Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Kia Ora,

::)  Just to add a poll to complement the last topic on sexual orientation= https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,98591.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,98591.0.html) , in fact I got the idea from some of the comments left there...So thank you to all those who have share some very interesting  comments so far on the other topic..

So back to this poll question...  "Have you ever lived /or are you still living in [what many "unenlightened" cisgender people would presume it to be] a "gay" lifestyle, in other words when you were/are presenting as your "birth sex" in a "same sex"  relationship?"

::) Now this should be interesting............Fingers crossed XX XX

PS I know for the most part those M2Fs and F2Ms who remain with their "opposite birth sex" partners are already in a sense living a gay life style..if you get my drift.........

Metta Zenda :)

I lived openly bisexual for the last 20+ years.
As a male I ate alot of crap for it.
As a female it is accepted.
stupid double standards.....

As my birth sex, I always considered myself purely hetero, but I ignored all of the signs that should have told me otherwise.  My girlfriends (and my ex-wife) weren't so fooled though.  One left me saying I was clearly gay but in the closet, another left simply because she said I treated her like a sister and not a romantic partner.

Looking back, it's pretty clear that what I wanted from my relationships was, in fact, a girlfriend.  Not the romantic type, but the friend type.  A girl with whom to go dancing, shopping, eating, but nothing in the bedroom... on the other hand, I never gave any thought to the possibility that I might like guys.  Now that I've freed the girl who was trapped in my head my entire life, I know what my true sexual orientation is.  I went from forced hetero before transition to genuine hetero after.

I had to get my gender identity figured out before I could address my sexual orientation.

I was always in what others saw as a hetro relationship.  I have been married three times, all to women.  My sexuality has not changed, so I guess I was always a lesbian.  Even when living it that other form.

I have always been attracted to men.

At first, I thought I was gay. I remember being in deep denial of my female side back when I was younger, so I adopted what could be called a gay lifestyle. Anyway, I could never be a guy to someone who enjoyed guys, so, they had to accept my female behavior despite the male body.

This pattern of denial is typical of my behavior. I wanted to fit into society standards and be the perfect child for my parents. So I first denied being into guys, and after that I denied being a female.Thank god im done with denial by now!

My current bf meet me when I wans't transitioning, we had a gay relationship which is now turning into a straight one. If that could possibly make sense lol.

Quote from: Maiara on May 18, 2011, 10:45:25 PM
I have always been attracted to men.

At first, I thought I was gay. I remember being in deep denial of my female side back when I was younger, so I adopted what could be called a gay lifestyle. Anyway, I could never be a guy to someone who enjoyed guys, so, they had to accept my female behavior despite the male body.

This pattern of denial is typical of my behavior. I wanted to fit into society standards and be the perfect child for my parents. So I first denied being into guys, and after that I denied being a female.Thank god im done with denial by now!

My current bf meet me when I wans't transitioning, we had a gay relationship which is now turning into a straight one. If that could possibly make sense lol.

Kia Ora Maiara,

::)  That does make sense and is not as uncommon as some people might think...Especially when the :icon_bunch: "love"  :icon_love: between a couple is more than skin deep...

Metta Zenda :)

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 18, 2011, 10:29:50 PM
I put no from just reading the poll, before reading your post.

I didnt view my relationships as gay, but cisgendered folks certainly would. It was way too complex for them to understand.

I will never accept my relationships were gay. As I said in the other poll, my partner had to accept me as a woman.

Kia Ora Valerie,

::) It's funny you should mention this because a while back, [well quite a while back now I come to think of it] I was talking to a friend who had just recently had her surgery[I think she would have been around 16 months on HRT] and was with her American boyfriend, well anyway, she was at our local market one time and someone whom she knew by sight stopped her and her boyfriend and asked her if she was the "Gyne-co-mimic" partner of her "gay" boyfriend, in other words they were in a "same-sex" relationship and she "played" the part of the female ...

This person from what I gather wasn't trying to be nasty- he had seem her as a "him" around in the past so just presumed this was the case and just wanted clarification...

I know this is not the same as you described, but just thought I'd mention it anyway...

