(Sorry if this thing's already been posted)
I was wondering if anyone of you had someone you kind of aspired to emulate, whether personality-wise or physically? Kind of like a personal Ubermensch? Mine's actually really embarrassing, but it's a character from an ongoing series I've been writing. When I finally came out as trans, I realized I was basically writing about a more jacked, intelligent (and admittedly more violent) biomale version of myself and that's actually who I aspire to be someday...minus the whole massmurder part. Hopefully.
In a goofy way, I feel like I've been living out the life I was denied through this guy and now, I'm thinking of a future where I could feasibly be him. And it honestly makes me giddy sometimes.
So, anyone else have someone/something like this? Could be a real person, a fictional one, or hell just an archetype/concept you're drawn to.
(Also, sorry if any of that's weirdly worded, I'm incredibly tired right now)
No, I get that. I spent over 10 years writing a novel before I noticed how autobiographical it was that the main character (a young man) falls in love with a young man, and then a young woman, both of whom turn out to be children of Orpheus - and he ends up discovering he is both a man and a woman. No sh¡t, Sherlock, says I to me.
Anyway, I think it's good to have people we look up to, for their different qualities - I think it'd be terrible if I thought there was no-one in the world who was better than me :-\. Nobody's perfect, but there are qualities other people have that I'd like to embody more of, and I'm grateful to them for their example.
PS if you want a really weird example, I've always felt this for the noble Collie dog who helps the family in 101 Dalmations (the original animation). Every time I watch that and he appears, it's like having a proper father. Bwaaahhh. (sorry...)
Well, my internal image of myself was always some crazy haired alt chick (brightly couloured hair, dreads, piercings tattoos etc) and I'm very good friends with someone with someone who is fairly close to this mental image I had of myself, and ocassionally I think that people will think I'm copying her, but in truth I've always been some one like that, I just had problems expressing it properly.
As for my womanly side, in Buddhist story-telling there are these characters called Mahasiddhas (kind of crazy wisdom people), and one of them started turning up in my meditation once I heard about her - she's Called Sahajasundari, which means something like "the beauty of the natural/of being natural", and she's this crazy naked chick who runs around in the mountains with peacock feathers in her hair, and pops up in front of people, teaching and laughing. I'm completely in love with her, and when I'm with her in my meditation, I'm also a woman. The closest I've come to finding an image that reminds me of her is this great knitting pattern snap from the 60's :):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yoxi.net%2Fanitya%2Fpaabulind.jpg&hash=19284d6be16ee0041c68d3438ea604656150269f)
I don't really have that. I do have a self image which is quite different from what I see in the mirror, though I'm trying to emulate it as much as possible. It's still of me, so I have the same facial features, the same hair and so on... But much more male. Taller, more muscular, stockier. *shrug* I guess my self image is just a male me.
Ooh, yoxi I actually remember reading about her when I was in Asian History back in college. Hell, I think the Buddhists had some awesome people and ideas on the whole...
Quote from: SurlyCat on March 16, 2011, 06:49:41 AM
Actually, I guess there are people I wish to be like. I'm insanely jealous of any tall, muscular, pierced/tattooed guy and wish I was them.
Ha, me too. That's hilarious because that's a lot like the character I mentioned earlier.
For me, as far as physically, I haven't ever really seen anyone that I would want to emulate. Thats not to say I haven't wished I could have someones eyebrows, lips, hips etc... I do however try to emulate traits in from women that I have met or talked to. I would have to say I try to emulate how my BFF speaks. She has the most beautiful speaking voice, as well as singing voice. I also try to emulate my older sisters compassion for the people. Uhmmm ::)... I'm having trouble coming up with more, Im still in the process of figuring out who I am turning into, so i think that might have something to do with it ;)
<3 Teagan
KOS-MOS, the character in my avatar. She has such an awesome personality.
-whistles innocently- Lestat. or Miyavi.
I absolutely love Lestat while at the same time strongly indentifying with him...and wanting to be him.
Miyavi just looks almost exactly how I picture myself, which is awesome and depressing at the same time because I have no hope of reaching that level of looks, but I would love to and I sort of do the look (at least conventions).
Hmm, I guess I would like to be more toned and in shape, that is probably my ideal self.
Other than that, (embarrassing story coming up) unrealistically speaking, I often fantasize about being able to sing. I would give up/trade anything in the world to have a good singing voice. I am terrible and tone deaf. I would actually rather have that than a penis, by far. I feel it is a beautiful and powerful way of expressing yourself that I will never be able to do.
