Boyfriend to Wife?

[katieliz2012]

Hello!

So my fiance just recently came out to me about feeling like he should be a female. It caught me completely off guard, and I'm still not sure about all of my feelings when it comes to the situation. I'm completely cis, but am bi, so it's not the being with a female part that bothers me. We have a 3 1/2 month old daughter together, and are planning on getting married as soon as we have the money and funds.

I guess I'm looking for someone else who is going through or has been through this process of a partner transitioning. Especially at a younger age (we're both around 20). I just want to know what to expect and how the process. Maybe someone that we can both be a support to each other. 🙂

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi katieliz2012,

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Janet  )O(

[prettypoly86]

Hello!!!

My girlfriend C came out to me in April, and we are 26-27.  Coming out was really her first step, and since then we've spent a lot of time researching, and gearing up for hormones.  This has given me time to address my feelings with her, and educate myself on what is going to happen .

It's always great to have someone else to talk to!  I have a small number of people irl who know, including my husband, and most of the time he doesn't know how to answer my questions.   My other friends know I'm poly, and are firmly in the LGBT community themselves, but aren't as up to date on transitioning.  These forums have been a great help in providing a group that is supportive and knowledgeable,  and also by showing me that my feelings aren't completely crazy

So, share away!  I am more than happy to respond where I can, or even listen and provide a sympathetic cyber shoulder.  These emotions can be tough to wade through, especially if you are sorting emotions while trying to be 100% supportive of your partner.

[Crackpot]

Welcome. My SO and I are also 26-27. He's (MTF but male pronouns are still perfered) got an appointment to start hormones so we're really just at the beginning of transition. I'm more than happy to lend an ear. We're all here for the same reason, support of our SOs during this process and developing successful relationships.

[Torimonster6]

Hey! I am also a cis girl, and my boyfriend came out to me as wanting to be MTF about a year and a half ago. We are a bit younger than you but kind of in the same shoes. His family doesn't know but he got kicked out at the begining of summer for other reasons and has been living with me and my family who knows and is fully supportive. I don't know a ton About the proccess but I've been learning. We hope to find a therapist soon, but our biggest problem is money.

When he told me I wasn't supper surprised because one of his ex's told me but I thought she was messing with me. But it can be kind of hard to deal with at first, I didn't know what to think, so I'm here to listen if you ever wanna talk. We can share our journies together. At first I told him I was okay with him feeling that way and we could be together but that I don't like girls so he couldn't transition. But I was very young and didn't know anything about my sexuality. After a lot of thought I've realized that I love him for him and not what he looks like or how he dresses or anything other than him. I still don't identify with any sexuality but all I know is I want to be with him forever. Through his journey and everything. (I know every teenager says that but we think we are different.)

Anyway... Thats my story. I'm here for support if you or anyone needs it.

[Tessa James]

My wife and I have been together for over 40 years.  Early in my transition my wife started introducing me as her wife.  We had not talked about that part of our couple identity and it took me a bit of time to absorb the literal truth and simplicity of her statement.  Yes, she had lost a husband and had gained a wife.  I have come to love the term and being just that, a wife to my darling.

[katieliz2012]

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate it.

We talk about it every now and then, but we just moved and have quite a bit on our plate right now, so it was kind of pushed to the back burner (by him, not me). It worries me, because he was so excited to get this done and live as the person he thought he always should be. Now it's almost like he doesn't care right now. Did anyone else's SO do this for an amount of time? I just don't want him neglecting himself because he thinks he has to. I think he's still got that "man of the house" mindset, and is worrying far to much about all of the at home stresses.

I'm not sure as though I ever posted my age, Torimonster6, but I am 19 and my fiance is 21. I'm glad your family knows and is supportive though. Nobody knows but a few of our friends, all of whom were very supportive, but it's hard to hide that from the people we love so much. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here 🙂

[Crackpot]

My SO first told me when we were 19. Now she's 27 and starting hormones. After she first told me about how she felt she pushed it away too and had decieded not to pursue it. Eventually though it came up again and has been full speed ahead ever since. Just go with the flow.

[Bad Girl]

Hi Im new to all of this, My husband of 6 years came out that he wants to be a woman and for the last 2 weeks I have been helping him to do what makes him happy, but I really need to talk to a wife that is going thru this. I love him or her and will not leave them. I just need some one to help answer my questions. Can any one help.

[Michelle S.]

Since this is a SO section, I really want to respect that and not post unless it's solicited. If you have any questions for a transmom, feel free to PM. I have two boys (3 years old and 10 months old) and could share our experience so far!

Good luck, take care!

[blueconstancy]

Bad Girl : I'm here, if you want to try me. My wife came out to me and then transitioned when we'd been married 9 years, which is about 4 years ago now (wow, time flies).

Even if you don't want to chat, feel free to read back through my old posts (click on my username and look for the "show posts" on the left-hand side).

[Bad Girl]

Im not sure how to used this computer system, I want some one to talk to but cant even do that. But i will try to fugure it ou, thx so much

[Bad Girl]

Blueconstancy  I guest I have to wait for my husband to help me figure this out, he is the one that told me about this site but with our work schedule I havent had the time to ask him to help me, I read so many great stories here and have so many questions so I can help him. I love him and will love him as a husband or a wife. He is going thru so much and I feel helpless and so ignorant to all of this. I have been reading a lot but is not enough, I need some one in my situattion to help me, guide me.

[blueconstancy]

Bad Girl : You're doing fine. Posting here is a good way to talk to people. 🙂

[katieliz2012]

Michelle S.-No, thank you for posting. I appreciate you wanting to help and offering your experiences. I will probably be in contact shortly!

I'm not really sure what to do now. He has made some new friends at work (he's a material handler at a plastics factory), and because he's worried about their reaction, he doesn't want to see a dr yet. I know he feels the same inside. We bought him leggings the other day and now he really wants a pair of flats, so I'd say he still wants to pursue the transformation. I don't want to push it to much, in case there are other underlying reasons he's not wanting to go for it right now. But I also don't want being afraid of a couple people's reaction hold him back.

[Jamie D]

To "Bad Girl" and others - if you are having problems with the utility of the site, you can always ask a Moderator (like me).

Until you have 15 posts, you won't be able to use the personal messaging system, but you can always email me.  There is a little envelope icon beneath my name.  But if you don't see it, you can send me questions at my email address.

Please identify yourself in your message by your screen name.  That will help me track down any problems or make any fixes.

[cannedrabbit]

I don't have too much to add, but if you want to talk we are definitely willing to listen! You can PM me any time too. I also have a  blog here on Susan's where I try to document how I feel about things and how my wife's transition is coming along: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,468.0.html

Hope it helps!