Susan's Place Transgender Resources

In June 2009, I wrote a thread here Nearing the end of my rope.  I was near the end of my rope then, and have been several times since then.  Sometimes it was like a miracle, that I got a little more rope.  I did pray, and I did believe what's in the Sermon on the Mount, that if you focus on doing God's work, he'll give you enough to get by.  I was Trapped in Transition (the name of my blog here).  I had been just about to go full-time when I lost my job - so I was still trying to get a job as a guy.  I just decided I had to go all-in.  I was going to live or die a woman.

When I wasn't applying for jobs, I scrounged.  I ate from food banks, I whored on Second Life, I ground out miniscule profits played penny-ante online poker and free live poker.  I sold nearly everything I had on Ebay, and got comission for selling other people's stuff on EBay.

I got my first temporary job at a shoe store that was going out of business.  He had an ad on CraigsList, experience necessary, and I sold shoes 30 years ago in college.  I went in, totally passed as a woman, he hired me on the spot, and didn't see my ID for a week.  That was only a couple of months, but the current experience got me (and proof that I passed well-enough not to be a disruption) another temporary job in retail.

Before that iob ended, a few weeks ago, I sent a good cover letter and resume to a lawyer who runs his own firm, he liked it a lot, and hired me at the interview.  I think I was totally stealth, and again, there was no ID check for the whole first week.  I got along great with everybody, have a mentor helping me.  I dressed less and less stealth every day, and I don't think I was even passable on Casual Friday.  I am like a size 13 upper body on top of a size 8 lower body, with 38AB boobs that no bra on earth fits right, and by Friday, I didn't dress to disguise it.

It's true that Colorado has real strong laws against discrimination, but I didn't stop being as stealth as I could for the first 3 days of the week.  And that's not saying that everybody didn't already know on Day One.  I have no actual idea.

But the thing is, I have a full-time job that looks like it's gonna be real and long-term.  I am in a loving, committed relationship.  Even my dog is still hanging in there at 13.5 years old.

I just want other transpeople to know.  There were times when things were as black as black could be black.  But here I am, on the verge of making it.

I remember, about a year after we split, my ex-wife opined regarding my decision to live full-time and only apply for jobs as a woman, "You're not there yet."  I thought I was passable, I pretty much was - but she was right.  When I look back on where I was 2-3 years ago, it's embarrassing that I passed myself off as a woman, when I wasn't really done transitioning.  But, that's the hoops you gotta jump through.

I hope this isn't premature, I hope this doesn't jinx me - but I know that the holidays can be a dark time for lonely people.  My experience doesn't prove anything for anybody else, but I am living testament to the fact that it's doable, and not just for the young or the perfectly passable.

Sounds like you are doing well, Gina.  And in a lawyer's office no less.  Maybe he can help you will the legal end of things.   ;D

Quote from: GinaDouglas on April 24, 2011, 02:34:40 PM
In June 2009, I wrote a thread here Nearing the end of my rope. 

I was near the end of my rope then, and have been several times since then.  Sometimes it was like a miracle, that I got a little more rope.  I did pray, and I did believe what's in the Sermon on the Mount, that if you focus on doing God's work, he'll give you enough to get by.  I was Trapped in Transition (the name of my blog here).  I had been just about to go full-time when I lost my job - so I was still trying to get a job as a guy.  I just decided I had to go all-in.  I was going to live or die a woman.

When I wasn't applying for jobs, I scrounged.  I ate from food banks

I hope this isn't premature, I hope this doesn't jinx me - but I know that the holidays can be a dark time for lonely people.  My experience doesn't prove anything for anybody else, but I am living testament to the fact that it's doable, and not just for the young or the perfectly passable.

Gina:

Well, here it is, Easter Sunday of 2011, and THIS post of yours is my Easter Day redemption.  Made my day.  Thanks so much, because I really needed to read this ... as do many others on here today in particular.

Our lives have some real similarities, so I can way relate to what you say.

Like you, I was at the end of my rope too ... just before Thanksgiving of 2010, because I lost my job.  They offered me a leave of absence, but I resigned because I knew they wanted me gone.  Why?  Two things.  One, I came out as trans to my supervisors (the wrong way).  Two, I told the biggies at the company that they were screwing us which they really were.  Result?  I'm history.

Originally, I planned to go fulltime on 31 October 2010.  However, this was all going on at that time and it hit the fan in early-November of 2010.  Six months later and I'm not fulltime yet because of it.  Stuck in Transition just like you were, Gina, for the same reason ... job loss.  From Thanksgiving past New Year's Day, I did the food banks too, ate humble pie and kissed a mean bum philosophically.  Been there.  Done that.  Lived it.   

Sermon on the Mount?  Miracles?  Believe in 'em both, girl.  Like you, I needed a miracle ... bigtime.  Like you, I got a miracle (three of them actually) exactly when I needed them most.  The Wheel of Karma must be real.  A guy named Hugh Romney (Wavy Gravy)(The M.C. at Woodstock and one of Ken Keysey's original Merry Pranksters) lives by the motto:  "Put your good where it will do the most."

Well, I live by that ... or really try to.  Gina, sometimes, you can get SOOO bummed out and discouraged because the doodoo never seems to stop coming at you.  Some people on this forum seem to just glide through transition.  Sure, they work at it, but they have propitious circumstances and few obstacles.  Others on this forum, two of them (I am one of them) on this very thread, can't seem to win for losing as the saying goes.  The doodoo just flies at us like it's some supernatural freaky curse out trip or something.  Too much.

Heck, I've been delayed myself yet again because beard removal will take much longer than I planned for it to.  Taxes to the IRS and to the state.  To top it off, most of the T-girls on here, even the better-off ones working in IT, ultimately financed their SRS/GRS by cashing out against the equity in their houses.  Heck, I can totally name names and the list is quite long.  However, out of respect for these people and their privacy, I'll remain mum.

So, Lacey, what's up with THAT anyway?

On this very thread, there are two people (of which I am one) who HAD the money to completely pay for SRS/GRS (and then some) due to either a house sale and/or a house equity buy-back.  These people sacrificed their SRS/GRS to take care of spouses (said spouses both being ultimately ungrateful in the end).  Now, those two people cannot get their SRS/GRS with the sad-assed economy.  One of them wants the surgery very badly ... another is ambivalent about it and can way compromise about it if need be. 

Dang, girl, two girls on here started HRT within days ... DAYS!!! ... of when I did.  They are now both postoperative.  Hell, I've not had beard removal yet and am doing androgyny.  Many will read this and think, "Lacey, you loser ... you're all f----ed up and it's your own darned fault!"  Wrong-o, buckaroos.  Let them live my life for a year or two and then let's talk.  They'll have an epiphany of epic proportions. 

Easter Sunday 2011 ... friends?   Nope.  Family?  Nope.   Work all day?  Sure 'nuff did

The beat goes on.   (Thank you, Sonny & Cher!)

However, it's all good anyway.  Mix persistence with prayer and with good, and miracles DO happen.  Yeah, it's all good anyway.

Peace out, Gina.  Thanks so much for this Easter Blessing.  Made my day.  I'm grateful, girl.

Happy Easter   :)      Lacey Lynne