I only know of one in my city and it's a mix of mtfs and ftms. It's a mix of people aged 13-75. I was like awe I would love to meet a really old trans person, so cute. But anyways I've never been to a group sort of thing. Probably because I'm a social phob. I tend to be one of those people in a group who will isolate themselves unless a person comes to talk to me one on one. I NEVER initiate conversation.
Anyways this will be my first time going to one, if I can find a day when I'll enjoy what they have planned. The last one was this clothes donation thing where people go and they can get some peoples donated clothes or donate their own for the trans community. I wasn't really into that. I want to go to a 'sit around in a circle, everyone talks one at time and slowly learns to converse with the group' kind of meetings.
These meetings only happen twice a month which really sucks because it means if I don't like what's planned I have to wait an entire month just to see what else is happening. So obviously for when I do go I am extremely nervous. I've never done this sort of thing before, I don't own that much confidence before I actually go and I always worry that people will start doing their own thing and because I isolate myself and don't talk to others and wait for them to approach me that I'll just end up standing against a wall like people do at dances while they sip on flat sodas.
I kind of wanted to know what experiences people had at trans support groups. I want to know what goes on in there. I just always get this feeling that even though they are all trans people like me, I won't fit in. That there is something off about me. I get that about every group I've thought of joining. I think the only one I contemplated joining that I was content with was a group for social phobs, because I just figured...nobody will be engaging random people in conversation, so I won't be the only one standing around just quiet and staring at my finger nails. Of course I want a group where I don't have to worry about being the only transgender person there, thus a trans support group is better...a trans support group for social phobs would be by far the best thing ever! :P
I'm not the type of social phob who can't talk to a person one on one, as long as they are asking questions and I don't have to try and work my brain to come up with topics since I'd probably mumble out something stupid. I know in a room like with my doctor, my therapist or my endocrinologist I was like this open outgoing person from what they see, but I'm there for a reason, I have a topic, I have my issue. I talk, and get out. I enjoy it. I love conversing with others. But I also love the silence so I'm kind of opposites stuck into one.
Anyways any advice on going to trans support groups? I just worry I guess. They told me the group of trans people are almost split down the middle of ftms and mtfs so I'm not that worried. I'm also not worried about being the youngest there. I'm just worried about the conversations. So, anyone been to support groups for this issue?
I went to a support group near me. It was pretty cool. The only thing I didn't like was that I was the only guy so a lot of what they were talking about didn't apply to me. But what they did was pass around a clipboard and people wrote whatever they wanted to talk about down on it. That way it would be harder to get off track. Then, after the meeting, we always go out to eat. For me, evern through there are no other guys, it just feels nice to be around people that kinda understand what I'm going through. I don't know, I like going.
I was nervous to talk the first time I went too because I felt like I didn't belong. They did really well with including me though and I ended up having a lot of fun. I don't usually do too well in group settings but they made me feel comfortable.
Not sure that your place will be the same but I help that helped. :)
We're both from Ontario, (and we're both named Jay :P) I wonder if the group you're talking about is the one I go to. It meets twice a month and the last meeting was a clothing swap. If you are from the same city as me, it's usually a pretty good group. There are a couple of trans guys our age that go regularly. I won't be there until late June because I'm taking a class that runs the same night as the group, but if this is the same group we're talking about, maybe you'd feel comfortable going with someone?
As for what's talked about, at the group I go to we go around the circle and say our names and how we're doing, and if we want some "airtime" to talk about something that's bugging us/whatever, we say so. After everyone introduces themselves the people who wanted time to talk get time to talk, and whoever wants to gives their input. That's how the group usually goes.
I have social phobia too, though it seems to be getting better the more I transition.
I went to a support group in my city a couple of times, the people were nice and all, but I didn't really fit in. I guess just because someone is trans, doesn't mean they'll get along with someone else who's trans automatically. It's cool though since I'm more of a loner. Perhaps if I'd made some friends the couple of times I went it would be different, so I dunno.
Everyone was very welcoming though, I'm sure it will be the same where you live. You can but steel yourself with courage and go see, or you'll regret not at least trying :)
I've been going to one for a few months, and it's been really good. Mine's a little different, as it's specifically transmen, and we're all in our 20's-30's. Honestly, I think I mostly just appreciate having a venue where I know I'm recognized as a guy regardless of my appearance/voice/whatever.
