Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: SarahElls on June 10, 2011, 06:25:03 AM

Title: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: SarahElls on June 10, 2011, 06:25:03 AM
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Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: justmeinoz on June 10, 2011, 06:49:20 AM
I feel for you sis, wish I was closer to help.
As a parent I cannot understand how anyone could do what they have done.  Maybe if one of mine was a child molester or drug dealer, but coping with a medical condition?  They sound like people who you deserve to be well clear of.
I find that if I speak  softer, and a bit huskier,(easy with my sinus problems), I pass a bit better too.
  Hope things look up soon. Have you tried the Salvation Army or similar yet?

Karen.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Sephirah on June 10, 2011, 07:09:27 AM
*big squeezy hug*

You're never alone, no matter how much you feel like it sometimes.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: JadeS on June 10, 2011, 07:19:46 AM
I'm really sorry to hear all of this is happening :( I'd definitely offer to help you out if you lived in this area.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Nicole99 on June 10, 2011, 07:24:23 AM
I think you must be an incredibly strong person. A real survivor. I think you are a beautiful woman too.

My thought is something you need to develop is your support networks.  Work out what organisations are out there that can help you, keep in touch with those that care for you.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Bird on June 10, 2011, 08:42:03 AM
I admire you for going through this and still standing up.

As it was said, work on your support networks as much as possible, try to find a job asap and never close your heart to your family even if they closed it to you. One day they wil come around and accept you back, no matter how hopeless it seens now.

I wish you the best.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Jenna_Nicole105 on June 10, 2011, 08:54:19 AM
Building a good support system as mentioned by others is a must, it will go a long ways toward helping. You've got a good online support system right here, but if all possible try to build one up locally.

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough patch, my heart absolutely breaks for you after reading what you put down. Can only imagine what you are going through.

You are a strong woman for being able to still be standing after all of it and you should take comfort in that.

My only advice to you other than building up the support system is this:

Never under any circumstances give up on yourself, you can and will get to where you want to be.. this is simply a bump in the road.

You mention possible future relocation, I'm in Missouri and feel I need to get out from here as well... I'm looking at Portland Oregon for various reasons, but most notably because it's a rather trans friendly place. Just something to consider, although as a caveat of sorts the job market's really bad there.

I wish you nothing but the best and am always here if you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to send me a private message or to add me on facebook if you are on there... the link is in my profile.

Take care of yourself and know that you are loved here.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Sabriel Facrin on June 10, 2011, 09:52:20 AM
That's...really rough.  I can too easily forget that people can be just that horrible...One thing is that you need to figure out what you can do locally before you figure out what to do not-so-locally.  I really don't know how the supports you get mean for income, so I'd suggest figuring out a housing fix.  Once you're secure in that, try to get your car fixed up.  That way, you'll have shelter, which is important for health, and you'll have transportation, which pretty much acts cornerstone in this society... ;.;
After that, figure out what options you have left and research...it's a big thing of starting at the center and moving out. ^^
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: April Dawne on June 10, 2011, 02:36:25 PM
Hi Sarah! Let me say firstly, you are super cute  ;D

I'm so so sorry to hear about what's going on :( things like this just make me want to take a person in and let them get themselves together. I have said before, I would love to start a trans rooming/support home for people like us when we have nowhere else to go. My heart hurts to think of all the girls and guys that are worse of than I am that I would love to help but can't.

A lot of my family and friends have completely stopped talking to me as well, and others refuse to use the right name/pronouns. In their place, however, I have met some wonderful people (both trans and not) that do respect me and accept me as I am. I really hope that you can find some people, at least one or two, that you can talk to and lean on and get some sort of emotional/moral support from. I, and others here can and will offer as much help and support as we can as well.

Hugs and best of luck!  :icon_hug:
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: jamie nicole on June 10, 2011, 09:25:08 PM
here is a foundation that may be able to help
http://jimcollinsfoundation.org/ (http://jimcollinsfoundation.org/)
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: SiobhanB on June 11, 2011, 02:42:56 AM
Hi Natalie,

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time, I have no idea how people can be so evil.

I'm hoping you can find support from a friend nearby or someone who can help you get back on your feet.  That person would be me if I weren't several thousand miles away.

Thinking of you from across the globe.

Siobhan xxx
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Bird on June 11, 2011, 07:24:04 AM
Natatlie, let's think in a straightforward manner about survival.

