Sara who is dating Joseph describes her typical day.
06:00am: Sara awakes and immediately thinks of Joseph.
06.30am: While eating breakfast Sara wonders if she should call Joseph and wish him good luck for his big presentation later that morning.
06.45am: Sara getting dressed after her shower decides to use a bodyspray that she knows Joseph loves.
08.15am: While driving to work Sara hears on the radio that song by that group that she and Joseph love. As Joseph's birthday is coming up she wonders if Joseph would like the group's latest CD as a present.
08.55am: Sara arrives at work and mentally wishes Joseph 'good luck' as his presentation is about to start.
09.30am: Sara is at her desk doing her job but her mind is never far away from Joseph. Right now, thinks Sara, Joseph will be well into his important presentation.
10.00am: Sara has a coffee break and her friend Allison comes over to her desk and talks to her about her latest skiing trip. Sara makes a mental note to find out more about this ski resort because she thinks that she and Joseph might go there on a long weekend together.
10.15am: Sara is aware that Joseph's presentation will be now over. She wonders if she should call him. She calls him and she finds him a little distant and distracted. He didn't seem very enthusiastic about going on holiday together. Sara wonders if he really loves her but, puts his unloving manner on the phone down to him being tired after his presentation.
12.30pm: Sara calls Joseph during her lunch hour and while Joseph's mood is better she detects a certain annoyance with her in his voice. She talks to her friend Allison about this and the two women puzzle over Joseph's behaviour.
2.00pm: Sara is still puzzling over Joseph's 'pulling-away' from her.
2.30pm: Sara cries in the Ladies' toilet. Allison is there for her and helps dry Sara's eyes. Allison thinks that Joseph is a creep for making Sara feel like this.
3:00pm: Sara is feeling better. The work day will soon be over and she has decided to cook Joseph his favourite dinner with his favourite wine. Sara decides to change into that babydoll that she knows Joseph likes straight after dinner. She is hoping that he will stay the night.
5:00pm: What a delightful surprise! Joseph is outside her office waiting to drive her home. His presentation went down very well and he is elated. Sara is delighted for him. She notices that there isn't a trace of his earlier 'coolness' towards her and she interprets this as a sign that he really does love her after all.
Quick, what is your first reaction to this story? Don't analyse it just post your initial and/or strongest thoughts about the above story. Using keywords instead of complete sentences would be ideal. There is no right or wrong response to this story per se so don't read it more than once before responding.
***EDIT TO ADD*** Asking people to answer quickly is I suspect causing a 'Rush to Judgement'. Please take your time reading the above . In light of this I will understand if members who have already posted want to edit or re-post.
1. Is that a personal phone call? Hang it up.
2. Try texting a busy person to wish them luck instead of hoping they will blow off their job for you the same way you are for them.
3. Try some therapy because you're just a breath away from becoming the "Psycho-Girlfriend" and that ain't good.
The woman needs to think of more than Joseph.
Obsesive comes to mind.
First thoughts:
Sara is obsessive
Sara reads too much into some things
1. I hate meetings.
2. Was there coffee? Seriously, I want some coffee.
3. Oh yeah, I was supposed to react to the story. :D
edit: Seriously, it sounds very uneventful in the grand scheme. Joseph was stressed over the presentation, and he's sweet for coming to pick her up. Sarah should focus on her work a little more.
If I was joseph I would be hiding my rabbits right now, because that girl has bunny boiler written all over her
Tis like a soap...
*noodlesoup*
I hope that some of our FTM brothers will post their response. I should give credit where credit is due. My original post is based upon something that Barbera D'Angelis reads out to the audiences at her seminars.
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1. Sara is annoying
2. I want to slap Sara, and not in a kinky way.
3. Joseph should ditch Sara and go on holiday with me instead ;).
Quote from: Princess of Cups on April 28, 2011, 06:52:45 PM
I hope that some of our FTM brothers will post their response. I should give credit where credit is due. My original post is based upon something that Barbera D'Angelis reads out to the audiences at her seminars.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F41C0XZM6Z2L._SL500_AA300_.jpg&hash=3e573b1f00414648fef945e4d67bb63cdf273b74)
OK, I'll bite.
Sara, don't call your boyfriend/husband at work. He's probably quite busy and personal calls/texting in the workplace are frowned upon (even during lunch, if he eats at the office). He's acting distracted when you call because he hopes you will get the hint and hang up. Actually, he probably just plain is distracted (trying to work)--and still hopes you'll hang up before the boss walks by.
Sara is obsessive and sounds like she would be annoying.