Hey, fear not, tone deafness is absolutely something that can be overcome. I have a young friend who decided to learn to play cello when he finished college, and who at the start was completely unable to tell whether he was playing in tune or not. We spent some time working out ways for him to hear pitch better (as it turned out, it was easiest when he tried to sing the same note that I was singing to him), and now, 18 months later, he's just passed his Grade II exams, and winces when he plays a wrong note - which is fantastic, because he can tell the difference! Find yourself a singing teacher or a sympathetic singing friend and go for it, singing is really, really good for you and your heart will thank you :).
Other than the fact that I carry a bit too much weight around my middle and I am now 51 years older than I was, I AM my ideal self. :)
I would like to be maybe 5 stone lighter and 25 years younger again (25 years ago I was 5 stone lighter too!) oh and it would have been nice to be fertile, but other than that I can't really improve on what I am.
Oddly enough it's Frank Zappa. I've never had a female idol/role model that I've aspired to be like but he embodied so much of who I want to be and what I want to achieve. It'd be interesting if I was to suddenly become him but also keeping and assimilating my own self whether I'd still have GID, I don't know. I have no doubts about my gender (female) but my role model is quite masculine.
Guilty.
In fact, I was semi-consciously aware at the time that my RPG alter egos, and my fiction protagonists were really just the distaff me. I was aware enough of the connection that I often referred to them half-jokingly as my anima.
However, that's not to say I let my craft suffered for it. There's no author avatarism or "Mary Sue" quality about the characters that actually ended up on the page once my plot was outlined. However, they often did start out as an idealized female self which I then magnified the faults of.
I do remember having a lot of role models and stuff when I was a kid, but I don't really have any now that I'm older. I occasionally see a random guy and want to look like him, but there's no person in particular.
I used to emulate Elliott from E.T., Dennis the Menace, Kevin from Home Alone (funnily enough my name is Kevin now but not because of him lol) etc. Basically any movies featuring a little boy my age as a main character, I wanted to be him and look like him. I remember those feelings being most strong from about age 7 to 10.
Nowadays my "ideal self" is just an improved more-male version of myself. When I watch those movies now I still feel the same way and admire those boys, but now it's translated into mourning-for-lost-childhood because I was never able to be a little boy, only a little girl and then a teenage boy and a grown-up man.
I've always looked up to my brother's childhood friend Paul. He's a skinny Irish guy with stubble, cropped hair, and a badass yet somehow sweet attitude. He's tattooed, pierced, toned, and swears like a sailor. He's my Guinness buddy (it's hard to find someone as dedicated to a good Irish stout as I am) and ironically, he's a bisexual drag queen as well. A gorgeous one too.
Ever since I hit puberty I wanted to be him. I'll never be scrawny looking and lean since my body type is very short and muscular, but I've already got the personality pretty much down just from studying him for years, and once I'm on T, I'll probably end up taking after him physically as well. Not intentionally but I can't help it. He's more a brother to me than my own brother.
When I was a kid I remember always wanting to be like Simba from the Lion King and when this one female friend and I would get together we'd role play the Lion King, I'd be Simba and she'd be Nala. :)
I'v been thinking quite a lot about this since you asked.
When I was younger, I did yearn to be like a number of women. Or, more accurately, I could imagine myself as them.
On one extreme, there was that girl, Stacey, who use to dance naked on the stage at Hawkwind concerts. I admired her self confidence with her body. In those days, I could and did dance like that, but clothed, of course. But I would have loved to be able to do what she did.
On the other, I saw myself as rather conservative. I liked long skirts, plain tops. Where I liked, there were quite a lot of girls who were sort of post hippy. They dressed in long flowing print dresses, colourful, but dark. They didn't tend to use makup to any extent, except to make a definate statement. They tended to mix with a bunch of essentially nice guys, kinda rebellious, but never violent. And clean.
Now, I'm quite a bit different. My priority is to get rid of my ugly bit. I don't see myself as trying to be anything particularly. I'm not unhappy with my life at all. I don't want to attract anyone.
That's my take.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi37.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe94%2Fpurplebat8590%2FLestat.jpg&hash=e9a4ce0aa8d9970072eaa4386203137548b8e74c)
I always wanted to look like Lestat from queen of the damned.
Well I'd like to be taller and more shaped like a male.
But personality-wise, I find myself drawn to the characters I write (predictably.) They're like more awesome versions of me. XD
I'm pretty okay with the way I am.
In what experts are calling "weird sh¡t", I've just realised that since I was 16 (when I first read Lord of the Rings), my ideal self has been Galadriel! (and I don't mean Cate Blanchet with her unfortunate pink elf-ears, gorgeous though she be - I mean the "real" one in the book...)