You need first of all shelter and food.

So do everything you can to get a stable roof and food. Even if you have to live instinctively. Find shelter and food and a decent supply of food.

Shut off any thoughts about your family if you can, dress as a guy if you must so you don't run the risk of violence and focous on your immediate needs.

Find a job, you really need to find a job. Find people who are trans-friendly and may help you. Focus. Don't let thoughts of rejection disturb you from your main needs. You need shelter and food, and a job. Remember this and do everything you can to achieve it. Live as a guy if you must, who cares.

Stay away from your family even if they get violent towards you.

Once you have shelter, food and a job if I was in your place I'd begin saving money to move. Living in a very conservative region ins't going to be easy for you. But this would be the next step once you are somewhat safe.

Keep your head up and never quit.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: juliekins on June 11, 2011, 02:42:06 PM
If you could get up to Chicago, we have resources and places to turn. The Center on Halsted and Howard Brown Center would be a place to start. I know someone at COH who I could connect you to. If you're in the city, you also won't have the need for a car. This could save you money. We also have legal protections in place throughout the city and state. I'm sure Amtrak goes from IN to Chicago, too.

Good luck. It does get better!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: spacial on June 11, 2011, 03:14:03 PM
I'll tell you the truth.

You look amazing.

Beleive me when I say that you are not the first, many of us have gone through similar times. That doesn't really help you much right now, but knoing that, with thought and careful planning, you can pick up again.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Lisbeth on June 11, 2011, 05:29:45 PM
Quote from: SarahElls on June 11, 2011, 03:37:48 PM
unfortunately, depression has really taken over at this point, I cant get myself to leave the room, social anxiety is off the scale.  Not sure what Im going to do, but feel like I'm losing it

Please, hang in there. I've come within days of being homeless. It's a frightening thing. But you have to be strong. *warm hug*
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Cindy on June 12, 2011, 02:55:50 AM
You are gorgeous.

I'm sending you a pm

Cindy
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Wild Flower on June 12, 2011, 03:05:42 AM
If you were me (don't take my advice unless you're me)

I would totally erase my parents off my memory, and then go dating online, find a guy who loves me. Then move in with him (so I wouldn't be homeless), and then through that improve myself and transition somehow. Just erase them, everything, and bring your self-confidence up by yourself. People will love and accept, support you, and not everyone is awful as your parents.

But you're not me so I don't think this applies.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Wild Flower on June 12, 2011, 04:39:17 AM
I'm a risk-taker... but I open up 3-4 dating profiles for this EXACT reason, since I had no money... and I wanted a guy. So, in May when I was more fatasy-view of my life I wanted any guy I could get, so I had like over 60 guys offering me a nice home in California, nice condo, nice yacht, traveling, blah blah blah you name it I had it offer. From the weirdest to the most fantastic, BDSM-slavery to the Netherlands, from CEO to guitar guy traveling on the road, from a record deal guy to a theater guy in NY.... so many guys so little time, but all awesome. (over the span of time)

But then coming down to reality, I had to do college, and I have it for free in my state, so I decided, "I have to go find a guy in my state...ehhhh". So I went to a more mutual dating profile (my other sites were houseboy.com, houseboi.com, and one I don't want to mention lol)... so I just got this guy thinking I am the one... tonight actually. So now I won't be homeless, he makes 2500 off some pension (400 goes to his rent), and he will use the rest to buy us food/clothing/little fun. He's not a rich guy, by no means, but I am going to be treated well, taken care of, and he knows how to treat me like a woman (even if he doesn't know this).

The reason I like him a lot, since he really cares about me, and I will really care about him too. I might grow to love him, but I rather not unless he's the one. He was married for over 20 years to a woman, and so that rubbed off him obviously, he said "I'll take you out and buy us dinner". And I said, "I'll pay half", and he was like, "No you're my date, I'll pay for it". (I love this by the way)...

