Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is based on how masculine or feminine you feel, or how masculine or feminine you want to be, not how you physically look at the moment.

I voted for FTM 3, because while I do some girly things, I also do manly things and it kinda evens itself out.  I guess I see myself as a gender neutral guy, not afraid to show his feminine side, but not out wearing drag either.

I'm not masculine, I'm not feminine. I just am? *shrug*

You know, I think this poll would be most interesting to be answered by everyone we know and have met irl. Like I think I know what people I know online would say, but I'm curious to see what people that have met my irl think I am. I answered the poll, but I think what we think and how the world sees us would be a really interesting comparison. So, if any of you have met me irl, let me know your thought of ME!

I put 4 but i'm somewhere between 4 and 5. I'm mostly masculine but have a feminine side and have some feminine interests, pre T I hated that part of me but now that i'm more comfortable with myself, i'm fully accepting of my femininity.  :)

I voted 5 but on second thought it really depends on what your views are. I am very masculine but I write poetry. I think a man expressing his anger without hitting things and writing poetry instead makes him more masculine than one who hits things where-as some would say the opposite so I dunno.
 

Quote from: xAndrewx on April 15, 2011, 10:03:38 PM
I think a man expressing his anger without hitting things and writing poetry instead makes him more masculine than one who hits things where-as some would say the opposite so I dunno.

I agree, I think that does make you more masculine. Some people seem to think that the more animalistic and uncontrolled a man is, the more masculine he is--stuff like violence, lack of impulse control, or if he's a "player"--but I think the very fact that a man can control his anger, or excess of other emotions, makes him more masculine because he isn't just letting his base instincts run rampant.

MtF 2, because I am feminine,  And have been.  I used to get bullied in school because they thought I was gay.

Much of it is based on my feelings and some of the things I enjoy. I feel feminine quite a bit. I enjoy activities such as cooking and sewing. I want to learn to crochet and knit.  I love being treated and looked upon as a woman.

Gennee

:)

Hmmm... MtF 2 for me, which seems pretty popular. And I'm basing this on how I interact with others and feel a majority of the time, even though my masculine side still pops up now and again, especially when I'm depressed (though that fortunately happens less and less often nowadays).

Oops, looks like I'm the first 'other'. I feel female, but femininity/masculinity feels irrelevant. And, because I feel female, so does androgyny. That's the best I can say.

Picked FtM 5. I don't think I have any specifically feminine interests and I feel very masculine as far as that goes. Someone mentioned poetry, but I don't consider writing to be a feminine thing. I don't consider the arts to be masculine or feminine or gendered in any way. They just are, and anyone can participate in them without insinuating masculinity or femininity.

I love dresses and pretty stuff, so 1, I guess. Sadly, I don't have much feminine clothing at all yet. This is all still secret. x_x

MtF androgyne

I think I'm right down the middle, I would like to be more feminine but  what can you do * shrug*

Quote from: Yakshini on April 15, 2011, 05:16:56 PM
I'm not masculine, I'm not feminine. I just am? *shrug*

Same. 

I don't need to explain a lot, I'm an androgyne and I don't appear to count.

you asked to explain why i chose "other".. i don't know, haven't figured it out yet, but none of the other choices seemed right for my case

I think I'm feminine, but I like some guy things and I can be a little aggressive.

Quote from: Casey Leon on June 11, 2011, 02:05:16 AM
An Asian man is masculine in a different way than a white man.

I'd like to know what you're implying. My brother isn't masculine in a "different" way compared to a white man.

I voted other, because I don't really think in those terms. I see them more as what others say about you, as Meghan intimated at in her post. That isn't always a true reflection of how you see yourself.

I'm in the somewhat feminine category.  That's one of the things my wife likes about me.  Ironically(hopefully the correct use of irony), now that the whole trans thing has come out, it could be the thing that ends my marriage.

Quote from: Pica Pica on May 23, 2011, 03:57:34 PM
I don't need to explain a lot, I'm an androgyne and I don't appear to count.

same here...appears to be a poll for binaries

ftm 2 I don't like a lot of 'girly' stuff but my habits are... Most of my friends are girls so I don't pick up guy habits, and I'm NOT going to act like my brothers lol

Quote from: ativan on June 18, 2011, 03:27:36 PM
same here...appears to be a poll for binaries

Sorry, I just thought that if you're androgynous then the whole masculine/feminine thing doesn't really apply. Because, if you identify as androgynous, doesn't that mean your gender identity is more fluid, and can even change on a daily basis?