She reads too much into things. Joseph was just stressed about his presentation.
Crying in the bathroom after that short amount of time was pretty pathetic on Sara's part.
OK I am an old fashion romantic. Sara is very much in love with Joseph. She is hurt by Joseph's coolness. But he may just be decompressing from the presentation.
She seems a bit over obsessed with his life rather than being herself, and it's kind of creepy.
I had a woman crying in the bathroom last year, but she had just got a call that told her she had breast cancer and she's only 35. For this, Sara should have at least clocked out and cried on her own time.
I'm going to bed
Quote from: Virginia M on April 29, 2011, 03:17:59 AM
I'm going to bed
Best response I've seen :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Joseph definitely doesn't have a clue what Sara went through, how could he and why would he...
Sara, on the other hand, would need some more maturity in developing relationships. There is this (philosophical) theory that your best relationship will be the one which exceeds your best relationship out of the first 37% of all the relationships in life. Assuming you have a relationship potential of 10 in your lifetime, you need to break up with the first 3 (imperatively) and than stick with the first relationship that gives you a better feeling than the best relationship out of the first 3. My guess is that Sara is still stuck in the one of the first 3 - she reacts to her feelings on a (pre-)puberal level - and thus her best option would be to break up with Joseph and deepen her "relationability" (so to speak)
Quote from: Princess of Cups on April 28, 2011, 06:52:45 PM
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I'm not sure what's worse...the fact people write books with titles like that, or that people read them.
Quote from: Helena on April 29, 2011, 01:24:22 PM
I'm not sure what's worse...the fact people write books with titles like that, or that people read them.
Yeah - File under comedy fiction, in my opinion. (either that or straight in the trash)
De Angelis received a master's degree in psychology from Sierra University in Los Angeles, and a Ph.D. in psychology from Columbia Pacific University. She was awarded her degree from this now-defunct unaccredited institution after completing a correspondence course.
And she was married to John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, after they broke up they went on to give relationship advice.
Writing a self help book sounds like easy money...if only i could live with the shame.
It's not that hard, I think the basic starting point of any self-help book is to pick a topic about which you know less than anyone else in the world.
Quote from: tekla on April 29, 2011, 02:03:49 PM
It's not that hard, I think the basic starting point of any self-help book is to pick a topic about which you know less than anyone else in the world.
And write about it really badly? :laugh:
It helps if you can be infinitely vague and then use the most inappropriate analogies in the world.
So feelings of personal inadequacy would become the hyenas of self doubt and so forth?
The La Brea Tar Pits of common sense.
I can't believe people still write and read these books. No one is going to learn the secrets about the genders from reading books. Not all men think alike just as not all women think alike. No matter how much we want to say "men think like this" and "women think like this", it just does not work. Each relationship is different Phrases like "he is a guy, what do you expect" only serve to degrade people. Even if the phrases are in a joking manner, it still has negative connotations associated with it.
Sara seems somewhat immature but not unusual, the behavior seems to fit a young relationship.
I dislike how the job would interfere with having feelings. Work is our livelihood, but it shouldn't disconnect you from the rest of the world so adamantly. Personal calls, if short, should keep the routine from being hell. To think working 8 hours a day that makes nearly 1/3 of your life that you are prevented from even contacting someone you love, to ask them about their day or just hear their voice, that's injustice.
Work is our livelihood, but it shouldn't disconnect you from the rest of the world so adamantly.
I think any real professional should be able to leave that stuff at the door. If you have something you really need to talk about, or talk over I'll be happy to sit with you after work, but until then, I've got stuff to do, and so do you if you want to keep on working here. For a lot of stuff in life working under that level of distraction is a hazard to yourself and everyone else working with you.
Of course a lot of that depends on the job, but for the most part if I'm not calling you when you're on the pole, try to refrain from calling me at work unless it's a very real and immediate emergency. And under no circumstances are you to call me just to re-hash your deep seated feeling of inadequacy, paranoia, and clinging neediness. But I always dated adults, so it was never a problem. My ex ran a nightclub, that meant pretty much there was a 10 hour gap in every show day in which she was doing busy running a nightclub to deal with anything else. I used to teach, am I supposed to answer during a lecture? Perhaps when I'm up focusing lights, or dealing with the band, or changing sets?
And one of the first things I do when I get to work is put my phone on the charger on my desk, so it's not even going to be a problem. I'm already on a radio with everyone else, that quite enough people talking in my ear. I'll call when I know she is not at work and I have time.