So I feel like I found a good guy who might love me.

~~~

Now what I recommend for you is not this ^ Even though it works for me. But don't go homeless though that's really tough. I would focus on daddyhunt.com, since that's where I found my man... but you're now a transsexual woman? So hmmm... I don't know really. But this is my experience.

I never was abused by men so I don't have a clue... all I ever received from men (gay men) was love and adoration. I had good relationships with all the men I ever meet. But this is the riskiest thing of my life... trying to make a man fall in love with me is tough, but can be done in 1 day. I do it all the time.... so many times I had guys saying, "You're the one for me, and I am so glad I met you. You're so beautiful" I don't know, guess it's magical typing skills.

But, I am also repressed with me, since I still have my virginity... shockingly I do. And I am now ready to go for  a full-fledge relationship, and if I lose it then it will be with someone who loved me at the time period.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Sephirah on June 12, 2011, 04:50:01 AM
Do you really want to be reliant on someone else's continued affection and generosity in order to simply live your life?
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Wild Flower on June 12, 2011, 04:52:39 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on June 12, 2011, 04:50:01 AM
Do you really want to be reliant on someone else's continued affection and generosity in order to simply live your life?

It doesn't bother me. I'm doing this because I want love too, and he wants love. So it's a win-win situation.

Plus I need a place to go for college, and I don't want to be living with my parents (hell no). But I have no money right now to spend, I'm broke, and I just lost my job.

But I want a man, in all honesty... so it's my choice. I'm not crying on the streets homeless, or worrying about the rent being paid. When others are stressing about the next bill, I'm in the couch with a guy I like a lot watching a movie, and he's attractive to me. Like I said, you have to be me to do this. As long as I go to college, i figure I'll be fine.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Seras on June 12, 2011, 11:54:25 AM
That is one mad box  :o
I am pretty good at putting together PCs too. But there is a lot of work in all those lights I am sure! You obviously have some skills. Setting up the front panel is annoying enough let alone all the little wires that no doubt had to be sorted for that.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Amazon D on June 12, 2011, 02:54:52 PM
WELL THE BEST I CAN SAY IS COME LIVE WITH ME AND MY MOM.We are in central pa with lots of amish and mennonites and good farmers who care. You could help me by watching mom while i get work done here on my farm.= http://directory.ic.org/22661/Veterans_Mountain_farm___swords_to_plowshares_in_Pennsylvania (http://directory.ic.org/22661/Veterans_Mountain_farm___swords_to_plowshares_in_Pennsylvania)
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Taka on June 12, 2011, 04:31:08 PM
i'm terribly sorry to hear about your situation, natalie. as much as i'd like to "import" you over to my place here in norway (you seem to me like a very charming woman), i realize i don't have the necessary economic funds for doing so. i could really use a job myself..

might it be a possibility for you to look for an already established (but still small) company that may recognize you skills with computers?  just thinking there has to be some place out there that cares more about your skills than your education

liked your song for the day, btw
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Taka on June 12, 2011, 05:51:35 PM
here's me wishing you luck!

actually, i'm even praying for you. stay strong, girl!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: rexgsd on June 12, 2011, 07:55:52 PM
Good luck with everything, I wish I could help!
But i'm on the other side of the country. I'd totally try and fix your car for you though.
I could only give advice about the car from where i am...Rex the mechanic at your service! X3
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Wild Flower on June 12, 2011, 08:36:41 PM
fragility is hard to deal with...

I just found a law student willing to pay for my college if I moved to him too, yeah I got my wish! He's young too, damn lucky me. He owns a company, and all. This is THE ONE. I found him.

But anyways, just try your hardest in life and all things fall in place.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Maddie Secutura on June 12, 2011, 08:47:03 PM
I'm sorry it came to all that.  I'd offer you a place to stay if you find yourself in western PA.  Otherwise, good luck with everything!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: jamie nicole on June 12, 2011, 10:05:01 PM
you have to be true to yourself and it sounds like you are! :)  Unfortunately, for most of the civilized world, being transgendered is something that is not completely understood so therefore it is feared.  We are outcasted, loathed at, and feared.  But, we are true to ourselves and how many can really say they are true to themselves?  Too many times as you know, it is our families that do not understand and cast us out according to the sociological values that they know.  But, we are not alone in the world.  there are quite a number of other species on this planet that can and do change their sex midway thru life!