Not always, androgynes can lean one way or t'other.

But it's a good point, does masculinity/femininity apply to androgynes. Got me thinking now.

It seems to be a personal identity thing - from what I can see, some people who identify as androgyne think in terms of masculinity and femininity when considering their androgyny, and some don't. There's no one-size-fits-all definition.

Fem <3

I picked other because at times I can be somewhat masculine, but still feminine in many ways, and when I dress up, I can be very feminine, and I used to love feminine things with a passion before my mind found ways to sabotage my likeness of feminine things in my ongoing war with it.

Picked also very feminine, which is the whole issue with most of us MtFs, yes?

Pre-transition me being my real self I be thought a "Queen" in the closet (even when trying to act male what ever that had to be, - like looking over Jack's shoulder?)

Gay males got plenty attracted in my younger years and then got prickly, because "I talked the talk, but did not walk the walk", um.

Being forced to lie in a 4 male hospital room during my recent op. one lovely switched on nurse looked at me (stubble in face, wild hair, no make-up, but still cutexed toenails, no less! ---- with those men, OMG!) and she said: Lady-talk, um. Still makes me smile. Nice compliment I thought.

As for you Meghan, hey *VERY FEMININE* no question :-) that's the presentation, the perception, the impression.
We can only go by that, um.
If you could grow some beard stubble and use a baritone voice wow, you might just get me plain scared, hee-hee. Wouldn't even dare talk to you.
So ---- presentation of who and what we are is it, yes?
Greetings,
Axelle

Quote from: Axelle on July 03, 2011, 01:46:11 PM
Picked also very feminine, which is the whole issue with most of us MtFs, yes?

actually, for most I knew back in the day, it was NOT the case.  Most of us in my area were quite comfortable in jeans or shorts and a basic top, wearing very little make up.  To this day, I don't know that I own more than a few pair of shoes that are anything but flats...it's all about comfort.  I have a pair of boots with about a 3" heel for when I have to make a court appearance and anticipate media coverage...and that is about the only time those see the light of day. 

Not all of us ever were or aspire to be some uber-feminine stereotype...and for me, that goes back to my baby-dyke days of roughly age 15.

Quote from: quinn on April 15, 2011, 11:40:04 AM
This is based on how masculine or feminine you feel, or how masculine or feminine you want to be, not how you physically look at the moment.

I picked 4 - FTM, somewhat masculine. I don't see myself as overly masculine nor do I particularly care to be. But I'm more masculine than feminine which cancels the other options. Pretty much all the feminine qualities I have such as sensitivity, wanting meaningful friendships, an appreciation for beautiful things, etc are just stereotype.

MTF, 4 (somewhat masculine for a girl) I do Kick-Boxing  LOL  nosebleeds...

now I'm a few months with spinal pain  :'(

And i like Muay-thai, K-1

 ;D I've always wanted to do Muay Thai. Nong Toom ftw.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on June 11, 2011, 02:38:02 AM
I think I'm feminine, but I like some guy things and I can be a little aggressive.

that's me  >:-)

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 10, 2011, 01:31:52 PM
;D I've always wanted to do Muay Thai. Nong Toom ftw.

She's my idol
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi55.tinypic.com%2F3cx0y.jpg&hash=11dbd77a27047fc4db83e91e288d3d96ac09ccf0)

I also play videogames like Counter strike xD, my mum says that i act like a boy :C
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.foroswebgratis.com%2Fimagenes_foros%2F3%2F1%2F4%2F1%2F8%2F744285IM-409-Counter-Strike-Source-2004.jpg&hash=0a45acbee1c1fff2603cae252110581daf555f2b)

and..  i used to watch dragon ball z ,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.zonadvd.com%2Fimagenes%2Farticulos%2Fcomp_dbz%2Fjapon4.jpg&hash=d8a05886b1eb5abafe7760b848e6cfc46e73f0cb)

and Ranma 1/2 
when he touches cold water turns into a girl
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblogs.gamefilia.com%2Ffiles%2Fimce%2Fu500479%2FRANMA01.jpg&hash=898957fe20b9b9e9150c1b0868de52bc845ae97b)

FtM 3. 