Metta Zenda :)

I'm rather open about being bi (well pan, but it's easier to use the bi label), but even when I was trying to present myself as a female and was dating women, it was not really a "gay lifestyle."  I've never really identified myself by my sexuality or been part of an LGBT circle; I've just been me dating people.

Quote from: cynthialee on May 18, 2011, 02:36:08 PM
I lived openly bisexual for the last 20+ years.
As a male I ate alot of crap for it.
As a female it is accepted.
stupid double standards.....

Yeah, I'm a bit worried about this actually.  I know several people, family included, who would take issue with me being in a same-sex relationship as a guy who have never had a problem with it while seeing me as a girl. ::)

I did not have a gay lifestyle since I never portrayed myself as gay and never been with anyone prior to transitioning, and still even after, just feelings, nothing more, mostly confusion related to my true inner self, and even now, knowing myself as a woman, I'm still confused as to what my sexuality would be since I have yet to explore it. Never had much interest in being with anyone before transitioning, I was too screwed up with myself to want anyone else. I had a few small crushes during my life, short term attraction towards a few friends, which I tried to keep away from as much as possible just so that I didn't think about them, because I did when in their presence. Two of the stronger ones that I had feeling for just so happened to be guys.

One named Shawn, I when telling my mom about him the few times that we'd talk about different things in the past, described him to her as looking like a combination of the characters Ron Grady (Nightmare on Elm Street 2) and Daniel Larusso (Karate Kid), curly dark hair, slim but not skinny, very tan, came from up from Florida if I recall, I was in 9th grade I think at the time, maybe 10th, can't recall, oh well not important too much, met him when in PE class running laps, he came running up alongside me, introduced himself, was new to the school, needed a friend I guess, why he picked me, a quiet serious loner I dunno, as was I did everything I could to try to avoid or ignore him, but he would always come over my apartment or call asking if I wanted to hang out. All we did mostly was play video games, usually over his apartment (his mom was cool, I liked her, reminded me of my mom), sometimes I'd bring my NES system over, other times we'd play his Turbografx, or later Sega Genesis when he had traded with another kid, it was fun, he was a cool, nice guy.

But see, that's where the problem was, I don't know why, but I had some attraction towards him, not really strong, but it was there, I tried not to, didn't even understand why I had these feeling, but did well in keeping it mostly to the back of my mind and concentrate on what we were doing. One day he and a couple other friends were going to go camping, he asked me to come, I refused even though he really wanted me to come, and for very good reason, I had to get away from him, my feelings weren't right. When I was having trouble with my father, one day I stood up to him, the next I called my mom and pleaded with her to pick me up and let me live with her, she came and got me (and my brother), my dad the next day when we went to pick up all our belongs had already changed all of the locks on the door. Anyway, was living with my mom for a bit, one day outside on the playground, suddenly hear someone calling out to me, it was Shawn, he just so happened to be visiting a friend, or relative in this same apartment complex I was living at then, the next city over from where I used to live, there had to be hundreds of apartment places around, what's the odds of that. Still hurts me to this day how I treated him then, I pretty much acted like he was a stranger, like he was meaningless to me, that we never even had any kind of friendship, this because I wanted to leave my old life, including old friends behind (never even said goodbye to the few good ones that I had, yeah, total bitchy thing to do), as well as those feelings that I had for him. I hurt him bad, I could see it in his eyes, and still do.

Another was when I was working overnights at one of my jobs, this in mid-late 90's, around the time the first Playstation came out. One of my coworkers, very good looking, model-like, name was Billy, had the perfect looking face, beautiful smile (teeth were perfectly white), kept his hair in a ponytail, he was part black, part german if I recall right, interesting mix, made for one good looking guy though. He was well mannered, and seemed so sophisticated, just did not seem to fit in with the overnight retail stocking job. Actually he didn't care much for it, and was thinking of going back to Germany, liked it better there. I remember more than a couple times how some of the other guys overnight would joke behind his back about him possibly being gay, it really upset me, for one because what does it matter, another, how do you know for sure. He knew they didn't like him, and one day he asked me, I told him what they thought of him, he was pissed, but expected as much, and wondered why I put up with them, because they were ->-bleeped-<-s, I wasn't like them, but did have to work with them, so I always kept peace by not joining in anything or quietly accepting it.