Thankfully there are sites like Susans that let us reach out and find a new family and network of support!
Hang in there!! You are being true to yourself and living the way you were intended to!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: JadeS on June 13, 2011, 04:41:42 AM
After seeing your pics in other threads and here, I can only say that you have an AMAZING face and you pass so well!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: jillian on June 13, 2011, 04:58:38 AM
When people are alone, they think.

If I was a parent, which I will be soon, the thought of leaving my child alone, and in a situation such as what you are going through, would eat me alive.
Aside from outside influences, I think I would eventually see the err of my ways.

I am not saying all people are like this, Im just saying, you never know.

My family disowned me because of my drug addiction, but this is a different thing all together.
June 1st I had 10 years clean, and we talk, and hang out, but I think me being transgendered is going to totally test their love and their minds.

I cant suggest moving to Vegas, because economically things are very difficult here for most people. However, if you ever are in the city, message me and I will cook you a good meal  and see if we can help. 

Please be strong, I know just thinking about your situation has caused me severe depression and I dont think you should be alone. I also dont think you should sell yourself for economic security, but thats your decision and I know I have sold myself, for drugs so Ive been there.

At least you are being yourself
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Cindy on June 13, 2011, 06:30:57 AM
It's Ok doll.

Seven to eight days

Cindy
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: AmySmiles on June 13, 2011, 06:47:24 AM
Wow... all I can say is that you are a far stronger person than I would be in your situation.  I wish you all the best.

Amy
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Cindy on June 13, 2011, 06:59:44 AM
 It will be inside a card. I can cry, I cant be beaten,

I've been raped, I have been ignored.

I have never lost and neither will you. 

Hang in, be strong.

Simple words, deep meaning

Sleep well tonight.

I'm here


Cindy
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Jayne on June 13, 2011, 12:37:31 PM
You look fabulous in those pictures, I only hope I can look half as good as you over the next few years.

With regards to your family, if you've decided to call it quits with them (I wouldn't blame you if you did) then wait until you feel emotionaly strong enough & tell them that you are cutting them out of your life, this will give you a control over them instead of the other way around.
I havn't seen my father for about 5 years now, we had an argument because he went from seeing me twice a month to maybe twice a year once he met my ex girlfriend, I told him quite plainly that i'd never liked my step mum but had been friendly & polite to her for 17 years because he was happy with her & he was out of order for blanking me since I met my girlfriend.

We met in a pub for a chat to try & resolve the problem & he bought a half pint & told me that he didn't owe my ex an apology for refusing to have anything to do with her & that I had until he finished his half to apologise to my step mum for saying that i'd never liked her, my response was to down my pint in one, I told him calmly & politely to enjoy his life & walked out of the pub, it hurt to have to do it but it also gave me the strength to carry on because I was the one who ended things between us.

Since I came out about planning on the transition word has reached me through family that he thinks what i'm doing is disgusting, wrong & he doesn't ever want to see me but because I was the one who finished our relationship this doesn't bother me, I wasn't suprised by his reaction as he's always been narrowminded, in fact he was the reason I kept my ->-bleeped-<- (is that a real word?) hidden for 30 years.
In hindsight I wonder if I broke contact with him because he was one of the biggest things that stopped me transitioning as over the next few years I broke friendships with everyone in my life who would object to this process, I only decided about a year ago that I had to do this but it feels like i've been subconciously preparing for this for years

The decision must be yours at the end of the day but I feel that taking control of your life back from controlling people is a very important coping tool.

Best wishes, big hugs & please stay strong
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: spacial on June 13, 2011, 05:12:16 PM
Sarah.

However you dress or are treated by others you will remain who you are inside.

Sometimes we need to wear pretty horrible uniforms in some situation. We do it because we have no choice.

But as long as you believe in yourself, it doesn't matter how you look. Frankly, from your photos, it will be a bit difficult for you to pass as male anyway.

But, given your present circumstances, it might be better to take up your parent's offer. At least until you can sort your life and your health out.

That's my two pennith worth.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Carbon on June 13, 2011, 07:17:53 PM
