I'm not going to lie I love babies. I love my friends babies, I love babysitting, hell I practically live with my godson and his mother. I personally however do not want to have my own babies. Ever. I have never ever wanted that. I am perfectly content taking care or and loving other people's children. Today I was at my local comic book store (it's free comic book day!) and one of our regulars comes in with his 4 month old child. So I go over to him play with him a little and then he leaves after which another regular says "and you want to be a dude?"
first of all this pissed me off because I don't want to be male I am male. Second of all what part of interacting with babies is feminine? Do men not help make babies? Do men not help raise babies? I didn't run over there all "omg you're so cute" and cooing at it I merely interacted in a positive manner with the child. If this was the first incident I wouldn't be so upset but I've had several people criticize me for hanging out with children.
Am I alone in my love for children? Does that really make me more feminine? :-\
No. And while I personally have no instincts at all for raising or caring for human babies, a lot of men are even more baby-crazy than women and want to have at least a few children. I love raising fur-kids though. :)
Nah. Tiny babies annoy/scare me, but little kids are cute. Today this little girl walked up to my friend and I with a hand full of dandelions and handed us one. My immediate reaction was "Awwww."
I can totally relate. I also love babies, but somehow I also always knew I didn't want to have one of my own.
After I came out to one of my friends, he said to me, "Just what about you do you think is manly?" and then proceeded to give me a list of "female" things I do, such as loving babies.
It pissed me off. Even if a lot of men do love babies as well. I don't even care. I love babies. so what. I'm going to be who I am no matter what that means. I'm not going to conform myself to the typical male just so people think I'm "manly." I'm going to be whatever I am.
Sorry to butt in here, but the notion that guys can't have a genuine love towards caring for, and interacting with kids is utter hogwash. My cousin works in childcare, and my brother is so sickeningly gaga over the little critters that it turns my stomach. He's at his happiest when he's making all those insane baby noises and up to his elbows in vomit, crud and dirty diapers / nappies. Ugh.
It's a stereotype that's massively outdated and has as much relevance in today's society as trying to make fire by rubbing sticks together.
It's definitely one stereotype I dislike. Two of my sisters boyfriends were like that with her son, very playful with him. It just shows a guy likes kids, or that he's possibly a family man. But yeah I act like that with my nephew, I usually get smiles because I think I'm read as an older brother since I'm too young and two boyish looking to be his mom. I don't do well with other peoples kids though, they kinda bug me. Babies though are adorable but I don't fawn over them. Still I think it's stupid some people think that makes a guy less of a man. Women are not the only people in this world with a love for children. In fact I've met a lot of guys who are playful like that around kids. The ones who aren't are usually frowned upon by women. Though not all since women can be the same way and completely avoid or show no desire for little kids. It's not a man or a woman thing, it's a human thing. Some people like kids, some people LOVE kids, some people dislike kids, other people HATE kids. Nothing to do with women or men. That guy was an ->-bleeped-<-.
But I have heard the same, "And you want to be a male/man" followed by the fact that I like tight clothing (or did) or that sometimes I like wearing eye liner or because I talk baby to animals. But the way I see it, I know men who have done all those things, so the guys who are saying that probably just have some insecurity with their masculinity.
I did an ob/"mother/baby" clinical rotation last semester and loved it. The birthing process/labor wasn't my favorite part, but I loved working with the babies in the nursery and NICU. I had never held a newborn before, so it was a very interesting experience. My first reaction was to go "aww" at how cute and tiny they were. I briefly thought about becoming a neonatal nurse practitioner.
Men can love babies, it's not just women. Why do you think there are so many male pediatricians, ob/gyns, and neonatal/pediatric nurse practitioners? If those men didn't love babies and children, they (probably) wouldn't work with that population.
I have been taking care of kids my whole life, i started with my brothers. my oldest brother is four years my jr. and my next is 6yrs my jr. so i was old enough to help around the house and pretty much took over at 11. then i was watching them left and right. i have had plenty of babysitting gigs and i even worked in a daycare for a bit. but i didnt have a chance to come out before i left. i didnt like the way they handled things at the daycare. its weird for the first 2 yrs after i left home i wanted nothing to do with kids, i felt like if i saw another kid i was gonna pull my hair out. but now that things are just starting to look like they will fall into place i want one. its weird tho i already feel so at ease with other peoples kids that the thought of having one around the house all the time dosent bother me too much.
however my gf is constantly changing her mind as to if she is ready or not. im talking every other month or so she wants one and then she dosent and wants it to be just us for a bit. I have known for a while that i cant have kids so i think i have just strived to be around them as much as i can. even before i came out to myself i knew that i couldnt have kids, its a medical and genetic. my aunt cant and my mom wasnt supposed to even get pregnat but i gess thats just how it works sometimes.