Being 'two-spirited androgyne,' as some might say, I can describe it like this (This may or may not make any sense to anyone but me, but I'll try):

Shelbi (my birth name and female self) is strong and dominant, but likes to be a girl.  She wears skirts and makeup, likes to paint her nails, and walks and talks like a girl.  She is generally a sensitive girl, but she can be callous and lack tact when she speaks.  She's very proud, and sometimes has trouble putting herself in another person's shoes.  She isn't afraid to "go there" when making jokes or asking questions.  Honesty is very important to her.  She's unorganized, messy, and chaotic.  Logic is absurd and an inappropriate method for describing and defining a crazy world.  Not every question is meant to be answered.

Sage (newly discovered male counterpart, who was there the whole time and took most of my life to find him) is very shy and submissive, but likes to be a boy.  He wears striped ties, wristbands and long pants.  He sits like a boy, and probably scratches himself a bit too much (lol).  (I'm still working on the voice, too; his voice is still kinda girly.)  Sage is always careful not to hurt people's feelings.  He is highly empathetic and understanding of others.  He's very, very shy around pretty girls, but will be the first guy on the scene to hold a door or carry some books.  To Sage, chivalry, and helping others, are most important.  He is a self-appointed gentleman, there to show the world that real men are sweethearts, and aren't always forceful, smelly and obsessively macho.  He is highly organized (maybe borderline OCD), anal-retentive and logical.  Everything makes sense in its own way, and it's his job to figure it out.

Shelbi and Sage are both very spiritual, poetic and artistic.  We both love animals, and care very deeply for living things.

I need to stop rambling so much in my posts...  Sorry again.   :-\

I put five, and I feel so alone. XD
In hindsight, I think a 3.5 is more accurate.

I am feminine, I'm happy with that. But a lot of times I feel pressured to suppress it because it seems like transguys are held to high standards when it comes to masculinity. I know it's wrong, but eh.

I'm a genderqueer guy who likes drag-queening. Just happened to be born with typically female bits.

Although, I think masculinity and feminity are one of those eye-of-the-beholder things.

i'm 1 or 2, femenine and people often think im mtf insteed of ftm because of my androgyne look and sissy behaviour..
it not like I hate it, I think girly guys and tomboy girls are cool, but it confusse other people inluding myself.

also as Silas Says I feel like there is a thing with trans guys has to be maculine.
it like its a prove to be a man.. I also felt like proving my masculinety before and I still do alittle once in a while its a old habbit.. if your girly, people start questionating you like "but you see yourself as a guy so you should have many guy friends?" and suchs..

I like manly things like soccer, and moterbikes, mucles, (I also like games like counterstrike but I cant play it because I got ill of most video games..) but beside that im the type of person who got pink socks and watch stuff like protiect runway.. XD

REAL MEN WEAR PINK SOCKS.    ;)

or pink belts like my brother does. looks hilarious combined with very plain jeans, olive green t-shirt and that personality he has, but he needed something to keep his pants up

i myself don't like pink enough to even wear it for practical reasons, so i suppose i'm not really a man. and neither am i a girl. no wonder i answered 'other' to this poll

Quote from: Taka on July 17, 2011, 06:54:47 PM
i myself don't like pink enough to even wear it for practical reasons.

Hahaa, me either.  I'm slightly dreading wearing a hot pink bridesmaid's dress in a few months.  lmao.  Hopefully Beth will still let me wear my spiked collar or my black DeathNote wristband or something to tone it down.   :laugh:

Quote from: Sage on July 17, 2011, 06:27:17 PM
REAL MEN WEAR PINK SOCKS.    ;)

OH YEAH!! and I got a hallo kitty cap with mustace XD..
---
well when I where younger I didnt like pink, I always denyed the colour because it where "a girl colour"
and I denyed everything girly, when my mom said "boys can also wear pink" I thought it where just a dump explenation because once in a while she used to tell me stuff like that just to make me wear it..
now I actually like the pink as in bright shinning becausde I like colours, and im so happy guys fashion got more colourfull laterly..

beside did you know blue actually where considered a "girl colour" while pink where a "boy colour" back in time.

my brother told me because blue is very claim and sensetive, while pink are in famely with "red" wich is a "dramatic" colour.

I picked FTM 2.

I do some really girly crap, wearing eyeliner and sewing being only a few of them.
I'm also 100% sure and comfortable as a guy. I've like someone else posted, it kind of evens out for me, but I'll always be a semi-effeminate guy. If only because of my hobbies and whatnot.

I'm okay with that, though. I don't ever want to look like a lumberjack. My dream is the day when I can wear fitted shirts again without being terrified constantly, and wear my leather jacket comfortably. And be my weird, makeup-wearing, manly self again. I'm a friggin' contradiction, and I love it.

eyeliner are hot on guys,
I wish there where more who had it on..

