Susan's Place Transgender Resources

There have been some threads lately dealing with marriage, spouses, children, and the challenges they present during transition. I was wondering how many of us were married in our previous incarnations?
Since most people under a certain age are less likely to married regardless, please indicate yes or no for under 21.
The poll is applicable for all stages of transition.
Feel free to elaborate in your post.
Thanks.  :)

Never married and I'm 36, impossible to marry with that dysphoria going on in that region.  It's different for other people, there's willpower to overcome because of the social conditioning to marry, or even being happy enough but knowing something else is what they really need.

LOL i chose other

married 20 days  then she told me i was too femme for her even though i had a cabin in mountains on 200 acres and cut firewood etc etc

she got pregnant and he is now almost 14


i transitioned right after she left me in late 90's

I partially transitioned in childhood. Then de-transitioned in my late teens on the encouragement of a so called therapist. When I was a university student my church encouraged me to get married as a "step of faith" which would lead to my healing.

I was thus married under 21 for a few years during which time I was slowly disintegrating. Sex was disgusting to me and thankfully no children resulted. By the time I was 23 the marriage was effectively over and retransition and SRS followed almost immediately.

Two kids aged 22 and 19, married 22.5 years and my transition is beginning.

Was married with children before transition, but was divorced prior to the transition process.


Jay

Married, no children.
Still married.

Not a CHANCE! I never even dated! I had lots of female friends but never! I never even thought of girls in that way. (It wasn't until 2 years after SRS/transition that I had my first Lesbian experience and THAT FREAKED ME OUT!!!! LOL!)

Funny, in my last relationship, I was legally married but kept it a secret because I didn't really consider myself to be married, but in my previous relationship, I wasn't legally married, but I considered myself married.

No kids.  Never been married.  I haven't even been on a date in over six years.

Nero. Marry me. Sincerely, Meghan

Hehe :)

married with children x4 3 are adults transition on going one year spouse has been aware of it for 6 months.
jess

Married for 2 years, separated for nearly 4, was starting to look into amicable divorce last summer when my PTSD kicked in (coincidence!) and distracted me.

I'm now getting around to telling my ex-wife about my transition before relaunching divorce plans, since it may eventually come to an annulment instead of a divorce, but we may rather divorce sooner anyway.

I met my wife at 18 and we were married by 20, but we never had children. Before her I was with a number of men and girls, and I am not proud to say, I was also with a number of men during our marriage. We stopped sleeping in the same room when we turned 22, and we stopped having sex at about the same time. We're 33 now. We've always been emotionally close though, regardless of the physical aspect.

I recently moved out after 15 years together. It's hard, but she made it clear that if I continue with my transition she can no longer be with me. Combined with the fact that I much prefer men, well, I think it was inevitable that the marriage would end. I don't at all regret our time together - all things come to an end.

I was married three times and have four adult children.  They all know and at least two accept me.

I just got married in order to get a residence permit here. I don't know if this count's as a 'real' marriage.

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on April 21, 2011, 03:55:07 PM
Two kids aged 22 and 19, married 22.5 years and my transition is beginning.

I'll add a bit more history.

I was 16 when I met my wife, and 19 when I married her (she was 18 at the time). Now we're 41 and 40 respectively.

i was married for over 30 years & have 3 grown sons & 4 grandchildren.
My son's are coming around with the encouragement of my brothers,their uncles
who have been extremely supportive.
My mother on the other hand thinks it's a phase & I'll go back to my old life..ha

Franci

Was married from 28 to 30 to somebody with whom I was almost totally incompatible and only knew for three months.  It was a rebound relationship that went too far because I was struggling with persistent suicidal ideation and intense gender dysphoria.  Rather than be true to myself and admit the obvious (I could have transitioned at 27! Grr!) I made the stupid move of thinking that a marriage would make it all go away.

That'll learn me... at the very least, we never had children.  You have to have a sexual relationship for that to be possible, and I never could stand the thought of using my biology in that way.

I'm 37 and have been Married for 11 years, together for 17 years. Two kids age 6 and 14months. I have been on HRT five months. She doesn't like that I need to transition but understands and has seen me suffer with the GID since we have been together. She is going to try and stay with me through transition but says that she isn't sure if she can still be with me as a woman. I guess that is about as fair of a deal a you can really expect to get with this whole thing. Other than that we have an excellent relationship.

Married almost 32 years, 3 kids (19, 24, 27).  Only marriage for both of us (we were also each others' only serious relationship).  We married when I was 23, she was 25.  I was aware of my condition then, she was not.  She found out in year 2 of our marriage when I attempted suicide, but since I didn't want to lose her, I agreed to bury it, and was mostly successful for a long time (raising 3 kids is really distracting).  Raising those kids was an experience I would not have missed willingly, so there have been trade-offs.