I am on the kids scare me side of the fence here but I disage with the stereotype.
I personally dislike babies, but I'm only one person. I love fur-babies, especially kitties, and that's fine with me. My love for cats could be considered feminine but I really don't care.
Quote from: Sephirah on May 07, 2011, 11:18:42 PM
Sorry to butt in here, but the notion that guys can't have a genuine love towards caring for, and interacting with kids is utter hogwash. My cousin works in childcare, and my brother is so sickeningly gaga over the little critters that it turns my stomach. He's at his happiest when he's making all those insane baby noises and up to his elbows in vomit, crud and dirty diapers / nappies. Ugh.
It's a stereotype that's massively outdated and has as much relevance in today's society as trying to make fire by rubbing sticks together.
couldn't have said it better myself, I'm one of the 'don't want children they're loud, annoying and expensive." guys. then again i don't have any positive male examples of parenting even if i liked kids so it'd be stupid if i had kids or even babysat. I'll hopefully always have a dog though. and the stereotype that only a real man wants nothing to do with kids is pretty damn stupid. what does that mean if it's true? that 99% of all fathers became fathers by accident? i was thinking probably half or a little less do by accident. i bet most men want to pass on their genes probably just as much as women do it's just because of that stupid stereotype they know to not talk about it or people will be like "what kind of man are you?" or something.
There's nothing inherently unmanly about liking, caring for, or interacting with kids.
However, it is something you're going to have to learn to be very careful with. If you're read as male, you simply cannot freely interact with other people's kids. It's seen as suspicious, dangerous behaviour. My father (completely upstanding respectable totally-non-pedophile innocent citizen) had the cops called on him once when he approached a 4-year-old boy whom he saw wandering alone in a mall. He was trying to get the boy to come with him to the security desk. He walked up to the boy and knelt down and greeted him, the boy ran away, somebody called the police. Most adult men avoid other people's kids (and my dad typically does too, this was an exception prompted by safety concern) not because we don't like kids but because we don't want to arouse suspicion that we like kids too much.
Quote from: kyril on May 10, 2011, 05:11:59 AM
There's nothing inherently unmanly about liking, caring for, or interacting with kids.
However, it is something you're going to have to learn to be very careful with. If you're read as male, you simply cannot freely interact with other people's kids. It's seen as suspicious, dangerous behaviour. My father (completely upstanding respectable totally-non-pedophile innocent citizen) had the cops called on him once when he approached a 4-year-old boy whom he saw wandering alone in a mall. He was trying to get the boy to come with him to the security desk. He walked up to the boy and knelt down and greeted him, the boy ran away, somebody called the police. Most adult men avoid other people's kids (and my dad typically does too, this was an exception prompted by safety concern) not because we don't like kids but because we don't want to arouse suspicion that we like kids too much.
This is so true and so important. Why are there not enough male teachers in junior/primary schools? Because of the risk of being labelled as a paedophile. I love babies, like small children and go off them when they are teens. Hmm normal adult. But the danger of being labelled in public as a paedophile is so damaging. I personally know a man who had a senior position. He was arrested for paedophilia, the press were present as the police invaded his home. He was totally innocent. It was a case of mistaken identity and poor police work. Why were the press there?
His career and life have been ruined.
Slightly off topic, I was brought before a committee for sexual abuse of a female student following a complaint by the student, yes me. I sat before this large group of people who did not look as if they were interested in my side of the story.
Asked to respond to the action I told the group that E had told me she could hear thoughts. My thoughts were anti her and I thought her a prostitute. All of which was crap. When she presented her side of the story she admitted she could read peoples minds. The committee gave her the benefit of the doubt. For X sake a Univesity that give benefit of doubt to a mind reader :o
In practice , I was going to fail her as a student as she hadn't done any of the work (post grad), but she needed to stay in Australia while her son finished high school. She concocted the whole mess to stay while her son finished school, she then left.
I was tarnished.
Cindy
Quote from: kyril on May 10, 2011, 05:11:59 AM
There's nothing inherently unmanly about liking, caring for, or interacting with kids.
However, it is something you're going to have to learn to be very careful with. If you're read as male, you simply cannot freely interact with other people's kids. It's seen as suspicious, dangerous behaviour. My father (completely upstanding respectable totally-non-pedophile innocent citizen) had the cops called on him once when he approached a 4-year-old boy whom he saw wandering alone in a mall. He was trying to get the boy to come with him to the security desk. He walked up to the boy and knelt down and greeted him, the boy ran away, somebody called the police. Most adult men avoid other people's kids (and my dad typically does too, this was an exception prompted by safety concern) not because we don't like kids but because we don't want to arouse suspicion that we like kids too much.
I love kids and this worries me. I love playing with kids but, once I pass more as male, I'm going to have to alter the way I act around them.