Quote from: Natkat on July 17, 2011, 08:53:37 PM
eyeliner are hot on guys,
I wish there where more who had it on..

I agree! I blame it on my early love of Ozzy and Mr. Manson.

Quote from: Sage on July 17, 2011, 07:46:35 PM
Hahaa, me either.  I'm slightly dreading wearing a hot pink bridesmaid's dress in a few months.  lmao.  Hopefully Beth will still let me wear my spiked collar or my black DeathNote wristband or something to tone it down.   :laugh:

poor thing. i'd bring my death note to write down the names of people i need to take care of afterward for commenting on the dress. or on second thought that may not be my best idea ever...

Quote from: Natkat on July 17, 2011, 08:01:06 PM
beside did you know blue actually where considered a "girl colour" while pink where a "boy colour" back in time.

i knew. still doesn't make me like baby pink or baby blue. but if it's a more aggressive pink i could wear it whenever i want to stand out

I also got a death note you can use,
I almost never used it, well exept writting "homework" DIE DIE XD
--
taka; I dont like baby pink or blue so much either..
it the shinning pink colour who is awsome not the baby one.

Quote from: Taka on July 18, 2011, 06:12:40 AM
poor thing. i'd bring my death note to write down the names of people i need to take care of afterward for commenting on the dress. or on second thought that may not be my best idea ever...

Yes.  Best idea ever.  Light Yagami's got nuttin' on me!~~   >:-)

This poll can confuse me... as when I am not acting I am very feminine (hate getting dirty if not for show, and even then I certainly do not love it (ie: I spit that fish eyeball back out amd rinsed with soda thoroughly after making fun of a fishhand by being less of a fisherman than a woman)), I dress femininely, I am indecisive, a shopaholic even when not buying anything, a socializer, ask questions all the time and especially ones about how I did or how I look or was I okay....

But when I act I act like whatever it is I'm acting. My (very unsupportive) father made the comment "That wasn't very feminine" after I did a

YTMND - You can't break those cuffs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKXvKJKje4o&feature=related#)

Acting, with a lot more power behind it than the actual thing (I always aim to do better than an original if I replicate it).

Simply: Very feminine if I am not acting in a nonfeminine role.

Addendum: I can also be very nonfeminine when I get in the mode of 'I am getting this done'. I take forever and a half to get ready... but once I'm on the job I will complete it to the best of my ability for as long as specified, and sometimes longer :P

And my best woman friend says that I am more feminine than she is

FtM, 4 (somewhat masculine). I'm not, you know... manly mans-man masculine but I I'm definitely more masculine than feminine.

Depends what it means by masculine and feminine. If masculine means into sports, beer, and sex with chicks, then I'll answer differently than if masculine means aggressive, tough, and a metalhead. If feminine means not peaceful and soft, I'm going to answer differently than it it means emotional, queer, and liking certain practical skills.

I can't define myself.  I Have no clue

I mean I don't tend towards something, I  just do and feel whatever

I am starting to learn how to define myself, so I put MtF 3.  There is a war going on inside me with my feminine self being more organized and effective in expressing her needs.  However, my feminine self is very much like my paternal grandmother and as such is a team player and an expert at compromise.  It will be interesting to see where this ends up...


Erin

Other. Looks only I'm hyper-feminine in my style and comfortably so, but because I'm detransitioning my body has a bit of a mix of masc and fem traits and some of that mix I actually really like. How I act and my interests are a very even mix. How I think my personality generally is, is quite masculine. I tend to jokingly say that I'm a "blunt mess in a dress" by which I mean I dress fancy girly but then I act a bit more like a caveman. Never before have I known that that is the contrast I need in my life.

I'd say I'm a very androgynous person all in all. So naturally I would have picked number 3, but gender wise I'm neither FtM nor MtF as I'm detransitioning FtMtF (cis woman too, but I like that tripling term to describe both my transition and my detransition, also it's a cool-looking palindrome).

Feminine overall but survival instincts of a "man" lol..
I'm too insecure still to stay for sure. I've been "male bodied" for the past 27+ years... I'm still not really where I want to be body wise because my upper body, specifically arms, shoulders, back and waist are broader than they should be... I know this from my eating disorder days before hrt. I was happy with my slender physique, but very unhappy with the lack of fat in (mostly) my face and butt. When I looked in the mirror and saw a very thin sickly "male" I was in horror. I knew "that" wasn' it... But I still struggled a few more years before realizing, nothing I'll do on my own will change my body...

