Many of our members are autistic or suspect they may be. A lot of what gets perceived as "rudeness" when talking to someone on the spectrum is really just a different way of communicating or processing information. You do not need to be an expert to offer support in a way that works well for both of you. The starting point is simple:
always be kind.Differences in communication or sensory processing are not rudeness. Remembering that can make conversations here much less stressful for everyone.
How autistic communication may lookMembers on the spectrum may:
- Use very literal language and miss hints, sarcasm, or social subtext.
- Share a lot of detail ("info-dumping") when they care about a topic or feel anxious.
- Sound blunt or "too direct" without intending to be rude.
- Struggle with vague, implied, or unwritten rules and need things explained clearly.
- Fixate on a question and ask it repeatedly if the answer still feels unclear.
- Go quiet or suddenly withdraw when they feel overwhelmed or misunderstood.
On their own, none of these mean "this person is being rude." Often, it is someone doing their best to communicate with the tools that work for them.
When a message feels rudeOnline text is easy to misread. If a post or reply feels sharp, blunt, or cold, it can help to pause and consider that the person might be autistic (or just have a different style), rather than assuming they meant to hurt you.
You can gently check what they meant instead of reacting right away. For example:
- "When you said this, it came across a bit harsh to me — was that what you intended?"
- "I want to make sure I understand you. Can you explain that another way?"
Sometimes you will find they were just being literal, concise, or anxious, not deliberately unkind.
Ways to make conversations easier for everyoneYou do not have to change who you are, but a few simple habits can make it easier for autistic members (and honestly, most people):
- Be clear and concrete. Say what you mean instead of hinting. "I need to take a break from this topic; it is causing me stress" is easier to understand than "This is... a lot."
- Say what confused you. "I got lost at this part — what did you mean?" often works much better than quietly getting upset.
- Separate tone from content. A flat or blunt sentence does not always mean anger. Asking, "Are you upset with me, or just being direct?" leaves room for a kind answer.
- Slow things down. If the conversation is intense, you can suggest, "Maybe we can focus on one point at a time so we do not overwhelm each other."
Overload, meltdowns, and going quietAutistic members can get overloaded by fast-moving threads, emotional topics, or feeling misunderstood. In text, this might look like:
- Rapid messages that seem more and more intense.
- Posts that feel disorganized or frantic.
- Suddenly going silent or leaving a conversation midstream.
Some gentle responses that can help:
- "This sounds really overwhelming — I hear you."
- "You do not have to reply point by point. It is okay to take a break."
- "If you need to step away and come back later, that is completely fine."
You do not have to "fix" everything. Often the kindest thing is to reduce pressure, simplify, and allow space.
When someone tells you they are autisticIf another member shares that they are autistic, they are trusting you with something personal. A simple response like, "Thanks for telling me — that helps me understand you better," goes a long way.
If they are comfortable, you can ask what helps them:
- "Do you prefer short replies or more detailed ones?"
- "Is there a way I can phrase things that makes it easier for you?"
You do not have to be perfect — just willing to meet them halfway.
Where staff fit inStaff have been asked to keep an eye out for autistic communication styles and to respond in ways that reduce misunderstandings rather than escalate them. But the day-to-day experience of autistic members is shaped just as much by how
other members respond.
When we all slow down, ask for clarification, and assume good intent unless it is clearly otherwise, the whole space becomes safer and kinder.
The bottom line for membersWhen interacting with autistic (and other neurodivergent) members, it helps to remember:
- Different communication styles are not automatically rudeness or disrespect.
- Checking what someone meant is often better than assuming the worst.
- Clear, concrete language makes life easier for a lot of people, not just autistic ones.
- It is okay to set your own boundaries and still treat others with patience and respect.
Autistic people are not outsiders here — they are part of "us." Learning how to read and respond to their communication with a bit more generosity makes this a better place for everyone.
Want to learn more about autism and communication?Here are some autistic-led and autism-focused resources that talk more about communication and life on the spectrum:
Taking a little time to learn more about autistic communication can make it easier to understand each other and keep this space kinder for everyone.