There are several versions. One of them is Peter Berlin. God knows what I'd do if I had that beauty lol
I'm happy with myself overall. My ideal self would be maybe 5-10 pounds lighter with a slightly more feminine face and cute freckles. I'm working on all 3 of those things - the freckles are coming in slowly, but they're coming. :)
Personality-wise, I'd like to be a little less shy and a bit more unpredictable (i.e., do random fun stuff). I'm also working on both of these things.
Quote from: AmySmiles on March 19, 2011, 09:16:39 PM
the freckles are coming in slowly, but they're coming. :)
Ok. I gotta ask.
How?
Hormones + sun exposure. My skin just seems to naturally create them now, I have a ton on my shoulders. I know this won't work for everyone, but it does for me.
Freckles - yum! (sorry, just had to say...:))
Quote from: AmySmiles on March 19, 2011, 09:16:39 PM
the freckles are coming in slowly, but they're coming. :)
I've always had frekles, but I have them on my lips now! How does that work?
Freckles are a delightful side effect of sun exposure when progesterone levels are elevated.
I have loads on my arms.
Oh, cool! something else to look forward to! :D People with freckles across their nose make me weak at the knees...
Quote from: rejennyrated on March 20, 2011, 06:42:44 AM
Freckles are a delightful side effect of sun exposure when progesterone levels are elevated.
I have loads on my arms.
So what you're saying is that by the end of this summer I will just be one big freckle?
...be still, my heart :).
As i'm an avid sci-fi fan the one of the women i've always wanted to be is Elizibeth the star child from V (the 80's series not the rubbish new one)
When I saw her go into the cocoon as an 8yr old child come out as a beautiful young woman i've been extremely jealous of her character, as a child/teenager I would go to bed hoping that before I awoke i'd go into a cocoon state & come out as a young woman.
Now that i'm older I would like to be like Commander Ivanova from Babylon 5 as she is smart, strong & very feminine, she manages to thrive in a masculine role without losing her femininity, I think I also identify with her as she hides a secret of being a telepath & like her i've been hiding a secret for my whole life, until now
I would only want some minor things done to the body and the look I already have. Bigger boobs, hips and bum. A.K.A. more of a feminine shape. And of course be post-op.
Otherwise I like me as I am.
Quote from: yoxi on March 20, 2011, 10:46:37 AM
...be still, my heart :).
So would this be a bad time to mention that my freckles are already above my usual summer level of frecklivity ;)
Quote from: Helena on March 20, 2011, 03:46:40 PM
So would this be a bad time to mention that my freckles are already above my usual summer level of frecklivity ;)
No, luckily for you my stalking season is strictly winter months only :).
Hmm...uhoh.
Why is it that in every role-playing game and first-person shooter I play, if given a choice, I almost always prefer to play a guy...AND I don't ID so well with the female characters???
Who you want to swing a sword with is orientation, who you want to swing a sword AS is identity??? :o
...hooboy.
Personally, I'm looking to trade my sword for a scabbard ;).
Quote from: hylie random on March 21, 2011, 03:32:16 AM
Why is it that in every role-playing game and first-person shooter I play, if given a choice, I almost always prefer to play a guy...AND I don't ID so well with the female characters???
Must ... resist ... radfem ... tirade ... :D
Play what you want to play. Be who you want to be.
Quote
Who you want to swing a sword with is orientation, who you want to swing a sword AS is identity
I love this explanation :P
Ali Hewson
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsrv101.exitdns.com%2F%7Eu2exit%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2008%2F05%2Fst_alihewson11.jpg&hash=47f9ed379112653f511cb94257e7f3b316888ed9)
In RPG's I played a thief named Rydia, a warrior named Jillian, a midwife named Marjorie, a witch woman named Pareda, and tons of other guy characters I really had no interest in to keep up appearances, except for an androgynous thief named Ambilin who I envisioned to look alot like what I look like in my current avatar, just old with white hair.
I have freckles on my shoulders :)
Quote from: rejennyrated on March 20, 2011, 06:42:44 AM
Freckles are a delightful side effect of sun exposure when progesterone levels are elevated.
I have loads on my arms.
you're definately a spring.