What they didn't know is they had it completely wrong, if anyone were to be judged as gay or at least odd, that would have been me, not this perfectly normal guy that just happens to be too handsome, and happen to be a very fashion sensed person, as well as having good manners and respect. One day he asked if I'd want to go to the mall with him, I was reluctant, wasn't much for hanging out, especially in places as crowded as malls. He wanted to get some things for his little girl (yeah, he had a kid, can't remember if only one), I remember watching him talk to some of the sales representives, just so smoothly, I wondered, how can one be so easily comfortable with talking to be able to just have conversations about anything with a total stranger, made me feel way out of place, here I'm tagging along and barely saying a word, they probably thought we were a gay couple. One time when he drove me home from work so that my mom didn't have to come out of her way, he tried to get me to drive his car, around in my apartment complex parking lot, funny looking back on that memory, I held the steering wheel like I did a game controller, with my fingertips, first and only time I ever sat in a driver seat of a car and actually drove, was always too scared to try again. What I enjoyed most, all of our battles with Battle Arena Toushinden on the Playstation kiosk at our store, those were good times, but then when I got a PS for Christmas, and got that game I invited him over a few times, we were finally able to choose more fighters, even more fun, but also this is when I realized, oh crap, I got feelings for this wonderful man. thankfully I didn't see him anymore, he had quit that job, I think soon after moved back to Germany.

Those were two of the bigger crushes I had in my life, not really anything else noteworthy. I did one time have a slight crush on a girl when in 9th grade, actually made me do some silly things such as trying to write a poem though was stopped short on that by my sister and brother's laughter I remember, but found out also one day that she had a boyfriend, I didn't like that too much, I actually got a little jealous, but then I just shrugged it off moments later, she wasn't for me anyway. I suppose if or when I finally open up to the idea of me having sex I could probably be either/or, impossible to know now, little bit of attraction towards both women and men, sometimes because of their looks, don't even have to be perfect, sometimes the flaws attract me, or because they have such appealing personalities that I can't help but be drawn towards them. I do have a strong attraction towards women though I think its more about their bodies, just the way they look, every curve, the beauty, can't help it, love the boobs, as well as a nice curving rear end, but see I think that's as far as it goes, maybe its just a longing to be like that, to have it all, because while I was on hormones I had almost little interest in women, afterall I felt more like one myself. But still, I think I long for myself one day being with a guy, someone nice, someone that will see me as a woman and love me, to embrace me, kiss me (I've never been kissed, isn't that a shame?), someone stronger than myself for sure, though gentle with me, I want to feel protected, I long for the fairytale that many young girls dream of. But I don't dwell on it, but it always remains there deep within, the yearning for something more, a companion that I can share my life with, someone to grow old with, to share all my intimate feelings with and it be okay. One day, but I'm still not ready yet.

Kia Ora Megan,
Thanks for your interesting story[ and I'd also like to thank the others too]...

::)  The funny thing about crushes :icon_bunch: is, at times it's possible at first we don't see it as a crush  :icon_bunch:, we just like being in the company of a particular person more than we do others and really don't give it much thought as to why...  ::) There's just something about them that attract us...

I guess as far as crushes  :icon_bunch: go, my asexual bi-romantic/affectionate world is full of crushes  :icon_bunch: because I like "people" and being with them...

Kia Ora Lee & Cynthia,

It could be because most  females [both hetero & homo] are  "naturally" touchy, feelly, [more so than heterosexual men] and most people just take this behaviour for granted...

I remember reading somewhere that up until the turn of last century people turned a blind eye to lesbian behaviour, in other words "lesbianism" was not a "sexual" practice, it was seen more as women just enjoying spending time with their own company/kind...

Queen Victoria was lesbian or perhaps she was bi, according to some sources...But again I could be wrong...

Metta Zenda :)     

I'm only interested in females now, and I don't see that changing.

Quote from: meatgrinder on May 19, 2011, 04:45:48 PM
I'm only interested in females now, and I don't see that changing.

I have seen way to many trans folks do a complete 180 in sexual orientation. Some from HRT others post GRS.
Myself I started out bi and I am bi now but...I ussed to prefer men sexualy, now I prefer women. (Although I never have been able to see myself being in a relationship with a man that was anything but sexual.)

