote from: Birgitta on March 10, 2011, 04:51:57 AM
I think some of you guys react a little bit oversensitive

Never say this. Ever. When you say that, you are judging the legitimacy of other people's feelings. That's not acceptable. You don't know why I might be sensitive to something, so there's no way you can possibly know whether I'm being "over"-sensitive -- whatever that means. You can say, "That doesn't bother me" or "I don't understand why that bothers you" (assuming you're willing to listen to the reason), but calling people "oversensitive" is just plain unacceptable.

Quote from: yoxi on March 10, 2011, 02:07:01 AM
As for queer, amongst younger people who are comfortable with the term I notice a tendency to be ageist in dismissing others' discomfort with the term, saying "oh, that's just something old guys don't like hearing." I don't like it because it hurts to hear it; after a childhood of being whipped by it, I have scars - it even hurts for me to hear other people calling themselves that, though they're happy to do so. So it goes. But it doesn't make me angry unless it's being used as a weapon.

I can feel the humour in ->-bleeped-<-dar, but t-dar is cooler (less syllables, so sounds more like gaydar anyway!)

Yoxi, thanks for your response. I honestly thing the notion of "t-dar" is predicated on some pretty offensive notions to begin with (as people said above - Northern Jane, most concisely), which is why I'm okay with mockingly calling it "->-bleeped-<-dar," much like "angry ->-bleeped-<-" or other offensive stereotypes and similar ideas. I understand what you mean about "queer" and age, and I have come across that issue before. I think with "->-bleeped-<-" it's worse, because there has never been any connotation other than "freak." It's about the nastiest word I know. It's on par with that racist word which is not acceptable to be used by white people, even in quotations.

I wish the concept and word would evolve positive connotations. Feeling the obligation to not address another as kin while in public makes me feel more lonely sometimes.

We so need that secret handshake :).

Quote from: Alyssa M. on March 10, 2011, 11:43:56 AMYoxi, thanks for your response. I honestly thing the notion of "t-dar" is predicated on some pretty offensive notions to begin with...

I understand this, I really just meant it was more innocuous than ->-bleeped-<-dar, not that it's completely innocuous - so if you're going to use it, at least use the version that doesn't have ->-bleeped-<- in it.

I find, like with gaydar, there's a poignant humour in the people it points to using it themselves - because it does speak of that pain of being singled out as "out of the norm", and the fear of being "spottable", alongside the longing for recogition by others in the same boat. People need something, and they make do.

I don't really care to have that kind of "kinship" with complete strangers. I think you're right about the action pointing to oneself - if you're really secure in your gender identity, you probably don't need to worry about others. But it's a little different: when someone pings your gaydar, that's awesome, because it means, "Hey, sweet, dating potential!" When you clock someone as trans, it means they're trans and they don't quite pass (at least to you), or they're cis and they look gender-variant. Nothing exciting about it, even if you don't make any value distinction between trans and cis people. A "secret handshake" wouldn't make it any better.

I have met other trans people in social contexts on several occasions, and most of the time I really didn't have anything to say to them; one became a really close friend -- because she's awesome and we have a lot in common, all questions of gender aside. I would like to live in a world where being trans (and visibly gender variant) was considered just as valid and desirable as being cis (and not very gender-variant), but even then I wouldn't care to have that kinship any more than I care to have some special kinship with other brunettes.

You and I have different needs, then! And perhaps it depends how far you are along the path of sorting all this out for yourself. I find that I've been gravitating towards people lately who then turn out to share this experience of gender-fluidity and questioning, in the same way that over the years, I've found myself getting close to people who then turn out to share an abuse history. We may not have more than that in common, but it's actually quite a lot, especially when we're looking for clarity in our experience (and non-condemnation from others) and can then reflect it off each other.

When someone pings my gaydar (or my bidar) I'm less excited about the dating potential (unless I'm attracted to them) and more excited by them being someone I don't feel the urge to hide things from.

I don't have in mind anything equivalent to that thing where Americans assume I must know this friend of theirs who lives in London ;) - I don't want a secret handshake, any more than I want to wear a bloody parrot to show I'm polyamorous! - it's more like it's sometimes nice to meet a fellow Englander when I'm overseas, just for the dose of familiarity in a strange land.

I understand that Alyssa. I would like to live in a world where I would be considered just another woman as well. Hence my post above: my radar works less effectively now that I'm getting help. I really do not want to think of another person as gender variant, but I sometimes do, and there are those who embrace that as part of their identity. I spent the majority of my male life coping by "un-gendering" things. I'm afraid that it hurt me as much as it helped. I find some comfort in accepting the "trans woman" label, as opposed to "deformed woman." It's probably a denial thing. I hate to think of myself as deformed (though I am).