In this case, a text - sent while he was on his way to work - saying: Do a good job honey, I'm sure you will, would be perfect. Matter of fact in any real business situation a text is always more suitable than a call, you can casually glance at it without really having to pay attention or instantly respond and ignore everyone else around you.
Tekla two phone calls that's it, one with her being aware that his presentation would be over.
Sure Sara is wrapped up in him completely and shouldn't be because that is not healthy, BUT she does her work what else do you want from her? Blood? There's no proof she's not doing her job to an excellent standard. In fact she might be fantastic at her job! This level of empathy for another might translate to general empathy for everyone she interacts with.
With empathy one does need to realise one is as important as others.
Taking care of oneself is a vital part of being able to take care of others, and taking care of oneself requires recieving care too.
Right pair of nutters. Deserve each other. (said in East End accent) :laugh:
He's cheatiiiiiiiiiiing! Or not
.Keywords: soap, cheating scumbag
, crazy bitch
, north dakota
, dynamite, divorce, closet, eww, love scene.
Contrary to what the title of that book implies, I don't think it was intended to be marketed for men.
From some of the reviews of the book:
Bunch of BS.
The book read like a collection of COSMO articles on insecure, needy, emotionally fragile women. I find it difficult to believe women are like what was presented in the book, and if they are, would you really want others, including men, to know about it? Maybe there was some substance, but the writing style ruined "the message".
This book is based on the author's very stereotypical views of both the male and female genders.
It is thinly disguised book to help men understand women; rather it points out all the flaws of men and their inability to understand woman and continually states that woman have no flaws and are not responsible for any problems that typically happen in relationships.
The author obviously has had several bad relationships and has failed at each one... The author seems to be a control fiend with a superiority complex.
And the winner is:
This book makes you long for the days when men lived in longhouses separate from women, and occasionally got prettied up to go visit the girls.
He was obviously distracted and more important things on his mind at the moment.
Yeah, there was a pretty clear non-understanding of what a 'presentation' is in a real business. It's not like kindergarten where you get up, do your show and tell and sit down. In real business a presentation more like foreplay, it is to get the ball rolling and the real work comes after your done when you get down to either trying to implement what you said, or defend it.
Quote from: tekla on April 30, 2011, 10:56:28 AM
Yeah, there was a pretty clear non-understanding of what a 'presentation' is in a real business. It's not like kindergarten where you get up, do your show and tell and sit down. In real business a presentation more like foreplay, it is to get the ball rolling and the real work comes after your done when you get down to either trying to implement what you said, or defend it.
Uh huh. I remember presentations being roughly 30 minutes of 2 hour long meetings. I could. not. wait. to get the heck out of that office and be by myself out in the warehouse.
Not only that, I would never answer my phone at work. If I called you from work it was to make sure that some business got handled. If I had to answer my phone I ran the risk of (and actually have!) breaking my hand, or my foot, or twisting wrong and having a debilitating back spasm, and then you would need to come get me because I refuse to pay for an ambulance that would cost the company thousands more than they already drop in their $600 a month contribution to my family's half a**ed "full coverage."
If I'm at work I'm working. Don't you ever, ever, ever call me unless my baby is in trouble. I miss having a decent job :(
QuoteSara who is dating Joseph describes her typical day.
Yeah, I was wondering what kind of person has to do a presentation on a "typical" day.
what kind of person has to do a presentation on a "typical" day.
People in sales, for one.
Two couples in the late 30s, Bob and Marcy & Frank and Susan who have been friends for years decide to go on a five day Canoeing and camping holiday.
The plan is that the two couples will spend the first two days together, then the women will go off on their own and so will the men. They plan to meet up again on the fifth day.
This is what happened on the fifth day.
Marcy and Susan have been at the rendezvous for about an hour when Bob and Frank arrive. Marcy notices that Bob, her husband, and Frank,Susan's husband, aren't saying anything to each other. Also they appear not to be looking at one another.
The action takes places in Bob &Marcy's car just after saying goodbye to Frank and Susan.
Marcy: So did you and Frank have fun?
Bob: Yeah we had a pretty good time. We really bonded.
Marcy is a little surprised as she thought the two men cool and distant from each other when they arrived at the meet-up point. However, Marcy is pleased that Bob bonded with Frank as he doesn't really have any male friends.
Marcy: So what did you guys talk about?
Bob: Oh this and that you know? Frank gave me some great Stock market tips and he is thinking of quitting his job and starting up on his own. Oh and we talked about all those great Saturday morning serials we used to watch at the local cinema. Oh and of course baseball.
Marcy is surprised at this. This is NOT bonding to her. She feels sure that Bob is holding something back.