Quote from: cynthialee on May 19, 2011, 04:52:18 PM
I have seen way to many trans folks do a complete 180 in sexual orientation. Some from HRT others post GRS.

I don't know if it's exactly a 180, or an alignment to how one felt all along.  The brain can be a mastermind of self-deception.  And if that sentence isn't stating the obvious, I don't know what "the obvious" is. :laugh:

That's how it worked out for me.  I didn't enjoy sex the very few times I had it, and all five of my girlfriends questioned if I was gay.  "Of course I'm not gay, I'm with you, right?" I would ask them.  I explained away my eccentricities as my being so completely comfortable in my sexuality that I didn't have any fear of crossing gender stereotypes.  Who cares if I like to wear pinks and purples?  My fairy statues and pictures?  My love of women's fashion?  Romantic comedies?  Shopping?  Dancing?  Interior design?

Now I know I just painted a horrible (like "straight-to-hell" horrible) stereotype of a gay guy, but I assure you it's not my intention.  Those were all things I truly loved and surrounded myself with, and no girl could add up that evidence and come to the conclusion my own brain came to, namely, that I was just a sensitive heterosexual male in touch with my feminine side (especially when they threw my sexual disinterest into the equation).  I knew all about my "feminine side" as a strong desire to want to change my body to become the female I'd known I was since I was at least 4 years old, but I was also delusional in thinking that every living person had in them a desire to be the opposite sex and they simply controlled that desire as well as I did.  Oh, how the brain can deceive... And part of that control was living the full lifestyle of the typical heterosexual male (but with eccentricities and flair).

The self-acceptance I've gained with transition, moreso than HRT, brought me in touch with my inner reality.  I truly was disinterested in sex with girls.  That's no 180, just the result of honest self-evaluation.

Nope. I am gay, so until I started transitioning, I was seen outwardly as hetero.

I'm 95% attracted to women with a fleetingly in men. I am also M2F so that makes me....not sure but you can do the math. lol

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 18, 2011, 08:41:25 PM
I had to get my gender identity figured out before I could address my sexual orientation.

This, probably. I haven't even dealt with the gender side of things yet, though... Still going to pre-everything for quite a while... I've never really had any relationships or anything that could be classified as "gay" or "straight" lifestyle anyway.

Nope, none of the options apply to me.

I'm a pansexual.
My husband's pansexual, male bodied, prefers male pronouns, but considers himself a-gender.

So... uh....
yeah....
uhm...
"gay lifestyle" doesn't apply in any shape way or form.

I have only dated two females, one was gender neutral. I consider myself a gay male, so....

I'm bisexual, so dating hasn't really been much of an issue for me. It HAS been something of an issue for my partners, however. My last pseudo-boyfriend-type-person was gay, not bisexual, so the fact that I felt more like a woman and was going to transition posed some really tough issues for him, as he didn't want to be dating someone who was a woman. Conversely, I've also seen two women who identified as lesbians (not at once :P), even though I had not transitioned yet. They seemed to have an easier time with it, for some reason. I guess I'm just that effeminate? :\ Either way, dating hasn't been a hardship for ME, personally.

Mostly everyone I know sees me as a lesbian...who dresses in male's clothing..who tries to look like a male...when I feel like this man who looks like a woman :(

I've told a total of 4 people about the real me, how I am inside and how I want to live.

I've heard some of the people in my life say how they're so "accepting" of basically l, g and b but they bash the t :(

I'm scared to tell a lot of people; I hope by time I'm finished with college I can feel free enough to live how I'm meant to be.

Gay lifestyle, huh?

Well, for the most part people assumed I was gay (though every now and then people would ask instead of assume), but I've never been in a relationship like that... I like guys from afar, but would consider it unfair to want a relationship now, with most guys. If I wanted a guy, I would either have to pretend to be gay, which is unfair to me, or he would have to be okay with my pre-op and non-passing status (for now), which is completely unfair to him.

So, I guess I was just that odd flamboyant person with gayish tendencies!