Quote from: Brent123 on May 10, 2011, 10:12:35 AM
I love kids and this worries me. I love playing with kids but, once I pass more as male, I'm going to have to alter the way I act around them.
yeah this worries me too
Quote from: kyril on May 10, 2011, 05:11:59 AM
There's nothing inherently unmanly about liking, caring for, or interacting with kids.
However, it is something you're going to have to learn to be very careful with. If you're read as male, you simply cannot freely interact with other people's kids. It's seen as suspicious, dangerous behaviour. My father (completely upstanding respectable totally-non-pedophile innocent citizen) had the cops called on him once when he approached a 4-year-old boy whom he saw wandering alone in a mall. He was trying to get the boy to come with him to the security desk. He walked up to the boy and knelt down and greeted him, the boy ran away, somebody called the police. Most adult men avoid other people's kids (and my dad typically does too, this was an exception prompted by safety concern) not because we don't like kids but because we don't want to arouse suspicion that we like kids too much.
Couldn't agree more. It really saddens me that this is the way society has come to view all men, and so many good men get hurt for it.
Yeah, I love babies, I love kids, but I have no interest in having my own, nor do I want to bring a kid into this world. If I ever chose to have one, I'd adopt
Quote from: FebruaryFalls on May 10, 2011, 06:29:51 PM
Yeah, I love babies, I love kids, but I have no interest in having my own, nor do I want to bring a kid into this world. If I ever chose to have one, I'd adopt
Same here.
I'm one of the few guys here that cannot stand being around children. They freak me out. I don't know why, I've just always been really disgusted and disturbed by little children, especially before I knew I was trans. Fur-children, especially dogs, is another story. I see a dog and I go all gaga over it like a stereotypical female would go gaga over someone's baby. I just love baby animals a billion times more than human babies. :P
This reminds me of one time in art class, we had to go around the room and each person revealed a secret about themselves. One guy said, "I hate children, every time I see or even hear one, I just want to smash their tiny heads into the concrete." Everyone else in the room was like "OMG!!!" But I was thinking to myself "Well, that makes two of us then..." Yeah... don't have children around me. XD;
Quote from: Alex37 on May 10, 2011, 03:48:50 PM
yeah this worries me too
Me three. I'm already having to work at not smiling around little children. Especially little girls who I constantly smile at because they're so cute. I'm really paranoid that's going to get me into a lot of trouble later and I hate, HATE; the fact that because I'm percieved as male that means I'll no longer be able to interact with children the way I have been. It really sucks.
Fun with Google time!!!
A Modest Proposal
Should be an interesting read for some.
Quote from: FinnBear on May 11, 2011, 12:35:35 AM
Me three. I'm already having to work at not smiling around little children. Especially little girls who I constantly smile at because they're so cute. I'm really paranoid that's going to get me into a lot of trouble later and I hate, HATE; the fact that because I'm percieved as male that means I'll no longer be able to interact with children the way I have been. It really sucks.
Smiling at them is fine. Everyone smiles at kids. It's going up and interacting with them (or worse, getting them to come to you) that'll get you in trouble.
It does kind of suck. Both genders have some really unpleasant baggage. Trans men are suddenly perceived as a threat, which colours people's perceptions of our interactions with them. We have to be careful about looking aggressive around other men, we have to be far more careful with cops, and we have to keep our distance from kids. We're also saddled with society's homophobia, which makes it dangerous for us to look vulnerable or feminine or have any sort of physical or emotional intimacy with other men. Trans women are suddenly seen as easy targets, which limits their freedom and makes them afraid for their safety. They have to start worrying about things like traveling alone, going out after dark, or being alone with a man. We all just have to realize the world sucks, and adapt to it.
Quote from: kyril on May 10, 2011, 05:11:59 AM
There's nothing inherently unmanly about liking, caring for, or interacting with kids.
However, it is something you're going to have to learn to be very careful with. If you're read as male, you simply cannot freely interact with other people's kids. It's seen as suspicious, dangerous behaviour. My father (completely upstanding respectable totally-non-pedophile innocent citizen) had the cops called on him once when he approached a 4-year-old boy whom he saw wandering alone in a mall. He was trying to get the boy to come with him to the security desk. He walked up to the boy and knelt down and greeted him, the boy ran away, somebody called the police. Most adult men avoid other people's kids (and my dad typically does too, this was an exception prompted by safety concern) not because we don't like kids but because we don't want to arouse suspicion that we like kids too much.
so the cops and everyone just believed the parents immediately without even looking up a criminal record or anything on your dad to see if he actually
was a pedophile? (i know you said he's not) they just took their word for it and called him? i understand people would never want to let an actual sex offender go freely around the streets but to just assume because he's male and approaching a kid doesn't every single time mean that particular guy is a pedophile they could have actually heard his side of the story too and did some kind of background check.