Marcy: Didn't Frank tell you that he and Susan are thinking of divorcing?
Bob: No he never said anything about that.
Marcy: Well he must of talked about his dad's failing health? Susan is really worried about her father-in-law she is close to him.
Bob is getting a little defensive, he feels somewhat under cross examination.
Bob: Marcy, Frank never mentioned his father the whole two days.
Marcy is really puzzled even alarmed. This is disturbing to her and she can't keep her shock out of her voice.
Marcy: Bob are you sure, really sure Frank never mentioned these things to you? Think hard now.
Bob: Yes Marcy I am sure. Quit giving me the third degree!
Marcy: Bob this is just baffling to me! Susan told me that their daughter Abby needs a serious eye operation, don't tell me that Frank didn't talk about that?!
Bob: Marcy where are you getting all this information?
Marcy(utterly exasperated): Bob! From Susan who did you think?!
Bob tries to change the subject.
Bob: So, um, err, what did you girls get up to on those two days alone?
Marcy: Susan talked about her upcoming divorce. That took up most of day one. At night we talked about her father-in-law's health. Bob she is really sacred for him. On the last day we talked about Abby's major operation. I just can't believe that Frank never said a word about any of these things?!!
Bob is more annoyed by Marcy's questioning that he is by Frank's lack of disclosure about personal matters.
Marcy is thinking whatever Bob and Frank got up to it was most definitely not bonding!! Men really are an alien species thinks Marcy.
What do you make of this? Do you think Frank and Bob were bonding as they said? Why do you think that Frank never said anything about his divorce, his father's failing health or his daughter's operation? Did you identify with Marcy or Bob? If so please state your reason(s). Thanks. :)
About both, I think, 'I'm glad my relationships are with real people and i have a certain amount of experience in communicating with real people so I don't need to get quite so het up and can just enjoy those relationships in all there sinewy mess.'
No one said there would be homework.
;)
Barbara De Angelis writes that when she reads Sara's account of her day to audiences at her seminars, the audience is sharply divided along gender lines. The men think that Sara is a 'kook', a 'psycho-bitch' and even mentally disturbed. The women are very surprised at this. When De Angelis asks the women in the audience 'how is Sara behaving?' They shout out 'Sara is a woman in love'. In other words she isn't 'scary', a 'bunny-boiler', or 'deranged'. If you still doubt this let me outline De Angelis' thinking. According to her women live in a 'love universe'. Women put love first. * Thinking about Joseph this much doesn't seem at all strange to women. They don't see Sara's concern for Joseph as at all excessive. It is normal behaviour for a woman in love.
De Angelis employs an interesting metaphor. She asks us to imagine a woman's mind like one of those New York lofts where you can see everything from one point. The whole room is dedicated to love(in its widest sense). Men on the other hand live in a house with many rooms. In a man's mind there is a 'love room', a 'work room', and 'fun room', a 'TV room' and a 'sports room' and also a 'retreating to his cave room', and many other rooms besides. The reason De Angelis says that Joseph is annoyed at Sara's phone calls is NOT because he doesn't love her, it is because he is in his 'work room' and resents what he perceives as Sara's attempt to drag him from the room of his choice to the room of her choice: the 'love room'. Remember every room is the 'love room' as far as women are concerned. Sara, argues De Angelis, doesn't realise that men live in many different rooms and she interprets his alleged coolness towards her as being as sign that he doesn't love her as she loves him.
* Men put status first.
I think Sara is kind of scary, myself. If this is typical female behavior (and I'm suspicious that it is), then I'm glad I'm into men.
So, why are you posting these? What do you hope to accomplish?
I'd be very wary of such general and vague theories, especially if confirmed in a seminar - where the leader is definitely in control of the mood.
Tekla posted : De Angelis received a master's degree in psychology from Sierra University in Los Angeles, and a Ph.D. in psychology from Columbia Pacific University. She was awarded her degree from this now-defunct unaccredited institution after completing a correspondence course.
I sit on ethics committees and read sociology studies from very good scholars that are flawed. It is a VERY difficult area to work in, and really good sociologists are amazing. I totally respect them. Untrained inexperienced people are common, they can sound OK but once you get under the veneer there is nothing but self opinionated comment, that is pushed forward to 'help' people who are the most vulnerable in that particular circumstance.
The best self help book is a blank page, a pen and write down your problems, then write down you strengths, write down your weaknesses. then decide where you want to go in life. Look at the lists and make a plan.
Cindy
Well I get the feeling that she's in love with Joseph (sorry for pointing out the obvious!)