okay god damn all this is awful

Don't move back in with your parents. Really.

In regards to income etc, could you work towards living somewhere with a good public transportation system? If you get roommates, in many cities you could get rent for 500 dollars or so. That would leave 300-400 dollars spend on transportation, food, and medical care and you would probably qualify for food stamps. You could try find a city that is more liberal than where you are now too and further away from your parents. Just being in a new area might help, it does for me (mainly different issues though).

I'm sorry if this is totally unhelpful but please do not give up and keep trying to find a way to push through. One day at a time if necessary.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Lynne on June 14, 2011, 09:07:50 AM
I can't really offer any advice or help, I just want to tell you that you are an incredibly brave and strong girl Sarah.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Taka on June 14, 2011, 10:34:29 AM
it's horrible how problems always seem to wait until they all can pop up at the same time, making your life so much harder in so short time..

you showing up in court as a woman won't only be interesting, it'll be awesome if you can stay firm in being your real self. from what you've written it seems you don't really have any much to lose anymore except for your life (which i hope you won't give up on no matter what), so i hope you'll stay strong and confident as a woman and take whatever comes at you with dignity (it's still ok to feel weak and cry, that's a different matter, just don't ever let them see you taking on a male role again)

sounds like the worst thing they can do is sending you back to your parents, as they will do their very best to hold you back. anything else gives you the possibility of getting yourself up to a better place than you've ever been before. even if you end up homeless and penniless, you may still find unexpected help and opportunities
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Carbon on June 14, 2011, 11:19:37 AM
Quote

sounds like the worst thing they can do is sending you back to your parents, as they will do their very best to hold you back. anything else gives you the possibility of getting yourself up to a better place than you've ever been before. even if you end up homeless and penniless, you may still find unexpected help and opportunities

I agree. Homelessness and the situation you're in now is really, really hard. But lots of people have been there before. It's not an end.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: JungianZoe on June 14, 2011, 11:46:53 AM
Quote from: SarahElls on June 13, 2011, 11:40:37 AM
First shot of my body, I'm told I'm too think, but anorexia will do that to you?  Still flat but I think I would be at this weight regardless.  Trying to recover and eat more, but it's hard getting my mind back around to normal eating habits, lol.

It definitely takes a while to get back to that.  Nearly two years in my case, and only until I started HRT and decided I wanted a shot at having breasts.  The most difficult part is that, when you get back to healthy eating, you get bloated a lot to the point that sometimes your stomach can look distended.  It's terribly uncomfortable too, but you have to push through it because even that will go away after some time (so I'm told... hasn't happened to me yet after three months of normal eating).  Weight distribution is also messed up; many natal females wind up with belly weight first on a refeeding program.

Above all, stay strong! :)  Some day, this will pass and you'll be amazed at the perseverance of your spirit.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Debra on June 14, 2011, 12:36:25 PM
So sorry to hear it girl =( I lost my parents as well but thankfully I was able to stand on my own two feet. If I'd transitioned earlier in life, that may not have been the case.

I hope you can make it through.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Taka on June 14, 2011, 04:00:01 PM
grats on getting your car back!

i'm glad to hear things are starting to sort out for you
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Carbon on June 14, 2011, 08:58:45 PM
Oy, the car is a big deal I think. If worst comes to worst plenty of people live in their cars, a small number even do it voluntarily because they like the extra time or spending money. But you should be able to find somewhere.

Congratulations on all that though. I am very glad to hear it.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: April Dawne on June 14, 2011, 09:11:56 PM
Congrats, it's great to hear that things came together! Nothing like being made to wait till the last bloody minute for fate to finally pull it's head out of it's arse huh? :)
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: tekla on June 16, 2011, 09:08:24 AM
That's a good plan.  Exposure to new stuff, new places, new atmospheres and climates is always excellent.  What did Jimmy Buffet say?  Changes in latitude, changes in attitude.  He was right.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Sera on June 16, 2011, 10:02:30 AM
You inspire and motivate me.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Amazon D on June 16, 2011, 02:06:24 PM