As for mental, I don't know for sure because I've been under constant stress from gender dysphoria since male puberty... Now that my physical body is (very) slowly aligning with what it always should have been, I'm starting to understand what everyone means when they say the "fog lifted".

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I'm other on this one. I'm agender and afab. So, to say I'm FtM, would be wrong. Maybe FtX? X representing non-binary people in general? I feel neither masculine nor feminine. Not androgynous or necessarily 'neutral' on it either. I'm just me. I kind of look at gendered stuff as styles in relation to me. Not that I identify with them. Like, with clothes. To me, they're just clothes with different styles. Society just separates them a certain way. I like a mix of what's considered 'gendered' activities. Like, video games, makeup, weight lifting, anime/manga/comics, dressing up, jewelry, etc. They're just fun activities to me.

I'm MtF and I am in the middle of the spectrum. On a scale from 1 to 5, I relate as a 3.

People think that I a a straight acting gay guy. Whatever that means.

I'm MtF and I am in the middle of the spectrum. On a scale from 1 to 5, I relate as a 3.

People think that I a a straight acting gay guy. Whatever that means.

Masculine through and through!
I don't understand femininity at all, I never did. It's always been an unsolved riddle. Don't get the appeal either.

I don't know if I fit on any scale. I always have been both from birth (XXY).  I want to be female but still present male most of the times.

Quote from: Dietlind on October 31, 2018, 07:14:51 AM
I don't know if I fit on any scale. I always have been both from birth (XXY).  I want to be female but still present male most of the times.

Sounds like the start of maybe you knowing better? And you seem to have a natural advantage too

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Quote from: Allison S on October 31, 2018, 07:36:37 AM
Sounds like the start of maybe you knowing better? And you seem to have a natural advantage too

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Yes, I know pretty much for sure that I want to be a woman.  And yes, I have some head start towards that.  But I was trained all my life to act like a man, no matter that I never was more man than woman, I learned playing a male pretty well, and it is hard to let go of.  All of a sudden that other part of me needs to be played, and I have not learned the rules yet.
At the moment, male feels still pretty comfortable, but the female biology of me does not care, it wants to take the lead from now on.  I am still pretty confused about myself.

In some way you "real" transgender girls seem  to have it easier, because you always knew that you wanted to be a girl, no matter how your body was you knew your desire and goal.  And you are about at the goal now.

Transgender people (at least I) have the girl already embedded in their body's biology, but because somebody decided I should be male, I always wanted to be a guy, no matter how feminine my body was, being a guy was the goal.  Of coarse, it was impossible to achieve this goal, because I was always part girl, no matter how hard I tried to be a guy.

I think it was my body who made the decission that the guy playing should be finished now, because my body decided to grow breasts and shrink my neither part so much that they became unusable for any sexual purpose.  It is now my poor brain that has to follow the body, and I need to work hard again to be a girl and forget all of the training I had t be a guy.  You live and you learn!
I just hope that my body remains with the decision to be a girl and not revise it's decission to be a guy again!  ??? :o >:(

Quote from: Dietlind on October 31, 2018, 11:22:20 AM
Yes, I know pretty much for sure that I want to be a woman.  And yes, I have some head start towards that.  But I was trained all my life to act like a man, no matter that I never was more man than woman, I learned playing a male pretty well, and it is hard to let go of.  All of a sudden that other part of me needs to be played, and I have not learned the rules yet.
At the moment, male feels still pretty comfortable, but the female biology of me does not care, it wants to take the lead from now on.  I am still pretty confused about myself.

In some way you "real" transgender girls seem  to have it easier, because you always knew that you wanted to be a girl, no matter how your body was you knew your desire and goal.  And you are about at the goal now.

Transgender people (at least I) have the girl already embedded in their body's biology, but because somebody decided I should be male, I always wanted to be a guy, no matter how feminine my body was, being a guy was the goal.  Of coarse, it was impossible to achieve this goal, because I was always part girl, no matter how hard I tried to be a guy.

I think it was my body who made the decission that the guy playing should be finished now, because my body decided to grow breasts and shrink my neither part so much that they became unusable for any sexual purpose.  It is now my poor brain that has to follow the body, and I need to work hard again to be a girl and forget all of the training I had t be a guy.  You live and you learn!
I just hope that my body remains with the decision to be a girl and not revise it's decission to be a guy again!  ??? :o >:(

Ok. Regardless of what your body does... You are the captain of the vessel. Yes, being assigned male at birth does bring a lot of challenges. Though the challenges I'm talking about are specific to people who identify as a woman at some point "later" in their lives. The big ones are feeling ashamed, and maybe guilty.