We start out by talking about what happened that week. If there's something someone wants to discuss, we'll focus on that. The group is through a nearby university, and it's facilitated by two psychology grad students. If there's not much going on they'll bring up questions. We often end up on weird topics (Last week included a comparison of the relative merits of women's and men's underwear.), but as I don't have people to speak to about trans related questions and issues on a day-to-day basis, it's nice having people available for opinions.
Quote from: MaxAloysius on May 05, 2011, 10:19:34 PM
I went to a support group in my city a couple of times, the people were nice and all, but I didn't really fit in. I guess just because someone is trans, doesn't mean they'll get along with someone else who's trans automatically. It's cool though since I'm more of a loner. Perhaps if I'd made some friends the couple of times I went it would be different, so I dunno.
Everyone was very welcoming though, I'm sure it will be the same where you live. You can but steel yourself with courage and go see, or you'll regret not at least trying :)
I hope you all don't mind me intruding on the FTM board (I usually read and stay silent) but this post
really hit the mark as far as my experience with a group was concerned.
It was an open transsexual group, both for MTF and FTM, but I'm guessing because they have separate nights for FTM, the open groups tend to be MTF. That's how it was the night I went: all MTF. Everyone was extremely welcoming, but that night was when I learned that I've spent my whole life, even before transition, as a total girlie girl. Traditional boy things, such as what they wound up talking about as the conversation organically evolved, never held a fascination with me. Cars, fights, blood, explosives... they were all discussed. I sat there fidgeting with my hair and thinking, "I really like my hair." Deep, I know, but it was all I could do to keep from thinking about how different I felt and not cry on the spot.
So yes, the post I quoted above was quite sagacious and well-said. :)
I've been to a support group several times, and it's great. There, they all recognize me as male (when presentation oneself, they ask for your name and preferred pronoun). It feels great to know that I'm not alone in this, to meet other trans people further in the process, and they're all very nice and easy to talk to. Me and a friend are the youngest in the group, all the others are adults (20-40 years old, I suppose). We talk about things, have coffee and tea, and it's such a warm and welcoming place. The meetings are only once a month, so I do my best not to miss them.
Quote from: Jeh on May 05, 2011, 09:16:25 PM
We're both from Ontario, (and we're both named Jay :P) I wonder if the group you're talking about is the one I go to. It meets twice a month and the last meeting was a clothing swap. If you are from the same city as me, it's usually a pretty good group. There are a couple of trans guys our age that go regularly. I won't be there until late June because I'm taking a class that runs the same night as the group, but if this is the same group we're talking about, maybe you'd feel comfortable going with someone?
As for what's talked about, at the group I go to we go around the circle and say our names and how we're doing, and if we want some "airtime" to talk about something that's bugging us/whatever, we say so. After everyone introduces themselves the people who wanted time to talk get time to talk, and whoever wants to gives their input. That's how the group usually goes.
I have social phobia too, though it seems to be getting better the more I transition.
I messaged you back, so I hope you get the reply. :)
Thanks guys this was very helpful. I look forward to going more now that I've had some insight.
QuoteSo yes, the post I quoted above was quite sagacious and well-said.
Ooo, I've never been called sagacious before, thank you ;D >:-)
Quote from: Jeh on May 05, 2011, 09:16:25 PM
We're both from Ontario, (and we're both named Jay :P) I wonder if the group you're talking about is the one I go to. It meets twice a month and the last meeting was a clothing swap. If you are from the same city as me, it's usually a pretty good group. There are a couple of trans guys our age that go regularly. I won't be there until late June because I'm taking a class that runs the same night as the group, but if this is the same group we're talking about, maybe you'd feel comfortable going with someone?
As for what's talked about, at the group I go to we go around the circle and say our names and how we're doing, and if we want some "airtime" to talk about something that's bugging us/whatever, we say so. After everyone introduces themselves the people who wanted time to talk get time to talk, and whoever wants to gives their input. That's how the group usually goes.
I have social phobia too, though it seems to be getting better the more I transition.
Creepy, I am also a Jay who lives in Ontario and used to go to a trans support group that met once a month but now it is twice a month. I only stopped going because I moved an hour and a half away. I try to go when I have time off work but it never seems to line up.
Quote from: JayUnit on May 06, 2011, 08:50:47 AM
Creepy, I am also a Jay who lives in Ontario and used to go to a trans support group that met once a month but now it is twice a month. I only stopped going because I moved an hour and a half away. I try to go when I have time off work but it never seems to line up.
