(posted to old FB account)
QuoteI'm transgendered
Surprised? You should be. Any and all questions, love, hatred, confusion, and forms of harassment can be directed at Emma Mullins (me). You can find me on FB, she is my friend.
For a satisfactory explanation and confirmation that this has all been a very, very long and hot sort of hell:
(link back to my blog)
What does this mean for my family? Nothing. As of now we are working through this. They have known for years and I will continue to provide for them in the best way that I can. If you are offended by finding out in this manner, please rest assured that I do not mean to offend, I just have 30 trillion things on my plate, and this is the fastest way to get rid of half of that load.
I love you all, and I do not want to destroy any personal or family relationships which I value- unfortunately for those who do not understand and can not cope: whether anyone likes it or not I'm transitioning, (male) to female, and I really could use a little support.
- Emma
You have to understand that I'm in total don't F with me mode right now... Maybe I should cool it for a day or so.
it reads ok to me.
Ps the dont F with me is ok too.
Done.
I feel like a wrecking ball. I also feel sorry for my wife. I can't explain it, I just couldn't lie to the people I called friends anymore.
I take it your wife knows and is supportive? If not there could be a problem if you have mutual friends (& of course family).
But what is done is done.
Hugs and good luck
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on March 23, 2011, 02:41:33 AM
I take it your wife knows and is supportive? If not there could be a problem if you have mutual friends (& of course family).
But what is done is done.
Hugs and good luck
Cindy
Emma I don't know your personal circumstances but your wife needs to show support this action if possible, it cuts down on possible problems.
No I think your fine, I get how you feel for the last month or so I have been pretty aggro. I have been contemplating a similar approach to coming out it just seemed like a really great way to quickly deal with the anxiety of coming out.
but I think when it comes to a significant other this can go one of a couple ways. Mine understands what I'm going through and made a really strong statement to me which has really helped cooled the anger and frustration of coming out and wanting people to understand. She had said "you have been working through these problems in your head for quite some time but I have had a short time to process them all." Does she support me and is she sticking with me definitely yes but it was good to hear that I needed to be more considerate of her time to process things.
but I am happy for you and don't worry the bad stuff will all wash out in the end congrats on coming out. ;D
See nothing wrong with it at all :)
I see nothing wrong with it. Provided you already came out to the ones you wanted to. Those people make take it the wrong way.
A statement is good and I think it will all be ok in the end like everyone says :)
Even a mildly supportive statement from our significant other takes away the basis for negative feelings towards us by those close to our significant other. It's a natural reaction in some.
My significant gave me her support, conditional though it was, it stopped that potential source of bad feeling from emerging.
I can appreciate the don't ->-bleeped-<- with me feeling, but in my opinion, yes, the post was a little aggressive. How your friends react, will of course, depend on your friends. Recently I unfriended a baker's dozen of old friends from Houston who I realized gave me the "we will always love you" followed by the "we need some time to adjust to it" and silent treatment routine. However, I gave them a chance first to show that they would roll with it. Once they didn't, I cut them off. This way I guess is more of a "get with the program or there is the door" approach.
It does come off a tad agressive.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000105971299#!/notes/ryan-mullins/im-transgendered-im-done/155558951172462?notif_t=note_reply (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000105971299#!/notes/ryan-mullins/im-transgendered-im-done/155558951172462?notif_t=note_reply)
There's what I actually put up.
My wife has known for three years, but has never been supportive- playing the "go slowly" card. Yesterday I got tired of her da** games and tore off the bandaid. She is PO'ed.
Fun times.
damn
I am sorry that your wife has choosen to not be suportive.
I love that article you posted and mentioned for people to read who don't understand GID... I'm likely going to borrow it for my page, hope you don't mind.
Quote from: EmmaM on March 23, 2011, 12:07:46 PM
My wife has known for three years, but has never been supportive- playing the "go slowly" card. Yesterday I got tired of her da** games and tore off the bandaid. She is PO'ed.
Sometimes, this is the only way to handle it. At some point you have to say it bluntly, because otherwise some people just don't and won't believe you. I offer you all the love and support I have, and I know everyone else here does, too. Good luck and I really hope it gets better for you, somehow.
Quote from: EmmaM on March 23, 2011, 12:07:46 PM
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000105971299#!/notes/ryan-mullins/im-transgendered-im-done/155558951172462?notif_t=note_reply (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000105971299#!/notes/ryan-mullins/im-transgendered-im-done/155558951172462?notif_t=note_reply)
There's what I actually put up.
My wife has known for three years, but has never been supportive- playing the "go slowly" card. Yesterday I got tired of her da** games and tore off the bandaid. She is PO'ed.
Fun times.
I'm sorry that sucks.
I can understand where your coming from I guess the question is what is she really upset at was it the way you went at it or the fact that she has to deal with the fact that you came out. I think if its been 3 years she is just insecure with your decision. Do you think she would do like a therapy session with you?
I am sorry about your wife Emma. Mine was quite miffed that I didn't seem to consult her about the time-table of my transition. I figured that once she decided to divorce me, she really didn't have much of a say.
I was also very taken with the reaction of your friends. It is always nice to get a positive response and to be told things like you are beautiful. I hope things continue to go well for you.
I've had very similar reactions to my coming out letter and it's indeed great.
Who knew there was all this support out there?!?
Very happy for you Emma! Nice to know I'm not the only one who felt compelled to take this step on facebook.
A person can only hold their true self hostage for so long, I like your taking off the band aid analogy... because that's what it seems like in a lot of ways.