i remember the first time i ran away from home. I was down on baltimore pike in a town west of phila and baltimore pike was the main road route 1 from maine to florida. The baltimore pike section went from phila to baltimore. It was around 1963 and i was 8 yrs old. I was standing at the candybar, an ice-cream shoppe. There was a family inside eating ice cream. I saw they had maryland liscense plates and i remember once my dad drove me there to eat soft shell crabs at the cheesley's house. Old fred cheesly. Anyway i saw the family come out of the shoppe so i said my family was here but they left me behind. I said i was one of 7 and they must have missed me loading up. They asked where i lived and i said maryland. They allowed me to get in their car. Then after 2 hours driving they wanted the phone number to my house. I kept saying i foget. Eventually when we crossed the big river into maryland i mentioned that i actually lived in Pa but wanted to go to maryland. Oh boy were they mad. They then called my Mom and she told them to drop me off at a aunts house there. I had a blast making dragsters with old plastic model car parts. My neighbor was al graber who had a funny car called tickle me pink so i knew what a dragster looked like.

The second time i ran away i went to the poconos and worked at a NJ Y camp for jewish kids. I washed dishes. Funny thing is i told them i was born june 31st and there are only 30 days in june. I lied to say i was 16 but i was 14. I lived all summer at the camp. We then hitchhiked up the NY state thruway but it was closed down due to the rock festival woodstock. So we went back and watched the landing on the moon.

Then when i was 15 i left for good. I hitched all over the USA. I lived at salvation armys. Many times they were in the guest rooms of volunteer families in small towns around the usa. Most of the time i was sleeping under bridges or in the woods off the roads. back then they didn't have interstate highways. It was all small back roads. It was fun. There were veterans and hippies and others all over hitching. That was the vietnam era. I was young so i got good rides and people would sometimes buy me a meal saying they had a child out there somewhere and hoped someone would feed them. I later joined the USMC but then left by 1974 the week nixon resigned.

Well those were a few times on the roads. Oh i did hitch as a female in 2004 to calif from Pa and thru oregon back to NY. Much much harder then. But many were christians and wanted me safe. I had a large pack and a tent.

ok back to your story er future travels  ;D
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Taka on June 17, 2011, 11:35:07 AM
i'd never listen to a mom who says her own child is disgusting. i simply refuse to believe her, and you should do so too, just like how you refused to be a boy just because she wanted it. she doesn't even see you for who you are. i for my part think you look great, and you don't seem to have any particularly ugly sider to your personality either. definitely a woman i could love

but it's still interesting why you'd feel that you're ugly. if there are things bothering you other than just your mother's words, then it may help to express your thoughts in order to feel better about yourself?
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Amazon D on June 17, 2011, 11:53:13 AM
Quote from: explorer on June 17, 2011, 11:35:07 AM
i'd never listen to a mom who says her own child is disgusting. i simply refuse to believe her, and you should do so too, just like how you refused to be a boy just because she wanted it. she doesn't even see you for who you are. i for my part think you look great, and you don't seem to have any particularly ugly sider to your personality either. definitely a woman i could love

but it's still interesting why you'd feel that you're ugly. if there are things bothering you other than just your mother's words, then it may help to express your thoughts in order to feel better about yourself?

DITTO well said i completely agree
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Melody Maia on June 18, 2011, 01:01:08 AM
Hon, you are far from ugly. You have an enviable figure and things will only improve with time. You have to believe in yourself. I believe in you. You can do this.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: hkgurl1480 on June 18, 2011, 04:39:04 AM
Hi Sarah
Great photo, it screams girl!!  Reminds me of another girl who used to frequent these parts.

Listen to you heart and not the doubters.  Only you know whats best for you, with a good therapist to help light the way.

I hope the sun starts shining brightly on you face soon.

Hugs
Shelly x
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: jillian on June 18, 2011, 06:05:51 AM
I believe in you.  Even if some days I dont believe in myself.

At least you are brave and showing courage.  You are so much more valuable than those who would treat you bad ,know.

You should be proud, and try to let go of your resentments. As much as they have hurt you, they know not what they do. They are programmed.

I dont know you, and even though I am in the darkness of this god forsaken closet, scared, and feeling alone. I love you. You have a place in my heart. I dont know how to help you, other than to offer you my hand. If you ever come through this hellish desert, filled with gleaming lights, materialism, and shallowness. You can count on me for nourishment, understanding, and a hug.
