Hi guys--I am wondering--when you began transitioning, or later, did you find that your sexuality shifted? In particular, if you were into girls before, did you find you got more interested in guys sexually after transition? I ask because my partner of 13 years is transitioning, and as part of that, is getting in touch with his gay male self within. Not much he could have done about it when he was a lesbian. But now that he is transitioning, he does want to do something about it. With gay men, that is. Which leaves us reconfiguring our sexual lives (we also have sex, though not as much as I would like, despite the T. But we are also in our late 40s with a 5 year old kid). I can't seem to find out much about this question of sexuality after transition. Does it radically change? Thx!
I tend to find myself changing more to stay straight. Up until now I found myself more attracted to men, but the further I got down the path to transition the more I find myself attracted to women. It kind of scares me a little bit that my preferences can shift so easily. It almost makes me feel a little shallow.
I haven't transitioned, so I wouldn't know personally, but here's an excerpt from the fmguide.org that I read before
Myth #6: Taking testosterone will make you gay.
Some trans men may find that their sexual feelings and attractions shift after starting testosterone therapy, while others may not. Some trans guys are attracted to women pre-testosterone and remain attracted to women post-testosterone. Some are attracted to men pre-testosterone and remain attracted to men post-testosterone. Some may find their attractions shift from women to men or vice versa pre- and/or post-testosterone. Human sexuality is a complex subject, and FTM transsexuals are no different in this regard. There are straight, gay, bisexual, and asexual trans men, as well as people who don't really identify with any of those categories.
So, there is no specific correlation between taking testosterone and suddenly becoming gay. However, this myth may have gained some steam because a portion of trans men do experience a change in their sexual feelings post-transition. However, this may have more to do with the emotional changes that come with living as a man and being seen by the rest of the world as a man, rather than the simple presence of testosterone, per se. That is, once a trans guy has begun to feel comfortable in his body and in his role as a man, he may feel more comfortable exploring sexual feelings for men than he did pre-transition. Many trans men are uncomfortable in their bodies pre-transition, and as they become more comfortable post-transition, some might feel more confident in new or different sexual territory.
This myth probably also gains some momentum because it touches on some of the fears of the partners of trans men as they embark on transition. That is, many partners may wonder, "will he still be attracted to me?," or "will I still be attracted to him?" Concerns about community identity and loyalty can also compound this issue, particularly for those female-to-male trans people who may have roots in LBG (lesbian-bi-gay) communities.
The truth is, no one can predict all of the things that will happen to an individual during or after transition, and sometimes there will be surprises. However, if testosterone made all trans men gay, then there wouldn't be any post-transition trans men with female partners, and that is simply not the case.
well that kind of worries me a bit. I'm pre-T. but it worries me that taking T will change who I feel like I am now. I only want it to change my physical appearance and not who I'm attracted to. I know there's no specific correlation, but still. I'm attracted to men right now and I can't imagine that changing. I don't want it to. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid and afraid of change in general.
I've always liked girls. I still like girls. I have never had, and have not developed, any interest in men.
Nothing's changed. It's still the same gay me ;)
I kinda went through the same things, I had feelings for men I suppose and I had always liked women. I had always know my sexuality because I was not willing to have vaginal sex with a man, because I was very uncomfortable with that whole idea, but now transitioning I am finding myself more and more willing to be with a man sexually. I honestly am not certain still at this point, because It's all very confusing. But anyways that's me and mine.
-Luke-
I think part of the problem is that we're conditioned to think that the "normal" thing is for our sexual orientation to be fixed; whereas it does seem that for a lot of people it wanders around more than that. So it's possible to say "will my sexuality change if I do xyz?" and think that doing xyz is what "changed" it when for some people the reason why it hasn't "changed" up until now is that we've been (unconsciously) holding it firmly in one place, because we've been conditioned to think that's how it should be, and/or we're afraid of it being more fluid than that.
So in practice, making a big change like transitioning opens things up, our sense of self becomes more fluid, and the range of possibility broadens as a result.
I have a friend who was only into women until he transitioned to male a couple of years ago, and was surprised to find himself attracted to men as well for the first time in his life (that he was aware of). There are so many new factors, it's not surprising there's room for change (which doesn't mean it will happen).
Quote from: milly on March 23, 2011, 01:11:15 AM
here's an excerpt from the fmguide.org that I read before
Myth #6: Taking testosterone will make you gay.