Congrats on all the support you've been shown my friend, take solace in that when you hit the rough patches... I know I plan to.
Very Happy for you Emma! You deserve so much support! :)
Thanks for the support everyone. Now it's back to business as usual, I felt like a rock star (good and bad) all night with the attention I was getting. I'm not even sure I'll be able to escape it today. (I don't really like it, but hey.) I'm off to get my family a new placed to live and I have an interview for a full time gig at the department of fish and game! Yay for environmental science!
Congrats Emma! It's a daily fight for me not to throw up the same kind of post on my guy FB account, I've got a few more close people to come out to then it's happening. Love me or leave me... I have no use for the in between.
~Sara :)
The only thing that strikes me as weird is talking about yourself in 3rd person? The "she is my friend"? Maybe I read that wrong. When I finally totally came out, only ONE person couldn't deal with it and I have a feeling he is a closet gay anyway :P You really can't worry about the couple of old friends who might have an issue. Obviously now that I'm a woman I don't do some of the things "guys do" together but I never liked that anyway so no loss for me :P
Stephe
Quote from: EmmaM on March 24, 2011, 11:44:35 AM
Thanks for the support everyone. Now it's back to business as usual, I felt like a rock star (good and bad) all night with the attention I was getting. I'm not even sure I'll be able to escape it today. (I don't really like it, but hey.) I'm off to get my family a new placed to live and I have an interview for a full time gig at the department of fish and game! Yay for environmental science!
Sounds like quite an ordeal! Does it feel good to move forward? I ask people this about seven times a day since I'm so thoroughly locked in place, but I do love hearing awesome stories like this, of brave people tearing off the mask. Bravo!
Quote from: Stephe on March 25, 2011, 12:08:10 AM
The only thing that strikes me as weird is talking about yourself in 3rd person? The "she is my friend"?
I felt some reason to address them in that way, it's not really a big deal. At that point I was allowing them to still speak to Ryan as they knew him (me / not me). If I had said "Emma is my friend" or "Emma can be found on Ryan's friend list" it would have made no difference. There is no way to do any of what I did without addressing everyone as two people that both exist and do not exist. As you can plainly see by how much sense this reply makes, maintaining two identities was wrecking my sanity and sense of clarity. Whatever. It's over, moving along.
Quote from: dil on March 25, 2011, 01:19:49 AM
Sounds like quite an ordeal! Does it feel good to move forward? I ask people this about seven times a day since I'm so thoroughly locked in place, but I do love hearing awesome stories like this, of brave people tearing off the mask. Bravo!
Yes. The whole ordeal has made me stronger. I no longer give a **** what people think. I'm a nice and caring person, but I just had to swing the axe.
Quote from: EmmaM on March 25, 2011, 01:52:22 AM
As you can plainly see by how much sense this reply makes, maintaining two identities was wrecking my sanity and sense of clarity. Whatever. It's over, moving along.
Try explaining three separate names (guy, girl, online persona) to anyone who asks. Guy name Keith - I've had it for too damned long. Girl name Kathy, I'm only just beginning to really live it. Online persona Caith - It's the Old Gaelic root of both my guy and girl names, and it's who I truly need to be.
Quote from: EmmaMYes. The whole ordeal has made me stronger. I no longer give a **** what people think. I'm a nice and caring person, but I just had to swing the axe.
I bolded part of Emma's quote, because that's a point I reached in my early 30s, twenty years ago. I am an individual, I am
me, and if you're not okay with that, then that's
YOUR problem, not mine. My wife doesn't understand how I can honestly feel that way, or everything it took for me to achieve that realization. I'm fairly certain Emma has just hit the :icon_archery: bullseye and explained it clearly in a lot fewer words.
Congratulations on becoming a stronger, more whole person, Emma. :icon_wave:
I totally understand how you can feel like "2 people". At one point early on I was very concerned I had MPD, was a relief to realize I am just TG :P Especially it's difficult when you have to live dual roles to feel as one person, but you ARE one person! I guess most people would understand the way you worded this and maybe I'm just sensitive to this whole dual personality thing since I lived it myself.
Hi, Awesome Emma
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Hamlet Act I, Scene 3
Thou hast taken Polonius' words as thine own and shall reap thy true reward.
Since I really don't care too much about "networing, I actually took about 30 minutes to hack into Chelle's FB account to read your post. Brava! Although your life may truly be anything but simpler and easier, think how much less complicated it will be without having to maintain two personnas.
Good luck with the house hunting and job seeking.
Susan
Quote from: Susan Baum on March 25, 2011, 02:02:48 PM
Hi, Awesome Emma
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Hamlet Act I, Scene 3
Thou hast taken Polonius' words as thine own and shall reap thy true reward.
I would add John Keats' "Ode on a Grecian Urn":
Quote from: Keats'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'
and a biblical quote, from John 8:32:
QuoteThen you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
Maybe you can appreciate how well they all mesh together for us.
I thought you face book coming out post was INCREDIBLE! I have been formulating how I plan to come out and that was pretty dang close. If you don't mind, I may borrow a good bit of it for my coming out letter/posting. I want to congratulate you on your decission and your many good friend and family who have come out to support you.
Hugs, Stacy
The best part about all of this is: life has become better! I found a cheaper doc so that I will be able to continue HRT without starving, and as soon as I'm moved in I'll probably just dive in everywhere except for work (I'll "grow into" it at work).
Thanks a ton everyone!
I found that hardest part was getting up the nerve to just do it. Once I did, I wonder now why I waited so long to do it! Good luck and congrats!