-Jillian in vegas.

Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Sera on June 18, 2011, 09:18:18 AM
Have you had any luck finding any sort of communities there? Or at least somewhere people may at least be partially accepting, that way you can have social interaction outside of a business relationship?  I am sure it is tough to have nobody in your life to rely on. If you could find someone, who knows what luck and power you may draw from them, you know?

I am sure you know much better than I do what you are doing and what you should do though.  Remember that it is not over until you are underground, and by golly you must fight that as if you were a Molosomophobic!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Amazon D on June 19, 2011, 07:03:41 AM
HERE ARE A FEW CHOICES BELOW. I WOULD GO TO GARBERVILLE BUT THATS ME.
...

Well if you take I-80 you can go directly to NYC for the upcoming pride fest and meet lots of sisters from NE new england area


2011 NYC Gay Pride Parade

When : Sunday, June 26, 2011 beginning at noon.

Where : 36th Street & Fifth Avenue to Christopher and Greenwich Streets.

Directions : IRT Lexington Avenue subway line to 33rd Street or IRT West Side line to Christopher St./Sheridan Square.

2011 NYC Pridefest

When : Sunday, June 26, 2011 11AM - 7PM

Where : Hudson Street between Abingdon Square & West 14th Street.

Directions : IND Eighth Avenue subway line to 14th Street.

2011 Rapture on the River

When : Saturday, June 25, 2011 4PM - 10:30 PM, Fireworks

Where : Pier 54 and 13th Street at Hudson River Park.

Directions : IRT West Side subway line to Houston/Varick Street or IND Eighth Avenue line to West 4th Street.
.....................................................................

but if you drop south and take the toll road you can get off at carlisle pa exit and stop here before you continue on to NYC.

At pride you can meet lots of Trans peeps and i can give you a sisters number on LI who is seeking roommates. She is a teacher at a college. As for your car and valuable stuff you might want to try not to have anything in back seat but put it in trunk. Also parking in NYC is tough and so you might want to go to this sisters house first and park there then take trains to the pride fest. But stay sober and just meet people.

......................................

Then again you might head west too. If you do i would go towards Portland which is a very nice town, but has thousands of homeless and can be scary if you associate with them. I would connect with sisters thru the local LGBT center.

Or go to garberville Calif along route 101 where they will have lots of jobs because all the hippies there grow pot and won't work. Having your car there is good because it gives you a place to sleep. They also have free showers there. Just stay away from the pot peeps. Become a worker. When you get to garberville ask for Mary who runs the WISH shelter. she is cool and will help you but tell her you want to work and not freeload. If you do go to garberville bypass San Fran as it is a rough town for poor peeps. Lots of scammers there.


I WOULDN'T GO TO FLORIDA ITS TOO HOT AND TOO MANY HOMELESS AND SCAMMERS ETC ETC

STAY AWAY FROM TEXAS AS THEY SAY DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

MINNESOTA , WISCONSIN IS OK BUT IT GETS COLD AND STAYS COLD FOR A LONG WINTER

PHILA DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING THATS MY HOME CITY AND WELL I MOVED AWAY IT DOES HAVE A LGBT CENTER WILLIAMWAY   WAYGAY.ORG BUT THERE ARE NOT REAL TRANS HELPFUL AND THE INNER CITY IS EXPENSIVE

LA IS THE PITS BUT ITS OPEN MINDED BUT IF YOUR NOT A NATIVE YOUR NOTHING

SAN FRAN IS SUPER EXPENSIVE AND CAN BE DANGEROUS BUT IT HAS A LGBT CENTER WHICH AGAIN ISN'T REAL TRANS FRIENDLY .. THEN OF COURSE MOST ARE NOT  AND ARE RULED BY  GAYS AND LESBIANS

NEW ORLEANS IS ALL ABOUT SELLING YOURSELF TO TOURIST

I HAVE BEEN TO ABOUT EVERY CITY AND TOWN IN THE 48 STATES FROM 2000 TO 2004 IN MY RV SO I KNOW AND CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE MANY OTHER PLACES TO NUMEROUS TO MENTION HERE. I USE TO OPEN UP TRANS SAFE HOMES AROUND THE USA IN 2001 TO 2003

HUGS  ;)






Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: tekla on June 19, 2011, 09:27:09 AM
Some of that info sounds a bit dated, like maybe that was those places 15 - 20 years ago.  Garberville is not like that now very much.

1.  Everyplace has scam artists, some places just have much better ones.  Some places it's an art form.  But given the rise of third-world style poverty levels in the US, there are a lot of scammers out there - times is hard and all that.  Add to that the number of homeless people is far beyond what it ever was.  They are everywhere where you don't need shelter, so they tend to cluster in places that don't have winter so bad, like the West Coast.  After all, they are homeless, not stupid. 

And big city, rural area, wilderness area, middle of a shopping mall - it's all dangerous to a degree.  You have to be careful who you fall in with.

2. I'd advise against parking in NYC with any (ANY) stuff in the car.  Or any other major city.  Or even minor city.