Back in the 1960s when I was a teenager I thought the character Emma Peel from The Avengers was incredible and I wanted to grow up to be just like her (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Peel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Peel)) in every way - but you're all too young to remember that TV series ;)
After transition/SRS in the early 70s I realized one day that not only had I achieved my goal, I had surpassed it - I was like my role model in so many ways but I was even more! Wow! I really LIKED who I had become ;D
So, do we get to see you in a black catsuit? ;D My aspirations when I was a kid weren't that sexy - I wanted to be Julia from White Horses (which was confused by the fact that my best friend at the time's mother was her voice in the dubbed English version!)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn2.iofferphoto.com%2Fimg%2Fitem%2F158%2F034%2F793%2Fthe-white-horses-1960s-classic-tv-series-7-dvd-set-61de2.jpg&hash=5cc984f78a6636b85d2d82e0f36775de74419b1c)
http://www.fanpix.net/picture-gallery/diana-rigg-picture-15580126.htm (http://www.fanpix.net/picture-gallery/diana-rigg-picture-15580126.htm)
The US never aired that episode on the original TV run.
This is how *I* remember her :).
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moviecritic.com.au%2Fimages%2Fdiana-rigg-as-emma-peel-from-the-avengers1.jpg&hash=2f9ee36685ed5ca547fa1ce3784820c4641504f7)
Rigg did not like the leather outfits and had Pierre Cardin brought in (like season 4 or 5) to redesign an entire new look for Emma.
Just because ...
The Avengers intro 60s Patrick Macnee Diana Rigg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0YOlU3SMgs#)
Quote from: N.Chaos on March 16, 2011, 03:13:53 AM
(Sorry if this thing's already been posted)
I was wondering if anyone of you had someone you kind of aspired to emulate, whether personality-wise or physically? Kind of like a personal Ubermensch? Mine's actually really embarrassing, but it's a character from an ongoing series I've been writing. When I finally came out as trans, I realized I was basically writing about a more jacked, intelligent (and admittedly more violent) biomale version of myself and that's actually who I aspire to be someday...minus the whole massmurder part. Hopefully.
In a goofy way, I feel like I've been living out the life I was denied through this guy and now, I'm thinking of a future where I could feasibly be him. And it honestly makes me giddy sometimes.
So, anyone else have someone/something like this? Could be a real person, a fictional one, or hell just an archetype/concept you're drawn to.
(Also, sorry if any of that's weirdly worded, I'm incredibly tired right now)
Honestly this is exactly what I've been doing my whole life and never realized. It's kind of awesome other people do this too, haha.
I've had the same character since I was just a kid. In my dreams ever since I can remember I've always been a guy, save for a select few. After a while in my dreams I started living out story bits he was involved in. It took me a looooong time but I eventually figured out he was me.
It's weird, because as I progressed through different stages of understanding my own gender and sexuality I always started out with new characters. I would make a character with a specific orientation/gender with no preconceived intentions other than to create a character. As I weaved out their story I would grow to like and understand them on a deeper level. Fast forward a few months or years even, and I would find myself coming to terms with very mirrored situations with that character. I've cycled through a few to get where I am now.
But that first guy has always been there, and always consistent.
I think it's pretty amazing the things we can do without realizing. I guess once we examine it enough it really explains a lot.
Bruno Mars
This would be the idealized female character I created in Secondlife 3d game before I undergoes transition, but strangely after HRT, I begun to love myself more as view from the mirror after makeup than I did with the game character I've made, and consequently I seldom log in the game nowadays.
Quote from: asher on March 24, 2011, 05:37:52 AM
Honestly this is exactly what I've been doing my whole life and never realized. It's kind of awesome other people do this too, haha.
I've had the same character since I was just a kid. In my dreams ever since I can remember I've always been a guy, save for a select few. After a while in my dreams I started living out story bits he was involved in. It took me a looooong time but I eventually figured out he was me.
It's weird, because as I progressed through different stages of understanding my own gender and sexuality I always started out with new characters. I would make a character with a specific orientation/gender with no preconceived intentions other than to create a character. As I weaved out their story I would grow to like and understand them on a deeper level. Fast forward a few months or years even, and I would find myself coming to terms with very mirrored situations with that character. I've cycled through a few to get where I am now.
But that first guy has always been there, and always consistent.
I think it's pretty amazing the things we can do without realizing. I guess once we examine it enough it really explains a lot.
That is funny. I do that too, I've looked back on old stories and realized that everything I've ever written was based on something happening IRL, whether just rage-fueled fantasy or my interpretations of it. What's amusing-to me at least- is that most of the times, the characters I write that end up being based off me are like the anti-Mary Sue. They turn into this near-tangible embodiment of all my worst qualities. Someday when I'm in therapy eventually, I'd really love someone to psychoanalyze my stories lol.