My radar goes off and I go "Sweet! Someone with a somewhat similar life experience!" Unfortunately, addressing those experiences can cause dysphoria (it does it to me sometimes), and that may be the entire depth of our interaction, but I find that people in general are awesome to talk to. Perhaps you're right, the whole thing should probably not be addressed. Though I think it's okay to be approached by another trans person.

Quote from: yoxi on March 10, 2011, 12:53:39 PM
I don't want a secret handshake, any more than I want to wear a bloody parrot to show I'm polyamorous!

Screw the handshake and trans IDing, but I could really go for the poly parrot idea.  :laugh:

deal - you send me that pendant, and I'll send you the parrot I bought in a fit of something-or-other :).

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yoxi.net%2Fanitya%2Fpoly.jpg&hash=4a89bfe0d648422fc93e2b913e314fb2d4be5149)

Quote from: yoxi on March 10, 2011, 06:30:58 AM
[editing out my initial passive-aggressive resonse :)]

There is a difference between having someone call you trangender, and having someone call you "a ->-bleeped-<-". What we choose to call ourselves isn't at issue, it's how the terms are used towards other people, and with what intention. What makes a term offensive? It's not simply that someone takes offence at it. It's always contextual, after all. In this case, people are offended by being called ->-bleeped-<- because they have been hurt by it - or because they know others have been or can be hurt by it. (I had forgotten until this thread was started that I was called "->-bleeped-<- boy" when I was 16 for wearing "girls' jeans" - I had no idea, I just went into a shop and bought some jeans I liked, but apparently the Sloopy label was officially Women's Territory - pff. Anyway, when I was called that, it was with definite intent to shame and hurt me, and it worked, since I was already vulnerable.)

It's a shame that this discussion so easily gets polarised into "You can't use this, it's universally offensive!" and "It doesn't offend me, so why should it bother you, and why can't I use it?"

Maybe a way through is just to point out that some people find a particular term hurtful, and to ask for that to be borne in mind when using it (rather than declare either that "it's never alright to use this, ever" or "it's fine because it's fine for me"). I know this is what some people were doing above, but it's very easy to get into side-taking (I'm still struggling to sound neutral :-\). Let's not - I think it's safe to assume that on this forum, we can give people the benefit of the doubt that they don't mean to offend - but also that if someone says they are hurt by something, they mean it.

Hi Yoxi...

I have been bullied througout my entire childhood into my teenage years and even beyond...
I was a bit insensitive to descride it the way I did, but the intention behind it was not wrong...

And Alyssa! It's actually BECAUSE I am so very sensitive I HAD to find other ways to cope for myself... I
dont want to be hurt, and to some extend I do have control over that now,

I am a M2F.... and I am at a point in my life now where I have learned that people can call me what they
want... I will wear how they describe me with charm....

You know a girlfriend TS of mine at one time walked into a guy in the streets that shouted... "Oh my God! Look a ->-bleeped-<-!"
To which she replied (pretending to be offended in her most charming feminine voice): "But I am a man!"
the guy was silenced inmediately.

I think this attitude works best most of the time.
I have decided to no longer let what other people think about me, ruin my mood or upset me, because I really dont think that's worth it.

Love Birgitta

I don't have ->-bleeped-<- dar. I was checking out a cute girl and then someone pointed out she was a transgirl.  :laugh: She was cute tho.

Sometimes I think I see other transguys but its hard to tell.

early in my transition a transguy (who i did not know was trans at first) asked me if i was. i was like 'hooray! how cool!' but now i look back and feel like i wasnt' passing, even though everyone else was reading me as male. so.... i don't know; i think some trans folks do have trans-dar.

Sorry for another post but I think part of it might be that we are more sensitive to it.

An ex. of what I mean: When I went to get fingerprinted for work the woman who did my fingerprints was either a very feminine man (ears pierced with pearl earrings in, dress, and heels) or a very masculine looking female and because I'm trans I made a point of avoiding pronouns. Had I not been trans and been sensitive to that I probably would have just picked a gender and stuck with it.

I prefer "transdar". My 'dar is broken though just like my gaydar, mood-dar, and acedar.

I don't take my transdar too seriously. They could just be a physically or personality variant cisgendered individual.

I'm curious - what does an "acedar" do? Does it detect aces in someone's poker hand, or does it detect cedar trees? :)

This topic has given me some ideas about how dystopian trans fiction might look like...

*fiction*

"In a not so distant future, in a gender totalitarian regime, they are the ones spotting the trans...

"Excuse ma'am, we need to look between your legs. Please gyno officer, proceed!

"Sergeant, this one has undoubtedly had some GRS perfomed in exile.

