Ok this might be a stupid question but I have no idea how to do this.
After coming out to my friends many ask what I will call myself, so I tell them my male name. But they just sort of ignore it and proceed to call me by my birth name.
Now I don't really ask them to use male pronouns so I can't blame them. Thing is, I don't wanna make it awkward and uncomfortable since I don't pass at all, but I'd like for people to aknowledge my identity somehow.
So I thought I'd ask Susan's for advice... do your friends call you by the right pronouns? Did you have to ask them to? How did old friends react to the change of pronouns and name?
Thanks
Well, it's my opinion that you teach people how to treat you. It can be hard and touchy but just be sensitive to them and let them know you'd really prefer they call you your chosen name and by the correct pronouns. You can let them know you realize they may take some time to adjust. In all honesty for the most part I've had good luck with my friends, my family on the other hand took a LOT longer to start using the correct name.
Just my thoughts - feel free to disregard:
It's hard to change old habits.
That said, if they are friends, it's not unreasonable to expect them to try and to be sorry when they mess up. If they are trying, I wouldn't read too much into it - it just takes a while to adjust one's mind when the pattern has been set after years of repetition. You've always been the person you are, but to your friends, this is a big change. You've had a lot longer to get used to it! But this assumes sincere effort by your friends and an attitude of overall respect.
I would try to correct respectful friends as gently as possible and in a way that allows them and you to both feel good about it. I don't think that means to ignore every mistake, but, equally, it doesn't mean making a big deal. Perhaps explaining why getting the names right is important, and explaining that your life, as you further transition, will be a lot easier and safer for you if your friends are supporting you by using the right name, which is why you want them to start now.
IF they aren't trying or aren't sincere, I think you'd be justified in being clear, direct, and strong in telling them what you expect friends to call you.