Did the city by any chance start with the letter H? :)
I went to one a few years ago and felt very out of place because I was still unsure about my transition and the people there were very quick to tell me to just go on T and it'll sort itself out. I stopped going for a long time but eventually went back. By the time I went back it was an entirely new crowd and I made some great friends. Everyone is very supportive of respecting everyones personal choices and methods. I think it's been a great tool for support, friendship and understanding in a sometimes difficult situation.
trans group sucks here.. (no offence to the ladies if youre reading this). On average it seems as if one or two ftm's show up.. and 15-30 mtf's. They happen once a month, and the first bit is going around and everyone saying how their last month left (mention surgeries, coming out that kind of stuff).. the ladies always just get on to drama.. and can spen an hour-hour and a half of the meeting just in this intro part.. and since the meeting only goes for 2 hours.. well not much is left for actual discussion topics... and the whole discussion part often ends up whacked.. because I don't know what your populations are like.. but a good percentage of mtf's that I have met locally are conspiracy theorists.. and that interferes with the topic.. so really nothing is gained by going to these meetings. Sit around and listen to people bitching at each other.. the only good I gained was meeting another two ftm's and then finding out about ftm coffee night twice a month - which were much more helpful. Only guys and their SO's if they brought them, talking about surgeries, or just fun stuff or whatever.. only a couple guys showed up to those though.. and they were cancelled.. guys group had drama between memebers too though..
Quote from: Tad on May 06, 2011, 07:56:36 PM
trans group sucks here.. (no offence to the ladies if youre reading this). On average it seems as if one or two ftm's show up.. and 15-30 mtf's.
No offense to the ladies as well but that is my issue too because they spend a good portion of the meeting on mtf discussion and while it's interesting to learn it sucks when I have a question/issue because they cannot usually answer it. When new guys come aound they get put off because of so many women and don't come back :-\ There is an MTF only group as well but since most of the ftm's around here didn't show interest we don't have our own group
Quote from: JayValentine on May 06, 2011, 06:10:40 PM
Did the city by any chance start with the letter H? :)
Aww, no starts with an L. But if it's what I think it is, that's not too far away from me.
It's probably what you think it is if Woodstock and Paris are in between cities.
Yeah sweet that's close by.
"It's probably what you think it is if Woodstock and Paris are in between cities."
Wow. That's crazy close. Jeh, the group you described sounds exactly like the one I went to a couple of times. Weeird.
My experience at the trans group was pretty informative, I was just coming out and they helped me out a lot and welcomed me with open arms. I just never made it back because of work, and then I moved :(
How many times did you go to that one Ryan? I noticed there that even though they were really nice they were also a bit pushy. I went when I was pre-T and in an androgynous stage and I asked if I got a diploma in my birth name if I could get it changed later in life if I ever decide to change my name. And they kept telling me to change it right then since it will be easier and won't cost me anything. But I just wasn't ready to change my name since I was almost done graduating college again and was still unsure of where I was going in terms of transitioning.
I ended up changing my name about 10 months later, I don't know why it took me so long but every time I went to that group they made me feel like I had to jump the gun and had me questioning myself more after I left.
But then again, it also had it's inspirational times. There was an eight year old little girl there that went with her mother. At first I was like why would a mom drag her kid to something like that, thinking that maybe the mom was MTF trying to get her kid to understand, then I realized her kid was MTF... it was really nice to see that.
Jay -- I went once with you, for the January 2009 meeting. We went with S.S, and we couldn't find the building the group moved to and found out it was in the building with the swashtikas in the masonry...
I went again this past January or February. I think the girl you mentioned was there; there was a young girl about 12 or 14, MtF, with her mom. It's been a couple of years since you went so it might have been her.
I don't think I found they came across as very pushy about it but at the time, I had literally come out a week before and was feeling charged with post-come-out glory. So I felt like I needed to go on T ASAP and wanted my named changed desperately. So who knows, if I was questioning it like I am now, I may have had a different experience.
Hahah I forgot I dragged you there before. That was scary looking for the place hahahahha I forgot about that, as if it was really in that building. What were the odds :/
The girl would be about 10 or 11 now. I starting going late 2008, so that was not even 3 years ago. She wouldn't be 12 let alone 14 by now, though it could have been another one.
And I was like that too, from watching YouTube videos online. I wanted my name changed, T, and surgery all on the same day hahah. Even though that would be nice eh guys but waiting and struggling for it made me appreciate it a lot more. I just didn't want to come out at school for 3 months when it wasn't worth explaining it to anyone there.