That pretty much says it all. I'm 3 months on T and I find that I'm more open about my attraction to some guys because I feel if I got into a relationship now I would be seen as another male so it's more okay for me now. But I've always been in the mindset of "Fall for the person not the gender" except I was terrified of a the pregnancy risk (still am) but Helio I know you've had some other questions and that your partner isn't too far along on T (about as far as me right?) maybe he is still adjusting a little? He wasn't out and living as male for long pre-T was he? Because I know when I started living as male around 4 years ago I questioned my sexuality a bit due to suddenly realizing I could in fact live as my male self so why not question everything else right? Maybe that could be it?
My sexuality didn't exactly shift. In my situation I started my hormonal transition being single for a year and a half. I had a lot of pent up sexual energy that didn't have much of anywhere to go. There wasn't anybody in my area interested in me that I was into and I decided to open myself up and that's when I found somebody to hook up with who wasn't a woman. In my head, before T I had thought about having sex with men but didn't act on it because I was very uncomfortable with myself and thought the act would make me feel more feminized.
So, you're probably not going to have much trouble unless your partner has these feelings already.
Always been gay. Still gay. The only thing that's changed with transition is that I'm forced to work through my internalized homophobia and become more comfortable with my identity.
I will say this though: I knew I was gay before I knew I was trans. And I went through a period where I tried to convince myself I was a lesbian (or at least bi) to try to make sense of things. It didn't work for me, I have zero attraction to women, the few lesbian sexual experiences I forced myself to have are best described as mildly traumatic. But some trans guys, while they are gay (or gay-leaning bi), are a little more flexible than me; they might have had more success in the "trying to be a lesbian" phase, and might not rediscover their attraction to men until their second puberty triggers a second adolescent sexual awakening.
I was attracted to men before T, and I am still attracted to men after T. Women held no interest to me before. The same is true now. My sexual orientation is actually far stronger than my gender identity, and like kyril, I sort of knew I was gay before I knew I was trans (though it was just kinda confusing for me).
Here is what has changed for me post-T:
- my body has changed enough that the sensations of various sexual acts are NOT the same, so my preferences have morphed in response to that
- my attitude and feelings about my own anatomy, other people's anatomies, and sex roles has evolved the more I am living as a gay man (and I imagine it will continue to evolve)
- I have always been more visually-oriented in processing sexual stimuli but this has still increased dramatically since T
- If I'm more open to different sexual experiences, it's likely also a function of my libido being strong more consistently (rather than cycling), but at the same time, I have not noticed any real change in my unwillingness to be risky or reckless just to serve my sex drive
HRT does seem to rewire some of us in regards to our sexual orientation.
Although I am now and always have been bisexual my primary atraction has changed. Prior to HRT I was more into men than women. Now I find I am more into women than men.
Also ... many of us have a rewireing of sexual orientation after SRS.
Transition changes just about everything it seems.
I am sorry that your family is going through this trial.
best of luck and wishes
I'm pre-everything, and I can say that over the past few years I've found myself shifting a bit towards guys. I still think women are attractive, I'm just a lot pickier, and my attractions to girls-sans my girlfriend-are almost always only physical. I think one of the huge reasons the people I've cheated on my girlfriend with were other guys were just because I felt so much more in common with them.
I'm getting to the point where I'm just saying to hell with it, calling myself a general sexual deviant and leaving that open to questions. IDGAF :D
Dear everybody, thanks so much for all this--it makes lots of sense. Getting in touch with what's been there all along, in some form or another. Guess we'll have to wait and see on it all. Probably we are both bi (somehow that word does not seem queer enough though), and now that my partner is becoming male, it's all possible in a way that it wasn't during the 20 year lesbo phase. Frankly personally I was ready to swear off lesbians before I met my partner 13 years ago--sex wasn't what it can be. I suspect I was attracted his maleness then, too. Anyway, guess we will have to trust in the process. Andrew, I can't believe you remembered me--how sweet of you. Yes, my partner went on T Jan 14. Over past 3 weeks though the dose has been doubled, and it has made a world of difference: he's much, much happier, calm, and himself, if you know what I mean; he's been coming out to people, and has much less dysphoria. Our communication has improved immensely and we're both so happy about it all. I think the only way this won't work is if I can't handle an open relationship, which is possible. But we have a lot of years behind us and a lot of love--who knows. Wish us luck. Thanks so much Milly for posting the guide excerpt, too. Best, Helios.