I actually wasn't planning on posting anything about this. I tend to keep a lot of things to myself, even here on Susan's. But I got to thinking about how much a lot of people gain from reading others' experiences and finally told myself that I might as well, that maybe someone else will get something from this whether that's simply another positive experience from someone else to look to or what.
Somehow this ended up a lot longer than I intended...
Anyways, Saturday I officially came out. I've had a couple of letters for months that I've been tweaking and such and trying to figure out when to send. One was for friends and the other was for family on my "other" Facebook account (for me that would be the one in my legal/birth name). I already knew that a number of people, at least in my family, already knew, but I knew that it was important to actually tell them myself. I also needed to tell the people that I had on there that I occasionally see in real life or that I still consider friends to some extent or another. Most of those people are former co-workers.
I almost didn't send them Saturday. The reason I never sent them before was because of major holidays and then getting caught up in other aspects of my life, but it got to a point where I was really feeling, for a number of reasons, a push to just do it. So...I included a disclaimer in the event that there's someone who considered Mother's Day a major holiday for them or who might otherwise have their holiday affected, and I suggested they read it on Monday if that were the case. Then I sent it immediately before having to leave for a 9-hour work shift.
The reason I went with a letter on Facebook is because I just wanted to get this out. I don't see a number of these people -- probably most of them, in fact -- all that often, and I didn't want people to hear through someone else. Also it let them read it on their time and take as much time as they needed to process and react if they so wished. So everyone found out at the same time and no one was put on the spot, basically. Not to mention I could get everything out that I needed to without interruption and they could ask any questions they had afterwards.
So far, actual responses that I've received have all been positive.
I've had three women that I used to work with tell me that they support me and are glad that I'm doing what I need to do, and two of them said that if I needed anything I could come to them. My older brother said that a lot of people already knew and that I'm loved all the same. A family friend, who's basically like a brother, said that he supported me 100% and wished me luck (and if this makes a difference for anyone: he's military). My nana told me that I'll always be her grandson and just asked that I be patient with her with pronouns and names (I told her that I know it'll take time and that I only ask for effort). My ma had my pops read it -- I had to send it to her because he doesn't get on Facebook -- and he said, just about verbatim, "Well, like that's a surprise." Finally, my godfather seems to be fine with it as well; he e-mailed my ma about it and offered to be there for anyone who might need it and said that he loved us all, every one of us.
I haven't gotten a lot of responses, considering the number of people I've sent it out to, and I'll see if I get any more, but none of the people I sent these letters to have removed me from their friends list so I guess at the least there's no negative responses?
Now, I will say that it has probably helped me that I've never tried to fit in to the gender role I was expected to be. I always acted like a guy. I think it's only fair that I share that because I'm sure it does have an effect on how people have taken this news.
But I thought that on the chance this might help someone, I should probably post about it.
If anyone would like I can provide copies of the letters that I sent out. I know that can help as well to see how other people have approached things. So feel free to ask if you'd like to see them.
I haven't come out to work yet because I'm still trying to decide whether I want to transition where I am or not. It may well depend on what hours I'll be getting in the future as things are changing a bit there (this is a by-choice change). I also haven't come out to a certain person yet either, and I'm not sure that I will for a little while longer because she has a lot of stress in her life at the moment and the last thing I want is to add to that in any way whatsoever. I know the sooner the better in a relationship, but in this case I'm not so sure.
If people would like I can update as those two things progress.
Big step, but sounds like it can work out for you okay. Of coarse there's going to be a little pebble in the way here and there, but at least no negatives to start with, so that's good. :)