Wow great topic , much deeper than you realize. When I was first accepting or finding my way that I was trans, I really had a hard time understanding who I was and would be. As I moved into further, I really found out I was basically the same person just a female version of me (make sense?) The only thing that was different was physically and the areas I was acting out a male role, other than that,, everything was the same,, same strengths, weaknesses, likes/dislikes.. Even my style was just a feminine version of the guy mode.. Really weird but also enlightening.. Took alot of the fear out of being Trans
Since about 8th grade I've always saw my ideal self as Haruka Tenoh from Sailor Moon. I felt her personality was close to mine and I loved her body shape of being an athlete. However now my ideal self changes depending on how I'm feeling. Right now I see my ideal self as Zoran Lazaravic from Uncharted 2.
There are lots of people I admire, especially the elements of many writing styles from all kinds of writing but when it comes to qualities in other people I would like it keeps coming back to two men called Samuel. Samuel Pepys lives life with complete gusto and joy, and I would like more of that. Samuel Johnson has a solid morality that runs through everything he does and a strength not to back down, and I would like that also.
Aside from these qualities, I think I am slowly becoming the person I most want to be, and it is great fun.
My ideal self...hmm...
I am a 5'7'', 480 lb, 28 year old Italian woman stuck in the body of an average sized (6'0'') 28 yeard old white male. I am also currently non-op M2F. One of these days (once I get enough posts) I'm going to post a picture of my muse. It's a drawing but in the face alone, it is was I fantasize myself looking like. A confident, beautiful SSBBW (super sized big beautiful woman.)
:)
I always admired my male friends who always made humorous jokes and just acted "dudely" without overcompensating their male side.
Mainly, the guy I really wanted to be like I really liked in High School. He had medium-length brown hair that he always combed nicely, he had some great fashion sense for a guy and defied gender identity. I guess, what you can learn about me, is that the guy I want to be is a metrosexual..?
When I invision the me I want to be, I imagine a guy with semi-long spiky hair, flared jeans, a baggy tank top showing off my muscles, tattoos, and angular glasses. I'd be quite comfortable in my own body.
When I was a kid who was oblivious about things like gender variance, I liked to emmulate Link from The Legend of Zelda a lot.
As an adult, however, I have many, many real world idols who I like. In terms of looks, I'd be happy looking like Buddy Holly. It's not to drastic of a change to who I am, and I don't mind other aspects of myself...and I'm never going to be a professional musician, that's for sure.
I once created a person who represented everything that I aspired to, as well as all the light and goodness in me at the time.
I once thought that she was my ideal self, and the the other parts of me were undesireable. However, I have learned in the last year that every part of myself - masculine, feminine, dark, bright, and all other aspects - was very desireable.
So, these days, I aspire to be everything that I am, and while I hold that fictional character in high respect, I am more busy, these days, being myself, for better or worse.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg88.imageshack.us%2Fimg88%2F158%2Fandro.jpg&hash=0e598dc0a7fda7b493287bdc6a019ae3f5d12873)
Appearance wise
This would be it at this point in my life.
Less female - more male/andro
The problem with this question is that it's a fantasy but here goes...
My "ideal self" would be a tall blend of Gwyneth Paltrow, Rachel Weisz, and Neve Campbell.
A sophisticated graceful elegant (business) lady (with hobbies like ballet, yoga, reading, homemaking, etc)...
And if I where to let go of any restrictions...
my fantasy self... I would also be someones wife and the mother of 2 (and it is this that makes me so very sad)
I am now myself: a non gender stereotype but a spirit living with a shell that has many people wondering with curiosity just enough to not ask but safe enough not to be attacked and this has allowed me the ability to reach out to all types of people both religous and non.
I wanted to be a great scientist or explorer. I wanted to be quiet and honorable and respected and very very brave.
I also wouldn't mind being a dragon or a mockingbird or a jackal. I definitely knew that simply growing up to be normal was a pretty tall order, so I fantasized a lot.
My ideal self now...I don't really know.
I want to be the snow--beautiful, elegant, regal.
I see my ideal self in many ways. As a queen, a bride, an elegant lady at a formal event, educated, sophisticated, possessing wisdom, someone who takes time with someone who is less fortunate.
A more muscular build and flat chest, the ability to grow a nice beard. Finding a great equilibrium (which I'm continually getting better at, as well as becoming more muscly) with my moods, being more confident, and having good friends I can be close to that aren't donkeys.
My ideal self would be Enjolras, Saint-Just or possibly Eugene Debs.
My ideal self would have be less sensitive, have healthier self esteem, and have better control over my temper.
And I would be smarter, stronger, faster... lol Sorry couldn't help it.