Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hey everyone,
i am just wondering how people told their family and friends? especially their mothers. i live with my mother and i have told her about me being gay but she is delusional about it and doesn't like to talk about it. so i am just wondering how she is going to feel when i want to tell her i want to be a guy. how do i tell friends? especially the ones that are close to me that dont know i am gay. i am come out to certain people but not alot of people. and how do you work while going through transition? will i lose alot of friends that are coworkers? is it embarrassing to go through the change and walking the streets. i like to think i dont care what people think but sometimes people say things and it is hurtful.
thanks everyone. looking forward to some answers.

It sounds as though you have some different issues to resolve.  Being transsexual does not necessarily carry with it the baggage of being gay.  In my case, I *did* have to come out twice since, well, not only did I have the element of transition (such as it was) but I also identified the entire time as a lesbian (and this was in an era before the notion of someone having surgery to create the vagina wanting to be a lesbian was really accepted). 

And, even at that, there have been F2M's and M2F's that realized only after dealing with the trans issue that they were not really lesbian or gay but were in fact hetero-identified, an identity corroborated after correction of the body to match the mind.   

I have to agree, that you need some support here. Someone to talk to.

Is there a transgender organisation you can approach?

We here will always give you support, of course.

But there are a number of issues, such as the attitudes prevalent, where you live. The sort of person your mother is. How confident you can be.

I'd suggest browsing through the coming out section (under the Transitioning heading in the main forums).  A number of people have posted about how talking to family/friends/coworkers went and what they did to bring it up.  As for the sexuality side of things, I am not sure if you mean that you are currently seen as a woman who is attracted to women or if you identify as a man attracted to men.  However there are also posts in there about explaining being straight/gay based on your identified gender rather than birth sex.  Good luck with it, and don't feel the need to rush into talking with people until you're comfortable with it.

i know but i had to explain it somehow. i feel like i am a male on the inside, i wake up everyday hating my body. i am seeing a woman who attracted to men but is with me.

hockeylove.

Please know that I and I'm sure all of us, feel strongly for you and want to give you that single piece of advice which will make all the difference. But the reality is, it doesn't exist.

Because the problem is, you are stuck in a situation that is more complicated than a single issue. You seek a solution to the same problem we are all facing, how to deal with a huge number of people and situation that are unique and perculiar to you.

The only viable solution of to look at your whole situation then break it down into its parts. Then work out how you can deal with each bit.

Your mom, for example. I'm sure many moms are similar to who you describe yours. But you know as well as I do, your mom is so much more complicated that a brief description. How you deal with your mom is by looking at each the issues affecting you and her, which are completely unique.

That's why you need some decent support.

Susans can and will prode you with a place where you can discuss and work out individual issues. You will get a lot of advice here, alll of it, constructive ad supportive. Beause all of us are in the same boat as you.

Some good local support will help you to work out what your questions are. Susans can be a source to help you understand how to work them out for yourself.

Ultimately, the only one who can provide you with an overall answer is you.

Does this make sense to you?

hockeylove, I'm in a similar situation with my parents, except that we are not close and the desire to tell them is much less than it used to be since I've given up on having any type of healthy relationship with them.  I came out as a gay male to them and they pretty much disprove but don't want to talk about it (at least to my face).  I thought maybe it would be easier for my mother to accept me being transgendered, but I now think that it would just be to much for her and she would probably just rather not know.  I've often wondered how my family seemed clueless about so many things even when their little boy played with a tea set and doll house!

hockeylove, I agree with the others here that you would greatly benefit from being able to talk with a supportive counselor.  If you are intent upon exploring your gender and getting HRT, you will need to talk to a counselor anyway.  I think it would also be helpful for you to list out the separate problems that you need to address, since they may require different approaches to solving them.  At least, I've found it helpful to me and its made the problems seem more manageable. 

Best wishes - and know that you have the support of the good folks here at Susans.  They have helped me so much.