Well, lets see.
Currently, I'm 21 years old, my name is Daniel(ugh), and I live in a fairly small town in South Georgia. I began questioning who I am, at around...age 13 or 14. My parents got a divorce, and of course, the court ruled we stay we our mom..No biggie. Its then, that I discovered, I loved doing many of the things they did, and when they were out shopping or whatnot, I began to *explore*, at which, a few times my mother caught me, and the things she said..well, quite frankly, made me extremely depressed...my own mom..saying something like that?....*sigh*. When I was born, well, when I was still inside my mothers womb, the doctors thought I was female, and my parents picked out the name "Charity"(dont like that name, but oh well). Of course, when I was born, that wasnt the case, at which, my dad decided upon Daniel.
When I was little, my sisters, and some of there "girl friends" would play dressup, at which, being the only guy in the house, I was more than welcome to partake in the activities, at which, I usually did. Then of course..puberty hit..Oh man...My sisters quickly abandoned that activity, and only did it when they had "sleepovers", that I was never invited to..then, having only myself to do stuff..I watched TV, or went outside, or even played some Super Mario. I started going fishing or hunting with other guys in the family on a regular basis...at which, I tried to be as masculine as I could.
While in highschool, I thought I had the best friends a person, guy or gal, could possibly hope for. If we had problems, we comforted and supported each other, if their was a conflict, we took care of it. All the while, being extremely laid back and trying to have fun. I came out to one person who I thought was my closest friend, we had even went so much as to poke our figures and sign a contract in blood, stating we were blood brothers. Of course, after I revealed myself to him, he abandoned our friendship, and has yet to speak to me. I decided then, that this was something I needed to suppress, something I should hide...I have yet to tell anyone else. My family is extremely old fashioned, dad is a Preacher, mom worked at the hospital. Whilst, the other members of the family..Aunts, Uncles, but especially my Grandma, they despise people of difference races, and people like us..I guess they just dislike people who are *different* in general, which has made it hard for me, yet they don't even notice...
Looking back, its clear why I wanted to hide. I have very low self-esteem, and confidence, but surprisingly, my family has never offered help or support unless I was sick with a Flu or something. In my town, EVERYONE knows everyone, more or less anyway..And with it being a "hick" town. Guys are expected to work hard jobs, go fishing or hunting, get drunk and watch football. While gals are expected to be their mothers shadow, going shopping, helping with supper, and usually, working as a Student Teacher, Teacher, or a office type job. I have done all the "Guy" things, yet get almost no gratification from it. Hey, I played Football, went to the state championships, big deal? I've killed a few deers, woohooo, I've even caught a few Bass people dream about catching, and I worked in a very hard, sweaty job. As far as the "Gal" things. I love to cook, what can I say, Im not the best, but I manage. I now work at Lowe's, and while, its stressful, its easy compared to my old job. And due to my, guess I'll say Curse, simply because the burden is mine and mine alone right now, I've tried to look very masculine. I dont shave often, and Im a rather large guy by default, with an extremely deep, almost gruff, voice. And hey, it works..The people at Lowe's consider me a Grizzly Bear.
Anyway, Guess I'll explain why I want to be called Diem...About 8 months ago, I was lucky to have met a great woman, she from Thailand, was 24, and was extremely gorgeous. BUT, the things that attracted me to her...she was extremely supportive of my problems, very compassionate, not to mention, just...well...in my eyes, she was perfect. When I do transition, thats how I want to be thought of, just another very caring, compassionate woman, wouldnt mind to have a few people consider me attractive, but thats aside from the point.
Discovering these forums, I beleive, is a blessing for myself. In my eyes, the first step, is basically just knowing I have support from many people who have undergone, or are in the process of it. Typing everything I have...I'm nervous like hell just thinking about how you all will react, but the thing that scares me, is how my family will react...
Anyway..Guess I'll run for now...Good Bye Ladies, and Gents.
Hello Diem, welcome to Susan's, that was a great intro.
