well, hey everyone, how are you all
this is my first foray into transgender groups online, so i guess ill start with my "story" so to speak.
First, i guess you can all call me Rachel, its a name i have taken a liking to and want to listen to and see how i like it when applied to me.
I guess ill start at when i started feeling wrong, or at least the earliest i can remember. I can honestly remember wishing i was a girl at about the age of 11 or 12....ish.....all you mtf's know the feeling where you just feel wrong. you look at your body and your brain is screaming......ahhhh ->-bleeped-<-. hehe. well i did the whole wish to my creator that i could be changed thing....the crying at some nights....feeling and looking wrong every time i see myself in the mirror. My personality has always been closer to that of a female, such as the way i act and interact with those around me. I have always found that traditionally masculine activities not only bore, but disgust me, and i find them dumb. I will be talking with a coworker at my job and he will be going on about the hot woman who just walked in, and while i do find her attractive, i find the conversation awkward, like i shouldn't be there.
Now i cannot say that I find myself physically attracted to males, just everything about the male body disgusts me, especially when it is on me. When I look at an attractive woman I not only feel attracted to her, but also envy everything she has.
I guess I just wanted to feel like I am correct outside, which was why I never fit in in high school. I was a recluse because I couldn't fit in with the guys (my brain never worked like that) and the girls just shunned me away. So I found my own friends (mostly guys as the case was) who I could interact with without having to deal with the typical testosterone based shtuff that i can't stand. Well now I have been out of high school for a few years, and have discovered how to fix this part of me,...transition.
I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now and have come to understand things about myself, and things that I need to stop worrying about. For example telling my parents, my therapist pretty much said that when I do, by what she has come to understand about what I have said about them, that they will love me however I am and accept it after a while. This way of thought has eased many of my fears, so I feel I have accomplished much with my therapist.
I plan on starting electrolysis soon (hopefully next month) and also getting my ears pierced next week........so I have much ahead of me.
So it is wonderful to meet all of you and I hope that we may all be good friends and that I will learn much here?
Rachel out....hehe