... And still am, mostly. Although my BFF may end up being my BF... with him being so open-minded, I don't think it would be unfair to either of us at all  ;D Will we look gay, though... probably not. He has a hard time passing for a guy (which he both likes and hates), so we look straight (mostly).

But then I go to think - with him and I, would we be living an apparently "gay" lifestyle if we looked like a lesbian couple (that is, once I can blend properly)? Heehee. I think that would be too funny... I would not mind one bit if we looked like a gay/lesbian couple. We know better ... so what else matters?

:D

I was the classic gay hater. I could barely be around them but my sister had one as a friend so i had to with him. He knew to not even get close to me or else i would have punched him. Well i would have run away probably. Yes one night i was drunk and drove my car to a park and some guy did jerk me off and i felt so disgusting i said to myself i would never ever do that again. I then got married and 20 days later she left me calling me feminine. I was then confused and met a 4 yr post op MTF who was a mentor as i transitioned and well i fell for her and gave her oral but didn't use my thing. She to me was all woman, but she did like men too. She left me after i had my GRS. I then stayed single and celibate since 98. I never found love so i never dated. I also started to dislike how men were attracted to me, so i switched how i dressed. I was glad my penis was gone and surely didn't want another anywhere near me. So i am not sure what i am but i do not like Cismale bodies, since i hated my own and that sexuality that went along with it. I feel gay males live a depressing life of sex without true love but then i did meet some gay men who had orchys because they did love one another and wanted to stop the sex part so i was wrong. I suppose there are sexually active gay males who love one another and are not depressed. However, i don't know them. I also saw how many lesbians were fighting with each other and switching around so i wanted someone like myself who was at least post op orchy and living full time and seeking true love but i never found her and have long ago given that up. I live a celibate spiritual life since 98. I am happy and glad that nasty male sex drive is longggg gone... I enjoy so many other simple things in life

I'd consider my lifestyle as a pre-Transition genderqueer MtF person to be pretty "gay" even though I'd consider my orientation bisexual, albeit with a preference for men. Being male-bodied, this automatically marks me as "gay", and anything I do which I consider "femme" is considered "flamboyant" by others...

I guess it's not too bad, since gay cis-males are probably the most privileged class out of the LGBT community, but it's obviously frustrating to have my gender identiy glossed over or misinterpreted.

Quote from: JessicaG on May 20, 2011, 01:10:00 AM
I'm 95% attracted to women with a fleetingly in men. I am also M2F so that makes me....not sure but you can do the math. lol

I came out as a lesbian (I am a FtM). now that I have a gf person roomate thing and she wants me to propose to her, I am terrified. I am questioning my sexuality BIG TIME.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on May 18, 2011, 10:15:34 PM
I was always in what others saw as a hetro relationship.  I have been married three times, all to women.  My sexuality has not changed, so I guess I was always a lesbian.  Even when living it that other form.

some similarities, although no marriages for me.

I was your ordinary average baby dyke by appearance by the age of 15.  Never had ANY interest in males as a sexual target, no matter whether they were gay or straight.  And, quite frankly, I did not find a spark with hetero-identified females.  Neither surgery nor HRT did much of anything to alter ANY of those feelings... 

When I finally told my parents of the surgical track, I had to basically come out to them twice since they were so clueless about the lesbian thing that had been lurking in the background for years before being able to get surgically tracked...and at the time I am not sure which they took harder, that I was going to have surgery or that I was lesbian. 

I am in a hetero relationship now.  Not too sure how much longer it will last, as my wife just cannot put herself into a "lesbian" mindframe. 

Prior to transitioning, I dated both men and women. So i was bi sexual. However, when I was married I was pretty much only with my "wife"

I have had brief hetero guy experiences. That is the only area where I have had any form of experience at all. Girls are beautiful. I still like girls in some weird way. Mentally I am confused about the relationship aspect of it.

No I have not had any gay experiences. At times I have found men handsome. Some people have questioned if I was gay. A lot more consider me a hetero guy. Gay relationships do nothing for me at all. I have a serious mental block with that. If I were ever into guys I would have to be the girl there. I don't think I will ever identify as a bi/gay male.

Zenda, if you had the choice, "Never even crossed my mind", I would have checked that box.  I did at one point think I would at least try straight sex after GRS but I've been post-op for over two years and I can now say I can't see that ever happening.