I am married almost 5 years now and we have been together for 8 years.  She knew I liked to dress up at that time but neither of us knew at the time it was more than just a desire to dress.  I am not transitioning yet but will definately do so in the future.  We have 2 children 10 & 4.  Transitioning is not conducive for them in our current environment and would cause a tremendous amount of external stress and angst they just don't need and would not be fair to them.  Hopefully in a few years when we move to more pleasant surroundings.  My wife is almost as excited about the transition as I am.

I was married for 7 years. First time she found out was about 4 years in and pretty much gave an ultimatum either stop or leave. So I stopped. Later on I went back to try to start transitioning and pretty much ended after that with a divorce. It ended  nasty but later on we became friends. She has a better understanding of me now and is more supportive than before but it wouldn't have worked out marriage wise in the long run.

Jennifer

I was married, Though really that was my moms fault as shes the one that brought out an engagement ring.  I had no idea, I mean I had never dated prior to the blind date.  If it was not for my mom I would never have been married.  I was divorced years before I finally came out.  My ex hated me long before I came out, never sure why that was.

Beni

Quote from: melissa42013 on April 22, 2011, 06:40:42 PM
I'm 37 and have been Married for 11 years, together for 17 years. Two kids age 6 and 14months. I have been on HRT five months. She doesn't like that I need to transition but understands and has seen me suffer with the GID since we have been together. She is going to try and stay with me through transition but says that she isn't sure if she can still be with me as a woman. I guess that is about as fair of a deal a you can really expect to get with this whole thing. Other than that we have an excellent relationship.

You are both really great people and I am proud to call you both FRIENDS. I know few couples that love and cherish each other like you so I sincrely hope you can find ways to give each other what you need to keep the relationship alive and healthy. It's hard when your victorys are felt as her losses which makes it hard for her to be excited about your advances.

Just keep loving and respecting each other and live for today since we don't know what tomorrow brings.  After all, amor vincit omnia!

I have been married for 19 years and my wife does not know yet but I plan on telling her everything in the next 30-45 days. I am seeing a therapist and have been on HRT for almost 5 months. It breaks my heart because she knows SOMETHING is up and she told a friend of ours that she believes there is another woman (well, kinda right about that, I guess).

I feel it is very unfair to her and that it exposes a major charachter flaw on my part in that I am a spineless wimp that is avoiding confrontation and tough choices. It is ultimately wrong that I started HRT without telling her first but part of my reasoning (justification?) is that I needed to explore this to make sure that it was GID without a doubt and after seeing a therapist many times and being on HRT and no libido, I am completely sure of my path now. I just have to break that news to the woman I have been married to for 19 years who has a far different vision of her/our futures than what I see. It sucks knowing you are going to decimate someone's idyllic vison of the future...

Met my wife at 17, had a baby girl at 19, we married at 24, started transition at about 40, SRS a month ago.  We are still together and have been married 20 years. We have two granddaughters. She keeps telling me that you just cant help who you fell in love with ..

never married, steps taken leading to transition at the age of 18 back in the days where the shrinks in the gender mills believed everyone would want to project the breeder mentality.  I'll never forget the first one who was known in the Houston area who told me I just needed to get laid and that the gender issues would go away.  Never went back to that quack again.

I did enter into a long-term lesbian relationship prior to surgery but I had already fully transitioned by then. 

I met my wife at 22.  We were married when I was 26.  She went absolutely crazy shortly thereafter, and it was a rough 7 years taking care of her until she drained me dry and left.  No kids thankfully (even though I would love to have children, it just wasn't a healthy place for little ones). 
Not worth it.  Never doing it again.

Kia Ora,
I was married 15 years, have four children, divorced 2000, [amicable divorce], we equally share the unconditional love of all our children...

Metta Zenda :)     

Still Married (21 years) with a son 17 years of age. I don't know with any certainty that we will stay together-it could go either way at this point but I don't worry about it. More than likely this will happen after our son is settled in college and away from home. But then again she might surprise me. She has adjusted some for me already so we will see how things go.

Randi

We've been married for 19 years. When we met she told me that if I wanted kids to find someone else. I told her that I crossdressed, at the time I didn't realized how much more to it there was. We've always been very honest with each other and as soon I understood that I was trans I told her. We don't want to be with anyone else and I hope we will make it through transition together.

I was never really attracted to girls, but I didn't like boys back in those days either.  I did like hanging out with girls, so I never turned down any of them that wanted to go out with me.  This led to some confusing situations, one of which was one of my bigger mistakes: agreeing to marry one of them.

Luckily we didn't have kids; like Zoe said, sex is pretty much required for that.  I was utterly disgusted by sex and you wouldn't believe the mental gymnastics it required for me.  Women just.. women are awesome, but I'm just not attracted to them in that way, I'm sorry.  When my wife left, she told me that two straight women don't really belong together.  That was hard to argue with.  It was difficult losing my best friend though.  That sure feels like an understatement...

Being married did help me realize that being a man in this world was utterly impossible/ridiculous for me.

Once I dropped the nonsense, somehow I began realizing boys were pretty cute.  This was while I was still married, long before HRT, but hormones accelerated the process of discovery on that front 1000x lol.