If your body is so evidently changing to you, and this is making you feel helpless,  (anyone would if our bodies change chemicals/appearance/gender at a whim) then consulting with a doctor is wise.
I'm sure you're already seen by medical for this, but if not, I think it would help to do so.

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Quote from: Allison S on October 31, 2018, 12:03:26 PM


If your body is so evidently changing to you, and this is making you feel helpless,  (anyone would if our bodies change chemicals/appearance/gender at a whim) then consulting with a doctor is wise.
I'm sure you're already seen by medical for this, but if not, I think it would help to do so.

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Thanks for the advice!  You bet that I am consulting anybody in the medical flied I can think of.  In addition I am a prosper of this field, too and do quite a bit of self diagnosis (which one actually should not do, but most medical people do!)

I've been thinking about this lately, it's coming up on a couple of years of HRT.

I'd say I've got "the strengths of both, the weaknesses of neither", lol.

Ironically since HRT I have been put in touch with my feminine aspects or else don't care to suppress them. My feminine aspects are not pronounced though. I can just see them internally now. There aren't many. I think and operate more like a man it seems and look more like one each day. But I have the social skills and dexterity of a woman and an ability to empathize most men do not seem to express. I don't have the MO of most women or seem to be interested in the same things as most of them. One side can help the other out, internally.

I feel generally neutral on a metaphysical level, there is no basis for comparison to another in terms of pure experience, but I know the male role comes naturally to me in most things. I know I'm capable of extremes, quite capable of doing violence when necessary and also of being gentle. Generally driven by a rational/logical approach to most situations. However, I don't have a bland inner emotional life. T hasn't killed that at all. It's all inside there in glorious technicolor. The only feminine aspects I had that I've lost is my anxiety/fear and willingness to argue with people over trifles.       

But in general I come off as an unremarkable man to people. I don't try to impress them or bother with machismo. I know who I am. I am not enslaved to the social order, I'm an independent. I go my own way. One of those guys. 

@ Kylo
I have never ever met a FtM trans person (at least not that I know).  I read here that most, or at least many MtF trans people feel already very early in their life that they should be a girl, but are stuck in a male body.  Did you have the same feeling and wanted to be a boy all your life?  Did your parents allow you to life as a boy during the time prior to puberty?

I have difficulties to comprehend the idea that anybody would want to be a different person than the assigned sex, when this young.  Rational thinking cannot to be expected from children that young.
I know that I never had any desire to be either sex, I just did what I was told/taught to be.  Somebody decided that I am a boy, and I tried to live the life of a boy.  I failed most of the times if I was compared to other boys, but i did not connect it to my non existing gender, but rather to me as a failure.  In fact, I never had any real association to any gender, but just did what I felt was expected of me.  I always felt more at ease with girls, but partly because they were not in competition with me, and thus I could not fail.

I just wonder how this young life was for a girl who tried to be a boy?

Quote from: Dietlind on November 27, 2018, 01:05:47 AM
@ Kylo
I have never ever met a FtM trans person (at least not that I know).  I read here that most, or at least many MtF trans people feel already very early in their life that they should be a girl, but are stuck in a male body.  Did you have the same feeling and wanted to be a boy all your life?  Did your parents allow you to life as a boy during the time prior to puberty?

My parents didn't care what I was doing. They didn't impress much on me - their idea of being progressive I guess - although these days they find the whole idea of me being trans distasteful, so I suppose it was only a cursory gesture on their part. . . I remember maybe age 6 or 7 being aware of my anatomy and not giving it much thought, but by age of 8 or 9 I was starting to have issues with it. It came out of nowhere. I didn't mix with other kids much and I practically lived inside our apartment or in the garden barely watched the early 80s TV or talked much with other people. I couldn't have been influenced by much other than what came from inside my own head.

QuoteI have difficulties to comprehend the idea that anybody would want to be a different person than the assigned sex, when this young.  Rational thinking cannot to be expected from children that young.