I'm glad that you found us and I'm sure that you enjoy your stay with us. Please take time to read the rules and to explore the site as there is much to see and do. I think that you will find that we have a very helpful bunch of folks here who are only too willing to help and advise where they can.
Be sure to participate where you can as that's what makes this site so great. And remember if you have any problems don't be afraid to ask for help. You will quickly find that there are many here who have faced or are facing similar problems, or issues so you won't feel lonely.
So again welcome and relax you are among friends.
Steph
Hi Diem,
I'm glad you found the site. Yes it is scare to share, but it is also heathy.
That was a very good introduction. Looking forward to more of your postings.
If your look for friends and or information about gender issues this is the place.
Please read the site rules if you haven't at:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) if you haven't already.
Then check out the Wiki, with ton of info on the gender topics. Oh and check out our chat and links section too. Have a great read.
Glad to meet you.
Welcome to Susan's.
Jillieann
Hey Diem
I'm still in stealth right now as well, I only recently came to the full realization that I was actually female inside, but looking back, I find that this feminine presence has always resided inside me, there is proof from even as young as age 5, and probably more proof if I could remember more than bits and pieces of my toddler years. I don't really live in a "hick town," although, even though I really wouldn't call Denver, Colorado the most conservative city, there is still a lot of resentment towards people who stand out from the crowd, especially when you consider the way I stand out (it's very hard being goth in post-Columbine Colorado, you get a lot of strange and horrified looks... I can't count the times that I've been asked if I'm with the Trenchcoat Mafia, and every time, it's all I can do not to break down and cry.) I understand your fears and your worries, and I'm sure you'll find that everyone on this forum has had similar fears and worries, it's part of being the way we are, I think. To tell you the truth, it took me months just to work up the courage to Google for TS forums, but now that I'm here, I'm glad that I finally did, and I'm glad that this page was sitting right at the top of the results.
Take Care,
Raye
Welcome, Diem!
It's true that it's very scary to come out to your family. It's also true, though, that not coming out is sometimes a wiser course. And, if you moved out of your small town to a more tolerant area that offered more resources (like a gender specializing therapist, endocrinologists, support groups, etc.), you wouldn't be the first TS to ever do so.
I guess you need to decide if being yourself is something that has to be done to keep yourself alive and functioning. If it is, then losing your family would be a terrible price to pay but, I suggest, you should pay it. Then again you would not necessarily lose all of them. Everything I've read and the bits that I have already experienced show that people will really surprise you when it comes to how they accept a TS coming out.
In any event, I'm sure that reading and posting here at Susan's will help. It certainly has helped me. I'll be looking forward to reading more from you and I'm, again, happy to say,
WELCOME ! ! :)
helen
Hello Diem and welcome to Susan's!
Thank you for your introduction. I'm sure you will find plenty of valuable information here. Please take a second to review the rules of the site, explore all the forums, and visit the wiki which contains wonderful articles on tg-related issues. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay!
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Diem,
What a wonderful introduction. Thanks so very much for sharing your story!
We all look forward to getting to know you better.
Peace,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Gotta love 2 hours of sleep, then an 8 hour shift in a store where the managers cant schedule coverage at all....
Last night, I basically laid in bed for a good, 3-4 hours thinking about how uncertain my future was. Almost coming to tears a few times. Then the entire day today, it was almost like I had butterfly's in my stomach....I can't explain it, but, even though I was extremely nervous, thinking about what possibilities my future holds, I was extremely energetic for once, even after 2 hours of sleep...
Anyway, things are hectic In my life right now. Struggling to get insurance(Lowe's is playing the ignorant card...so far, they've got my hands tied up, so everythings at a stand still), So many thoughts in my mind...all the while, trying to figure who I am.
And I'll go ahead and say it, thanks for the support so far, and I can already tell this site is going to have a huge impact on my ultimate goal.
So, just wanted to say Thanks,
Diem
P.S, Tinkerbell, is that your pic in your icon? If so, your an attractive woman ;)