It just came to my attention that people may not be able to relate to my current distress without an accurate every day visual, so I think I will do this in the weirdest, most "Whoa, okay" way possible.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages2.snapfish.com%2F232323232%257Ffp5398%253B%253Enu%253D8736%253E858%253E25%253A%253EWSNRCG%253D3392%253C%253B%253A6%253C634%253Bnu0mrj&hash=c68c154d4d085a76ec795c9173cf0b33576592e5)
Sorry to make a thread about this, I kind of felt like it was an important enough shift to call attention to and explain to my friends here. Lots of work still to be done!
- Em
Edit: I think it's probably necessary for me to get used to thinking of myself as 100% woman no matter what I look like. Silly insecurity issues!
I think you overestimate the amount of masculinity you have to over come.
I just see Em with short hair.
Quote from: Hannah_Irene on May 01, 2011, 01:34:38 PM
I think you overestimate the amount of masculinity you have to over come.
I just see Em with short hair.
;D ;D ;D Thanks! I do make people go "huh, he's weird looking." Even if they do make an assumption about my gender at all.
Caleb: Orders received friend! I have a girlfriend that can't wait to play with my hair when it gets long (then she faked stabbing me in the face in a jealous fit! LOL!)
Quote from: Caleb_ on May 01, 2011, 02:16:01 PM
Be prepared for a lot of that. So many girls have to slave in front of the mirror everyday to try and emulate your locks. :)
Very true... I used to straighten my hair all the time (hated the waves), but then I got so many compliments when I didn't straighten it that I stopped. ;D
Quote from: Hannah_Irene on May 01, 2011, 01:34:38 PM
I think you overestimate the amount of masculinity you have to over come.
I just see Em with short hair.
Definitely agree. Sometimes our biggest critics are ourselves. I think you look great!
There will come a point your brain will catch up with your body as it changes and you will see a girl in the mirror. Right now I see about 75% girl and 25% him. There was a time when these numbers were reversed. It's getting better.
I also have quite wavy hair and straighten it right now. I'm growing it out patiently and I cannot wait until it get long enough where I no longer have to do anything buy shower, dry and tousle it and out the door.
Thank you all so much :)
I'm tipping the scales in the most sensible fashion I can. I just went out and my friend sat next to me and said (loudly, in a crowded theatre) "but you're a chick now, so it's not uncomfortable" and they called me Emma all night long... I was thankful.
I'm still waiting for my friend's "Rick Russo" moment :/
Em, to me, you have a striking beauty, like a 20's film star. No, I mean that sincerely. Your hair is lovely, and so are your cheekbones (you are SO lucky!). Seriously, stop fretting, girl. You're coming along nicely.
And Melody... I guess I'm glad I never knew "him". All I see is a gorgeous woman. And I mean THAT sincerely.
Thank you Colleen. He wasn't so bad a dude. Just very unhappy. I actually like looking at pictures of him now. It reminds me of how far I've come.
The guy I once was wasn't so bad either, again just very unhappy. I can look at pictures of him, but sometimes it feels like it was somebody else to me, someone that I once knew, that I was either friends to or just aquainted to, not someone that I once was. Sometimes when I look back even further, baby pictures, oh my gosh, he's absolutely adorable! But that's you you dingbat. Very strange feelings. Then reality checks in, and I get a tad depressed looking at old pics of me, because I had to be born that way and not as a girl, and it upsets me to feel that way about myself, even if that's not who I am, I still had to, and continue to have to live in turmoil because I was born wrong. I feel like a woman now, maybe not 100%, but I can't ever see myself as a man because I never was, its not being delusional, its just the reality of who I am inside. There was a time, this when I finally had the courage to be me, when I said to hell with what anybody else thinks, I going to live my life as me, and I have ever since, and am going to continue to, because while I may not be wholey what I should be, I'm happy with how I turned out as a person. Maybe it was a good thing with me being transsexual, maybe if I had felt like a normal guy, maybe I would've turned out to be an ->-bleeped-<- or something, much like my father and brother, or if I were born a girl, I could've turned out like my sister, and I probably wouldn't have been so open minded about those that are transgender. I've pondered this quite a bit at times, and sometimes it makes me feel better about my predicament, that I actually did turn out right afterall, if I turned out this way, then I must've been meant to be as I am, if there's a god, then there has to be some good reason for it, if not, then its merely a genetic mistake, but oh well, I go with it anyway.
Thanks Colleen! I have had that same classic movie train of thought, often wanting to be like Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn (me and my silly fantasies :) )
Megan I think you're adorable! If I were to judge you simply by looks you would be, "normal quiet girl down the road," my brother would say "wife material." I also understand that we have to come to our own conclusions about how others perceive us in order to be happy, and that's a bit more difficult ground to cover.
"I've pondered this quite a bit at times, and sometimes it makes me feel better about my predicament, that I actually did turn out right afterall, if I turned out this way, then I must've been meant to be as I am, if there's a god, then there has to be some good reason for it, if not, then its merely a genetic mistake, but oh well, I go with it anyway."
I think this is a healthy train of thought. Personally, I don't think of myself as a man (physically and experientially, sure, as of now), but I have trouble telling someone that I am a woman when I look like this, I feel ridiculous. Time and effort is all I need, I suppose.
Quote from: EmmaM on May 02, 2011, 10:53:52 AM
Personally, I don't think of myself as a man (physically and experientially, sure, as of now), but I have trouble telling someone that I am a woman when I look like this, I feel ridiculous. Time and effort is all I need, I suppose.
I'm in the same predicament as well. I've come to accept that I've always been female but physical I'm a man. When other people look at me I know they only see a man and that's why I don't get upset when they use my male name or male pronouns. I like it when they call me Hannah but I can understand why that's weird for them.
The big problem I have is that my behavior is more and more female and I come off as an effeminate or gay man and I worry about my safety in this redneck town.
Eh, I can't keep that up. I'm going back femme!
As well as curls Emma, you have hair on the top of your head! Wish I did, but that will take a transplant a couple of years down the track. >:( For now the hairpiece will do unless I want people to see my scalp.
Melody, you actually look a lot like one of the women I used to work with.
Both going fine.
Karen.
Hi Emma, I think you look great in your avatar, I have seen many of your different avatars and you are doing great.
I wish I could say the same, if I took a pic and posted it I would look like a guy in drag :icon_help:
one day I will have my real picture in the avitar.
Keep up the good thoughts and work and stay strong, aloha nui loa.
Jennie