I'm bi, but I'm only out to select people right now.  But since my preferences and everything seem to be changing every other week, I'm still trying to find where I stand with it all.  I'm hoping that transitioning will balance things out a bit.

i'm just starting out in my transitioning. but so far i've lived as a lesbian. i'm 100% attracted to females. i only "check out" guys' body's because i'm jealous and wish that i wasnt cursed with the wrong body at birth. i've always been a guy in mind and heart. as far back as i can remember, even at 3 years old. i've always pictured myself as a man and that one day i'd get married and be a daddy. i'm now married to the most wonderful woman in the world, but she's a lesbian so bottom surgery isnt going to be an option for me. its ok tho, because i can still be the man i am on the inside without the one small little detail. no one but her will see me completely naked anyways. and regardless, i'm still a man. :)

Well, I was raised Mormon (Atheist for the last 10 years), so being attracted to men and acknowledging that I felt I should have been born with a female body were simply not an option. They drill heteronormativity into you like nobody's business. Needless to say, I struggled during my teenage years with my attraction to men and my transsexuality/->-bleeped-<-/whatever terminology you want to use. I was always terrible at flirting with/hitting on/dating women. My friends always set me up with these girls--some of them Mormon, others not--and it was always just awkward and uncomfortable. I always approached them as an equal, like we were two girls hanging out. That apparently was a huge turn off for them and they would quickly lose interest in me because of that. That worked out well for me, though. I was able to mostly avoid intimate situations and wouldn't have to worry about not being able to "perform" and then have rumors spread that I'm gay, which would have been problematic living in such a Mormon infested, conservative place. Although, I think there were suspicions among my friends and family anyway because I never really dated women all that much. In the eyes of the Mormon church, you can't be in your mid to late twenties and not be married. If you are, then you must be broken in some way. The odd thing is, when I did go on dates with ciswomen, they always tried to force me into this masculine and dominant role, which I never felt comfortable being. Apparently ciswomen don't want as much gender equality as we've all been led to believe. I dated a couple guys briefly back in Arizona before I moved to Oregon. The relationships were short, though, and had to be on the DL. :-\ It's so much easier and more "natural" feeling for me to flirt with guys, though. I have had sex with ciswomen, but that was just sort of weird. And I was just jealous of their bodies the entire time. I would stare at them when they were naked or in their underwear, which they took as sexual attraction, but it was really just jealousy--burning, painful, jealousy. Sex with cismen, however, is a million times better! Now, to complicate things even further, I like my men queer! Haha. You give me a skinny guy in some lingerie, fishnet stockings, lipstick, eye liner, eye shadow, and mascara, but otherwise masculine looking, and I'm a happy girl! ;D

I have been out as gay since I was 25 and have almost come out as a TG but theres something in the back of my mind that keeps stopping me, I am ver confused at the moment

Quote from: Amazon D on June 01, 2011, 07:45:44 PM
I was the classic gay hater. I could barely be around them but my sister had one as a friend so i had to with him. He knew to not even get close to me or else i would have punched him

And now you are a woman? HA! Oh no... you transistioned back right?
How femine is it to feel this way about gay males.

The poll is interesting... Shows that the majority of transwoman were indeed normal functioning straight males.

Quote from: Sibila on November 20, 2011, 05:59:25 AM
And now you are a woman? HA! Oh no... you transistioned back right?
How femine is it to feel this way about gay males.

The poll is interesting... Shows that the majority of transwoman were indeed normal functioning straight males.

Well if thats your opinion of straight males then your right... I suppose all those gay males who get surgery and freak out later because they got rid of their pinky are morewomanthanus    lol

PS: No i didn't transition back i just dress much more casually like a dyke and not like a femme queen .. I am comfortable with myself  ::)
Besides its not about how others see me its how i see myself  ;)

I think the first thing to say is that we all come from different backgrounds.  I have never seen myself as gay and to be honest, I have never been attracted to men.  However, I wasn't attracted to women either.  As a child I was bullied horrendously (sending out the wrong signals probably) and that has affected my relations with others greatly.  I find it hard to trust others and making friends is extremely difficult.  Not being able to be true to myself hasn't helped either.  Often, rather than not trusting others, I am over trusting and I think some people think I am a bit odd (little do they know).