Quote from: Noah the brave-ish on May 11, 2011, 02:37:53 AM
so the cops and everyone just believed the parents immediately without even looking up a criminal record or anything on your dad to see if he actually was a pedophile? (i know you said he's not) they just took their word for it and called him? i understand people would never want to let an actual sex offender go freely around the streets but to just assume because he's male and approaching a kid doesn't every single time mean that particular guy is a pedophile they could have actually heard his side of the story too and did some kind of background check.
Oh, he wasn't arrested/charged or anything. The cops just tracked us down in the mall, got his name, ran a background check, and questioned both of us separately. When I and the security officer we'd talked to corroborated what he said, they let him go...but they spent a good 15 minutes questioning me making sure he actually was my dad and I was OK and nothing weird was going on.
(The people who called the cops weren't the parents. Just some bystanders who thought the interaction was suspicious. The boy had wandered off alone. We went to the security desk after he ran away from my dad and told them about it, and they tracked him down and I assume reunited him with his family.)
ah ok. got it.
Just popping in with the comment that I absolutely loath all interaction with children. I especially hate how because I'm the youngest 'female' in the room or at the party, that they get fobbed off onto me.
'This is not my child! When you had this child I did not sign a contract that said I would take responsibility for it, feed it, or entertain it while you sit and chat with your friends. This is not my responsibility, it's yours' is my general outlook on all things younger than eighteen.
That being said, I think guys should absolutely have the right to love children as much as women, and certainly shouldn't be emasculated because of said adoration!
Quote from: Kohdy on May 10, 2011, 07:12:21 PM
I'm one of the few guys here that cannot stand being around children. They freak me out. I don't know why, I've just always been really disgusted and disturbed by little children, especially before I knew I was trans. Fur-children, especially dogs, is another story. I see a dog and I go all gaga over it like a stereotypical female would go gaga over someone's baby. I just love baby animals a billion times more than human babies. :P
Yep, that's me exactly. Love dogs, not a fan of children, and I find babies just plain disgusting. Puppies on the other hand though, I nearly squeal over. I work at a kennel/upscale pet resort, so I thankfully get to see tons of baby animals, and no baby humans. Except when the in-house trainer brought her newborn in for the staff to meet. I was blessedly in the back daycare group and missed that awkward experience. "Do you want to hold her?" "Oh hell no".
I definitely don't feel that liking or disliking children is inherent to a particular gender. A girl at my work who's very feminine absolutely abhors children, much more than I, and actually has a phobia about babies; she had a panic attack when that trainer shoved her newborn at her.
I think the societal suspicion of men who like children is sad and wrong, and I feel bad for those who really like kids and won't have as much contact with them now, but I have to say, I'll benefit from that messed up stereotype. No more invites to baby showers, no more "isn't my kid just adorwable?", and no more expectation to talk to young children, which has always been awkward and uncomfortable like whoa.
Quote from: MaxAloysius on May 11, 2011, 06:01:27 AM
'This is not my child! When you had this child I did not sign a contract that said I would take responsibility for it, feed it, or entertain it while you sit and chat with your friends. This is not my responsibility, it's yours' is my general outlook on all things younger than eighteen.
Oh don't get me wrong this is still how I feel when people start
assuming I'll watch their kid or take advantage of the fact that I love kids and just let their kid wander around near me thinking I'll just keep an eye out. The other day I was doing homework and an ex-friend of mine was all 'hey can you watch my kid bye.' without even waiting for a response. I was quite pisses to say the least.
God, I hate that stereotype. I'm fine with kids, I think some of them are hilarious and my friend's nephew is like a son to me. Not being able to see him right now because of "family drama" is horrible, I feel like I lost a part of myself or something.
Personally, I don't think it's feminine to care about someone or something, I just think it's human. And good, to boot. It is unfair, though, and cisguys get it horrible too. My boyfriend loves kids and people are always looking at him like he's some kind of sicko for waving or smiling back when they do it to him.
Agreed, babies scare me too lol. But I do like young kids/older teens. I like how my cousins (13 boy and 16 year old girl) look up to me sometimes. (I really hope they still do that when I come out). And I also want kids of my own sometimes. It depresses me that I may not have kids of my own one day. I also hate it when people try to find female qualities about you to try and prove that you are not a boy. I have a feeling I'll get a lot of that crap from my family when I come out.
I like kids, actually. Maybe not babies specifically (mostly because they cry a lot and tend not to like me much) but I do like kids. My cis-gendered male friend goes absolutely to mush when he sees cute babies. I'm talking full out ga-ga noises, cute faces and baby gibberish. I think it's amusing, but it doesn't make him any less male than he is.