There was a topic in the chat that got brought up fairly recently, and I'm curious on everyone's experiences with it. ^^
I noticed pretty quickly, that with my feelings, they have an inconsistent strength about my gender situation... Sometimes I can go only offhandedly noting that I'm transgender, while other times it feels like I'm almost about to die...Of course, it goes anywhere between, too. ---It fluctuates in strength, and I notice there's a distinctive pattern.
It seems like for the other people that were on the chat at the time, they had patterns with how their feelings were, too. ...So I'm kind of curious: What kind of patterns do your transgender feelings get stronger/weaker? (or for those that are transitioned transexuals, when -were- they being stronger/weaker?)
I'm curious about patterns that can be drawn out from this. ^^
For example: My feelings spike frequently at late night, and more than once it gave me troubles with sleeping. x.x; I noticed that it's pretty significantly weaker during the daytime, but when I'm more stressed, it really doesn't need that much emotional strength to make me miserable about my state anyway.
I suppose it is more prominent when I am unoccupied as my thoughts have nothing else to focus on. Occasionally it becomes so distracting that I have difficulty thinking about anything else for days or weeks, which makes it hard to focus at work or school. Other times I might barely think about it at all.
Most of the time, though...it's just this dull feeling of unhappiness and hopelessness reinforced every time something reminds me I have a male body.
I've never noticed a pattern, but I haven't been looking for one.
I've heard it said, by quite a number of people here, that their feelings fluctuate.
I even recall some saying that the periods when their feelings seem to subside, they feel more relaxed and comfortable.
Just so you don't feel completely alone in that.