At work, it's all pretty casual and relaxed, and nobody cares much about professional appearances (one of my coworkers has several facial piercings--my boss's reaction was "Cool! Did you get another lip ring?"). There's nothing in the non-discrimination policy about trans rights, but everyone in management is adamant about judging people based solely on their work performance. A lot of my coworkers know I'm a "lesbian" and they're totally fine with it. At the moment I'm pre-T, pre-everything, and I present as female at work, try to act in a more feminine way than I normally would, and I wear somewhat-feminine clothes. I don't plan on coming out as trans for several months and I'm definitely not going to start T until I'm out at work. I know the usual method of coming out at work is to present as female until you come out to your boss(es), then the next day (or whenever you've told your boss will be the first day of presenting as male) you show up to work as male.
The problem with the typical way of coming out at work, is people might think back about the whole time they've known me, and try to remember if I said or did things that a cis-guy would say or do, and if I've been presenting as female the whole time not just with the way I dress but also with mannerisms, speech patterns etc., then they might think I'm not actually a transman (since there's no "tell"s) and because of that they wouldn't accept me. Maybe not everyone thinks of it that way, but I had a friend who refuses to speak to me ever again because she doesn't think I'm "really" a transman because she knew me during my ultra-femme, wanna-be-cis phase.
So I've been considering doing a visible, gradual transition at work. Something like first getting a men's haircut, then once everyone gets used to that start wearing men's clothes, then start wearing men's deodorant and cologne, etc,.. And if anyone asks me about it before I'm ready to come out at work, I could just say I'm a butch lesbian and that I feel more comfortable being perceived as butch. Or something. Then after I come out as trans I would start taking T and also bind at work. And maybe pack, but I don't know if I want to do that since I think it would probably make me feel kinda fake, like I'm pretending to have something (a d*ck) that I don't have. But whatever, to pack or not to pack, that's a debate for another thread :D
Anyone think a gradual transition is a good idea? Anyone think it's a crazy idea? Comment and tell me what you think.
That's kinda what I'm doing, only I'm not coming out (ha!). I started wearing men's deodorant and underwear about a year ago. Last week I finally got the male haircut I've been wanting. I'm slowly started to work more men's clothing into my wardrobe mostly to feel more comfortable (since if I came out here I'd lose my job I wear more unisex looking clothes and try to wear something girly every few weeks just to be like "see-- I'm a woman! Don't fire me!"). It seems to be working for my homelife pretty well, though. Most of my family started thinking along these lines when I switched to male deodorant and then when I changed my name and gender on Facebook I think they really started thinking. This summer I plan on living as a man all summer (I'm even trying to get my summer job to put my new name on my nametag) but I need to go back into girl-apppearances mode for one more school year next year before I can offically transition. I know it's a long time, but I'm trying to make the most of it and take it gradually and I'm hoping the two months of RLE this summer will help so I can start medically and legally transitioning this time next year.
My suggestion is, if people ask you questions about it don't deny it. Don't tell them you're just a butch lesbian. Tell them it's none of their business. If they figure it out that's easier for you, but if you deny it and then try to come out in the future they'll be like "but you said....!" and that'll just make it harder and make them take you less seriously.
That's pretty much how I went about it. I was trying to hold off on transitioning because I felt I could only do it if my mother was no longer living because I was sure she would kick me out and cut me out of her life. I cut my hair and grew my body hair and wore men's clothing. Soon that wasn't enough so I started binding and wearing men's underwear, but that wasn't enough. I talked to a therapist and got T and changed my name so I could finally have a name tag with my male name on it (my work wouldn't let me have a new one without new social security card and state ID). By the time my name was changed most of my close coworkers (the one who work the front end with me) knew about me and some were even calling me Andy but I couldn't request it and some refused to because my name on my name badge wasn't changed to Andy. I've been working there two years. When I started I already wore all men's clothes on top, women's underwear, and then over those men's boxers. So the part between that and binding/men's underwear only was about a year and a half journey.
I did a sort-of gradual transition at work. More than anything it was to help me get a feel on wether they would fire me or not. I was also hoping the gradual transition would be less shocking to them once they were told. I also wanted to come out to my family first before work (which was a long process).
Once I started therapy I wore just men's dress clothes, stopped shaving, started binding and packing and used men's toiletries. Later I started T. Later I told my manager I was transitioning (she wasn't surprised) then we told the owner. He too wasn't surprised and had noticed changes. Later we made a company announcement and after that I went full time as male.
Even though everyone seems supportive and O.K. with my transition I have the hardest time here with people slipping up and using wrong pronouns- after 8-9 months! It's embarrassing and degrading. This place has also become more toxic due to different events and people's attitudes. These aren't related to my transition. People are jumping ship here left and right. I'm trying to get the hell out of here too, but it's hard with the economy.
My transition at work experience hasn't been horrible- it could be worse. However, don't expect coworkers who knew you before transition to see you as truly male. Expect to be outed "accidentally" and embarrassed by slip-ups. Expect employees to not care if something hurts your feelings and don't expect to have any trans-related problems in the company taken care of.
Despite all this I guess it's better to transition at a job than be unemployed with no money. Transition is expensive. However, once you're far enough along in transition it's best to work somewhere new as stealth. If anything for your mental health. I can't wait for the day when I'm working for a new company and I'm completely stealth and just male. :)