Hi
I have very strange feelings
I look at mirror and see a nice young guy, but it is not me, I dont want to be a guy, it is more like I look to someone I want to date
This wednesday I go for first laser depilation and go to doctor acording to start HRT
I'm very confused with this experience
Do someone have any similar experience?
Yep, sure did. I used to see myself in the mirror and ask, why do I hate him so much, he's not such a bad guy, but I didn't want to be him, though if I were a woman then I could see me liking him if I got to know him. Strange isn't it.
I use to look at him and only see the sadness in his eyes. I knew why he was sad, and I would tell him I was working on being happy. I no longer see him and my eyes are no longer sad.
Quote from: Megan Joanne on May 16, 2011, 09:30:36 AM
Yep, sure did. I used to see myself in the mirror and ask, why do I hate him so much, he's not such a bad guy, but I didn't want to be him, though if I were a woman then I could see me liking him if I got to know him. Strange isn't it.
I used to do this too. I would stand in the mirror and glare angrily at myself sometimes and say really mean, rude things about my own reflection inside of my head.
It's weird. When I look in the mirror, I don't see an very unattractive guy. But I'm almost grossed out (don't know if that's the right way to put it) that this person is ME.
nce of the worse experience I had was when I was 21. I went with my mother to a local fair. It was a small affair, not big mecanical shows or anything.
Anyway, some woman who was running a stall, and knew my mother, called out to her, 'Is that your Son? My He's a fine looking young man.'
I was really hurt. I realised that my body had actually started to grow up.
I never EVER viewed myself as a good looking guy. I has very poor self esteem over my appearance and thought I was ugly enough that no one would ever want me. It wasn't until I changed and look back on pictures that I can view that person and think he was good looking. He's not what I want to look like but I've now realized looking at it from a new perspective that I was cute back then.
When I was 22
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi63.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh143%2Fkevinm8621%2Fintheday2.jpg&hash=9a30b1053021ff6eeba10e80fb53c8c9ed34c7e7)
Whenever I looked in the mirror, I just saw a body that couldn't make up its mind what direction it wanted to go. I've always had quite beefy arms, broad shoulders and narrow hips, but I wanted to feel "sexy", and I felt my body was letting me down. Typically, now I'm left with post-pregnancy hips that the T's taking its time slimming back down ¬_¬
In the times when I hid from myself, I was afraid that others could see the woman inside me , thats what I saw, thats what I feared. Then as time wore me away she was harder to see, so I had to do something, to set her free. Some times now I feel as through I m stuck inside a monster mask, my face isn`t mine , Its that bullsh*t guy I hid behind, now I`m nausous and crying , I hate this , all because i was too scared to scream "I AM A GIRL!!!" until it was too late ,then only whispering it.
To me, the mirror brought in tunnel vision. I would concentrate on the areas I am working on such as, areas missed by the shaver and brushing teeth. This is slow to get away from this, but I am noticing my whole face more. It's been so long that I remembered a younger face and the connection to my present face takes time to sink in.
Joelene
Quote from: Megan Joanne on May 16, 2011, 09:30:36 AM
Yep, sure did. I used to see myself in the mirror and ask, why do I hate him so much, he's not such a bad guy, but I didn't want to be him, though if I were a woman then I could see me liking him if I got to know him. Strange isn't it.
Strangely I felt/feel the same way! I hated him so much i would call him horrible things, such as your ugly! Your nothing! Your nobody! Etc. But on the other hand I would so totally date him if I was a woman.
I'm honestly kind of sad to be completely obliterating the male me. He wasn't me, but I feel like, had he been happy as he was, he would have been a pretty cool guy. I hated when I looked masculine, but I hated when I was trying to look female and failing, and I feel like if that part of me could have just "split off" and become his own person that it would have been so much less difficult for me to let go.
Welcome to the club! I've felt that exact same way my whole life.
Yup every time I look in the mirror. I see the inner me begging to come out. I have gone through many phases from being passive to being mean to both the inner me and the outer me. I am still very confused but therapy us helping alot
So I'm not the only one who's weird with mirrors? That's good to know!
For months before I even knew what transgender/transsexual meant, Id look at my reflection and I would say to myself "this is not me". I'd realize, logically that it was me, but it wouldn't feel like me.
I avoided mirrors like the plague all my life. And photographs.
Now that I'm transitioning, I'm curious. I'm a terrible narcissist. I look at every mirror and reflection I come across, and I try to see how I'm dressed, how I move, what the angles of my face and the cut of my hair really mean.