I'm getting the impression that my secret at work is kind of unspokenly assumed by some.  If so, my passive aggressive way of boiling the frog and getting this out is working.

Anyway, yesterday I was having a very heated discussion about Donald Trump.  We have these discussions from time to time and we are all professional enough not to take offense at some pretty poignant comments.  So I was laying out my objections to the religious right and their crusade to control every aspect of everybody else's life as well as their tendency to treat everyone else like trash. 

So the return comment was, "Yes, I understand your situation but . . ."

I was left hanging with what he meant by that but I cannot imagine anything else!

mmmmmmm

I'm not sure how you are coming out at work, or even if you are. I did a gradual androgynous change, before it all fell into a hole (sprung myself) and I went FT over a weekend.

When I went FT it was clear that some had guessed and hadn't said anything, some had dropped clues that they knew, some were gobsmacked and hadn't realised and the majority? They just didn't care, 'Good for you go for it Hon'.

About 4 years later. No one even mentions it, I'm just another woman.

I'm stuck in between wanting to and being scared to.  As for appearance, my hair is long and I make no effort to hide the effects of HRT such as they are.  I don't monitor my mannerisms anymore and I recently noticed I was speaking at a higher pitch although not a passing voice by any means.

I still need to laser my face before going much further and I am still getting some financial issues in order for that. i.e paying off debts.

I'm coming out at work the same way, not hiding anything.
My friends know, others are guessing it, but some are clueless.

One guy is stuck on the fact that my hair is longer, but just keeps missing the obvious breasts.

Before I came out at work, I must have gotten a million comments about going for the hippy look. I just smiled and said nothing. It was so nice to tell them the truth later.
Moni

Sure, I totally understand how you both feel. Which is ust about how I felt to be honest.

Of course our fear and dangers are also dependent on all aspects of our environment, country, work, position, Law, finance, home situation etc. So there can never be a one size fits all situation.

But it does keep getting more difficult to hide, particularly if you are out in you everyday life, which I was, and retained a vestige of him at work. It ended up being quite a difficult charade to keep up.

I planned my transition at work beginning a year in advance with the HR department. By the time I actually transitioned and came into work as a female, everyone at work already knew weeks in advance. The company had two big meetings where the entire staff of my department (there are many 1000's who work there) were told about my impending transition, and were offered the chance to talk to HR or a counsellor about any misgivings they had about the subject.
Plus, as there was quite a social group within my department, who used to go out for a meal, drinks and clubbing once a month, they invited me (pre-transition) to attend as "her". So I did, and it was a great icebreaker and helped immensely and also helped my confidence too. In fact, thinking back to a funny moment, we had agreed to all meet up at a certain pub/bar in 'town'. So I arrived (all glammed up) a little early, and as I approached the bar there were only one or two other people from my work who were there. I recognised one person at the bar and went up and started chatting with him. After a while, he mentioned that he was waiting for some other friends from where he worked to show up, as they were all waiting to meet a colleague who was having a 'sex-change', and everyone was going to meet 'her' for the first time. It was at this point that I realised that he hadn't recognised me! He then asked me where my husband was, because as it transpired he thought I was the wife of another guy from work, who was joining him for drinks after work!!!!! As if on cue, this other guy turned up, and the man I had been chatting to called over to him and said:
"Hey, I've been chatting to your wife for ages, was wondering when you were going to turn up, because 'xxxx' (my name) is going to turn up soon, dressed as a woman!"
It was at this point that this other guy informed the person I had been chatting to, that I wasn't his wife, but was actually 'xxxx'. Luckily they both saw the funny side, and it actually became the major talking point for the evening. As well as being a confidence boost for me.
But going back to my original point (eventually), as I had been taking hormones and also having facial hair removal for at least 18 months before I transitioned, it got to the point in the end that I was only really 'going through the motions' as a guy at work by the end. I was even stopped as I entered the guys toilet by someone who thought I was already female, because of how I looked by then.
So yeah, it was all a big charade at the end, and quite difficult to keep going, that when I did return to work as a female, so many people commented that it was the right decision for me, and it was "about time" that I started living as "who I was supposed to be", which was all really nice comments to hear.
I guess I was just very very lucky in this respect.
But I did do a great deal of planning and preparation over many months in advance, to get to that point in my life.
You might ask, how did I get hormones so long before I transitioned, well I was a naughty girl and self-medicated (don't do this!!!) for a couple of years before I began supervised/prescribed HRT as part of my 'real life test/experience'.