I was a thinker, not sure how deeply at the age of 6 or 7 but I was rational, I know that much... I remember clearly rationalizing what I should do after an (unrelated) frightening situation back then. (I believed that I had heard a ghost speaking in my room. This had never happened before, and never has since. Ghost or not aside, I was sitting in bed planning out whether or not to tell my parents the next day and decided against it, because rationally speaking I had zero proof of the voice or the incident and didn't want to appear foolish or worse, unstable). I must have been 7 at most. By 8 or 9 I remember being self-aware, thinking to myself consciously about my existence and declaring myself aware of things to myself.

QuoteI know that I never had any desire to be either sex, I just did what I was told/taught to be.  Somebody decided that I am a boy, and I tried to live the life of a boy.  I failed most of the times if I was compared to other boys, but i did not connect it to my non existing gender, but rather to me as a failure.  In fact, I never had any real association to any gender, but just did what I felt was expected of me.  I always felt more at ease with girls, but partly because they were not in competition with me, and thus I could not fail.

I just wonder how this young life was for a girl who tried to be a boy?

Much the same at first. There was only awareness in the beginning, of myself and my own body and no real basis for comparison. I didn't even have a sibling I could compare myself to until I was 8. But even around 6 or 7 I noticed the behaviors of other kids at school and knew I was not behaving as they expected. I got annoyed at a boy who attached himself to me in order to "protect" me around this age. I didn't know why but I found this to be a problem. The girls did not like me much and tended to shun me. In return I shunned everybody, except a small few kids who for some reason looked past my inability to fit in. Even at that age the girls all flocked to be with each other and the boys usually did too. I didn't identify the problem until a couple of years later but I remember being quite angry if anyone suggested I might be someone's girlfriend. Adults probably put it down to kids and their "cooties" talk, but for me the idea was utterly unimaginable.

The early behaviours that I showed without having any notable influence over me are some of the most compelling evidence I was trans. They nearly always were most obvious around anything concerning male-female dynamics. I would be happy to play with boys and girls, but only so long as the girls were allowing me a "boy" or "animal" (i.e neutral) role to play, and the boys weren't attempting to put me into a "wife" or "girlfriend" role. I still had no idea why this was. I didn't think about it, I just reacted to it. I had not yet declared myself to be masculine at all, but I knew firmly that being put into a female pidgeonhole would have me refusing to play and walking off. This continued for the rest of my life in varying degrees but it was always there - a discomfort with the female side of the sexual dynamic. I rarely considered gender consciously at that time, but reacted predictably whenever someone attempted to put me in that box. My grandmother tried to encourage feminine behaviors in me and failed. When she started doing this (must have been when I was 8 or 9) and actively started to tell me I "should do x because that's what girls do" I suddenly realized I was feeling disgusted about that idea. I might have been metaphysically rational about the basic world around me but I was effectively gender-blind in many ways - it did take some time before I even realized these people thought I was a girl, because apparently I didn't. I guess the best way to describe it would be that I knew I was a girl on some primitive level, but I didn't truly believe it. When it came home to me that everyone else believed it, I started to actively psychologically rebel. It took about 9 years to get to that point, being left mostly alone to figure it all out for myself since my parents never impressed any roles on me. They knew I was strange from day one and they made mention of it sometimes, but never did much more than that.

There were no sons in the immediate family either to facilitate any recognition (or lack of recognition) of gender. Maybe if I had seen my brother more often than I did at that age, I might have become aware but I remained half-blind to my own gender till puberty. Half ignorant and half hyper aware of "something wrong", but not knowing what that was.           

@Kylo
Thank you for sharing this with us.  I was born intersex (xxY chromosomes), and never had a real emotional connection to any gender.  It was decided that I would be male, alas I played the role of a male.  I tried very hard to become a real male, but my bodies biology prevented me to achieve the role fully.  If I think back, I never had any real gender identity until way late in life, when I was not able anymore to play the guy role well.  During all that time, I had hardly any male friends, but many female ones.  Now I have even more female friends and try to play the role of a female.  This should be easier for me, because most of my body features are more female than male.  I hope that I will do better in this one, than in my male role playing!

Quote from: Dietlind on November 27, 2018, 02:00:27 AM
@Kylo
Thank you for sharing this with us.  I was born intersex (xxY chromosomes), and never had a real emotional connection to any gender.  It was decided that I would be male, alas I played the role of a male.  I tried very hard to become a real male, but my bodies biology prevented me to achieve the role fully.  If I think back, I never had any real gender identity until way late in life, when I was not able anymore to play the guy role well.  During all that time, I had hardly any male friends, but many female ones.  Now I have even more female friends and try to play the role of a female.  This should be easier for me, because most of my body features are more female than male.  I hope that I will do better in this one, than in my male role playing!