"Right, take this thing to the genetic lab for judiciary chromosome evidence"

*/fiction*

Without med check there are many cis women who one could spot as false positives, and this has not only happened to me (we know what to look at), but to some friends of mine. As there is no anti-trans-police, you can only guess... Still, I must admit that I am slightly paranoid when going out, even in the hideous "male" role, but I am growing to care less and less, and I hope one day my radar will be put on stand-by.

I have a very functional 'gaydar'.. In the last 10 years it's been wrong once.. Now, before any of you think about having a go at me for making assumptions about people based on appearance, let me explain how mine works.. It requires that I actually have some interaction with the person, I have to get up close to them and have some sort of conversation of other interaction.. And, for me, in the end, it's all based on smell.. Gay guys smell different to straight guys to me.. Even when wearing the same cologne..

I don't have much of a 't-dar'.. And don't know or care if I ever develop one..

Quote from: Dee_pntx on March 09, 2011, 01:30:42 AM
I always know.  I've spent 50 years studying gender cues.

This is exactly what I would say.  Hips, eyes, jawline, feet....

Quote from: Alice in genderland on March 18, 2011, 04:24:37 AM
This topic has given me some ideas about how dystopian trans fiction might look like...

They could film it and call it "Transpotting" :)

Quote from: yoxi on March 18, 2011, 12:28:05 PM
They could film it and call it "Transpotting" :)

Yeah, it could be about some underground trans people looking for black market hormones in the streets of Leith and getting high on E or T in "hormone junkie houses", while brigades of police transspotters -like the "fingers" in V for Vendetta- use some renegade trans who know what to look at (the infamous "->-bleeped-<-dars") to search for those transfolk who are still living in stealth. Later on in the film, someone like Michelle Rodriguez or Maggie Gyllenhaal shows up, invites me to join the trans resistance and takes me to her secret lair  ;)

And it'd have a kicking soundtrack!

Quote from: GinaDouglas on March 18, 2011, 11:05:15 AM
This is exactly what I would say.  Hips, eyes, jawline, feet....

no, you always suspect...if you always knew it's as good as saying bye bye to ever being percieved as anything other than your birth gender. because if you can do it, anyone can

Its really weird because one sesmester, i really really thought this kid in my class was an FtM. I finally talked to them only to come to find SHE was an MTF, pre everything, but still i thoought that was weird.

Quote from: Helena on March 20, 2011, 02:29:02 PM
no, you always suspect...if you always knew it's as good as saying bye bye to ever being percieved as anything other than your birth gender. because if you can do it, anyone can

exactly.  Which is one of the problems I have with a so-called transdar.   It's internalized transphobia in my opinion. 

Quote from: Andy8715 on March 22, 2011, 12:50:11 AM
exactly.  Which is one of the problems I have with a so-called transdar.   It's internalized transphobia in my opinion.

C'mon that's not true. People with a radar generally are not haters, they are lovers, or they are trans (or gay) themselves.

I would say internalized transphobia is more apparent in a TS that cannot and will not deal with the fact that he or she is a TS.

There are a lot of transpeople that hate the people that love them,
I would see that as internalized transphobia.

i don't 'cos i don't give a dam whether someone's trans, gay or martian

People with a radar generally are not haters, they are lovers, or they are trans (or gay) themselves.

Pretty much this.

It takes one to know one? Gay/trans people have far better luck picking out other LGBT folk, in my experience.

I've met two other FtMs, but I was so convinced that I was the only one like me at the time I couldn't tell they were trans.
They both told me they knew I was trans as soon as they started talking and hanging out with me, though.

Yes, my "gaydar" started working properly the day I started being properly comfortable with fancying men as well as women. Now I've noticed myself looking at people around me wondering who is trans, which had never occurred to me before.

I totally have transdar. Two of my best friends are totally passable, yet, despite that, I had a some hunch that they were trans when I met them, and the hunch, in both cases, turned out out to be true.

Quote from: GinaDouglas on March 18, 2011, 11:05:15 AM
This is exactly what I would say.  Hips, eyes, jawline, feet....

So, what you're saying is, "There's no such thing as being 'passable'. You'll always look like a man/woman in drag. You may be able to fool others, but not me!"

And how would you know if your "->-bleeped-<-dar" is truly that effective? What are you checking it up against? Medical records? High school diplomas? Are you going around downtown asking random people who ping your transdar if they actually are trans? Do you rely on the bush telegraph? Or are you simply assuming that anyone who trips your transdar is trans and anyone who doesn't, isn't?

Because if it's the last one, then I can go around guessing who has had colonoscopy and who hasn't based on physical cues, and I'll have as much reason to believe my "colonoscopydar" is accurate as you your transdar.

Yes, some people are easy to read. Some people don't pass at all. Some people have some obvious signs that cis people are generally ignorant of. And some just give off no unusual gender cues at all. And some cis people give off trans cues, as well.