I have had comments from some people that I must be gay, but I just don't feel that way.  When I am finally female, I would love a relationship but it is not that high on my agenda.  Prehaps it's mild asbergers?

I do see a difference between MTF's and FTM's.  MTF's often try to be the most masculine person on the planet, hence the number of us who choose tough professions like the military or the police.   We try to hard.

The few FTM's I meet always seem to have transitioned from the status of a lesbian, the extreme girliness factor doesn't seem to happen.  I know this is probably a stereotype but it is my experience

In  few weeks i'll be 14 yrs post op and still a virgin and celibate because its always been about identity and not sexuality..

Quote from: Sibila on November 20, 2011, 05:59:25 AM
The poll is interesting... Shows that the majority of transwoman were indeed normal functioning straight males.

Errr....

Define "normal" and define "functioning" and finally, considering that a trans woman is a woman and always has been a woman regardless to where she is in transition... how exactly would a trans woman in a relationship with any other woman be something that could be called a straight male?

I'd think that their presence here, not to mention seeking out any form of transition, would kind of prove you wrong.
That they weren't "normal straight males" nor that they could function as straight males, at least not forever, as they never were "normal straight males".

If you catch my drift.

Well and also, Sibila, you're talking like there aren't any guys here. The poll wasn't gender-specific.

Well, I haven't transitioned yet, but I'm pretty involved in the lgbt community on my college campus.  8) As a queer woman, though -- I'm not out as ftm. I actually tend to be attracted more to guys, but I'm also into women and genderqueer/gender-variant individuals. :D

Quote from: Sibila on November 20, 2011, 05:59:25 AM
And now you are a woman? HA! Oh no... you transistioned back right?
How femine is it to feel this way about gay males.

The poll is interesting... Shows that the majority of transwoman were indeed normal functioning straight males.

I wouldn't consider the life I lived to be the life of a normal functioning straight male.

People saw me as an effeminate male. The fact that I liked women also got me into allot of fights with men who not only didn't like the fact I was competeing with them for females, they also wanted to beat me for being swishy. Seeing a "gay male" (because the average person sees a trans female only as a gay male) being romantic with females sets some men off. They hate the sight of an effeminate male.

Being an effeminate male netted me a life time of sorrow and issues.

Quote from: Zenda on May 18, 2011, 02:17:57 PM
Kia Ora,

::)  Just to add a poll to complement the last topic on sexual orientation= https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,98591.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,98591.0.html) , in fact I got the idea from some of the comments left there...So thank you to all those who have share some very interesting  comments so far on the other topic..

So back to this poll question...  "Have you ever lived /or are you still living in [what many "unenlightened" cisgender people would presume it to be] a "gay" lifestyle, in other words when you were/are presenting as your "birth sex" in a "same sex"  relationship?"

::) Now this should be interesting............Fingers crossed XX XX

PS I know for the most part those M2Fs and F2Ms who remain with their "opposite birth sex" partners are already in a sense living a gay life style..if you get my drift.........

Metta Zenda :)

EDIT: WAIT.... IM CONFUSED. I consider myself a "gay dude", since I am FTM who goes for men... is the topic supposed to be for that or if I was a FTM who likes females.... well... I dunno. I will pretend you mean the first one.

uhhh I love oral and anal sex... a lot... so.... yes!  >:-)

PS: Single right now because of the confusion I stir in my "heterosexual" male counterparts constantly... *shrug. Working on an off and on again courtship with a close male friend....its sort of shifted in confusion on both our parts though... GO figure.

I blew a guy...does that count?

I thought about it, but I'm a little bit boring, I guess. I voted that I'm bi as well, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch anyway.

Currently my roomates parents and some of my friends think I'm gay.  Which is odd for me since I am kinda.  Just not the way they think I am.  I'm trans mtf with a lean to woman.  they think I like men only.  Ugh....

No

Sort of. After all, I've never dated a guy so naturally people assumed me to be lesbian or at least bisexual. But I've always recognized some crush-like feelings towards males in me but that could be just some form of jealousy towards their bodies or something.