It makes sense that as young kids we don't know much about the social and language definitions of gender but the biological tendencies - who/how we associate with and feel more comfortable around - are already there in the brain wiring. That you had no conscious ideas or allegiances but still gravitated toward a particular gender isn't unlike my situation - I have no real allegiance to the idea of a particular gender... a lot of FTM on here are proud or happy or x y z about the idea of being a male, and want to learn behaviors or be part of a group, and I'm not, I just know the male characteristics tend to fit better and that if I'm forcibly treated by males as female it prompts a visceral and aggressive reaction, as well as just generally behaving without effort more like a male. General blindness toward gender and toward society probably helped me navigate transition more easily because I wasn't comparing myself to others at all, I was just going off whatever felt more natural and less stressful and that was maleness. I guess the emotional connection I have to it is that it feels effortless and comfortable, whereas femaleness is either difficult, awkward or uncomfortable for me to attempt. Beyond that, I don't really want to be male. It's not a desire, other than the desire to alleviate my discomfort.

It's curious to me how other FTM get really psyched about being male and I don't feel much of anything about it. Maybe they are more connected to that part of themselves or maybe they just suffered more than me so they look forward to it more.

I consider myself "pretty damned masculine  ;D" even though I'm not a jock-type. 

I've been a nerd for most of my life, and now that its finally "cool" to be a nerd, I'm loving it! 

Ryuichi

Wow this thread was started in 2011. And it's what ... 2018 now. That makes it like 20 years old or something, doesn't it? Sorry trying on my 'blond' today.

I voted very feminine. Femininity is my drug of choice. I still feel like I could drag the masculine skeleton out of the closet if I absolutely had to, like to fix a car or something. Of course, that's on the condition of not breaking a nail.

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on December 27, 2018, 03:30:20 PM
I consider myself "pretty damned masculine  ;D" even though I'm not a jock-type. 

I've been a nerd for most of my life, and now that its finally "cool" to be a nerd, I'm loving it! 

Ryuichi

Ryuiche, you sold me with "pretty damn masculine" lol. Can you come fix my car?

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 27, 2018, 06:33:23 PM
Ryuiche, you sold me with "pretty damn masculine" lol. Can you come fix my car?

Honestly, I know next to nothing about car repair.  I suppose my masculinity lies more along the lines of burping and farting! [emoji23] 

Ryuichi

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Quote from: Ryuichi13 on December 28, 2018, 04:56:36 AM
Honestly, I know next to nothing about car repair.  I suppose my masculinity lies more along the lines of burping and farting! [emoji23] 

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Well, I think some of us gals her can give you some lessons in how to swing a wrench (and do some welding on top of it)  :angel:

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 27, 2018, 06:31:23 PM
I voted very feminine. Femininity is my drug of choice. I still feel like I could drag the masculine skeleton out of the closet if I absolutely had to, like to fix a car or something. Of course, that's on the condition of not breaking a nail.

Like you, I voted "very feminine".  A cis woman might disagree, but it's how I feel.

I can still do the guy things (though breaking nails is definitely not good!), but I insist on being feminine while doing it.  I love this pic, because, even in my hard hat, kevlar chaps and old grungy male T-shirt, I still look like a girl! :D

(https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1846/43859343704_18458599e2_b.jpg)

Well, almost any girl can handle a fine German product like a Stihl saw!

Quote from: Dietlind on December 28, 2018, 08:24:20 AM
Well, I think some of us gals her can give you some lessons in how to swing a wrench (and do some welding on top of it)  :angel:

Yup, I was a auto mechanic for about 15 years long ago in another life.

Quote from: Dietlind on December 28, 2018, 08:24:20 AM
Well, I think some of us gals her can give you some lessons in how to swing a wrench (and do some welding on top of it)  :angel:

I used to be able to do simple things before cars became so computerised.  I changed the sparkplugs in my old 1994 Dodge Shadow ES Turbo back in the day, but I haven't had to do anything like that since.  That's why I have a reliable mechanic! [emoji16]

If its medical-related, OTOH, being a (disabled) Paramedic comes in handy.  Remember when the medical profession was mostly female?  I can still splint a fractured leg or handle a gunshot wound with the best of them, even with not having worked as a street Medic since 2010!

Ryuichi

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I voted in the majority (somewhat feminine)....

Other: As a child, more feminine, as a young man, acquired some more masculine traits.  Pink cake with blue icing.