Girls.. I am feeling so happy this last month.
The changes of HRT are overwhelming me in a nice wave of happiness. I was feeling like such utter and total crap, literally like I wans't a human being.
Now I have hope. I see a light at the end. I have the feeling I will achieve happiness.
Allow me to share two paragraphsof my personal diary to better explain things. I wrote this when dysphoria was hitting me like a train.
"It hurts. I cried so much, I cry so much. Truth be told, the tears are a means to relief, of cleansing my soul with blood. I never knew crying could hurt so much. I feel teared apart, that I can die at any moment. Better saying, I feel I am already dead. Living death in life ins't easy.
I will live! I will be reborn! I will be born! I am going to find strength in this deep abyss, for it is exactly in them where the most enigmatic and beautiful things are found. I know I am a woman and none will take this away from me. Shedding tears of blood maybe, but I cry to free the girl that is trapped in a tomb of steel
I cry because I love me and want to save me"
This wa the begining of feburary. Granted sometimes I still cry, but today I looked at the mirror and saw my breasts budding, and for the first time I cried because I was happy.
And for the first time in YEARS I have been feeling consistently happy.
And for the first time in years I have said good morning to someone, while truly meaning it.
I am feeling like I am a human being.
The wonderful effect of becoming yourself. Thank you for sharing this. Additional stages of transition will reinforce these feelings. It's good that you write them. If you ever feel like going back or even slowing down, re-read them, and see if they still mean then what they mean now.
Susan Kay
That is great news Maiara. I'm walkin on sunshine for a while now.
Hugs
Cindy
Hi Maiara
That's great news, I'm happy for you.
You know, most of the time we read the struggles where people are dealing with.
I'm always trying to say that things will be better in time but I think I mostly failed with it.
I hope that everybody who is having a hard time will read your message so they will know there is some sunshining after the thunderstorm.
Thanks for sharing your happy feeling with us sweetie.
I hope you will have a lot more happy times.
This was a nice message to start my day.
many hugs
Annette