I dated guys then, I date guys now.

Except for the oacasional cisLesbian...But I don't tell anyone about that.

Quote from: MiaSakura on November 25, 2011, 01:54:02 AM
Currently my roomates parents and some of my friends think I'm gay.  Which is odd for me since I am kinda.  Just not the way they think I am.  I'm trans mtf with a lean to woman.  they think I like men only.  Ugh....

Lolya I encountered a lot of this too. People thought I was gay, and they were right, but not how they thought. ::)

This is a fun thread, so I thought I'd give a reply :)

In high school/early college, my soon-to-be girlfriend was wondering if I was gay before I kissed her the first time. She asked one of my best friends and he told her "No, definitely not." because he knew me so well and that I had openly talked about my crushes on a few girls in high school. I've been finding it pretty ironic that she thought I was gay (I do have pretty feminine tendencies and prefer to hang out with the girls, casually), but what I'm thinking more in my head is that I am MTF and probably "gay" as it says in this post title ;) I've been very attracted to a very dear lesbian friend of mine, as well as a few straight women, so I guess I would say yes to this post.

Although, I've been attracted to my male best friend before, but more in a "perfect match personality wise" way rather than sexual. We'd always say, again ironically, "if one of us was a woman, we'd probably be dating." This is pre- anything at all so I don't know for sure, but that's where the fun is!

I agree this is a fun thread lol. Anyways, I guess for the most part I was "Gay" in an official, public sense, people assumed and I never corrected the assumption and when I was 14 I did come out to my parents as Gay because I was confused about gender identity vs sexual orientation. I live in a city of 100,000+ in southern Colorado that acts like a small town of less than 1,000 in the Ozarks. Everybody knows each other's families and their business and goes to church together and it's...very strange. People are very misinformed about Transgender people in general around here not just TS but everyone under the umbrella and I unfortunately had 17 years of this brainwashing fed to me until I finally realized there were people like me out there and gradually over the past 4.5 years realized I was Trans, it wasn't something I recognized easily and still have trouble with to this day. However, I never really connected with the Gay community around here, not for lack of trying but because they likely knew from instinct that I wasn't one of them. I do sometimes still wish I was a Gay male instead of a Heterosexual (Trans) woman because it would be far easier and half the people in my life have already accepted the Gay thing including my mother and all of my closest friends.

Quote from: MiaSakura on November 25, 2011, 01:54:02 AM
Currently my roomates parents and some of my friends think I'm gay.  Which is odd for me since I am kinda.  Just not the way they think I am.  I'm trans mtf with a lean to woman.  they think I like men only.  Ugh....

It's typical thinking with straight people. Like if someone who presented as male is now presenting as female. They must be doing it to attract men. That couldn't be farther from the truth.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on May 18, 2011, 02:49:25 PM
As my birth sex, I always considered myself purely hetero, but I ignored all of the signs that should have told me otherwise.  My girlfriends (and my ex-wife) weren't so fooled though.  One left me saying I was clearly gay but in the closet, another left simply because she said I treated her like a sister and not a romantic partner.

Looking back, it's pretty clear that what I wanted from my relationships was, in fact, a girlfriend.  Not the romantic type, but the friend type.  A girl with whom to go dancing, shopping, eating, but nothing in the bedroom... on the other hand, I never gave any thought to the possibility that I might like guys.  Now that I've freed the girl who was trapped in my head my entire life, I know what my true sexual orientation is.  I went from forced hetero before transition to genuine hetero after.

This fits me pretty well. My college GF was pretty frustrated with me not being 'man enough' - especially in bed. On a few occasions she chastised me for treating her more like a sister than a GF. She also openly asked me if I was gay or Bi. I denied it and never shared my secret attraction to guys.  In retrospect, I should have bought a clue when she introduced me to her new BF months after we broke up and I thought he was hot. 

I considered experimenting with a Gay lifestyle (one Gay friend once made a pass at me which I rebuffed in HS) just to quell the sexuality confusion. But never acted upon it. Deep down I knew I was more likely TS. I had no real interest in a relationship with a guy as a guy - if it was going to happen, I wanted to be in the female role.