3. they will have lots of jobs because all the hippies there grow pot and won't work:  Well there are not a lot of jobs in Garberville, it's all dope up there, all the money that flows is dope money, and it's not real accepting of new people, not anymore at least.  I mean its fine to travel through there, very mellow indeed the entire Sonoma, Mendo, Humbolt area.  Your stuff would be safe in the car there for the most part.  Fantastically, and singularly beautiful.  Nothing else on earth like some of those old growth redwood forests, but the lumber industry up there is dead, the fishing industry dead, tourism has fallen off from the rates in the 90s - so it's about as hard-times as California gets.

4. SF is expensive, so is LA, NYC and South Florida.  Anyplace that people really WANT to live in is going to be more expensive than places where people are real so-so about having to live.

5. People have ended up in all sorts of places and thrived.  Other endings are not so good.  I think it's the person not the destination.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Sera on June 19, 2011, 09:31:29 AM
I could not agree more with the stay the hell away from Texas idea. Not only the fact that many people here in political stands are stupid pigs out of their year, but if you are not ready to live in a sauna.... It is usually always above 100 degrees Farenheit, and humid, and depending where you are humid.  There are a lot of interesting, unique, and nice people [Me], but there are many of the opposite, many more.

I like ^ idea. You want to get out of Indiana, right? Then this should be your first action.  Take a bus if you must. Widen your connections so you will have more people to rely on.  You may be able to do this yourself, but it would be real nice-like if you did not have to.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Amazon D on June 19, 2011, 12:10:52 PM
Quote from: tekla on June 19, 2011, 09:27:09 AM
Some of that info sounds a bit dated, like maybe that was those places 15 - 20 years ago.  Garberville is not like that now very much.

I lived in garberville from 2004 to 2006 and visited there in 2008. I also lived there from 1970 to 71 and went back after the USMC in 74 and stayed until 81

I traveled by RV all over the USA (70k miles) from 2000 to 2004 so thats my knowledge whats yours?  I owned a home in houston Tx. I traveled all over florida from st pete and largo and tampa where i lived to key west and met many others all over florida and to seattle and stayed in tacoma and up north east to boston and lived in park slope NY at transy house and lived in portland from 1999 to 2000 in hillsboro. I also lived in starbuck minnesota where i opened up a trans home and in nagutuck conn and in Brooklyn and palatine NY near woodstock where i worked on more trans safe homes and stopped at a friends in west chicago who supported trans people and left a estate for them and downtown Chicago with another friend. I also did 10 states for obama campaign from SC, NC, Va, Pa Ohio, Iowa, NY, NH, NJ,Del all the above from 1999 to present. i also rented an apartment in laguna beach in 99 and in 2008 i lived near vista calif in escondido and in loudon county Va. and visited Upstate NY and i have friends all over the USA who i have met at trans conferences. Yes your into the group scene with bands so you get a different view of things. Please share what you know not what you think i don't know.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: tekla on June 19, 2011, 03:15:59 PM
If you're going to go to all that stuff check out a National Park Pass.  It will save you a lot of money.
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: madirocks on June 19, 2011, 06:22:29 PM
Quote from: SarahElls on June 11, 2011, 03:37:48 PM
unfortunately, depression has really taken over at this point, I cant get myself to leave the room, social anxiety is off the scale.  Not sure what Im going to do, but feel like I'm losing it

Sarah, i'm sorry to hear what you're going through. the best of us at times can go through a lot of hardship, and struggles. i know it sounds silly to say, but it does make us much stronger. i've lost everything and have been homeless before. it wasn't much later that everything worked out. things always work out. don't give up!
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Francis Ann Burgett on July 04, 2011, 04:43:08 AM
Sarah,

A lot of people have farms than the children have left for a big city & the father/male has passed away or is not in good shape to handle things. Small farms need help tending to animals. Since you like the outdoors & you need a safe place to live & grow up why not try to find such a place with an understanding older woman to be your mother figure & help them with their farm. It might be good for you & these older type people with a farm.

I live on a farm with animals, it's more peaceful than any crowded city.

Good luck young girl, try to slow down & find your place in the world.

Francis   
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: juliekins on July 10, 2011, 08:57:26 PM
How are you doing now, Sarah?
Title: Re: Started HRT, disowned by entire blood family and homeless now
Post by: Amazon D on July 11, 2011, 06:30:36 AM
She drove back yesterday to be at her grandmothers funeral. She has to empty a storage unit then come back here. I expect her to check in sometime later today as she has a long drive and needs a room to get online. That will probably happen after the viewing / funeral today.