Since I started allowing myself to do some feminine things I innately like doing, I also feel like some people have been hinting that they know. I can't remember all the hints I've received, but to me the subtext of those situations seemed to be,

"Are you transgender?"

(casually) "What difference does that make?"

"Okay."

I hope I'm not just inventing this subtext because it would mean that most likely my most treasured relationships wouldn't deteriorate, if I eventually started HRT and simultaneously fully came out. Like you though, until a few months ago, I can't remember anything like this happening, so I think there is a good probability that this isn't just wishful thinking.

I've been asked directly a couple of times if I was trans and on several other occasions as much as admitted it out loud.  I also vociferously defend LGBT and particularly trans rights if the subject comes up.  Given the political and religious culture where I work I perceive myself as a minority of one.

The fact that I still get along with everyone as well as before, actually maybe even better than before, makes me wonder if my worst fears are overstated.

I'm acutely aware thought that testing that theory would leave no option to turn it back if it went badly.  I read the forums here and for some everything transitions smoothly, for others, not so much.

Living a double life in the shadows sucks.  But becoming a pariah sucks too.

So far, I feel bad for considering that I might be ostracized by those closest to me. It's not that they didn't give me good basis to consider that possibility, but I underestimated their care for me and how that would allow them to adapt (granted, it has taken quite a bit of conviction to pull off).

As we transition, there are sadly practical ramifications to consider, but unless we take a drastic step, we shouldn't fear suddenly becoming pariahs in our social web. If we give ourselves and those we care about time to acclimate, then our personal relationships might reshape, but any personal relationship worth having will only be bolstered.

Quote from: autumn08 on July 27, 2016, 06:07:59 AM
So far, I feel bad for considering that I might be ostracized by those closest to me. It's not that they didn't give me good basis to consider that possibility, but I underestimated their care for me and how that would allow them to adapt (granted, it has taken quite a bit of conviction to pull off).

As we transition, there are sadly practical ramifications to consider, but unless we take a drastic step, we shouldn't fear suddenly becoming pariahs in our social web. If we give ourselves and those we care about time to acclimate, then our personal relationships might reshape, but any personal relationship worth having will only be bolstered.

There is much sense here.
Well said.

Making the plunge and finally going FT, whatever that may mean to each individual, is the next hard choice. Again we stand to lose everything. But can we keep putting it off? What is the trigger or change in mind set the allows us or forces us to take that step?
My plunge was perfect so I can certainly notgive any advice, I have  to admit I had no fall back options. I burnt every bridge until I had no options. I forced my plunge, if it hadn't worked? I have no idea what I would have done. But I will make my acceptance clear, I am not and never will be in stealth, I am accepted as a woman by all, as a transgender woman. No one has an issue with that, that has been raised in my hearing, and I am accepted, loved and appreciated by my colleagues and deeply and openly respected. I am content with that.  Indeed the respect and love has been manifest as I face my new health challenge, the support has been overwhelming and way beyond I know what he would have received (he wasn't liked).

But how do we make the decision to take the plunge?

Quote from: Cindy on July 27, 2016, 08:22:27 AM
But how do we make the decision to take the plunge?

I kind of set a deadline (end of 2016) a while back, and I've fixed it in my mind that I'm going to do it then, ready or not.

Any kind of change makes me really, really anxious, especially ones I can't do in teeny-tiny steps, so I set it up so I'm even more afraid of not doing it.  I tell myself that trying to go back or to wait will be even worse, and at this point, I think it's true -- if I were to turn back now, it would kind of destroy me.

In any case, each time I question where I'm going, I think back and realize that staying in denial, or knowing and hiding, were unworkable.  That life was already over, that ship was sinking and by now is completely under the waves.  My choice was to stay aboard and drown or to jump and swim and only maybe drown.  And for all of my suicidal wishes, I've never had it in me to actually do myself in.